Buying forest land, implementing solar

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July 13

Last night, trying to sleep. Could tell anxiety was running way too high for that, but was hopeful anyway for "no problems". Yep, 1 hour later, left arm going numb and waking up all sweating. Left arm going numb happened again when I was holding a 3 pound bottle, and that kind of spooked me with it "sticking around" (Not a normal thing), so called them. Basically got told this time, for my person, only call if I'm definitely going to the hospital. Told to wait it out upwards of 30 minutes, and only call if getting worse, do what you have to, to chill.

Then this morning, started feeling a little hopeless, fleeting racing and suicidal thoughts. Hard to decide if it's "me" or the drug, that's normally out of the norm for my person, but then again... yesterday had a distinct collection of stressors along that vein. A bit of "loneliness" at the DMV, a bit of "don't call us anymore" from the EMTs, then the cardiac episode last night, seemingly relentless them, and this thought I can't realistically work before 11 a.m., which eliminates the bulk of opportunities. At the same time, what fragments of my business exist aren't enough to support me, and there's no "winter extravaganza" to look forward to this year. At least last year, my business could support me thru the summer. I'm not saying there's no hope, I'm pretty sure there's opportunities out there, but with this nocturnal monster that apparently feeds off hopelessness, makes me even more hopeless, lol.

Told myself, "la noche es un terrorista". The night is a terrorist.

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1:39 p.m., just took the fluoxetine dose about 20 minutes ago, 2nd day. Yeah, definitely noticed a subtle shift from "agitation"/anxiety to "calm". Seems to be doing what the doctor intended, here's hoping this improves sleep. Think I'll try to time the dose to my running (precede by 2 hours), so I might get that "runner's love high" again, lol.

Seem to be getting a subtle headache, migraine, at 1:43 p.m.; is fluoxetine associated with migraine...

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11279947

RESULTS:
A comparison of the total pain index between basal values (calculated during the period of wash out) and monthly follow-up (calculated monthly during the period of 6 months of the therapy) showed significant reduction (P < .05) beginning from the third month of treatment in the fluoxetine group and no significant reduction in the placebo group.

Looks like it's used to treat it, with efficacy. Guess I should ignore. And feeling a little better now.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC341407/

and that manufacturers marketed the early SSRIs (for example, Prozac) as antidepressants (rather than as anxiolytics)

Hmm, what is that.

An anxiolytic (also antipanic or antianxiety agent) is a medication or other intervention that inhibits anxiety

Sounds fine with me! I'm assuming that's most relevant to the root problem, though I don't truly know. Could be completely irrelevant, remains to be seen.
 
July 14 5:36 a.m.

An autoimmune disease, it's possible. Mom has hashimoto's and hypothyroidism, and she often urged me to get tested. My thyroxine levels have always been "normal", so yeah, though maybe I'll check that soon.

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"Prozac saved my life. It has given my joy and the opportunity to live life to the fullest. Initial side effects weren't easy but worth persevering. I am finally enjoying life."

What were the initial side effects... the only ones I've noticed was a short period of hopelessness and suicidal thoughts the 2nd day, but it's not like it was uncontrollable urges and I definitely recognized "that wasn't me". But might've been normal for the context.

I'm primarily doing it because my doctor thinks the cardiac symptoms are "all anxiety" or something, or they're a trigger for it, so I'm willing to try it and find out. This whole idea of "getting my joy back", hardy har har, I don't think I have problems with /that/.

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Why didn't the military do this sooner. Get me on some prozac, I could've probably used it to both mine and their benefit. I do know they normally like screening those guys out at the front gates, but "the type" is fairly common at nuke school.

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Looking at thyroid profile.

TSH 1.7 (.45-4.5)
Thyroxin 7.2 (4.5-12.0)
T3 uptake 28 (24-39)
Free Thyroxine Index 2 (1.2-4.9)
Trilothyronine 110 (71-180)

It's pretty amazing the lab values they get nowadays with a couple vials of blood, and what values I recognize, look pretty accurate too. I'm sure with labs like this, they would've caught my mom's hypothyroidism much sooner.

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Woke up at 9:34 a.m. from a small nap I started at 8. Feeling a little "off". Wondered why.

Took ecg, looked normal except I could see the dip after the R wave, something I don't ordinarily see. Speculated "ST depression", though that would seem unlikely. But standing heart rate was 60, so I speculated low blood sugar. Ate an apple, which tasted delicious, and feeling normal again with a standing HR of 74. So, found the culprit, hypoglycemia. I suspected that was the culprit all along, now just why would I be having troubles here after having ingested 95g carbs earlier this morning? (1 banana, 2 cans of peas and peanuts, at 4:40 a.m., at 6 and 7:20 a.m., respectively.)

I did notice the left shoulder blade pains largely disappeared after eating the second can of peas today, these are the same ones that started after lifting weights yesterday. Seems a little absurd that the left shoulder blade pains were caused by low blood sugar, considering I didn't have much appetite for carbs afterwards (Despite my eating a 50g carb blueberry pie), but seems more plausible now.

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My therapist says I'm a narcissist, but I'm pretty sure she's just hitting on me.

This is a joke? I don't get it.

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So the apple, banana, 30g carbs chips. That's roughly an extra 80g carbs to the morning, so 165g carbs so far.

Think maybe there's a "morning minimum" I need to normally reach for a 'good day'. Just seems weird it'd be that high, since jack lalanne had no problems doing 2 servings carbs in the morning (60g-80g carbs). Then again, I don't normally eat much more throughout the day, maybe it's appropriate.

Oh, right, his height was 5'6", so that automatically implies my morning minimum is probably closer to 100-120g, which seems like my average.

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I keep reading this theme of "The first two weeks weren't easy", at https://www.drugs.com/comments/fluoxetine/prozac-for-panic-disorder.html, the prozac drug reviews, and I'm wondering what wasn't easy exactly... I'm hardly noticing anything out of the norm bad that I could fully attribute to the drug.

I'm just hoping that these remaining episodes are like... panic attacks or something (See some insight at https://www.healthyplace.com/anxiety-panic/panic-disorder/confusing-panic-attacks-and-heart-attacks)... and this drug will get rid of those remaining episodes. That's all I really care about, getting rid of these cardiac episodes. I'm perfectly OK with my personality, but the cardiac stuff needs to go. I'm trying to get my insulin sensitivity more normal by building muscle, and seems like ambulation helps, to help with the suspected hypoglycemic episodes.

calcium channel blocker -> block artery spasms
build muscle, walk -> increase insulin sensitivity -> limit hypoglycemic episodes
fluoxetine -> reduce panic episodes

That seems to be the full spectrum of lead-ins to cardiac episodes, as far as I'm aware of, though I'm sure there could be even more, I'm just sticking with the conventional possibilities.

