End of the World. Beginning of a new one. The Life of Amberwolf.

Really sad to see this happen. Grew up with dogs and cats as part of the family so I know how emotionally attached one can get. Live in the here and now the best you can and let time heal things. Make some new traditions to anchor yourself and find ways of dealing with change. Remember that the only constant is change so accept it the best you can and let it be good to you. My prayers are there.
 
Sorry about your loss, you are definitely an asset to the ES community. Hang in there! We lost our family dog and he was certainly a member of the family and very missed.
 
You are an immensely strong person.... I can barely even type this right now... You have taken a big part of caring for this community, and hopefully its going to return the favor. The folks at BEB are scrambling to throw together a care package for you to help keep you rolling.

Stay strong bud, sunny and chip are sending there love to ya.

1711_546871282011590_780043198_n_zpsbd570b68.jpg
 
AW, I am so sorry for your loss. I see the outpouring of support here on the board and I am aware of just how many people you have touched during your time spent helping others.

I want you to remember that you will get through this difficult time, and there are many members available here to serve as your rock when you feel the need to talk.
 
I am so sorry for your loss. You will always have a place in your heart for them.
You are so very lucky to have so many friends that you have on this board. Keep us posted and things work out.
 
AW, my thoughts are with you like so many others. Luke has said it so well, and I can not add anything to what he has said. Be strong and know you have support from everyone. Take it one day at a time and keep moving forward.

Clay
 
grindz145 said:
My heart absolutely wrenches for you AW.
Thank you.

neptronix said:
I am seriously misty eyed for you, dude.
Hang in there. you are in all our thoughts!

If you need a computer and bigmoose's offer doesn't go through, let me know. I've got a pentium 3 system lying around that'd be OK for browsin' and such.
I think Iam probably set for browsing/internet computer use between this one borrowed from bill, what bigmoose is planning to send, and a local friend that is digging out an old laptop.

My biggest loss now is my trackball (logitech Marble FX, the very first optical trackball with the red and black spots, and the best one) and my backup (Microsoft Trackball Explorer 1.0) whch are the only two I ever found that fit my hands and work the way I need them to without making me hurt. My Canon LIDE USB scanner, keyboard (which was one of the almost-ergonomic microsoft ones but I can't remember which one; maybe the label is not completely destroyed if I'm lucky), and my Samsung 191N monitor. All were on top of that beige kennel that loki is pictured in chewing on his paw, with the others on top of the bed. My drawing tablet I had just dug out a while back to troubleshoot the software/connection issue it's had so I could start using it to draw up bikes in CAD....I forget what kind it was but was an old ebay deal for 16x16" Wacom serial version. (somewhere I have a box of older-style mac versions but they require a cable I didn't have and never remembered to see fi i could make, to see if they even work).


I have an old CRT monitor or two I can use once I unbury them from the shed, but all the mostly-working LCD ones are toast afaik they were in that bedroom. so were my spare keyboard and my spare trackballs including one I had miraculously found in perfect condition at goodwill a few months ago....



Something that hits me very hard now that I want to play out my grief, because music was always my other therapy besides dogs: all my music equipment is gone. The MIDI keyboard Mdd0127 had given me when my ASR88 turned out to be mouse-destroyed...it was up there with all that stuff too. The MIDI audio interface was on the computer...I didn't even see any evidence it ever existed. My Takamine acoustic...I never really learned how to play it right but I lvoed it's sound when I played it my own way. My Yamaha MIDI guitar; I forget the model, like XC10 or something? It's melted into it's carrying case. My speakers; I forget what they were, some old Boston Acoustic 5.1 "theatre" thing that I usually used only with front speakers and sub. I don't think any of these things can even be found anymore. But I have hardly used any of it in years; there just hasn't been time, especially when I have felt well enough to do it. SO not much point to even replacing that stuff I guess. Funny; before my mom got so sick and I had no more time music was as much my life as dogs and making stuff out of junk.



Rassy said:
AW, as everyone already expressed, we're sorry, shocked, and thinking about you. Take care.
Thank you.

major said:
Sorry for your loss :(
Thank you.


liveforphysics said:
Wow.

I know how much you love your dogs, and how much you sacrifice to care for them so well my friend.

Dogs live in the experience rather than in human construct illusions. I believe your dogs all felt nothing but love for you, and they know you absolutely took the best care of them and loved them more than perhaps any other care taker they ever could have had. They don't mind that at some point the room got smokey and then they drifted into unconsciousness, and they would never hold it against you my friend.

You are an amazing human with an amazing capacity to love and care for animals.

