End of the World. Beginning of a new one. The Life of Amberwolf.

I wish I had time/energy for updates as they happen; I forget so many things before I can type them in. :(

That little mama dog seems to have disappeared into the ether; county has no idea what I'm talking about when I called on Monday. :(


The shed got mostly built on Sunday, thanks to a list of people I can't remember all their names. One of them even left and came back with fried chicken and fruit for lunch for everyone, before she left for the day. We sat down in the cooler-than-outside house, in the back room, around my big worktable, using some flatted boxes as a "tablecloth", and had a short break for lunch then went back to finishing the shed.

Others also boxed up a lot of stuff that was either just loose on the ground or in old or damaged boxes. Was a little confusion about not making boxes too heavy to lift easily, but was mostly resolved (there are a few I will have to dump and repack into multiple boxes, because i can't lift them easily, and I will need to be able to lift and move lots of boxes at a time in order to come over and sort things this summer--if they're heavy I will have to keep stopping after every one to rest, and never get anythign done).

I moved a lot of stuff into the space between the sheds until the floor could be built, whcih Mdd0127 spent all of Monday doing by himself, because I could not be there (working). This was just to get it out of the way of the cleanup crew that would be there Monday.


On Monday, I arrived apparently just after the cleanup crew left, late afternoon. They'd moved out all fo the stuff from my old bedroom, and most of the stuff from my mom's old room, which is the bedroom next to the one that burned.

For some reason I don't comprehend, they took a bunch of stuff I'd picked up and saved and put onto the shelves they'd already cleaned off in that old bedroom, but didn't have time to move out to the sheds, and they dumped it in the garbage dumpster, even though it was all nicely sorted and put onto the shelves away from the mess on the floor. Some of the thigns on teh shelves they did put in the save pile, but most of it they dumped in the trash, along with other things that had been in boxes and up on shelves, etc., whcih they had no reason to trash, as they didn't trash other things thatw ere in the same places. :evil:

Some things they trashed were my DAT tapes of my own music, both audio and data backups, whcih had been in neat little cases in rack holders, stacked in the closet on the shelf--I had already cleaned out all fo the stuff in the closet except that shelf. They saved all the junk motherboards that were up there, and everyhtingg else, but not the most important thing, which they trashed instead. They tossed out some unopened rolled up posters of wolves and stuff that had been on the top of my main shelf unit, along with other data backups and whatnot--even some old empty cups were up there that I'd saved for their shapes or whatever, but they saved the cups, and trashed the posters and some of my large drawings and sketches, some of my remaining (though hardly ever used) music equipment, like an old Yamaha FB-01, and all of the power adapters for all of the equipment that was up there, even though they saved some of the equipment, and all of it was together up there. :evil:

Lots of other stuff like that that makes no sense why they would even go thru it and not just bring it all out, which is what I was told they would do--just bring eveyrhting out and dump it in the yard for me to sort thru. Instead they apparently sorted thru everything themselves and decided what I was to keep and what not.


So I spent all of the time Monday from when I got there till nearly sunset digging thru the dumpster for my critical and personal things taht they took it upon themselves to destroy, for no reason. I had meant to spend that time sorting thru the huge pile of stuff they brougth out and see if I could reduce it to 1/3 or 1/4 of that size, trashing or recycling the rest, and then going in the house and trying to move out more stuff myself, but they didn't give me that chance because of their treatment of my other stuff.

I did get a chance to go thru a little of teh stuff, but not much. I moved a few boxes of things like my backup discs and whatnot into a shed to keep them out of the hot direct sunlight, but most of it is still in a big pile in the middle of the yard.

At one point I found an old music keyboard that I think came from Timmie, same person that gave me the barn shed and some other very useful things. It's speaker doesnt'w ork, and it's just a Yamaha PSR-15, no MIDI, so only useful for noodling around on, but once I can find a 1/8" to 1/4" headphone adapter to use some little headphones (or speakers) on it's big jack, I will at least be able to play music of some sort, which might help my emotional state a little. (that and snuggling up with a bunch of dogs are about the only two things that truly help much in times anything like these).

Mdd0127 found a power adapter to work on it, and we brougth it back to Bill's with us. I haven't been able to do anythign with it yet.