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https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3045678/

Characterising sudden death and dead-in-bed syndrome in Type 1 diabetes: Analysis from 2 childhood-onset Type 1 diabetes registries

suddenDeathStatistics.jpg

ooooooooooooooooo.... that's ominous, that 5/100,000 years military recruit SUDDEN UNEXPLAINED DEATH statistics, Because I remember my first night at bootcamp, left arm being numb upon awaking. The first time it happened.

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So if a girl wears a choker necklace, indicating they do anal, does that suggest they don't want kids? It's starting to bother me this girl I'm chasing is wearing a choker necklace with all the implications behind it. Promiscuity, apartment hoe-ing, doesn't want kids, etc.

That nurse, at least I know she has a stable job and not saying she isn't a hoe... but... not as likely as choker necklace girl.

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So if the rate was 10 per 100,000 person years from 20-40 years.

The overall probablity over 20 years, from age 20-40, would be 200 per 100,000 or .2%. 1 out of 500, that's not as rare like I might hope, lol, especially given the age range we're talking about, not a bunch of old people.

Think I was reading at least half did some kind of hard drugs. Then you have some percentage with heart abnormalities, as detailed from the military recruit study. That probably explains roughly 80% of it.

Then 5% of those with artery spasms in 5 years, I'm not really sure if that counts for "SUD".

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In selected patients suffering from variant angina, an implantable cardioverter-defibrillator (ICD) and coronary stenting can be helpful to prevent sudden death and treat coronary artery spasm. We report a case of a 47-year-old woman suffering from variant angina, who experienced an episode of ventricular fibrillation promptly cardioverted. After coronary angiography documentation of a mild atherosclerosis, an ICD was implanted and oral nitrates and calcium antagonists were prescribed. The recurrence of chest pain and palpitations prompted us to perform a second coronary angiography that documented a focal coronary artery spasm successfully treated with stent implantation. No other episodes of angina or ventricular arrhythmia were documented during the following 6 months of follow-up.

Selected patients with artery spasms get stents. Lucky them, but... I'm hoping this calcium channel blocker is all I really need.

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Didn't really notice any drug effects today. But I'm running in 20-30 minutes, so here's hoping I'll notice something pscyhedelic, lol.

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Took the dose at 5, ran at 7:40 for 15 minutes, not noticing any psychedelic effects just yet. Damn, think maybe I've grown accustomed to it... think this means I need to up the dose... 20mg next time!

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1970 to today.

Average price of housing: $24,000 vs $329,000

Minimum wage of 1970: $1.30
Housing adjusted minimum wage: $17.82

Housing adjusted minimum wage calculations supports the $15 minimum wage level.

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10:41 p.m., 20 minutes before bed.

Seems bizarre that my heart seems to be living in my right hand now. There were times when right hand phenomenon was involved in prinzmetal attacks in the middle of the night, but practically never during the day. But now my right hand is acting like my left hand normally does, lol.
 
What you have to remember about a successful antidepressant is that people who have attempted suicide before and werweree ineffectual suddenly bring a newfound competence to the effort. And people who were too far gone to actually try anything can develop some getup and go and look what they do. .
.

And BECAUSE you ate all that blueberry pie you had no appetite, not "Despite."

swbluto said:
My therapist says I'm a narcissist, but I'm pretty sure she's just hitting on me.
This is a joke? I don't get it.

The most basic definition of a narcissist is they think they are special: Better than everyone else, don't have to wait in line, they aren't supposed to have problems. There's the concept of giving 'Negative reviews' about anyone in a position to comment on or pass judgement over them. Does the expression "Crying down" mean anything to you?

Meanwhile, the joke is made in the subject acting out the role while verbally denying it. My favorite is 'Family Ties,' the dad says 'Alex was whining the whole way. . . ." Leading to Alex shrieking 'DAAAAAAAAAAAD! I don't whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnneeee!"

So the subject acts out the word narcissist by making a negative review of the therapist, in the accusation the therapist only said that because the subject is so special.

Why did you need THAT explained?

swbluto said:
Oh, right, his height was 5'6", so that automatically implies my morning minimum is probably closer to 100-120g, which seems like my average.

Reminds me, back in college, the guy would suddenly ask "So. Was she checking out my butt or what?" When I asked 'Who?' he'd respond "That chick last week."

swbluto said:
So if a girl wears a choker necklace, indicating they do anal, does that suggest they don't want kids? It's starting to bother me this girl I'm chasing is wearing a choker necklace with all the implications behind it. Promiscuity, apartment hoe-ing, doesn't want kids, etc.

That nurse, at least I know she has a stable job and not saying she isn't a hoe... but... not as likely as choker necklace girl.

Not to say there is NO chain that is meant to indicate anal, but simply wearing one does not. Since your definition of 'Hoe' seems to be 'Not enslaved by you,' you basically have to stop using it because you refuse to acknowledge you're barking up the wrong tree using it and make no sense whatsoever to us.

As well as you making no sense wondering why the military didn't put you on Prozac when they just don't do that. They expect that your condition makes you unreliable in a crisis so they get rid of you.

https://www.cnn.com/2019/07/13/us/antigua-rape-trial-extradition/index.html

I thought Tinder was about meeting for sex, how would it be possible to say it's not consensual just by showing up?
 
Dauntless said:
What you have to remember about a successful antipressant is that people who have attempted suicide before and werweree ineffectual suddenly bring a newfound competence to the effort. And people who were too far gone to actually try anything can develop some getup and go and look what they do. .
.

And BECAUSE you ate all that blueberry pie you had no appetite, not "Despite."

swbluto said:
My therapist says I'm a narcissist, but I'm pretty sure she's just hitting on me.
This is a joke? I don't get it.

The most basic definition of a narcissist is they think they are special: Better than everyone else, don't have to wait in line, they aren't supposed to have problems. There's the concept of giving 'Negative reviews' about anyone in a position to comment on or pass judgement over them. Does the expression "Crying down" mean anything to you?

Meanwhile, the joke is made in the subject acting out the role while verbally denying it. My favorite is 'Family Ties,' the dad says 'Alex was whining the whole way. . . ." Leading to Alex shrieking 'DAAAAAAAAAAAD! I don't whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnneeee!"

LOL, yeah, I appreciate those kinds of ironic jokes myself, too, just didn't catch that one.
 
I onow what's depressing you. It's the third anniversary and you're still no closer to implementing solar than you were in high school.

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/annehelenpetersen/millennials-burnout-generation-debt-work

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/millennial-burnout-is-being-televised
 
July 15th, 8:23 a.m.