Think we can scratch up some help for you my friend. :)
Thank you...but I still can't stop seeing the horror from their point of view and others and feeling their terror and pain, even if they ddin't feel any of it I will never know because I wasn't there. I will always imagine and remember this.


rojitor said:
It's tragic, i am really sorry for your loss, pets are members of my family as well. Remember ALL dogs go to heaven. They will be ok my friend.
Thank you.

slacker said:
sorry for your loss,i put down my dog of 14 years last summer and still think of her daily.hang in there and have faith.treasure those pictures and memory's. :cry:
I was worried so mcuh that I'd lost all the pictures on the computer and camera cards, that the first thing I had to do once i was at bills and we were settled down was to pry the drives out of the comptuerblob and find the dog pics folders. I COULDN"T lose those too....thakfully they seem to all be there, but there isn't really a lot fo them to start wtih. Not enough. I should have pointed the camera t them all more, when I already had it out for the bikes and stuff.


dogman said:
Dig Deep guys. Amberwolf is really a pillar of the forum, incredibly hard to log on and find a dirty forum. And he has a heart of gold.

He's going to need extra money for everything, new computer, new dogs, food for the friends that come help him clean up the mess. He's going to need to rent a temporary place to stay too, like a by the week motel or something. It could be for quite some time, fire cleanup remodels take months.

Dig in, and send money. I just sent $150, and I'm not even employed anymore.

Soon as you can, hit a dog adoption event at the petco, and hug some fur.
You shouldn't send me your money--you need it like I do!

I am planning on going to the AZHS near me tomorrow for that (tried today but too much happened), along with the PO to forward my mail, (unless I can do that online), finding sheds to put my stuff in to keep thieves and scrappers away from it, getting SWG to let me drop them, get this prepaid phone working (I'm trying to port my old number to it so it might take a week before it's live), see if work will let me stay home next week too and the week after and after that if needed (probably will still need to be cleaning up) or if i have to go back on Sunday.

I foreget what else; I need to write down a list. Or find the ones I alreayd started and lost.


Lessss said:
electricle@gmail.com is your email for paypal?
Thank you. PM Bigmoose, Ypedal or Dogman for paypal info/etc.

spinningmagnets said:
It may be a while until you are settled into another place to live. It might help to try and find something close to work until all of your options are revealed. If it was me, I might volunteer at a shelter to give the unadopted dogs some attention and exercise, they always need help at animal shelters. That might give you some solace, so both you and the shelter dogs can help each other...
If I can I may do that; i'm not sure if the time I have can be blocked off when they need me though, at least not just yet.


jpgey said:
Hello Amberwolf, please confirm this email, i'm in to help you.
Can't describe my sorrow for you ... :cry:
Thank you. PM Bigmoose, Ypedal or Dogman for paypal info/etc.

vodk1c3 said:
Deeply sorry for your loss... We are with you Amberwolf.
Thank you.

nicobie said:
How very,very sad. I don't know what to say.

I'll be asking dogman for your paypal info.

Hang in there man...
Thank you.

flathill said:
stay strong Buddy

after a fire comes fresh growth and free standing flowers
Thank you.


captain387 said:
I'm really sorry to hear about your loss, I can't imagine the grief you are going through, just remember to take it one step at a time.
I am trying. butthere are some huge steps with tightropes between them.


cassschr1 said:
I had to put my dog down monday cause of lung cancer AW.I felt like a traitor taking her to the vet. She looked just like your fox red lab. 11 years old.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I will send some money.Time will make things easier.
cancer...that's awful; but if she was suffering you did her a great favor. I have only had to ever put one to sleep; he was very old and had given up; it was the hardest thing I ever had to do; I couldn't even go in with him it hurt so much I could not stand and could not get out of the car; my friends took him in while I balled my eyes out in the car. That was over two decades ago I guess and I still feel it.


Green Machine said:
Hang in there Amberwolf.

I just sent $150 via paypal.


Please everyone lets send him some dough.
thank you; it will all hlep. Just to get my stuff put safely away (well, safer than loose in the yard without the dogs to protect it) friends estimate about 500-600 per 10'x20' tin shed plus wooden platform to bolt it down to and give it a raised non-dirt floor. I will need two of them at a minimum, which what has been donated from ES so far will probably almost cover. A local friend donated enough to cover the rest, plus some, enough for at least one more shed if I have to (but I would probavly have to tear down the smallest shed to put another 10x20 up). I think there's enough for a new mattress at least, too.

Another friend frmo another forum donated quite a bit towards new-dog-rescue-fees, for when I have a place to go back to and keep dogs at again.


jpgey said:


Sorry for my language, I lost three of my dogs. Nothing let you forget.
Amberwolf, keep them in your mind. They have not suffered because of asphyxiation.
I understand you fine, language barrier or not. I wish that no one had any basis for understanding the way I feel, because it would mean that this had never happened to anyone else. 1I hope they didn't suffer, but I can't help imagining that they did. THe images won't go away.



Arlo1 said:
Hang in there man. That relay sucks. Luke and Dave are right your dogs loved you and they would not blame you. As time goes you will heal. I believe there is something after we die with the way my mind works for me I just can't see this as all there is.
Me either...but I don't know what it is yet.