Eventually, maye an hour after sunset, just about full dark or even after, I finally gave out, no more energy, and Mdd0127 took me up to Bill's so I could try to rest for work the next day.

That didn't work out very well either, becuase now I have new nightmares, whcih although tehy're stupid, I can't get rid of them anymore than the other stupid ones I already had. I am asleep in my old bed with the dogs all round me, and wake up to people barging in grabbing the dogs and setting them on fire, sometimes with flamethrowers, sometimes with matches and gasoline, sometimes with blowtorches, then they throw them still screaming and yelping into the big dumpster, then they bag me up in a trashbag and dump me in there too, then they burn the house down to finish it off. I get that one several times a night now, last night too but not as bad as Monday night.

I was so obviously totally exhausted on Monday that my supervisor Lori "suggested" I take today off to rest, and not even go back to the house to do anythign. I eventually caved in and am now off today, but I still didn't sleep much better than previous days. I will probably take naps thru the day when I feel tired and maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.



I also finally found a slip of paper with the name and number of the friend I'd orignially gotten Loki from, and after I woke from one nap last night I called her to give her the horrible news. After we'd talked a while about it, she said that she has another little (very little, like under 30lbs) pit/maybe-dane mix, that was starving so bad when found that you could've used her spine as a handle to pick her up. :( She was so thirsty she was guarding tiny water puddles from anyone and anythign else, but she couldn't drink without puking.... Even if she had been loose on the street she wouldn't've been in that state, theree's too much garbage around to starve like that. She must've been locked up somewhere and abused to get that bad, and either finally escaped or was dumped. No idea how old she is, but probably isn't gonna get bigger than she is now. She was only 17lbs when picked up, whcih is basically just skin and bone. :cry:


I don't know if I'll end up her eventual family, but Lori (different one from my supervisor at the remodels) is caring for her for now anyway. I am going to go visit to see the dog and Lori and another friend that's there that I haven't seen in ages, but not sure when there is time. :( Still too tired today to do much. Just going downstairs for tea and potty break when i got up an hour ago was hard enough. (actually just getting up took a big decision; if I coudl've gone back tos leep I would've done that instead, but not fresh from another nightmare...)


Today...no real plans besides rest. So am typing this uyp while I nibble on an oatmeal cookie and an orange and some peach nectar juice and drink some hot tea. I'll have pictures of progress at the house and whatnot in a separate post shortly.
 
Continued from above sinc eI forgot some things and it was long enough already. :lol:

Sunday I tried to deposit the checks a few people ahve sent me, but the ATM didn't think it was a good idea. It ate the first one, from my dad, and then suddenly decided it couldn't take deposits anymore. I called the number on teh back fo the card and after being transferred around and repeating myself to each person (since I guess they can't be bothered to pass on the info they type in?) then mroe than 20 minutes of my phone time later they finally made a note of the problem, and temporarily credited me the amount until they could verify the check really was inside their machine, sometime this week. But I still cant' trust that the ATMs aren't going to do the same thign, so I need to go to the bank and actually deposit them at the counter, which I think costs me $2 to do. :roll: It's still probably cheaper than all the phone time I'd have to spend being transferred around next time it happpesn. :(


Urgh...sorry it's just really frustrating, because it wasted a bunch of t ime I could've been spending workin on the shed and stuff that day.



Yesterday as I was sitting around waiting for my ride to finish her work (I'd been told to go ahead and punch out and rest in the back, as we were already an hour past the time we were supposed to be there for), Mdd0127 texted me that there was a problem with something up where he actually lives at, and he had to leave to go deal with that. So he dropped off the keys to my place with Bill, and headed out of town, and will update me once he knows more. Seems like none of us have life easy these days--just one thing after another. Gonna cost him a lot of money in gas to drive all that way, in addition to whatever it is he's got to deal with up there. :(



Had a little nap there and I forgot what else I was gonna say. :( Oh well, I'll get the pics uploaded.


EDIT: oh, yeah, the motor from Kingfish arrived yesterday; I didn't have any eenrgy to do antyhing except open it to check for shiping damage and take a pic. After the Grin stuff arrvies fro the back wheel, I wll put themb oth on CrazyBike2 and have 2WD reliablilty. Then someday when I simultaneously have time and energy to do stuff and power to weld with, I will finish the replacemtn bike frame and move stuff over to it.