Shouldn't have ran so close to bedtime. Was probably overestimating my caloric needs and probably ran bloodsugar levels too high heading into bedtime, which likely destroyed my sleep, didn't appear to sleep a wink. Or maybe there was additional complication from the cortisol generated during the run so close to bedtime. So, all running is done by 11 a.m., in the future.

This fluoxetine is nice, seems to be inhibiting the fear response. I can tell my mind wants to escape along a fearful tangent, but the emotional response of "fear" just won't budge, so the mind just "gives up" and goes "meh". lol

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Ok, current prescriptions.

diltiazem 60mg
fluoxetine 10mg
asprin 40mg

Then herbals...

garlic, 2-4 cloves.
magnolia bark extract. (Reduce anxiety, promote sleep, acts on GABA)
fish oil, 2 tsp
extra virgin olive oil 2-3 tbsp. I think most days, I'll do 2 tbsp, because I think it's disgusting, lol.

Think I'm going to phase out the aspirin soon. garlic, fish oil and magnolia bark extract are all blood thinners. Or maybe I should wait for the fluoxetine to "fully kick in", though don't really know why I should...

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I think with the fluoxetine, for the "love drug" effect with exercise, it should be taken periodically. Like, once a week, give enough time for it to flush out of the system and the brain to "reset". Probably kind of like ecstacy, take once a week during a party on the weekend.

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I think it's interesting, how, I was sleeping 5.5 hours shortly after starting the calcium channel blocker and having recently learned the CT angio results, so feeling good and not awoken by prinzmetal attacks at 4 a.m., now I'm doing like 3 hours of sleep or less, once again, lol. Yesterday may have been due to excessive late night carb consumption pared with the late exercise, so I can overlook as "a mistake" (Hopefully that's all it was).

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She's "working in california", effectively not making a dime overall, purely for the privilege of visiting for the month. I'm questioning 1) her business sense and 2) If not that, her priorities.

It might be a good thing I don't love her, but I still apparently have a crush, isn't that weird.

Go for the nurse, is what my mind is telling me. (My mom was a lead nurse)

Conversely, I could be her pseudo business manager, helping her turn a profit, like a PIMP. lol

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Had 18g sugar chocolate bar at 9, blood sugar at 9:30 p.m. was 121mg/dl.

At 10:01 p.m., felt "cardiac symptoms", pains and tingling in key areas of the body. Felt hungry, too. Measured blood sugar, 101mg/dl, which happens to be my fasting blood sugar level.

Pressure in head happening often. Seems like stress is a trigger, and eating just about anything. I speculated fat was causing it, but the apple was too earlier.

ate apple and half banana by 10:10, along with peanuts.

Thinking about emulating the japanese.

Greens/vegetables, protein and carbs, in that order. I noticed he didn't mention "fat", and sure doesn't seem like they eat a lot of it. Okinawans eat 6% fat, and their staple carb is "okinawan sweet potatos". Protein, of course, is primarily fish and egg, what jack lalanne ate too.

10:40 p.m. - 118mg/dl

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Went to sleep around 11:10 (Somewhat difficult falling asleep), woke at 4:04 a.m.

Fleeting chest pain during fluid expulsion, seems like a thing. I was reading about "passing out urinating", apparently happens to older men.

Ate the tip of the banana at 4:28 a.m., feeling hungry with fleeting chest pain. Didn't taste "right", went outside in front to resume.

4:37 a.m. - 106mg/dl

Ate a small banana at 4:39 a.m. and took 1tbsp of cocoa. The banana tasted pretty good, now. Not sure if it was because of the anxiety relief of being with the dog, or if 4:39 a.m. is inherently better than 4:28 a.m.

Pressure in head feeling while eating was absent, I'm hoping that was just a "yesterday" thing.

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https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19519749/being-with-a-sexual-dynamo/

She was also smart, funny, creative, and, compared with other women I’d known during my checkered romantic past, incredibly sane.

I was falling hard and fast. And yet my first declaration of love was met with 24 hours of radio silence.

I killed the time imagining all the ways she could pleasure five men at once. Did I mention that she has uniquely dexterous feet?

She finally called.

“I’ve longed for a man with the courage to claim me for his own.” (Yes, she really talks this way.)

Oh ho, yes, claiming a girl as your own does seem to flip a trigger in women.
 
I didn't owe the big numbers on student loans, but I got out of school and couldn't work full time to save my life. https://www.fastcompany.com/90371452/i-have-more-than-50000-in-student-loan-debt-this-is-how-im-paying-it-off Scroll down and keep reading, some of it will interest you.

http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20190709-has-humanity-reached-peak-intelligence
 
July 16 6:29 a.m.

Mom was recommending Dr.Gundry, herself having autoimmune disorders, and he's basically anti-lectin.

https://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2017/08/14/reduce-lectins-in-your-diet.aspx

Interestingly, looks like sweet potatos and white rice are especially low in lectins, staples of the okinawan and older japan.

It is interesting that peas appear to be the lowest (lentils are the safest according to this), while beans are particularly high. I know, for whatever reason, black beans will induce a reaction in me while peas will not, and I have black bean cans that have been sitting there for months, opened one up just three weeks ago and started nibbling... instant reaction... ok, stopped eating them once more. And I doubt it's the sodium, as I really don't have a reaction to eating pickles most of the time.

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ate 1.5 cans of peas starting at 5:50, now 6:50. Started getting left shoulder pains while eating the last half of the second can, still feel a little hungry.

Measured blood sugar.

6:50 a.m. - 91mg/dl

Woah, what's happening...

did my blood sugar crash from 6-7, which is why I've been getting hungry... Seems like I ordinarily become hungrier than normal from 6-7.

Are the peas making my blood sugar drop...

I see 6-7 deserves more attention. Could be why I've been "pre-empting" the 6-7 period by eating peas at 5:50, because the low blood sugar levels associated with the 6-7 blood sugar crash will elicit phenomenon.

Ate a small banana at 6:50 to boost blood sugar levels. 7 a.m., it measures 109 mg/dl. Seems like some subtle phenomenon has been happening now, prompting me to measure.

9:08 a.m. - woke from an hour long nap (I think?) about 20 minutes ago. Left hand was tingling at times thru the nap, and left thumb was tingling after awaking and sitting up for a good 2-3 minutes. Odd

Looked online, google suggested the likely possibility was carpal tunnel, though some sources suggested possible heart attack. Carpel tunnel I figured, cool.

Walked up to the front door, and a sense of faintness was rapidly coming over me and this feeling of passing out, unlike anything I've experienced (Occurred within a 5 second time frame), and I thought to myself "This is the big one", but it passed. Was feeling a little funny for a good 5 minutes or so, but heart rate was looking good. My standing heart rate (Was 88bpm, but settled to 74bpm) suggested 110mg/dl (So I surmised), and the measured blood glucose at 8:55 a.m. was 106mg/dl.