Ypedal said:
some of the most memorable and fun memories i've had were had while i was dreaming... that's how i see things happening for me when my time comes .
I would like to hope they slept thru it, but....

Chalo said:
I have been watching this thread since it popped up last night, trying to think of something worthwhile to say. There just aren't words for this kind of thing. I'm very sad at the news.

You are not alone, Amberwolf, though it may feel that way without the company of your closest friends.

Take extra care of your body now, because you'll need your physical health for what comes next.
I'm already mcuh worse off than usual; I hurt everywhere. I am not sure if stress triggered it or digging their grave or thrashing around while crying (I am told I did it a lot and could have hurt myself), or what, but it is just a little better than early this year when I had to use a walker. I am going to have to do a lot of this stuff myself because people are not going to be available to just stand around and have me tell them each stepof what to do wtih stuff, most of the time.

The good news is I am ery exhausted and have already dozed off tying this up a few times now. so i might get better sleep tonite whether i want to or not.

Thud said:
omg,
I just heard the terible news.....nothing I can say that hasn't been said already. This is an uncomprehendable loss my friend.
please don't blame yourself for the situation....easy for me to say but really, it is not your fault.

Please let us know if you need anything or if funds get out of controll....or if you just want a ph # to call & talk...I am here for you man.
T
i think i am ok about that rihght now, but you can pm me a number and a good time to call i will take you up on the talk at some point.

But that reminds me...i had the shaft you made me out in the back room with the other stuff for the new bike but i hadn't yet found the aluminum threaded core you made me for the freewheels to go onto, and I think it ahd been in a box next to the puddle of powerchair. I will know more later...but I might ask you for another of those things, depending on how I go about doing my powertrain on that bike if I can ever get back to building it.


Miles said:
amber,

So sorry to hear this sad news.......
thank you.

Trilska said:
Amberwolf i am sorry for your loss.

I don't know you, but i know what you have done and hopefully will continue to do for this forum.

Remember even tho you have a hard time, it could always get worse.
So be happy for what you got, not for that you miss.

This may be a little to cynical words from a young swede, but they have helped me in hard times.

//Trilska an active forum lurker.
I appreciate those words, cyincal or not; they are part of how I live life, often.


liveforphysics said:
amberwolf said:
If I had not worked Monday or Saturday and had lunch then I would have been home and thyey'd all be alive.
...
I am always so careful to prevent such things butI guess I screwed up this tiem and it cost them their lives.


Remember my kind friend, all living things have a clock running from the moment they become alive, and all living things will return to dust at some point, nothing escapes that. All anything can ask for in life is to get the chance to have some experiences, and the lucky ones get to feel loved along with there experiences.

I bet each of your dogs would choose living in your care with your love and kindness for even just 1 happy year over living 100 years without feeling loved and wanted. I know for certain your animals had fantastic well-loved and well-cared for lives they were lucky enough to experience during there time spent living.

The amount of living you do has really minimal to no relationship to how long you're alive for. I know you gave those dogs fantastic well-loved lives filled with kindness and playing and adventures in trailer pulled behind ebikes and all sorts of stuff most dogs could never dream of getting to do my friend. Those things matter SOOOO much more than a pre-mature ending does, especially in the case of a dogs reality which I believe is much more experience based than illusion/construct based like human realities.


What happened can't be undone, but you are still the same amazing loving kind creative smart compassionate person who contributes so much to helping us out on this forum. We all love, enjoy, and wish to support however we can to help you get back on your feet. I currently have under $100 combined in all cash, checkings and savings combined, but that's enough to get some packages in the mail to you, and I'm rich in tools and parts and laptops and things. :)
thank you for saying all that. It helps. But you don't need to spend all your money sending me stuff...keep it for you so you can eat and stuff!

thewmatusmoloki said:
So sorry to hear of this tragedy, hang in there mate.
Thank you.

marty said:
Amberwolf,
Sad about your dogs. Hang in there.

$100 will be in your PayPal account as soon as I get your email address.

National Fire Adjustment Co., Inc.
http://www.nfa.com/
Company that helps to get more money from insurance companies. They helped me when I had a fire. Worth whatever they charge. Looks like they are on the east side of the US. I would give there phone number to your landlord and see if there is a similar company in your neighborhood.
Think this is the main office?
(716) 689-7700
1-800-777-3333
(716) 689-7768 Fax

Love,
MARTY
Thank you; Iwill pass it on whne I can. PM Bigmoose, Dogman, or Ypedal for paypal info.


Stevil_Knevil said:
Saw the thread this morning and I could not even respond.
Tears are salty, and they make it hard to see the keyboard and monitor.

Hug yourself for us...
Im hugging the christmas puppy toy..does that count?



XLR8 said:
My thoughts are with you at this sad time.
thank you.