EDIT2: also, people keep telling me I'm "doing really well" and that I'm "a really strong person" but it doesn't feel like it, from inside. I feel like a cracked tube just waiting for the stress load to change directions so I can fall apart. :(
 
Arrgh. Just what you need, minimum wage morons tossing what little you could save.

Get some big signs taped to any other boxes you store inside the house.

I hope you have a better end of the week than the start of it was.
 
Well, they're not really "MWM", as most of tehm are the family of the landlord, who is also the contractor doing all the work. And it's not really their fault or problem--they don't even have to do any of what they're doing. They could just trash everything that I don't take out msyelf.

I'm reluctant to discuss any of it with them face to face because I am so stressed already that I am doubtful of my ability to control my anger, which they dont' deserve. It's hard enough to do it when typing all tthis out; I almos ttook some of it out on someone else when i was just talking about what happened, but I realized how I was tlaking and stoped myself. :( :oops: Normally I have no problems bottling up anger like that, but right now I feel like I'm 15 years old again, with a temper like a match on stone. :( I'm afraid I'll throw a tantrum or something.

And none of it is justified; its' only because of my stress at all the other things that it even matters to me. Honestly most of the things they tossed i wouldn't have cared about if the dogs were still around, and the stuff in my bedroom. I'd've missed it, but would've just shrugged and gone to find them again someday if I still wanted them. But with the loss of evyerhting that actually did matter, these little things are the top of the list of things I still care about from the past.




One thing I ran across at some point was my old music cds made in 1996. If anyone wants to buy some I have two whole unopened boxes left, at least. Probably a hundred in each box? I guess I should start some for sale threads for things.... EDIT: sale thread for these here:
http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=31&t=50138
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Oh, and I found osme of my wolf-pic picks, in an envelope for something else in the stuff that they tossed in the dumpster. That envelope had been in my software-backup cabinets, whcih were moved out to the yard in teh save pile, so I don't know why it was int eh trash--the other stuff that had been in the cabinets still apepars to bea there. :( but at least I found them. Still lsot the two favorites cuz one was in teh guitar strings and the other was taped to a laptop that survived the fire but somehow got the pick scraped off of it.
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At Goodwill, found a thin reaincoat/windbreaker, once we get weather other than sun sun and more sun and heat and sun and....
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Saturday the small shed got moved; the bottom was rusted and twisted adn trashed. The metal had been sitting right on teh ground, with wood planks for a floor. That's one reason I wanted to put the pressuretreated wood under the new sheds, to help them last beter (though the old smalls hed was probably there for 20-30 years or more, I don't really know as it was therew ehn we moved in).
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Floor knda had to be ripped off it in some places; too rusted to unscrew:
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Lotsa gecko dens and whatnot under there. took some doing to level it:
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Lantana that used to be on it's north wall had to be trimmed back a lot, but it'll grow back qucik enough.
0511131649-01.jpg