This is the first day without aspirin, may or may not be a connection. Feeling pretty okay as of 9:15 a.m.

That seems odd, weigh 200 pounds, whereas I swore I weighed 190 pounds within the last week.

No obvious dietary explanation, caloric intake hasn't changed much.

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Internet suggests edema and side effect of weight lifting. Those muscles cause a retention in fluid during muscle repair.

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Looked up weight lifting, explanation was 1 to 2 pounds of muscle in a month, not 10 pounds in a week.

Looked up prozac, explanation was "return of normal diet with abatement of depression", ummm... yeah... caloric intake hasn't really changed much to cause 10 pounds of weight gain.

Looked up cardizem (My calcium channel blocker), said "Call doctor at once for sudden weight gain", it was categorized under "Heart problems".

So called my doctor and have appt for today.

I like this prozac, even when there's hints of untimely misfortune of a certain kind, I'm not panicking about it and not depressed at all. lol

My scale could be broken, though that would seem unlikely.

As unlikely as it would seem, heart attack would be an explanation. Also could just be a normal "pulmonary edema" side effect, though the drug sheet said to call the doctor at once and categorized it under "heart problems".

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Went to the doctor, turns out my scale is broken. LOL. Lesson, don't get the cheapest model at walmart, lol.

So the doctor admitted to getting short of breath when eating and then running soon after, and I wondered if my experience was uncommon. Because that happened one time when my blood sugar levels were presumably high in the morning, getting short of breath about 2-3 minutes after running.

She also had good dietary advice, like pair a protein with a carb. Oh, shoot, I've been primarily focusing on fat, not protein. lol Guess I've been doing it wrong.

It's either pair a fat with a protein, or pair a carb with a protein.

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Was shivering coming out of the doctor's office, this has happened before, wondered if it was blood glucose. Came home, felt normal, took measurement anyways. Ate an apple with peanuts at 12:15.

1:50 - 105mg/dl

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Found out back in the old days, the japanese primarily subsisted off of... WAIT FOR IT... SWEET POTATOS! Just like the okinawans, and the old japanese were reputed to live super long lives. Let's see if I can find that graphic.

JWORK104_473e.jpg


Looks like primarily, sweet potatos, green vegetables, fish, rice, beans in that order primarily. The ate very little eggs, meat and milk and dairy products.

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Have been getting recurrent sharp left shoulder pains, reminiscent of heart symptoms. Just took off doing sprint intervals and jumping over the dog due to the "high energy" I apparently had, and the left shoulder pains (Along with left shoulder blade pains) seemed to disappear. Interesting. That was at 2:40 p.m.

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Was waiting until I "got hungry" or other signs of "hypoglycemia" (tiredness, weakness, etc.) before eating...

Thought I was getting weak at the PO when I was there, so I measured when I came back home.

3:40 p.m. - 96mg/dl.

Oooooo... how much lower can I go... can I wait until I get hungry...

What are the symptoms...

Shakiness
Dizziness
Sweating
Hunger
Irritability or moodiness
Anxiety or nervousness
Headache

Don't see "weakness" in there. Not sure if I'm really weak, guess I'll keep an apple on hand and wait until the first signs hit...

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Feeling a little hungry, deciding to eat. I could probably wait until 6 o'clock though... my projected blood sugar then would be around 84mg/dl, I'm guessing.

4:24 p.m. - 92mg/dl.

4:40 p.m. - 93mg/dl. Feels like my brain might be getting that "depressed feeling" that often indicates I need to eat. Think this might be my current fasting level, saw it this morning. Should measure in the morning, though often seems like a good idea to eat right away, lol. This morning, saw 91mg/dl.

Had half a can of peas, half chicken leg, some cheese about 30 minutes ago. Blood sugar should be peaking now.

5:10 p.m. - 99mg/dl.

7:32 p.m. - FINALLY feeling hungry. Measured 92mg/dl.

This fasting blood glucose level is quite fantastic actually. The symptoms I get aren't, but this level is. Because, before I started jogging,walking, lifting weights,etc. my fasting was around 101/102.

Wow, taking down that tbsp of apple cider vinegar after eating was a GREAT idea. Suddenly felt a noticeable improvement, and cleared my nose or something. Think I should get into the habit.

For supper, had 1 can peas, chicken leg, a tiny bit cheese, lettuce. Also, 1 apple and some peanuts. Did the chicken and lettuce first before the peas, worked out pretty well actually.

Now 8:20, think blood sugar should be peaking about now, not really sure. Guess I'll try again at the hour mark, 8:45.

8:20 p.m. - 102mg/dl

8:24 p.m. - left and right ring fingers going transiently numb (About 3 seconds each, recurring).

8:45 p.m. - 97mg/dl ; guess it peaked around 8:20, 30 minutes after.

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https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT208955

Wait, what... how does the apple watch read EKG with a single lead? Standard ecgs need a minimum of 3 leads to generate an accurate waveform for lead 1. Does it produce a standard wave every time a pulse is detected or something? That's a useless ekg.

Wait, looks like plausibly a 2 lead. The watch sensor itself, and the crown you put your finger on. 2 leads might work...

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ooooooooooooo damn, big bug inside the house. Has 2 wings and what looks like 3 eyes on the front. The thing shrieks like a wraith, when I started poking it, almost like a screaming baby.

10:34 p.m. - 100mg/dl. About 30 minutes before bed.
 
swbluto said:
July 14 5:36 a.m.

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Why didn't the military do this sooner. Get me on some prozac, I could've probably used it to both mine and their benefit. I do know they normally like screening those guys out at the front gates, but "the type" is fairly common at nuke school.

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Panic disorder, nuclear weapons. Should not be in the same sentence.

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swbluto said:
July 15th, 8:23 a.m.

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Ok, current prescriptions.

diltiazem 60mg
fluoxetine 10mg
asprin 40mg

Then herbals...

garlic, 2-4 cloves.
magnolia bark extract. (Reduce anxiety, promote sleep, acts on GABA)
fish oil, 2 tsp
extra virgin olive oil 2-3 tbsp. I think most days, I'll do 2 tbsp, because I think it's disgusting, lol.

Think I'm going to phase out the aspirin soon. garlic, fish oil and magnolia bark extract are all blood thinners. Or maybe I should wait for the fluoxetine to "fully kick in", though don't really know why I should...

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Happy ya got the Fluoxetine! With some online counseling from our wonderful psychotherapist Dauntless. Hopefully there will be no more ambulance rides for "anxiety". Them Fluoxetine pills only work if you take them. Got health insurance?

NOW GO TAKE A SHOWER :D and wash your clothing.
 
marty said:
Them Fluoxetine pills only work if you take them. Got health insurance?