The fingers said:
We're praying for you AW, I know how special dogs love is, surpassing that of many humans for sure. I'll also put a prayer request in the agape box for you at church tonight and hundreds will be praying for you shortly. May God's Spirit comfort and give you strength and the peace that passes all understanding. John 16:33
Thank you.

Zoot Katz said:
You're already handling this better than I am.
I'm still sobbing, no, no, no. Damn
I already did all that all of last night and some of today. Iwill do much more of it before the worst is past me. I'msorry it's hurting you, too.


salty9 said:
AW,

Saw a bumper sticker yesterday:

"Lord, help me be the person my dog thinks I am"

You try much harder than most people I know.

Chuck

PS: I have a Tek 465B that needs elcaps replaced. Let me know if you want it and want to go thru the hassle of replacing them.
I like that sticker. I might paint that on my trike.

funny you should mention an oscope--I was just atalking to Mark about the giant old Tek scopes he'd given me that had proved useful already, kept on the scope cart in the bedroom...they're trashed, I think the screen ismelted on the top one. Tubes smashed where they tossed it out the window gettingin to fight th fire. It's done for. Bottom one probagly to. I stillhave the little tiny one, Hitachi I think, and it does work, butit really is a tiny screen. Easy to handle though. But I could probably use the 465 if it'sjust caps, and if they are common values I could easily slavage them from stuff or parts boxes around here that was not destroyed gy the fire. I don't know when I can actually do the work, though.


Trackman417 said:
Oh no, amber wolf. Just reading the first sentences put me into shock. I have no way to feel any of the emotions you are feeling right now. I can not stop thinking about what happened. The horrifying story will linger around in my head, and I am sure other forum members heads for a while.
All I can say is, try to distract yourself from thinking about them. Thinking about them and beating yourself up won't bring them back. I am sure they would not want to see you in the condition you are in now.
I know this is very cliche, but what else can I say? I am sorry for your loss. Your dogs are in a better place now. You will be in my prayers.
Thank you Amberwolf for being the great guy you are on the forum. I pray that good fortune is in your near future.

Rob
I am sorry for the horror; I could not filter anything when I wrote the first posts; I just said what I saw and felt. I am still ahving trouble fltering and reacting. I don't want to not think agout them; I don't want to forget them. They deserve to be remembered every moment of every day by as many people as ever knew them even vicariously....



StudEbiker said:
Well AW, like many on the forum I did my regular log on to E-S this morning and scanned the threads to see what's happening. I was getting ready to go out for a nice (non e-bike) bicycle ride through the country today. I saw your post. I opened it and couldn't believe what I was reading. I didn't respond this morning because I was so overwhelmed. Spent much of the ride thinking of you and sending you some good positive energy because I know that will be the best thing you could get right now.

I can't begin to imagine what you are dealing with right now.

A fire at my place when I'm not at home is probably one of my biggest fears and to have it happen with such tragic results to someone that I know is tough to hear about.

As you can tell, you have a good support system here. I hope your local circle is as strong as your virtual circle here on the forum.

Please keep us posted and take care of yourself.
I will try; it takes a long time to read and reply to eeryone, gbut I intend to try to keep up. Ididn't really expect tis amount of response from people on ES or locally...I am overhwelmed!

and exhausted; i keep dozing off typing.

biohazardman said:
Really sad to see this happen. Grew up with dogs and cats as part of the family so I know how emotionally attached one can get. Live in the here and now the best you can and let time heal things. Make some new traditions to anchor yourself and find ways of dealing with change. Remember that the only constant is change so accept it the best you can and let it be good to you. My prayers are there.
thankyou; i am not good with change. and now everythign has changed all at once, with no safe spot to hide in even for a minute,


kfong said:
Sorry about your loss, you are definitely an asset to the ES community. Hang in there! We lost our family dog and he was certainly a member of the family and very missed.
Thank you


Farfle said:
You are an immensely strong person.... I can barely even type this right now... You have taken a big part of caring for this community, and hopefully its going to return the favor. The folks at BEB are scrambling to throw together a care package for you to help keep you rolling.

Stay strong bud, sunny and chip are sending there love to ya.

1711_546871282011590_780043198_n_zpsbd570b68.jpg
Aw....whcih is which?


speed_demon said:
AW, I am so sorry for your loss. I see the outpouring of support here on the board and I am aware of just how many people you have touched during your time spent helping thers.
I want you to remember that you will get through this difficult time, and there are many members available here to serve as your rock when you feel the need to talk.
 
I'm speechless, Mike.

I won't try to come up with words, they would do no justice. You need time to mourn and heal.
I hope my Aussie dollars can help you put things back together.