recycle piles grow bigger adn bigger:
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Bike parts pile I intend to donate to a co-op hasn't grown much; I think i'm out of stuf to add to it.
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Piles of stuff to go thru and discard, recycle, or save grow, too:
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Saturday also saw the elves ;) move the other fish tank out next to the plant tank and tarp it:
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I found the little "Elliott House Liferaft", kind of an in-family joke because it is a little piece of a model that has survived every disaster or major stressful event we've had since I was a little kid, and seems to turn up rigth after each one. Various pet deaths, moving state to state, dad deserting us (not really but that's what it felt like at the time and for years afterward), mom dying, sisters moving out/in/etc. But then at some point it always vanishes, unable to be found for sometimes years. And here it is again, after this disaster:
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Apparently teh base of the kennel trailer didn't get destroyed along withi the kennel itself, which Fred died in and is buried in (because they are one piece now). I must have takne it off when i moved the kennel from the old bedroom to the new one and forgotten about it, because it was still in the old bedroom. If you ever watch Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, then around 15 minutes in during the scenes the Enterprise is trying to fight back on the initial attack from Reliant, there is a scene that was cut in for just a second showing a hand flipping some toggle switches on a silver panel. This is that panel, or one just like it. (I forget what I did with the switches and lights off of it--they're probably gone now).
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I also discovered I have a duplicate alarm clock to the one I lost (but I like the one Bigmoose sent a lot better--it's alarm starts quiet and gradually gets louder if you don't turn it off, which is much nicer to wake up to than BLAHZandnowfoBLAHZnewsoftheroadBLAHZandBLAHZsportsatBLAHZten :lol: ):
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Sudnay the shed got mostly built, som epics of it's progress at varioius points when I rmeemberd to snap some:
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Some of the stack of boxes of stuff Judy and Beth and Jill (sorry if I am misremembering yoru names) got boxed up for me of stuff out of the yard. I still ahve to sort it all, but at least it can be put in teh sheds now.
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And the front 26" from Kingfish, all shiny and pretty:
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amberwolf said:
EDIT2: also, people keep telling me I'm "doing really well" and that I'm "a really strong person" but it doesn't feel like it, from inside. I feel like a cracked tube just waiting for the stress load to change directions so I can fall apart. :(

It's going to take time AW. I think in your situation I wouldn't be able to function at all. Unlike the tube, you'll continue to get stronger, and healthier again. A little soul welding :wink:

Focus on one task at a time as much as possible, the pieces will start coming back together again soon AW. It's just going to be uphill for a little while.
 
If you have a junk yard near you sell tin , steel , copper ,AL and ect. With new things you have now you may have old things you do not need and others would want/need and give on the recycle web site. Your doing great. Keep up the good work .
 
Amberwolf,
Try not to stress about "stuff"
I got a basement full of stuff. I got a attic full of stuff. I got a house full of stuff. I got a shop full of stuff. I own a bunch of houses that I rent. I got stuff scattered in places that I can't remember.

People working on your house don't want to deal with your stuff. They don't want to move it around. They don't want to trip over it.

Don't be afraid to throw stuff away. If you haven't used it for years, you probably don't need it. I should take my own advise :wink:

I did a fire clean up. Found this dinosaur. It used to be some type of aluminum tool? Things change.

Gave the dinosaur to my Mother. Happy Mothers Day!
IMG_0071.JPG
 
i'm not having a problem with getting rid of stuff...it's just findin g the time to actually be there to go thru it, make the decisions and do it. i'ts pretty stressful going thru all of my belongings outside in the yard, and would be stressful even if it were in the house, as it brings up this memory here, that one there, etc. if i had a month off i might get it all done. maybe. :lol: i have to keep stopping so i can hug phideaux the christmassy toy puppy dog and rock myself back into reality, whenever i am there and going thru stuff. sometimes something really hits me and i just sit and cry for a while.



@emiyata; if you poke around the various updates, you'll see that i am gathering those recycle piles to do exactly that. ;)


i've got calls and emails in to a couple of valley bike co-ops that take donations of bike parts and bikes and help get people basic transportation, and also some other groups that could use them, but havent' heard anythign back from them yet. if i don't by this saturday, when i should have someone availble to drive a uhaul around to various scrapping/recycling places, i'll just end up taking the bikes there, too. :(



i am sort of starting work on crazybike2 again so i can ride it instead of delta tripper. now that kingfish's motor arrived, i went out and got some new tires and tubes and stuff for cb2, so i won't have to deal with flats/etc for a while i hope.
http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=12500&p=741544#p741544
won't be able to actually ride it till grin's stuff shows up and i get it installed, but at least it is a start.

thinking about this also helps distract me from thinking about other stuff that isn't good for me.
 
Glad to see so much progress being made. I feel real guilty about not heading over to help. But I just couldn't have done much work if I had. I just have 2 hours a day in me if I want to avoid a collapse.

It might make you feel better to know, I sold some old ebike stuff this week, which replaced the money I donated to your fund.

Re the older shed, just have them screw a 2x4 on edge, or a strip of plywood around the bottom, and it will go another 20 years.
 
Don't worry about time. There's always tomorrow.

