Okay, today, I made the trade. I now have a well functioning cargo vehicle designed for sleeping accomodation, belongings transport and RV/Debris hauling [Not 'outsourcing' those functions saves me a ton of money and general frustration with the logistics involved.]. Also works well in general for transporting of materials (So, if ever I should be buying a ton of bricks/whatever for the building of a house/structure, I have the ability to haul it.). I don't intend on it being a 'daily driver' in the long-term, but it'll serve that function partially in that role in the short-term.
This vehicle was designed for off-road driving, so the suspension is SUPERB for on-road driving. Just what I need, lol. While my last car was getting 6x the MPG going to this place than the cargo vehicle, at least my neck wasn't in freaking agony coming back with the cargo vehicle, lol. [Btw, methinks that's going to be important for a 2000 mile trip.]
Anyway, I need to sand the hood and paint it black.
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Anyway, I was having difficult sleeping yesterday. Around 4 a.m., about 1hour after I usually fall asleep, it felt like burning fire started suddenly spewing out the bottom of my lips, so I suddenly turned out and felt the back of my neck, and C7/T1/T2 didn't just feel like it was irritated, it felt like it was ON FIRE! At the same time, I noticed my heart rate suddenly go up from 60 BPM to 100 BPM and while I don't remember having chest pains, the heart definitely felt like it was 'menacingly beating (More accurately, the beating felt 'subdued and menaced'; it didn't feel like "normal calm beating" by any means. It wasn't something that I had to cue into; it was making itself really obvious something about the way my heart was beating changed.
Anyway, I remember the fireman once asking me, "Does it feel like the bottom of your lips are tingling?". While I couldn't say yes at the time, I felt like I could say, "No, they feel like they are on fire!" this time.
Anyway, I noticed my 'exercise stress test' performance seems like it has changed since yesterday. It seems like my heart was beating at a pretty high rate for just 4 flights of stairs, and doing it today, I noticed sweating started past the second flight. While sweating seems to correlate with neck/upper-back irritation, and it's definitely been irritated by all the driving today, it seems kind of unusual compared to the past. But, despite my standing heart rate being 'normal' this morning, it definitely doesn't seem like I got enough 'good sleep' yesterday, so not enough 'good sleep' could account for the sweating. This sweating, btw, isn't your normal "I worked hard, and drops of sweats started streaming', it's like a 'sweating sensation' without the actual sweat. It's not normal sweat, in other words.
EDIT: Wow, I thought I was thinking everything wasn't really bad, and I was actually recently thought I must be misinterpeted/exagerrated what is really spine/cervical nerve phenomena and gastritis but...
I definitely have beginning fluid retention in my left foot. Classic sign of heart failure.
Wow. I really thought it wasn't really /that/ bad, and it was my ignorance of what was really going on. But, this classic sign leaves no doubts, now. Wow, was my ECG evidence a month ago and my intuition really accurate all along? The doctors who told me after all the official tests, that there's nothing wrong and there couldn't be because of my age?
EDIT: Nevermind. Looked up this 'fluid retention in one foot' and one source cited likely injury. I didn't think I had an injury in that foot (don't remember one), but sure enough, I started walking around and my left foot kind of hurt, lol. Well, apparently heart failure fluid retention can be painful, so I need to localize the pain. It appears the pain is coming from a sore tendon that happens be right by the slight fluid retention. That would imply I somehow stressed the tendon, probably today. I was driving for two hours today, which is not an ordinary thing for me. And, the left foot was being used for the clutch in the manual. And, that clutch is kind of high, stiff and uncomfortable in the Honda. Okay, nevermind, I'm probably misinterpreting/overexaggerating symptoms, lol.
UPDATE: morning of 9/4/2016, 10:26 a.m.; Went to bed at 1:30 (not really feeling sleepy), expecting to sleep 7-8 hours in total, and wake up totally refreshed and well on my way of getting rid of this 'sleep debt' that's really apparent in the tiredness I can feel in my eyes (And the bags I can see). I find myself still awake at 4:00, just feeling more even more abnormally tired around my eyes. I then wake up at 7:59 to the sound of sprinklers. Normally this wouldn't be too alarming, but for the amount of 'sleep debt' I felt in my eyes, I would've expected to sleep well until 2 p.m. or some such and I timed my meals/snacks so nighttime hypoglycemia shouldn't be causing insomnia. Could feel palpable pain extending all along my left upper ribs and upper back, but not the right. I wasn't really too concerned, because I knew I would fall asleep in another 2 hours if something 'woke me up'. But, oddly, a few minutes later, I started having lower back pain near my tailbone (Never have pain in that area) and then detectable pain started radiating down the left arm tricep, left side of the forearm and into the left pinky and fourth finger. I've done enough reading to know by now to know this there's a good chance this is cardiac, so I took some aspirin and spinach and laid it off. Tried getting back to sleep, couldn't really, then I woke up and felt out temporarily out of it climbing the stairs, and doing the spirometer was a bit unusual. On the second deep breath in, it felt like something stopped my breath for a couple of seconds. (Even during past periods of anxiety, that's never happened)
I just want to get some sleep and I want to believe nothing's really wrong. If I was 'depressed', I can tell you, that lack of sleep wouldn't be an issue, lol. And I've been trying to eat so that hypoglycemia shouldn't be an issue. I'm doubling my 'grain' based carb intake, because my weight seems a bit low. 11:28 a.m. blood pressure reading - looks normal, no obvious indication of anxiety/stress/hypoglycemia/etc.