The bane of the mental health field. People will readily "Need" their alcohol, cocaine, cigarettes, etc. But try to get them to be good about taking what's going to help them. . . .

https://harpers.org/archive/2019/08/the-last-frontier
 
F1.large.jpg


July 17th, 2019.

Looks like there's no reason to push for lower fasting blood sugar levels, with 92-96 being optimal according to https://care.diabetesjournals.org/content/36/7/1988 , for both men and women.The risks appear highly elevated in women for fasting blood sugar, looks like girls get heavily penalized for being fat.

There are stronger predictors than this.

Panic disorder 1.7x
Borderline Personality Disorder 8x

Might be other psychological types... maybe those who think about health and mortality a little too much, lol...

At 6 a.m., felt some 5 second chest pressure in the left chest along with pressure in left side of the head. Think I got 2 hours of sleep this morning, neighbor came in my door at 1:10 a.m. to tell me my van door was open and that he was concerned about me. Hearing some guy in the house, panic was set off, grabbed my shotgun (Couldn't cock the shotgun, had to hold down the ejector button.)... and I have no idea if that was involved in my not being able to sleep or not... but I'm thinking it would've been nicer if that didn't happen. I'm not saying it's guaranteed, seems like adrenaline/cortisol is a guaranteed cause of sleep deprivation, especially the closer it is to bed time.

------------------------

Looking at this "socialism picture" on the trump 2020 FB page, I noticed how all the respondents seem to be old people. Isn't that interesting, the demographic that kept their jobs and have all the wealth having something against them socialists they've been denying a livable wage and similar opportunity they enjoyed. Kind of predictable, don't want to think too much about it.

I want to keep calm, keep the morning anxiety down.

------------------------

Dollar store, girl buying 12 packs of coke claiming she drinks 12 cans a day for sustenance. Did the calculations, about 480g of sugar and 1920 calories. Doesn't seem implausible, though I would be concerned about her longterm dental health. And all that sugar... I'd be curious about other health implications, though I'm aware other psychosocial factors can play a bigger role.

------------------------

Starting at 6 a.m., all the way to 8 a.m., had 2 apples and 2 cans peas, nuts and cheese and lettuce. That's a total of 125g carbs.

Now 10:21a.m., anticipating I would soon become hungry, measured blood sugar.

10:21 - 104mg/dl.

Looks like I'm nowhere close to my fasting and not /really/ hungry. So I'm guessing I can probably just go running, better that way, running on a not full stomach.

--------------

That 2-winged big bug that was screaming like a banshee yesterday when I poked it, it was actually a cicada. It looked like it came inside my house basically to rest, because it was perched ontop of the drywall panel all still, and left in the morning.

Damn cicadas skipping out on the motel rent! lol

-------------

Did a 15 minute run from 10:41 to 10:48, wondering about blood sugar impact.

11:04 - 101mg/dl

Wonder if I'm not anywhere near my fasting and it's still got a way to go, or if the fasting has been boosted by the lack of sleep today. Or maybe cortisol generated by the run is boosting blood sugar, I don't know. Cheeks were feeling rather warm, recently. Flush face, maybe. Mom says she gets that after working hard.

Guess I can wait until I get hungry...

------------

During the 15 minute run, no problems with chest pain, though there was small hints of it at 8 minutes in. Took a water break at 10 minutes.

------------

Been getting fleeting numbness in the left and right hands. Checked bloodsugar, since I ate a bit of carbs about an hour ago.

2:29 p.m. - 129mg/dl.

------------

https://www.joslin.org/info/managing-diabetes-during-pregnancy.html

Always check your blood glucose before driving (due to an increased risk of severe hypoglycemia)

I always carry an apple with me and have canned peas in the vehicle just in case I get hungry. Seems like the anxiety-relieving effect of driving tends to reveal hidden hungry, sometimes.

-------------

So if angina is present in 6.5 million americans, and there are 300 million americans, that means prinzmetal angina which accounts for less than 2% of angina cases, indicates a prevalence of 130,000 cases. Yippee, I get to be the point 05 percent, medically speaking. 5% risk of cardiac death in the next 5 years because of some witch. So much for being "So healthy" according to the doctors, :roll:.

25% chance of heart attack, which I don't want to think about.

I wonder... so.... heart attack, no blockage. Those are more common, aren't they. 1 out of 500. What makes me think I don't have that? But, angina at rest is definitely a thing of mine, effectively treated with calcium channel blockers, so I guess that's almost proof of that diagnosis.

-------------

Had a bunch of carbs at 1:40, felt sleepy by 4:40, speculated it was due to the blood sugar crash from the high carb intake. Did the nap, had the familiar pinky tingling upon waking, and the following was recorded.

6:23 p.m. - 104mg/dl.

Oh, yes, that seems to be right next to today's "fasting bloodglucose level". Seems like I don't get full sleep, it's right around 101, if I do, it's around 92. Yeah, so I know what causes these "blood sugar crash naps" and associated waking up finger tingling, ingestion of lots of carbs, typically 3 hours after ingestion. I'll retake at 6:45 p.m., curious if it might 'level off' at some other value (Waking up might boost blood sugar temporarily).

I finished today's task pretty quickly, so I felt I could take a midday nap.

6:44 p.m. - 97mg/dl

Oh, I guess 92 might be my fasting today, maybe it changed downward now that I've napped, or maybe it never really changed. I don't feel hungry right now,92 might've been my fasting today all along.

--------------

I laughed at this article, "Reasons why married women cheat".

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/reasons-many-married-women-cheat-220719320.html

Because the real reason is because too many men marry hoes. This guy was commenting on, "Sleeping with married women is SOOO much easier than single girls" (My thoughts, yeah, because that's the reason why they married in the first place, she's a hoe and she's dick hungry, something guys want in a wife.)

This girl I thought about proposing too, no doubt is all I'm saying.

---------------

So blood sugar was likely 92mg/dl at 8; had rest of potatos (35g carbs), peas(35g carbs) at 8:10, then an apple (25g) at 9:25 p.m. which tasted great. Standing up, feel a little weird for this time of day, what's my blood sugar.

10:36 p.m. - 120mg/dl

Just in time for bed, let's see how well I sleep tonight. After eating the apple, I was questioning if that was wise based on how I felt, despite it tasting pretty good.
 
swbluto said:
. . . .the demographic that kept their jobs and have all the wealth having something against them socialists they've been denying a livable wage and similar opportunity they enjoyed. Kind of predictable, don't want to think too much about it.

I want to keep calm, keep the morning anxiety down.
Guess I can wait until I get hungry...

So you want to get up in arms over the cows wanting to ban beef but it's okay for the pigs to want to ban pork? The socialists who sit around waiting for their lottery winner and get upset when it never comes. You're on their side. What about the chickens who don't want the biscuit eater getting to their eggs? You on the dogs' side ?