I have done a lot of "clean ups" mostly other peoples stuff. People move away, die, or just leave all there junk for me to deal with. I look at a item. I think that bet ya someone might want that. I could sell that on eBay for $10 plus $7 shipping. Do I have time to sell stuff on eBay? No. Do I want to pay some one to transport that item? No. Do I want to store that item? No. Do I want to add that item to my already over cluttered list of inventory in my mind? No. Do I want to spend any more time thinking about that item? No. I have come to realize that time is money. Stop spending time thinking about that $10 item. Throw it in the trash. Or call Good Will / Salvation Army and ask then to send a truck over to get all the stuff.

Anyone want some rolls of 14G THHN wire? Red, Black, White?
 
marty said:
Don't worry about time. There's always tomorrow.

I have done a lot of "clean ups" mostly other peoples stuff. People move away, die, or just leave all there junk for me to deal with. I look at a item. I think that bet ya someone might want that. I could sell that on eBay for $10 plus $7 shipping. Do I have time to sell stuff on eBay? No. Do I want to pay some one to transport that item? No. Do I want to store that item? No. Do I want to add that item to my already over cluttered list of inventory in my mind? No. Do I want to spend any more time thinking about that item? No. I have come to realize that time is money. Stop spending time thinking about that $10 item. Throw it in the trash. Or call Good Will / Salvation Army and ask then to send a truck over to get all the stuff.

Anyone want some rolls of 14G THHN wire? Red, Black, White?
Marty your a wise man. When I finish my bathroom remodel I will gain tons of space using the parts I have collected of the past 2 years for the remodel. The rest of the materials I don't use goes to the Restore store. Take the tax write off and move on. I think he will have it sorted soon. Helping a friend with a house fire, the smoke does a number on so many things, he tossed many of the household items that had smoke damage.

Steve
 
5-16-13 update: I have not gone back to the house the last two days. Apparently this makes it easier to sleep, aside from not being as tired from not wearing myself out further by working so hard at moving/doing stuff there in addition to my dayjob. :(

But I will need to go back there today, after work (probably not directly, but by being dropped off at Bill's to then ride my trike back to it, so I have a way back to Bill's when I'm done, although the option exists to be dropped off at my house and then call Bill to pick me up whenever I am done).

I have to see what's what before Saturday morning, when (per current plans) Tannon and others will be coming at dawn to help me sort/load stuff to take to the recyclers, so that at the least all that stuff (which is a LOT) is out of the way and I am no longer tempted to keep any of it. ;)

I also still have to put into the sheds the stuff I want to protect out of what's been brougth out so far--at the moment almost everythign that was left in the house as of early this week is now just sitting in the yard.

I have no idea if looters have come and taken anything either. There have been no shortage of people (in cars, trucks, on bicycles, and on foot) going by very slowly and eyeing stuff in the yard, just while I have been there.


If I am very lucky, SRP will have finally hooked up power so I can weld shelves and do some fixes CrazyBike2 should have before I ride it again. (it can be ridden as-is but I'd rather do the fixes if it's possible). If I am not lucky, I'll just have to go buy a generator to be able to do this work, because I really need to have the shelves to put stuff on, so I don't have to just stack boxes to the rafters and then have to unstack everything everytime I need to access something in there over the coming months.

I don't relish the idea of stacking it all in there right now and then having to take it all out just so I can put the shelves in and put it all back in there again. I couldn't do that in one day even if I had the whole day, 24 hours, for one shed--even if I could physically do it it'd make me nonfunctional for at least a few days afterward. So what would really happen is that I'd be going there a couple hours at a time for several days at a time to move stuff out of the shed and stacking it in the yard, and then another day or two to install the shelves, then another several days to move the stuff back into the shed. And all that time the stuff would be unprotected in the yard.


So...I will probably end up buying a generator I will not likely use again after this. :( And with my luck, I'll buy it and start on the shelves on Saturday, work Monday, then SRP will drop power on Monday and I won't need it anymore. :roll:


But it's possible that other stuff on Saturday will take so long anyway that I won't have time to get as far as shelf-building, and I'll be forced to wait until SRP drops power anyhow.


I don't have my work schedule for next week yet, but I expect that I'll be back at my regular store and job on Sunday, working random days thru the week and then Saturday, with one or two days off somewhere in there.

