In spirit of the SubGenii,I bring good tidings.A home remedy

[Dee Jay]

Foot fungus suck. Then you die.

I tried various products and found only one in Japan that worked like magic. It came in a small foam dispenser. The white foam solvent is pungent. When applied, ice crystals form under the foam which soothes the itch then completely evaporates in about 10 to 15 minutes. One to two applications worked for as long as a year. Well for me anyway.. but this product ain't cheap, about $17 a pop. Strange that it's been discontinued, probably bad for the ozone...

Anyway, being a cheap bastard that I am who refuses to be brainless consumer who loves to give away money to charlatans and makers of fake eggs .... I got to thinking, and boy did it hurt! Smoke coming out of my ears and all. I asked myself:

Dee Jay: Self?

minion: Yes, my Lord & Master

Dee Jay: That great foot fungus product had been discontinued. I repeat, Disco Tin Yood. I need to find a home remedy. What do you think it is about that product that made it worked so well? Is it the strong solvent? The foaming action? The ice crystals? All of thee Above?

minion: Sir, if I may be so bold as to make a suggestion

Dee Jay: You may...

minion: If it's the solvent, you might want to try some type of non-industrial-strength degreaser, or maybe even lubricants such as WD40.

Dee Jay: Sounds desperate.

minion: Yes but if it relieves the itch, wouldn't it worth the possibility of developing some rare form of skin cancer?

Dee Jay: I suppose...

minion: Or you can try ice to relieve the itch. After all, ice was used for mosquito bites by the ancient Mayans before the entire civilization was sucked into wormholes created by the pyramids that were given to them by alien beings..

Dee Jay: Is this true ?

minion: Umm, no.. but whatever ..

Dee Jay: Silence!

minion: Yes, you're grace..*curtsy*

Dee Jay: I shall try ice then. *clap clap* Bringth me ice from the north and south poles! Pronto! Shnell! Get to da choppaaa!

minion: So let it be written, so let it be done.

And so it went...The following summer, the itch returned with a vengeance. I had only a few cubes of glacier left in my jack and coke as the rest of it was squandered at BBQ parties. I took the last hand-full of ice out of my chalice, place them on a towel on the floor and worked them between the toes that itched. The cold was much more intense than the foam product, so intense that it hurt. That had to be good thing, I thought! I felt pain running from the toes and up to a few inches inside my foot as if a vein was being frozen. I couldn't stand the pain for more than a few minutes so I let-off my foot, promptly returned the precious ice into my drink, swirled the chalice, and drank to my relief and said, "It is good", whiskey buzz that is..

The remedy worked almost instantly and for more than a year at a time. I believe it is more effective if you apply ice as soon as the itch starts, to tame the fungus, to spank it like a wild monkey, and yell to it, "SATAN BE GONE!" *nostrils flaring*

Who do I get to thank for this miracle? My minion ? Dee Jay ? God ?

frock NO, PRAISE BOB !

WHY?

For it was Bob who fooled me into wasting all of my money and this in turn taught me that if I had no money left for gas to the drug store that's only a block away, I would stay my lazy ass home and use my brain for once!

*ululating*gloating*

If my home remedy works for you, please send a minimum contribution of $69.95 to D.D.J.A. Deaf Disc Jockeys of America.


J

[julesa]

I think you scared it away with the flaring nostrils.

Thanks for the entertaining read and the useful tip! Hail BOB

[gogo]

Desenex used to sell undecylic acid in a solvent base that cured athlete's foot in one application. I figure they quit selling it because it worked too well.

[Zoot Katz]

Two words:
tea tree (oil)

[Dee Jay]

I think you scared it away with the flaring nostrils.

If this is so, then I shall excer-size my nostrils immediately. Stand back! Clear?

CLEAR!

1_2_1_2
oo OO oo OO

Any resemblance to Wilem Defoe yet?

Glad you enjoyed it !

$5

J

[Sacman]

Hi J,

In my old country (Philippines), my grandmother used to take about 10 raw fish heads and chop 'em all up in fine bits... add some vinegar... add some crushed garlic... add some crushed ginger... add some baking soda... mix it all up... go outside and dig a hole in the ground... line the hole with plastic... dump the whole mixture in the plastic lined hole... cover up the hole and let the whole thing ferment for 2 weeks.

After 2 weeks the stuff came out with the consistency of a chunky, white, gewey paste. She'd scoop it out and apply and rub it to what ever part of your body ached or itched. Let the stay for about a couple of minutes and stuff would feel really hot. It would make Ben Gay or Liquid Heat feel like nothing. Did the stuff work...? F'ack NO! ... But it stank so bad for he rest of the day you'd forget the rest of your ailments.

[mikefish]

ka-moose-ti-ca (thats my poor english translation) LOL

I have a filipina wife she is going to love this

funny stuff guys!!

LOL

[northernmike]

I once took over as kitchen manager from a Philipino girl.

Her name was "Pines".