Update: 2:07 P.M. Took a nap at 12:00, felt awake at 1:40. I'm looking at my feet and it seems the left tendon soreness is gone, and it appears the left foot still has some swelling and now my right foot seems like it has started swelling. It could be my imagination - I'm looking at it in daylight, instead of artificial light. But, I don't remember being able to pinch the skin in my right foot yesterday night (While I could my left), and now it seems I can pinch both almost equally.
Anyway, cooking some rice and getting back to sanding.
EDIT: It's now 3:29.
I felt like, walking around, just very weird in general. Felt like I was going to lose consciousness at any moment. Anyway, I realized I was bending forward and looking down much of the time while sanding, and so I kinked my head back and things feel 'back to normal'. Too early to tell of course, but that feeling like you're going to KO at any time is a very discomforting one. Historically, looking forward and down was known to reduce cardiac capacity, so I'm guessing my neck was on the verge of turning off my heart, thus the sensation of an impending KO. Looking online, they don't really mention that as a symptom of heart attack pretty much anywhere, so I'm guessing it's almost purely my neck that's having knock-on affects. I speculate my bed might be setting my neck up for heart risks, given its slight 'u shape', and might've been behind the seemingly mild heart issue earlier today. And, I'm needing to standaradize this foot pinch test; leaning back the foot, it doesn't appear there's pinchable skin tissue on either my left or right foot. (But, it appears there's puffiness on the right foot I definitely don't remember seeing yesterday night. The skin on the right foot looked tight, white and taut yesterday. I'm trying to contort my foot in every possible way, to see if I can see what I saw yesterday, but it doesn't seem I'm able to. I wonder if it's a difference in lighting? Could be.)
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Heart-Disease/Chest-Discomfort---constant-feeling-of-passing-out/show/9463
My GP is a good one and she told me she has seen anxiety symptoms, particularly at night, as the first sign of heart problems.
Hmmm... yes. Nocturnal panic attacks with a few shortness of breath episodes lately, yes. And, it appears I'm losing a second of breath while sleeping at times, lately. I want to believe I'm absolutely assuming the worst, and it's really not /that/ bad. I.e., this is really just anxiety causing misconstrued experiences, misinterpreting accurately witnessed experiences, and fabricating evidence to fit its 'worst case scenario' worries. And, it appears I've had plenty to be anxious about today/yesterday. And sleep debt can definitely stoke anxiety. And, assuming the excess tiredness in my eyes when I feel tired is an indicator of 'sleep debt', it appears I have a lot of it. And, it's not like I'm trying to avoid sleeping, I'm trying to embrace it, it just seems like it's beyond reach at times. Sleeping on my right definitely causes a burning sensation down my left forearm/hand (And, recently, down my entire left body, but definitely most noticeable in the arm.), which keeps me up, so I'm stuck on my back. And, it doesn't seem like I sleep as well on my back.
Anyway, this excess tiredness is kind of weird. If I didn't get enough sleep, you think I would normally would be fatigued throughout the day, like sleep apnea; but I feel wide awake. It's just when I do feel tired/sleepy, my eyes feel 'excessively tired'.
UPDATE: 5:07 p.m., 9/4/2016 had an opportunity to check my feet under the original light conditions yesterday. Didn't seem like I could recreate the 'nice, taut' lines in the skin regardless of the position of my right foot that I saw yesterday. It definitely looks like it's been 'smoothed out' by a little bit of fluid or some such that turned white, taut skin into pinkish kind of 'puffy' skin. I was sanding the hood today, so it's possible I might've caused fluid retention by 'using that foot' unlike yesterday, despite no obvious foot injury. But, given what's happened today so far... I'm not placing bets, lol.
Anyways, now that a suspect cardiac condition has become even more suspect, I guess I'll go over a brief history of everything I can remember at the moment, lol.