Oops, am I expecting you to develop clarity?
 
Dauntless said:
swbluto said:
. . . .the demographic that kept their jobs and have all the wealth having something against them socialists they've been denying a livable wage and similar opportunity they enjoyed. Kind of predictable, don't want to think too much about it.

I want to keep calm, keep the morning anxiety down.
Guess I can wait until I get hungry...

So you want to get up in arms over the cows wanting to ban beef but it's okay for the pigs to want to ban pork? The socialists who sit around waiting for their lottery winner and get upset when it never comes. You're on their side. What about the chickens who don't want the biscuit eater getting to their eggs? You on the dogs' side ?

Oops, am I expecting you to develop clarity?

I'm all for capitalism, but I'm also all for reining in the excesses of capitalism where it significantly hurts or represses large cross-sections of the population for no other reasons then for "The shareholders" and the ilk. And, denial of preventative health services based on income is one of those excesses. Now, student loans, the biggest problem there is government enterprise, government needs to stay out of "The market", or be directly equal to private services. Essentially, there's needs to be limits on the government and the market, depending on the "involuntary nature"/"necessity" of the particular sector/industry. Another way of saying, there needs to be reasonable limits on "necessary" industries, regardless of who the players are.
 
In other words, your lottery ticket hasn't won, you're getting concerned that it's not going to, dammit, there's going to be CHANGES around here.

Limits on necessary industry. Yeah. the Soviet Union and China limited food growth. Between the two it could have been 200 million that died. Yeah, those socialists have it ALL figured out.
 
Lol, I said limits on abusive excesses, not government ownership and control and dictated prices. There's a difference between a profitable price ceiling and ... the latter.

July 18, 4:58 a.m.

Don't know how much I slept, doesn't seem like much. Felt hard to sleep, some kind of discomfort of some kind, though hard to say it was in the chest or elsewhere though that would be fair speculation. Guess I should put earlier limits on eating, thinking 8:30 p.m. might be more appropriate. And maybe a carb limit, 60 grams carbs.

Ate a banana and peanuts at 4:50, now 5:19, still hungry. Curious, measured.

5:19 a.m. - 136mg/dl

That's high, would it be advised to eat more carbs.

120/65 56bpm @ 5:23 p.m. (Checking for the presence of anxiety, don't see much)

5:52 a.m. - 80mg/dl

No wonder I start eating those pea cans at this time... lol

Almost 30 minutes after eating the peas, near peak.

6:16 a.m. - 104mg/dl. Glided thru this morning (so far) without issue.

6:45 a.m. - 100mg/dl. (Seeing how quickly bloodsugar gets consumed in the morning, seems like any other time of the day.)

8:45 a.m. - 104mg/dl (Bottom lip tingling for a few seconds recently, was doing this yesterday after giving up on getting the cicada to scream like the day before. Had a second can of peas at 7:30 a.m., 100g carbs for the day so far. Banana, 2 cans of peas.)

------------

An episode of chest pain in the minutes or hours following intercourse is also a frequent concern among people with coronary artery disease. However, angina d'amour, as it is quaintly termed, accounts for less than 5% of all angina attacks. It is particularly rare in people who can routinely exercise without having symptoms of chest discomfort.

:confused: - I wish that was me, lol.

Had last can of peas at 7:30 a.m., so figure running at 9:45 a.m. should mean that there should be no food present in the stomach and so there should be no GERD possible causes of chest discomfort and, ergo, no chest discomfort while running, so I hope.

9:28 a.m. - 92mg/dl (Shoot, can I go running or do I need to eat? Feeling a little hungry)

-----------------

9:32 a.m. - ran anyway from 9:32 to 9:50, total run of 15 minutes. Definitely had anxiety from 0-10 minutes. Walked at the 5 minute mark because of this enveloping sense of wrongness around the body, figured that anxiety + high exertion -> cardiac phenomenon, so by removing the high exertion, I stopped it [Might have been very short lived panic]. I proceeded jogging about 30 seconds later, continued for another 5 minutes. Had a water break/cool off at 10 minutes (Because of the high summer heat), and finished the last 5 minutes much calmer then the first 10 minutes. No chest discomfort other then what happened at 5 minutes. While measuring my pulse at the end, pain was sketching up my left neck, don't know why measuring my pulse was kicking up anxiety, I was just curious if I was in the vicinity of 60% maxHR at the slower pace (moderate activity). Measured 170bpm, so that would appear to be high intensity (90% of max, I think). [My max appears to be 188bpm]

Sources online say >= 85% of max is "high intensity", so that'd be 160bpm for me. Yep, so all my jogging is practically "intense exercise", happens jogging on a hilly forest floor.

10:15 - 98mg/dl (Guess the exercise made it go up, might've been the anxiety present.)

--------------

10:40, while eating, felt a gentle ache in my left foot, right underside of the arch, persisting. Ate the lettuce (Nitrates), and it went away and is staying away. I long thought the foot-arch ache was a heart symptom.

--------------

https://www.hindawi.com/journals/cpn/2009/453786/

Looks like a person with depression/anxiety and concurrent vasospasms, completely normal arteries. She reports left arm weakness in her episodes, yeah, I've been getting that too. Looks like her drug therapy is exactly like mine, calcium channel blocker with an SSRI (Hers, 2.5mg amplodine and sertaline. 2.5mg daily, looks like she also got a "low dose" of calcium channel blocker. BUT... she also got a nitrate drug... I didn't... I have to use my lettuce for nitrates, lol... looks like she got a low dose of the nitrate drug, too. She got a normal dose for the SSRI, I got a low dose.)

The paper reports the majority of printzmetal patients are normal again after 3-6 months of the initial episodes. Mine started April 1 with the heartbreak, here's hoping that's true for me. If the prinzmetal could just stop, and I can continue with the fluoxetine to address plausible depression/anxiety involvement, that'd be great.

--------------------

Found that SSRI use was associated with a 1.75x increased risk of dementia. I don't know what this actually tells me, because depressed people have a higher risk of dementia too, right... and depressed people are the type that most frequently gets prescribed SSRIs, right... lol

I don't think there's a study that looked at SSRI use in "psychologically healthy" people.

----------------------

Oh wait, looks a taiwan author did one. He first looked at general population, 1.7x risk, then he looked specifically at migraine patients the next year, most of whom are presumably not depressed, and the RR was actually .45x. That is, SSRIs decreased risk of dementia in "normal populations".

Does suggest that SSRIs actually do help, and all the other studies fail to account for the affect on risk of pre-existing depression diagnosis.

This hint would be supported by research showing a link between depression and dementia...

FOUND IT!