But then I met her sister, who told me that her real name was...

Philipinas.

I guess she didn't want to be called

"Pinas"

for short.

[TylerDurden]

Good tidings back to Dee, Jay and the self.

My personal wale of toe:

I do not smell, stink or sweat. Okay, I do sweat, but have little or no skin bakteria of the aromatic variety. Never had AF. But... I have travelled.

[blink]WARNING![/blink]

I have come to the irritating realization that people carrying fungi walk around in hotel rooms in their bare feet. Go figger. I picked up some naasty shit, not on my feet, but my knee and my elbow (WTF!)... it is taking many months to get rid of it. How did I get it on my joints? Retrieving a cellphone that dropped under a bed.

Tolnaftate creme alone was not enough. Moisturizer alone was not enough. Teetree oil and moisturizer were not enough. The most progress (so far) is applying "BAG BALM" 3x daily until the inflammation reduces enough for the 1% tolnaftate to be effective. Still not totally gone, but going... and better than anything else so far.

Lesson: Levitate in the carpeted area of the hotel room, make runners with toilet paper, wear plastic bags on feet.... whatever..... NEVER-TOUCH-THE-FACKING-CARPET.

[Link]

Ty for that, Tyler. I'm now going to be paranoid for the rest of my life every time I walk into a hotel room and fear whatver fungus, bacteria, or AIDS happens to be around.

...

Wow, I added that last one as a generic joke but then thought about it and figured the possibility is way too...possible for my comfort. BRB showering in acetone and atomized silver.

[julesa]

I have come to the irritating realization that people carrying fungi walk around in hotel rooms in their bare feet. Go figger. I picked up some naasty shit, not on my feet, but my knee and my elbow (WTF!)... it is taking many months to get rid of it. How did I get it on my joints? Retrieving a cellphone that dropped under a bed.

Hi TD,
You been to the doctor? Better than even chance it's eczema if it's only on your joints. If that's what it is, it's an auto-immune issue, not contagious. Try hydrocortisone cream?

[TylerDurden]

You been to the doctor? Better than even chance it's eczema if it's only on your joints. If that's what it is, it's an auto-immune issue, not contagious. Try hydrocortisone cream?

Yep.

My ex practices medicine, I showed it to her. She thought it was simple eczema, but it seems to be multiple issues. The antifungal appears effective in resolving the problem (after the inflammation is reduced), whereas the hcz & emollients were only palliative. (Diagnosis through treatment, yadda, yadda...)

Damn. I recall an opening to a sci-fi / dystopian novel, where the main character checks in to a hotel and sprays the whole place down with insecticide before rolling out a somewhat sterile bag to sleep in... wish I could find that passage to post.

[Ypedal]

Daym... from Ebikes to Fungus .. ES covers it all don't it !

[Dee Jay]

Sacman, that's sounds awful, I'll have to try it .

TD, it's sad that the hospitality industry is just full of people that don't give a shit about their jobs. In fact, there's just so much racial hate these days, you'd be lucky to not have a worker spit in your food.

julesa, What do you know about The Book of the SubGenius ? Is it prerequisite to understanding the other material? Is The Book the "basics" of the SubeGenius? Will I understand it ? Or should I just get the Arise! DVD ? I want to see Rev Stang performing a raging sermon.

Which do your recommend?


J

[julesa]

Depends what you want. The Book of the Subgenius has more pictures, so I think it's one of the more advanced texts. Good for coloring.
Three-Fisted Tales of Bob will ease you into things with more "reading." I found it more entertaining, but it's less direct transmission of Bob's Truth.
Or you can just send money, which is just as good. Bob works in mysterious ways.

Alternatively, there are subliminal messages embedded in many YouTube videos planted by Subgenius operatives. For example, watch this video a few times in a row, and reflect on your mood and attitude before and after.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmtzQCSh ... re=related

[liveforphysics]

Doing TaeKwonDo sparing matches for years, wrestling, swimming, and playing water polo through highschool and college has landed my feet with athletes foot fungus almost constantly. I hate it.

I tried a few different things. I tried filling a pan with full strength bleach and soaking my feet in it for 30mins. It made my feet extremely slippery, ended up making bleach stains on the carpet, dispite washing my feet in the shower 5 times. It made my feet feel better for about a week, but then it was back.

I tried isopropal alcohol cut with water 50/50. Soaked the feet for 30mins. It made my feet pretty sore, and it didn't make a mess, and it was easy to clean up. My feet felt good for about a month after that.

I will try your ice technique the next time it's bothering me again. Thank you!

BTW- You are a very funny and creative guy. You could be a professional writer.


Best Wishes,
-Luke

[John in CR]

Haven't you guys ever tried peeing on your feet in the shower? I've never had bad athletes' foot, but any time I notice a bit of fungus itch, I remember to give them a golden shower and it goes away. For you guys with significant problems, you may need a full strength soak everyday for a while, since urea (what they think does the trick) isn't very concentrated in urine.