Chris
 
Wow man I don't have the words to properly express my sorrow for you and your loss. Losing a loved one is something you never get used to. I've lost so many family members and pets over the years. I keep dreading the day when I'm going to lose my cat. Knowing her though, she'll go down fighting in the process of trying to take down a bird she was never a match for in the first place. I wish there was something I could do to help but I'm broker than broke.
 
amberwolf said:
I know you like to recycle. I went to a truck junk yard and bought a aluminum box that was the back of a truck. It got delivered on a flatbed. After they slid it off, I was able to move it around on some rented round wood logs.

Painted my truck box shed and moved it when I moved to a new house.

Good luck!
 
I feel better about tearing up over and over yesterday. I guess I'm not the only big softie out there. We're the classic childless couple kooks, so we understand completely about investing it all in a pack of dogs, cats, snakes, whatever. It is EXACTLY like your kids got killed in that fire to you.

But for us, the pain fades pretty quick, it didn't happen to us. You have a really tough road to walk for awhile now. And we all want to help any way we can.

I have a physical address now, if some want to send money in a way other than #@^&UE$# paypal. But lets not get carried away sending stuff till he's got a house again. At that point, we can resume sending him freecycle stuff as before. Looks like perhaps a computer is squared away enough for now.

Cash donations seem to have been very good, but there is no way to underestimate how much more he will need. He'll have to do everything the hard way for some time. I will continue to forward the pp address to all known ES members. New members can still donate if they contact me.

Getting some sheds makes some sense if they can be locked up good enough. It sounds like your landlord is being very cool. But do look into renting some storage for the more expensive bits if any. This fire remodel will take a very long time, and you might end up having to rent an apartment or something for the summer. Explore some other options before you invest in two sheds. One still sounds like a good plan but maybe not two. You might need extra money, to rent a place closer to your work for a time.
 
Just joined this forum a couple of days ago.

How can I express my feelings when I saw this thread?

Amberwolf,

I am so, so sorry you are going through this. I sit here like so many others that DO know you, with tears in my eyes, and a lump in my throat.

I do feel your loss, as it has only been a couple of years since we had to put down my Cassie due to cancer.op009.jpg

IT is good that you have such a strong support group here on this forum, and I am sure that others in your life more local to you are there with whatever you need in emotional support. For your own well being, DON'T hesitate to ask for even the smallest consideration from others around you that are willing to help.

I wish I could say it gets better with time, but as others here can attest to, it just becomes more bearable.

My deepest sympathies and condolences.

Charlie
 
We should find out Ambers clothes sizes, linnen needs, towels all that kind of stuff. Sort of what we do when we send the kids off to college, create a mini home at a distance with good condition "stuff."
 
I am finding I don't have enough time to reply to each of you like I want to; I'm sorry....I can't really even express how much I appreciate all your thoughts, and the donations are going to help tremendously with the immediate needs and cleanup and storage of stuff, and later with rebuilding other things if there's any left.

I am trying to coordinate all the local help and stuff, and cope, so what i am going to do is add a link at the top of the first post to point to whatever my most recent update is, and use that as a list of stuff I have or have to do, and stuff I need or need to do, in case it helps anyone that is thinking about advice or stuff to send or whatever.


Today's (Thursday 4-25-13) update so far (edits for today will be added in colored text to make it easier for people to find):

SHEDS--In my poking around the web so far, "tin" (sheet metal) sheds apparently cost about three to four times what poeple had told me, so rather than the $600-$700 I'd been estimating for each 10x20' shed, including lumber and fasteners for a floor platform that Mark (a local friend) has devised and built for his own storage, it is going to be more like $1400-$1800 per 10x20' shed.

So I am gonna have to go with more but smaller sheds, like 10x10' and if possible just build them together as larger units. For instance, leaving out the back wall of one and the door wall of another, and overlapping the side and roof panels for a few inches. Or leave out back walls of both and use the door ends at opposite ends to let me access stuff easier later. If I have to I'll just line them up as smaller sheds side by side.

Right now the ES donations and what Tannon and Patty have given me last night will just about cover the sheds I think.

I do not want to do any offsite storage place because it is wasted money and time--I'd be moving too much stuff (at least) twice, requiring other poeple's help to do so each time as well.



PHONE--I have a payasyougo phone now, bought for me by Bill, with a year's service time and 400 minutes, but I opted to let them port my old home number to it and it apparently takes days to do that so I don't yet have access to the phone. I don't know why but it won't really let me do anything with the phone till it activates from their end. If I figure out how to get it's camera to work I will post pics of the house as it is now, and updates as things go. It is an LG Tracfone, which seemed like the best most cost-effective option for me going forward, as I don't use a phone hardly ever under normal circumstances, but really need it right now. And I can't get stuck with a contract I'd have to keep paying monthly, as I never know if I will have enough hours at work to pay for normal stuff much less that.


COMPUTER--Bigmoose and Neptronix and Tannon (local friend) seem to have the basics covered ATM; we'll see what else is needed after that stuff shows up here and I get working on it. I'll need to replace my special trackballs and specific keyboard later but at least this will give me my own computer i can customize and use without fear of messing somethign up for Bill's sister (whose computer I am apparently actually using right now, while she is away).