The first signs of possible issues was when I was 25. I googled "jaw pains", "left shoulder pains" which typically happened as I was using the computer (Must've been stressful using it for long periods as I did.), and cardiac conditions came up. I blew it off, thinking that didn't happen to people my age, and it must've been the way I was sitting, affecting nerves. As it always seemed to occur when I used the computer for long periods of time.
Anyway, 27, now I'm in the nuke program, and I noticed while running around, I could feel a 'weight' where my heart was as I exercised. Didn't think much of it, as I was in the top of my class athletically, so I assumed it was either because I was getting older and this was a "normal change" or because I was extremely fit (Fit people can feel their insides more than people with a bit of blubber is what I assumed). Also experienced various episodes of chest pain in stressful situations, but I assumed it was related to OCD 'panic' or stress or similar (i.e., Nothing serious).
Anyway, the nocturnal panic attacks started this year, back in January. No known history of panic attacks or anything similar during the day (As was being described online), so it was a bit bizarre - I was 29, so I assumed it was benign in origin. They went away in about a month and half after work slowed down a little bit, but they picked back up in September shortly after I started riding my mountain bike, and they were particularly vicious that time around. And, then everything else since then has been documented here.
EDIT: Did a closer look at my right foot. Hmmm, it does seem to be 'white and taut' if angled a certain way and held a certain way. So, it's more than possible that my right foot hasn't changed at all, just the way I've been looking at it has, lol. I took a closer look at the 'dark areas', and it doesn't appear to be particularly distinct from the color/texture on the bottom of the foot, so I can't assume it's anything distinct, lol. So, yep, this could be all anxiety, lol. I'm even beginning to think that the 'feeling like I'm going to collapse' was anxiety. However, the pinky/fourth/finger/lower-back pain this morning wasn't. And, neither was the 'feeling like my breath stopped' at the end of the second inhale. I'm willing to bet that it probably normally happens to many people, just they don't have the same education as I do to recognize it. And, I'm starting to think I might be a little better off if I didn't think anything in particular about it just like them, lol. Anyway, I can tell I got 'enough sleep' today because the varicose veins in my feet aren't particularly prominent.
EDIT: 6:45 p.m.; just ate some corn and I noticed my chest suddenly felt like something in the center became 'lighter' and my posture increased. I then told some complaining girl off, and the weight became lighter and my posture further improved. What kind of phenomena is this? The last time I remember this happening, it was during the first day of a suspected cardiac episode, and my chest was made lighter by eating fish and then made lighter the next morning by drinking cocoa. I want to think it's benign, but considering I've never noticed this phenomena before the first suspected cardiac episode and coming on the heels of what's happened today so far. Makes me go hmmm.... if the first episode was really anxiety/depression causing the gripping chest phenomena (And places online suggest this is a typical anxiety symptom.), than that'd imply this was too. Just the feeling of 'going to collapse' at any moment earlier today was really uncomfortable, even if it was only anxiety.
Okay, well, I think I'm going to eat a big freaking breakfast from now on, lol. I think there might a kernel of wisdom to that saying, "Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper." If this is all anxiety, I'm hoping that wisdom should help keep it down through the day, lol. Because, if it /is/ just anxiety, I don't want ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT! lol
Anyway, I got my panasonic individual serving rice cooker yesterday and started using it today. (Intendeing on using it seemed to trigger that "Feel like I'm going to collapse" feeling) And, apparently you're not supposed to leave it plugged in because the coil will start smoking after it has turned itself off. What?? I think I got a defective one. Now my room smells of that 'burnt electronics' smell and I'm hoping it will clear out in the next 5 hours; all the windows and doors are open. 45 minutes later, it's noticeably better but lingers still.
EDIT: 9:13 p.m. 9/4/2016
Oedipus. That was his name. For those who don't know who he was, he was famous for fulfilling his fate by purposefully trying to avoid it. The irony was, if he never tried to avoid his fate, he would've never fulfilled it and it would've never happened (I think he ended up killing his father?). Greek tragedy was all about the irony.
I get a very strange feeling that's what's happening in my case. Granted, I was never 'told a fate' like oedipus, but 'the pains' I had experienced back when I was 25 and the subsequent google searches, and then the steps I took to try to avoid what those symptoms 'seemed to portend', possibly ironically ended up ensuring I would fulfill them soon enough. I want to think this is anxiety talking, but I think I'm actually being kind of accurate here. And, what's ironic, is that anxiety itself was probably the main reason, ultimately, behind fulfilling exactly what it was compelled to avoid.