John

[julesa]

I had no idea peeing on yourself could have such positive health effects. I'll file that away for the next heavy drinking binge.

[Dee Jay]

Hi Luke,

You have a very active lifestyle. Doing stuff rocks! Making stuff is rocks equally! You're son is lucky to have a father who will teach him both, and more! Great pic, BTW.

Glad that you like my humor! Maybe you're not one of the many that would love to throttle me, after all, for declaring myself as "The Man"

History repeats.. Jesus went around telling people, I'm the Man and gets offed by people who cannot accept that there might be others who are greater than them People who are willing to kill others ~ out of arrogance ~ just to prove they are better! Hoy yoy yoy!

I'm excited to see if my remedy will work for you! I feel good knowing that I helped others by passing down safe and sensible information without expecting anything in return. But I do appreciate your compliments.

Speaking of free information, this just in...

Years of research reveals that North and South Pole Glacier combined is much more effective than ice found in Canadia (unofficial north border of Canada) or ice made in the fridge, which is more or less the same as Canadian Ice) Tis true! Believe me when I say that, yes indeed, there is polarity in glacier ice, North vs South = Heaven vs Hell, so there's some wild alchemy goings-on metaphorically and otherwise that produces effective stopping power against this rogue specimen that's is both flesh and vegetation.

minion: You mean fungi?

Dee Jay: Shuush !

I just received a large shipment of genuine glacier which I will sell in cubes of 10, 5 north 5 south at a price too low to advertise ! Endless Fear Members got first dibs so Call NOW! GO! GO! GO !



J

[Dee Jay]

Ok, I found The Book of the SubGenius online as an Ebook. http://www.scribd.com/doc/6101/The-Book ... -Subgenius

I like!

It reads like a sermon that Rev. Stang would perform.

The artwork on page 2 is amazing. As chaotic as it may seem, there seems to be some sort of order to it. I think with enough exposure to its symbols and collages I'm sure I can follow the flow and make sense of this modern hieroglyphics. Even if I don't understand all of it, there was so much real work put into it. This is definitely not just some coloring book.

Also, it seems to be American-specific inside-jokes.

But this Ebook is in such poor quality that it diminishes the power of the symbols and making the "fine prints" impossible to read so I'll definitely buy the book. I'm glad I had a peak inside and not having to take a leap of faith on a book that could've been a complete sham

Gotta study the film MIB a little closer..


J

[TPA]

I just received a large shipment of genuine glacier which I will sell in cubes of 10, 5 north 5 south at a price too low to advertise ! Endless Fear Members got first dibs so Call NOW! GO! GO! GO !
J

Hi Mr Dee Jay,

I just received my order of glacier, and I feel I must request a refund. It seems as though you made a mistake with my order. What I received was a liquid of some sort, I hope you did not mistake my order for John in CRs order.

I accidentally spilled the liquid, so I refilled the bottle with what I assumed was Johns order and shipped it to him. I am anxiously awaiting my glacier.

P.S.

For some reason, I expected a glacier to be much larger than this.

[Dee Jay]

I hope you did not mistake my order for John in CRs order.

Was it yellow? If so, then we shipped you John's lemon flavored glacier cubes.

My employees need to stop eating cardboard filled pork buns as it causes spotty memory, confusion and anti-social behavior.

We may have also forgotten to mention that you'll need to properly realign the melted glacier cubes with our patented polar water realignmentator manufactured by Westinghouse, factory based in China. Sold at a low low price of $998.93, but for you sir, FREE of Charge for inconvenience we may have caused you. So refund not required! All you pay is shipping costs! That's not all! We also added two orders of glacier cubes for half price!

P.S.

For some reason, I expected a glacier to be much larger than this.

Yes they're a small, this is why citric acid is added to boost potency. Works the same as uric acid. The reason the glacier cubes are small is that we're fast approaching Peak Glacier! We might be out of business soon so we encourage you to stock up. Time is running out! Act Now! PANIC!



J

[Dee Jay]

With keen sense of observation bestowed upon me by The State of LSD, I hereby declare once and for all that I am "The Man" because I may have discovered a home remedy for cancer!

Go ahead and laugh !

I was eating at my favorite taco/burrito stand where noticed something odd. The condiment counter, which offered small tubs of various hot sauces and pickled chili peppers, was not covered ! This concerned me because the eating area was outdoor covered only with patio umbrellas, so there were flies cruising around.

I'm not a clean freak, but I hate flies. I don't just see them as insects. I see them as viruses with wings.

Anyway, I scanned the eating area and the kitchen in the back for cleanliness but found the place to be reasonably clean.

After awhile, I noticed that flies were hovering over the condiment counter but not landing on it... of course, it's too spicy for this virus! I then began to wonder if consuming chili peppers could help fight viruses and cancers. I did a quick search and yup! English scientist recently discovered that capsicum killed certain cancer cells! Look it up!

J