CLOTHING/ETC--I have a feeling that this stuff will be easy to get locally; I've already gotten a lot of basic clothing donated by friends, my boss, landlord, etc., plus the Red Cross debit card for such stuff. As much as I hate to not reuse existing stuff, it will probably cost more to ship such things than to just use the money that would be spent on shipping to buy them brand new locally.

But if people would rather send existing stuff:

--I wear medium shirts for the most part; I don't know my shirt measurements. The only ones I know I had that fit me right were in the bedroom and there's nothing left of them to read labels on. All the ones that I still do have are usable but bigger or smaller than they should be for me. I don't really care what colors things are, but lighter colors are cooler and brighter colors are better for riding in. I lost all my bright orange and red shirts I had used for summer riding, I think my tie-dyed sweater is probably gone too; I don't remember what room it was in.

--Pants are 33x30 for most brands I guess. Loose-fit jeans are useful; I lost even my around-the-house workjeans except for two pair of older black ones I hadn't put away yet after washing them last weekend. I prefer lighter blue colors because they don't make me as hot when out in the sun, but can use anything. Work pants I prefer darkish tan khakis; so far the couple of new ones donated to me are almost white so they are going to keep and show every little stain and mark from all the everyday stuff that happens at work. The darker ones don't show the stains as much, at least, usually.

One other thing I have to get: riding gloves and jacket, and probably a replacement FF MC helmet. The gloves and my best jacket were in the bedroom. The helmet was in the front room and Idon't know if it has more than smoke damage yet; the mostly-usable jacket and my MC armor jacket were on the upper part of a stack of stuff in a corner away from the fire but heat up there melted my rain pants and jacket into the MC armor jacket and onto the spare leather jacket; I'm not sure if they can be separated or if the smoke can be gotten out of them. My firefighter pants I used for rain pants and windbreakers (whcih they excel at) were on a low chair in the front room away from the fire, but I am not sure the smoke will come out of them, either, or that their properties will survive the washings I will have to put them thru to try to get it out.
Stuff I have to do here:
--disconnect gas and internet (phone done automatically once port of number is done; landlord already got electric and water done)
--get new furniture; I don't use much--a chair or two, a bed. Probably not getting teh actual bed until the house is ready, will use Bill's spare in the loft until then, though I may be here alone when he has to leave to help family in a little while (time not yet known).
--move my refrigerators and food in those and the kitchen cabinets to Bill's, probably this weekend.
--Get a deep freezer to store some of the stuff in long-term, chest-type like a refrigerator laying on it's back. (was going to DIY one out of a fridge but there is no time now). Dunno what cost is on those.

--move my ebike parts and repair tools to Bill's so I can keep my trike working and get at least one other ebike working as a spare.

--get CrazyBike2 working again so I don't have to keep riding the trike. I have to get one of the hubmotor stators and controllers working together, and put the 20" wheel back together from that, and back on the bike. Also should replace the cheap used 20" ex-babystroller tire with a better kind, as well as the front 26" kenda with something that has better stickiness for braking. An ES member already offered to buy me a new tire I just haven't had time to look up a local place he can send the money to, or online place he can have it shipped from.

Because I am probably not going to have time to work this out right now, I am going to call up Grin Tech and see about buying a motor/controller kit I can just stick on there, with some of the ES donations already given. At least I know it will work and be reliable.

I guess I should put in thicker better tubes too, because I am going to put a lot of miles on this thing compared to normal, given that I'm 5 miles further north now from all the things I need to get to for work and such. I am probably going to still be doing the remodel down at Laveen, which was already 15 miles away from my house, so it's now 20 miles away. 40 miles a day on these roads is going to eat up the tires. I don't want to deal with a flat at all either. And no rear suspension means I need fat tires.



Stuff that's done or will be done by landlord:
--changeover electric and water
--new stuff in house will be all electric so no gas needed
--he will be ripping out the walls and rewiring to current code wherever needed
--changing casement windows to doublepane modern ones
--reinsulating, replacing walls, floors, cieling, cabinets, paint, all the actual house stuff
He is doing this up right as far as I have heard. I guess I will have a pretty nice place to live in after this is all done, compared to what I am used to. Won't be able to store or work on my stuff inside anymore, so that's why I will have to have the new sheds built on site, even after I get to move back in almost none of my stuff can go back inside.

I have to ask the landlord if there is any chance of him enclosing the carport while doing the repairs, this would give me more storage area or at least a place to put my bikes to work on and park them. If it had a door into the back room that would be just perfect but even without that would be a huge help.



I am going to try to at least end every day by going by the Humane Society or whatever other rescue or shelter is nearby at the time and share some dog hugs. I know it will make me feel better and I hope it will help them too.