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3327554/

n particular, earlier-life depression or depressive symptoms consistently have been shown to be associated with a 2-fold or greater increase in risk of dementia.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22301077

Looks like this study does a fair comparison between non-users and users, and non-depressive and depressive populations. Actually does suggest that SSRIs increase risk by 70%, unless you have migraines (According to another study), then it decreases risks.

So how long do I really need to take this drug...

Well, hypothetically, its intended primary benefit is in getting cardiac episodes under control via the anxiety route. Doesn't do that, it's worthless.

So can be discontinued once either it proves ineffective at preventing future episodes or the prinzmetal episodes disappear altogether.

I know as of now, day 6, it's been useless at keeping anxiety at bay, lol. But it's not been a "huge problem", that, just something I strongly noticed.

------------

Last ate at 10:40, now 3:50.

3:50 p.m. - 95mg/dl

------------

$15 minimum wage went thru house.

Will it go thru senate?

I'm all for a higher wage, would boost my bottom line if the "Spending classes" had more spending money.

------------

6:44 p.m. - 97mg/dl
124/63 49bpm @ 6:44 p.m.

Haven't eaten carbs since 11 a.m., and still not hungry. I had a bunch of peanuts around 4 p.m.
 
swbluto said:
Lol, I said limits on abusive excesses, not government ownership and control and dictated prices. There's a difference between a profitable price ceiling and ... the latter.

And that difference is the profitable ceiling is always unprofitable.

Historically health insurance pays 80% of their scale. Let's say they call it $1,000 and pay $800. But the health providers tack on for those without insurance, for those who don't pay or at least don't pay their copay. That was illegal before Obamacare. So the price of the job has then soared to $5,000 as they legally gouge people to "Insure access." By insuring that so many are essentially slaves. I'm part Slavic, I come from the people who were so identfied as slaves they became the WORD for slavery, in a far worse form than anything you ever saw in the U.S.

You can forget Bellamy, this is how it really works. 'Utopia' is the story of Ancient Romans, enslavers of the Slavic and others, coming to America and building a slave economy the required continuous conquest and fresh slaves. People look past that he starts off describing a free Europe where elites are stuck listening to non-elites, etc., only to have a traveller arrive and tell them of this slave tended paradise. Ironically it sure sounds as though Sir Thomas Moore was predicting the antebellum South Carolina, even seems to be located there. On yeah, IF you can be one of the few free were most are slaves.

Ah well, since you want to live in fantasy, read 'Looking Backward.' A late 19th century man hypnotzes himself into a trance that allows him to wake up in the year 2000 and be told of the wonderous laws passed making it illegal for life to not be perfect. This created a movement, much like Scientology. People called themselves 'Bellamites' after the author. You too can be a Bellamite. . . .
 
July 19

Had a little bit of banana at 10 p.m., measured my blood sugar at 101mg/dl at 10:30

Slept for... a few hours.

Now 4:43

Measured 99mg/dl.

Ate a banana.

I wondered if it was excessively high yesterday morning for some reason. Probably just didn't decline that much thru the night and entered at 120.

5:40 a.m. - 89mg/dl.

Looks like the blood sugar declines all over 5-6 a.m.

--------------

Was reading online that coronary artery spasms can cause arterial damage and thought that explained it, why everything seemed to get "worse" after the suspected heart attack by the ER doc (Like this recurrent ear ache, and left arm tingling/numbness.). That severity and how long it lasted (3-4 hours), no doubt if any episodes induced arterial damage, it would've been that one.'

That makes me a little more ... cautious ... about assuming I have an "average prognosis". I had that intuition with the progressive symptoms after that episode, but didn't have an explanation, but now I do, arterial damage.

Arterial damage would promote arthersclerosis, would it... part of the healing process... or maybe not. Arthersclerosis is known to be an immune reaction and immune system is involved in healing.
 
Code:
July 20, 2019

It's funny, I was googling all the "weird face symptoms" I seem to be having lately and googled returned "Acoustic neuroma". Intriguing possibility but I didn't see earache as one of the symptoms, though, so I guess that's not it.

3:58 a.m. - 95 mg/dl - Just "woke up", wine didn't taste particularly sweet, doesn't seem like I'm hungry. First woke up at 2:11 a.m., fell asleep after 11 p.m., seemed difficult. Measured 98mg/dl at 10:30, and had 2 cans of peas at 7:30 (And cheese, turkey leg, lettuce).

Now 8:16 a.m. - What another morning. Confusion, anxiety, hunger, off-and-on tiredness. I could swear I was hypoglycemic even if my blood sugar measurements were suggesting that wasn't the case. I was trying to blame anxiety the whole time, but that seemed a little too extreme for my run-of-the-mill anxiety. There was transient chest pain at times, but happened like twice. Tried napping away the tiredness, seemed to dissipate by 8 a.m. After 5:58 a.m., was getting this developing sense of wrongness after eating the spinach leaf, ate a pickle, which seemed to calm it. Then became tired, tried napping, but seemed too anxious for that.

apple at 4:40 a.m.
pea can at 5:30 a.m. and peanuts
apple at 6:10 a.m. and peanuts
pea can at 7:20 a.m. and avacado [This seemed to finally resolve the hunger]

I was a little hungry after eating dinner yesterday at 7:30 p.m., and I thought about eating a night snack, but just wanted to see what it would be like going to bed with 95mg/dl or thereabouts, not eating within 3 hours before time. Think I'll approach dinner a little differently.

Seeing how the pickle seemed effective this morning, I'm upping my daily pickle count to 6. I didn't have that much yesterday because I had a whole block of cheese, which had plenty of sodium, I believe.

---------------------

Saw that in a paper. 6 a.m., most common time for cvd.... 8 a.m., most common time of departure.

---------------------

Thought it'd be nice to try benzos. I'd only use it for the morning time, and that's if it proved effective. Really not sure what's the primary culprit involved with this morning was, and appropriate treatment.

Possibilities
-anxiety
-relative hypoglycemia
-vasospasm

Or just a "regular MI" which happens for who knows what reason.
-------------------
Doctor giving me a "mood disorder" test, looking for bipolar. Lol!

Hey dude, it's the antidepressant you gave me. You give an upper person like me an upper, and I become manic! lol
------------
Was reading that orofacial parasthesia was a reported side affect of fluoxetine. That would seem to be what this is, tingling above and below the lips. I started treatment 9 days ago, and started noticing this just-outside-my-lips tingling about 3 days ago, seems to fit the timeline. Doesn't seem to be tingling on the lips, just beneath/above them.
-------------
Looking in the mirror, looks like there's something growing underneath my lips, like a swollen part underneath my bottom lip. That's probably where the tingling is coming from.
--------------
Allergy: Approximately 7% of people who take fluoxetine develop a rash or hives. Almost one third of these people need to stop treatment because of the rash. If you get a skin rash while taking this medication, consult your doctor as soon as possible.

