Foot fungus suck. Then you die.
I tried various products and found only one in Japan that worked like magic. It came in a small foam dispenser. The white foam solvent is pungent. When applied, ice crystals form under the foam which soothes the itch then completely evaporates in about 10 to 15 minutes. One to two applications worked for as long as a year. Well for me anyway.. but this product ain't cheap, about $17 a pop. Strange that it's been discontinued, probably bad for the ozone...
Anyway, being a cheap bastard that I am who refuses to be brainless consumer who loves to give away money to charlatans and makers of fake eggs .... I got to thinking, and boy did it hurt! Smoke coming out of my ears and all. I asked myself:
Dee Jay: Self?
minion: Yes, my Lord & Master
Dee Jay: That great foot fungus product had been discontinued. I repeat, Disco Tin Yood. I need to find a home remedy. What do you think it is about that product that made it worked so well? Is it the strong solvent? The foaming action? The ice crystals? All of thee Above?
minion: Sir, if I may be so bold as to make a suggestion
Dee Jay: You may...
minion: If it's the solvent, you might want to try some type of non-industrial-strength degreaser, or maybe even lubricants such as WD40.
Dee Jay: Sounds desperate.
minion: Yes but if it relieves the itch, wouldn't it worth the possibility of developing some rare form of skin cancer?
Dee Jay: I suppose...
minion: Or you can try ice to relieve the itch. After all, ice was used for mosquito bites by the ancient Mayans before the entire civilization was sucked into wormholes created by the pyramids that were given to them by alien beings..
Dee Jay: Is this true ?
minion: Umm, no.. but whatever ..
Dee Jay: Silence!
minion: Yes, you're grace..*curtsy*
Dee Jay: I shall try ice then. *clap clap* Bringth me ice from the north and south poles! Pronto! Shnell! Get to da choppaaa!
minion: So let it be written, so let it be done.
And so it went...The following summer, the itch returned with a vengeance. I had only a few cubes of glacier left in my jack and coke as the rest of it was squandered at BBQ parties. I took the last hand-full of ice out of my chalice, place them on a towel on the floor and worked them between the toes that itched. The cold was much more intense than the foam product, so intense that it hurt. That had to be good thing, I thought! I felt pain running from the toes and up to a few inches inside my foot as if a vein was being frozen. I couldn't stand the pain for more than a few minutes so I let-off my foot, promptly returned the precious ice into my drink, swirled the chalice, and drank to my relief and said, "It is good", whiskey buzz that is..
The remedy worked almost instantly and for more than a year at a time. I believe it is more effective if you apply ice as soon as the itch starts, to tame the fungus, to spank it like a wild monkey, and yell to it, "SATAN BE GONE!" *nostrils flaring*
Who do I get to thank for this miracle? My minion ? Dee Jay ? God ?
frock NO, PRAISE BOB !
For it was Bob who fooled me into wasting all of my money and this in turn taught me that if I had no money left for gas to the drug store that's only a block away, I would stay my lazy ass home and use my brain for once!
If my home remedy works for you, please send a minimum contribution of $69.95 to D.D.J.A. Deaf Disc Jockeys of America.