More updates as I get them, and thank you all for your support right now--it helps way more than you can know, to know that you all care this much. I knew this was a good community to be part of, but didn't know it was this good. I'm glad I picked this place to "settle down" in.
 
AW,
I am very very sorry foryour loss . That was a big hit, I remember how hard you took it when you lost
Fred, or Loki last year to a stroke . I bet they didn't suffer, likely died of smoke inhalation . My friend left her electric blanket on, and her apt burned, the fireman told her they recover animals but they mostly pass out from smoke.
 
Anyway , I hope you can let go of the guilt , I know those dogs had a great life .
They would forgive you, and want you to forgive yourself .

I have your Address , for sending a check,I assume you asked the post office to hold your mail.
can you still get mail at that address? If anyone wants to send a check can I give it out?

**** I do have Amberwolfs address I believe Dogman does too If anyone want to send something I think a Check is the best and HE can decide what he needs***
 
BikeFanatic said:
Anyway , I hope you can let go of the guilt , I know those dogs had a great life .
They would forgive you, and want you to forgive yourself .

I have your Address , for sending a check,I assume you asked the post office to hold your mail.
can you still get mail at that address? If anyone wants to send a check can I give it out?

**** I do have Amberwolfs address I believe Dogman does too If anyone want to send something I think a Check is the best and HE can decide what he needs***


I agree. This guy needs some money which would help greatly to get on his feet. Sending anything would help..even if you can only afford a few bucks. Collectively it could add up quick. Paypal or check. Amberwolf has put more hours behind the scenes than anyone to make this forum what it is.
 
Sorry about your lovely dogs.

Don't buy shed...... get this http://www.rent2ownstoragesheds.com/

My friend who had good life till his divorce process destroyed his life. He struggle no money and someone
recommend him to check that website. They doesn't require credit check or downpayment. I remember He mentioned
he paying 99 dollars a month payment for this super efficient house for couple years.
 
Have you heard of the butterfly effect? Much like you (amberwolf) feel a sense of responsibility for the fire by not being home, even though you didn't directly start the fire or do anything consciously to make it occur, is similar to how I feel. I have had a couple of things I wanted to PM you about but I was holding off on until I had some more concrete things to share. I almost messaged you about them 4 days ago or so, which may have consumed a fair amount of your time, but I didn't because I was afraid of bugging you and potentially wasting your time. What does this have to do with anything? I keep thinking about how if I had sent you these messages and got you involved in the things I wanted to, perhaps other things would not have happened in your life. Maybe it sounds silly for me to feel related to these series of events in your life, at the same time, I am sure you (AW) are playing the same what if game in your head. When I mentioned the butterfly effect, I wasn't referring to the movie, I was talking about the concept also known as the chaos theory, but the idea is all the same. If you haven't seen the movie, it might be an interesting one to see.

Anyway amberwolf, I hope you start feeling better soon. There is a dog park not very far from myself that I have visited on occasion. It is a large fenced in place that people bring their dogs to, the people and the dogs socialize with each other, it's interesting to watch and such. Maybe you can find a place such as that, it might make you feel better. When I am really down, being around others can really help. I don't know anything about Bill other than his computer's operating system isn't your favorite, but if he isn't around tons, give dog parks a shot. You will probably find that furry hug you need there.

If nothing else, I think I should thank you for sharing this. I've always been very wary of fire, but sometimes my feelings on it are a little more relaxed than they should be. This might be a wake up call not just for myself. I am sure the lipo fires shared on this forum have done some of that as well, but you get the idea.
 
Amber, I have been working on the IBM/Lenovo X31 ... and Whoooppee! I solved the hard drive issue, and is is running very stably!! I was able to update to XP service pak 3 and all items in the Hardware Device Manager are "green" so to speak with updated drivers and all functional. I verified wireless and wired connectivity. I scrounged through all my drawers and loaded it with the most memory I had that would fit the form factor. I found the expansion base with the CD/DVD writer and reader and verified all that works. It has a flawless screen too. I will send 3 or 4 spare hard drives that will fit in it. The battery is "reasonable" but not new. There will be a charger of course. I am real happy with how that system turned out. It should work well for you. I am going to send that first with some things my wife is putting together for a care package.

There are two digital cameras in the package with batteries and chargers. Clock radio's, DVD player, and some little surprises. Oh I have to remember to put a router in there too.

I'll start sending likely Saturday or no later than Monday. I'm going to try to do to the desktop what I did to the laptop so that you have a stable system to start with. There will be a card reader with the desktop.

Hang in there Amber!
 