I'm one of the 7% I'm guessing.
 
Looks like a compression mold to make him a new face after they tear up the old one.

Ear ache, feelung of "Fullness" in the ear, tinnitus, loss of hearing. How did you miss THAT? That's what happened to me earlier this year when I was sick, the hearing is still recovering. I could think I had this, except I'm not a hypochondriac.

But if you insist, you can go in and they can tighten the set screws on and start the power drill. I think you might have everything you need to build houses, maybe you can save some money and DIY.
 
July 21 5:08 a.m.

Looking at the Amargosa Opera House, near Area 51, that seemed to spook me, the desert climate in particular. Or the decor, or something. I was going to say, "Life is so much better in the forest", but certain areas of the forest can be just as creepy, lol. Overgrown abandoned roads in seedy neighborhoods, for example. This area is actually pretty nice, the neighbors are much better behaving.

https://mysteriousuniverse.org/2015/03/strange-tales-of-horror-in-the-desert/

This place seems to agree.

Deserts are stark, barren places that seem to be natural habitats for the spooky and supernatural. With their vast expanses of sand, scrub, and unchanging, desolate surroundings, deserts seem to lie somewhere in another realm beyond time and reality. They are scary places, remote, deadly, and remorseless, posing challenges for life that has evolved there and to anyone foolhardy to enter this domain unprepared.

Going to discontinue the fluoxetine and start taking this magnolia bark extract at night, and quite possibly in the morning. Those are really the only times of the day where I POSSIBLY can have "serious" anxiety issues, and anxiety alone.

Not normally anxious in the morning, but it seems to be easy to trigger lately. I usually have pretty good control of it, not really a problem actually.

----------------

6:51 a.m. - so, 5 mg diazepam to 1mg honokiol.

400mg * 2% = 8mg honokiol = 40mg diazepam.

A typical adult dose of Valium to treat anxiety may range from 2 to 10 mg two to four times a day

So one 400mg pill has quite the therapeutic effect, supposedly.

-----------------

156/81 72bpm @ 8:28 a.m.

104mg/dl @ 8:28 a.m.

Regular sinus pattern, bpm varies from 70 to 115bpm, at the drop of a hat. Seems like fleeting anxiety probably tends to drive it up.

Just woke up from a 30 minute nap, feeling somewhat nauseous and with a soft burning sensation. Thought this might be a good time to get values to see what is underlying these events, and if I were to guess, looks like anxiety. Nausea could be plausibly coming from acid reflux, ate 2 pea cans from 5:40 to 7:10 a.m., that would also explain the burning feeling.

117/74 58bpm @ 8:39 a.m.

--------------------

Guy explaining away his lack of luck in the woman of his dreams not "falling into his lap" somewhere down the road of his life... I replied with something I think is, true in most cases. Not all cases (Sometimes the girl will hunt you).

You are the hunter, you must find her and claim her as your own.

---------------------

Did a 20 minute run from 10:15 to 10:40, without issue. (5 minute water break)

There was no persisting anxiety during the run, unlike last time. I noticed that the vascular tinnitus in the right ear tends to happen during a combination of 1) period of sustained exertion and 2) Present anxiety/stress/etc. It wasn't thumping as long as the anxiety wasn't there, but the anxiety flared up for a few seconds, not only does it thump, but one time felt a palpitation. Anxiety would flare up during thoughts like... talking to the interviewer.

Felt accomplished, did 20 minutes. Dog noted it, started barking at me excitedly. He usually does that when I'm wearing the "I'm the man" walking posture. Or, a sense of accomplishment, more or less.

--------------------

11:27 a.m. - Feeling pretty happy for some reason.

-------------

1:46 p.m. - Finished the indeed.com resume and downloaded it. Didn't plan on applying today, that would start in earnest tomorrow, but don't see the harm in looking around today.

--------------

Neat, looks like indeed sorts listings according to how relevant they are to your work experience and skills. I was wondering why it seemed like I qualified for almost everyone of these jobs, lol. I'm not seeing a lot of "Tech jobs" on indeed (programming,etc.), I'm guessing that's more of a dice.com kind of thing?

Looks like it.

Think I'm going to apply for local jobs for immediate work, prioritizing distance and location, and then set a longterm campaign for specialized, higher paying work. Looking at the # of openings in this city compared to the city size, I'm not really sure how long it might take.

And looks like the job anxiety just went down, have a concrete, seemingly realistic plan.
 
swbluto said:
Going to discontinue the fluoxetine and start taking this magnolia bark extract at night, and quite possibly in the morning. Those are really the only times of the day where I POSSIBLY can have "serious" anxiety issues, and anxiety alone.

And with that you are officially mentally ill. Switching from the medication that might actually do something for you to some foolish 'Self medicating' is a rite of passage.

You know, you could go find the nearest homeless encampment and discuss bark and peyote and that worm at the bottom of the bottle and let them tell you all the ways they have saved themselves after dropping their antipsychotics. You might want to try several, you're on the path to living in one, so pick the encampment you like. They'll all welcome that van of yours.
 
Dauntless said:
swbluto said:
Going to discontinue the fluoxetine and start taking this magnolia bark extract at night, and quite possibly in the morning. Those are really the only times of the day where I POSSIBLY can have "serious" anxiety issues, and anxiety alone.

And with that you are officially mentally ill. Switching from the medication that might actually do something for you to some foolish 'Self medicating' is a rite of passage.

Officially, I'm practicing as a doctor, since the doctor's office isn't open until Monday. And, further, I never really "had a problem" with anxiety, it tends to be self-limiting. The only time it might've done something for me was while shopping in public, but you know what, I say GET OVER IT.

No, I'm not taking antihistamines to tolerate medicine I'm allergic to. Engaging the immune system to attack itself and risking drug-induced lupus is not something I'm going to play around with. I review the timeline when I was taking the calcium channel blockers, and not the prozac, and everything was peachy then. So essentially, resetting to last known good configuration.

Let's see, joblessness or homelessness... that's the real question underlying your assertion. I already have a home so the real question is one of joblessness. And vehicle uncertainty does lead to a perilous sense.

----------------------

7:34 p.m.

145/70 - Never seen my systolic blood pressure this high, normally. Maybe it was due to my working on a frustrating problem, so a transient value.

137/66 54bpm @ 7:38 p.m. - Well, still up there.

------------

Looking up diltiazem metabolism and magnolia bark metabolism, it appears magnolia bark has no effect on diltiazem metabolism, but diltiazem increases magnolia bark concentration by inhibition of CYP 450 3A4. Doesn't quantify the increase in concentration, but I've seen 50% increase in one example in the past, so I lowered the dose accordingly.
 
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