Anyway, I went for some sprints today. I didn't necessarily think that sprints would calm my anxiety. I mean, 'the obvious way' to cure anxiety is to do something fun and sprints aren't exactly fun. They just seem like a good idea, lol. I used to besmirch the 'fun-seekers' some time ago (Not in the past couple of years, I've grown up a little), but I'm starting to see the /exceptional/ wisdom in it, lol. If 'fun'/'fulfillment'/'love'/satisfaction/etc. keeps away the decidedly 'negative' emotions that are, in reality, physically unhealthy, then fun/etc. is almost by definition, healthy.
The sprints. I don't want to assume too much. I could achieve and sustain full sprint no problems, but It seemed like I was getting winded a lot more than I was back in the navy. More specifically, my breathing during recovery between sprints seemed shallower, faster and it took longer to recover. But, granted, I haven't been exactly keeping up my PT (I've been 'active', but I haven't been doing running or intense physical exercise), lol, and my anxiety (looking back in retrospect) was pretty high so I can't assume too much. I kept getting this pulsing pain in the middle of my left wrist afterwards. Seemed like it was the median nerve, seems like it pulsed every 3-5 seconds. My left and right legs seemed to randomly become 'weak'(?) as an electric sensation pulsed through the entire leg, while running. The pulsing sensation seemed to stop after eating.
I was looking at the stars later today, and I noticed satellites traveling from north to south. Intriguing, I thought they usually traveled around the equator, but then I realized you really couldn't get good pictures of the entire world just traveling around the equator; you need to travel from north to south. So, I speculated it could've been a spy satellite, imaging satellite, weather satellite; anything that needed 'direct over' coverage of the entire earth over time. Anyway, I saw two.
I noticed myself calm down quite noticeably after seeing this. I realized that the disturbing events of the morning/night-time seem to wind me up, and then it keeps up throughout the day as I dwell on it and events of the daytime just seem to wind me up in general. If I don't do something calming like watching the stars, I guess I usually end up going to bed with it.
And, that's probably not been helping.
I'm going lights out at 11:30 p.m. from now on. The events this morning were kind of disturbing (Almost all experiences could be interpreted as nerve/anxiety/etc. events in retrospect, but that was unmistakable.), so I'm going to try to get to bed earlier. I'm increasing exercise; try to increase calming/fun activities (Like star watching); Increasing my grain-based caloric intake (Particular emphasis on breakfast); and yes.
And, my room still kind of smells of the 'burnt electronics' smell. I'm thinking the 'imminent collapsing sensation' I was getting when I intended to use the rice cooker was a warning, lol. I've learned it's a good idea to heed warnings, just that I'm not always talented in interpreting them when someone's not actually telling me, lol. Anyway, one side of the room generally doesn't seem to smell of it, so there's a chance I might not smell it.
Anyway, 10:14 p.m., not feeling sleepy. Haven't been sleepy since 2 p.m.; closing my eyes, I feel vaguely/subtly tired. Seems like the varicose veins in my feet have significantly improved (much lighter/less noticeable) in appearance; might be due to increased nutrition, calm or physical activity. Blood pressure: 130/67, 71 BPM. Seems to likely indicate blood glucose from the meal peaking.
Anyway, back to this morning. So after the simultaneous pain in my lower back(I never have back pain there) and some pain streaming down my left tricep into my pinky/ring finger, I got up and started walking. Anyway, I could feel my heart 'jiggle' or do something in there. It wasn't an ordinary "I can feel my hearbeat" kind of way, I could literally sense its shape/contours as it was doing whatever it was doing in my chest. I can't just /will/ that sensation into existence, lol, and it's definitely not a common experience - even the sensation of a 'heavy heart' as I ran back in the navy didn't seem to have that level of definition. I can try to elicit it as much as I can, and I can't reproduce that odd feeling by merely wanting to. Anyway, the "feels like I'm going to collapse" sensation was later that afternoon, and I drank some cocoa which helped noticeably, and it appeared like kinking back my head, and keeping it held back, after all the "leaning forward" sanding finally did the trick. I'm suspecting my head being forward might've been the root cause behind that very discomforting feeling (Forward neck angles definitely seem to cause significantly diminished cardiac output), though that doesn't seem to explain the simultaneous excess tiredness in my eyes but 'can't seem to sleep' in recent days. I'm not sure what would explain that, honestly; maybe hypoglycemia... but it seems kind of doubtful I was really hypoglycemic, night after night? My blood pressure readings never seemed to indicate hypoglycemia. If I was simply not getting enough sleep, I would normally expect getting sleepy/fatigued throughout the day and my body trying to catch up on the sleep like every 2 hours until it got satisfied.