Update 4-25-13 nighttime:

I found the Arrow sheds 10x12 gave best square foot price, at Lowes, and via the landlord as a contractor, bought three today and got them over to the house. I needed to put them inside so no one is tempted to cut the gate lock and steal them (they're 200lbs a box so not easy to move but theives are creative and often desperate). Me and Bill tried to unload them but I had misestimated my ability to help, and we couldn't do it. I asked the neighbors and after some of them got home from picking up their kids they came over to help, and they also hlped me put Delta Tripper in the truck totake to Bill's, so now I have transportation on my own if I need to go someplace when Bill is not available for some reason.

So thanks to ES and local donations and the rent check refund, I was able to buy three of them for only $1200--if I only need two, one can be left boxed up and resold, or used later, or whatever. If I need them all, I have them.

(and I don't think I have never spent that much in a single transaction in my life, except for the $1600 I borrowed and paid to save Hachi's life when she had parvo as a little puppy, because the vets wouldn't even help her till I paid in full)

(They had 10x8s for $280 each, 10x12s for $400, and 10x14s for $550. Not a lot of difference per square foot but I really need to use the money as efficiently as possible. Not sure but I think 12 divides up better into wood piece measurements better than 14, too, so should make the cutlists easier to figure out.)

I also discussed the legalities and whatnot with Adam, the landlord, and he does not think there is any problem with what we're gonna need to setup. But he does think we should put them along the wood fence on the west side.

The only "easy" way to do that is to move the other sheds, too. That means unloading the "barn" shed, which kinda has to be done anyway, rotating it 90 degrees so it's door is to the east. The same thing would then have to be done with the smaller shed (or just move it out of the way completely once unloaded). Then another shed can be put right next to it in what is presently the empty space between the two existing sheds. And the other sheds can be put in a row one right next to the other, all facing east.

I would like to leave a small space between each one so I can put a tree between each one, to shade them all once they grow up, and make access for grass trimmng possible. I can get the shade trees from the SRP program for that, once I have time to go to one. I also need a space behind them to get to the grass/etc that will grow along the fence, I think. Probably the same amount of space presently between the fence and the small shed.


But I forgot to write down anything off the shed boxes to generate a cutlist from for the wood we need.

I did check the prices though, and Lowes is cheaper (and much more helpful) than Home Depot:
2x4 plain $2.98 to $3.07 each depending on style
2x4 treated $5.08 each
1/2" plywood plain 4 ply $19.97 / sheet
1/2" plywood plain 5 ply $23.43 / sheet
1/2" plywood treated is more than twice that; not needed though.
5lb box of 3" deck screws (outdoor treated) $27.48
Forgot to check prices on lock hasps to put across doors or gate hinges to convert doors to hinged. (they are sliding door type) Also forgot to check for pack of padlocks for them.
For adding lights inside HD had these little hanging sockets for edison base bulbs that you just add a cord to (I have old extension cords or actual regular house wiring, etc) to, that I can put the CFL bulbs I already have into to add at least one interior roof peak light to each shed, for like $3 each or something. I'm sure Lowes has them too but I forgot to look.


As a bonus, I discussed the idea of converting the carport into garage with him, and he had also thought about that, but is very serious about it since I also suggested it--he siad he has to finish running the numbers but it should be possible. I said I'd chip in whatever I can, too, if it will tip the balance from no to yes, because I could realy really use a garage for the bikes and to work on them, and it would also give me quadruple the storage space of just one of those 10x12 sheds, basically. And he prefers the idea of my bikes out in a garage instead of in the house. :oops:



I am also recharging the lighting pack cuz I just about killed by using the trike's lights to help them see to dig the dogs' grave that night.


I talked to my workplace and they gave me next week off too; that's all the PTO I have so if I need more time they will give it to me but it will be unpaid leave. They also started a donation account at a bank for me but I forgot to get the info from them; I broke down again while talking to some of them, more than once, and forgot about the rest of the stuff I went in for.


i took pics of the house with bills phone while we were dropping off the sheds. i will post them up separately ith comments and if i can an old pic of that area.

i forget if i said before but i got a tracfone and its waiting on the port of my old number. but i dunno how to use it yet.


I was also at Goodwill buying blankets and pillows and sheets with the Red Cross card, and also found a $3 Microsoft Trackball Explorer 1.0! But it is missing the special ball. :( However, there is a slim chance that I still have the ball from my old broken dead one back in the other bedroom--I *think* and hope that I never brought the pieces of it into my new bedroom. Even without the ball it can be used with my fingertip, but it is hard to use that way. Still easier than a mouse. I just have to test it later.


i forget what else, post later with more.
 
oh, adn they said the start of the fire was a spot a couple of feet in from the doorway and couple of feet away from the wall.

Thing is, theres' nothing there. All that was there or even near there was just tile. There had been a cat5 network cable from teh cable modem (which is dirty but visually intact and probably still functional in the hallway, covered in bits of cieling hacked down by the firefighters) to the wifi router on the wall almost on the other end of the room. the router is evaporated cuz the plastic kennel under it burned but that cable still was partly there and is along the wall so it cant be it.
 
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