My ride to the last day of the remodel I'm working at now is about to arrive, so I gotta go for now.
 
Weld shelves? I thought metal shelves bolt together?

Every time I am looking for metal shelving, I wind up here:
http://www.grainger.com/Grainger/wwg/start.shtml
They got branches everywhere. Friendly helpful people too. Not sure if they sell to people or just businesses? You are Amberwolf from Endless Sphere Technology or whatever business name you like. I find the paper catalog easier to navigate then the web site. Try this - Click on any shelf. Down in the lower left corner see (View Catalog Page) There is the paper catalog. Save paper by viewing on a computer.

Here are a few metal shelf manufactures that Grainger sells:
http://www.edsal.com/
http://www.hallowell-list.com/index.php
http://www.lyonworkspace.com/

Craigslist is a good place to look for used metal shelves.
 
Here is a good place to buy nuts and bolts to bolt shelves together:
http://www.fastenal.com/web/home.ex
Unbelievable number of branches. There are everywhere! Employees sometimes are not very knowledgeable. Best to know what you want before you go there.
 
In the past I saved way too much stuff and many still say I have too much stuff :lol: To control my stuff I went with chrome plated wire racks. They never rust and never fail. I used to build mine out of wood and because they don't adjust , I end up rebuilding and repairing them all the time and at the end of the day they cost more than just buying the new wire racks.
I have a rule about the stuff I save. It must go on a rack and into a waterproof storage container. I am going to the industrial attached lid storage containers now. They holdup so much better than the other storage containers and you can stack them at least 5 high. If the stuff isn't worth the rack and the storage container is it worth keeping? The time comes up that they are all full and then I know it's time to purge some junk or sell some stuff online.
It looks like you are making great progress and keep up the good work.
 
This post got so long I've split it into several parts, mostly by subject/order of events.


Today was the last day at the remodel; Steve the coordinator took us for breakfast at Starbucks as a personal thank you for our work. After we'd gotten back, and were doing our tasks, Julie and David each came over with gift cards for my rebuilding fund; Julie's was a personal donation and David's was from the store as a whole. I wasn't expecting anythign like that so I almost cried while thanking them; trying hard not to.

Also, about a week ago, during the vaccination clinic, I saw a wolfdog with a woman in line, and I was heading to a break anyway, so I stopped to say hi, and ask her about him. She was very surprised I knew what he was, and we talked about my wolfdog, Lady, from before I had even Bonnie, much less the four that died in the fire, and about her wolfdog whose name I suddenly can't remember. (I have that problem a lot).

I must've made an impression on her, because she came back today for his grooming, before the the store itself opened (grooming is open a couple of hours earlier than the store), and the groomer helped her find me just so I could say hi to him again. I almost cried then, too, because it was very thoughtful and nice, and not something most people would do. I'm a little sad that it's unlikely I'll see either of them again, becuase that store is so far away from me.


We finished up all the work for the remodel a few hours early and left at noonish, so I had Lori drop me off at my house instead of at Bill's, and called Bill to arrange a ride back to his place for later, but we decided instead to have him meet me at my house to find a bolt for his trailer leaf springs (taking a leaf out cuz they're too stiff, but the cheap botls they used in it stripped out), and then to go to lunch since neither of us had done so yet.
 
When Lori dropped me off at my house, I saw that they had already done the tree-removal they had warned me was going to have to happen so they could rebuild the front of the house. Even knowing it was going to happen, it was such a shock that if I had not had Phideaux (the toy puppy) in my arms already I would have burst into tears. It's such a dramatic change and I don't do change well, especially after all the other shocks and stress I've gone thru already.

It was even worse when I got inside...they've already ripped out almost all the walls down to the studs. It's...frightening to see the skeleton of the house I knew so very well torn apart like this. It's worse than seeing the fire damage...much worse--but I have already had time to steel myself against knowing what it would look like, so it was much easier to take. Still very hard, but easier.


A few changes will be made to the layout; the master 1/2 bath will now be a full bath with a shower (probably no bathtub but that's ok I guess--a shower is better than nothing, as I have wished it had one the whole time I lived in that bedroom).

Tehy're still working out whether a garage is possible with the present house layout cuz of entry/exit legal mumbo jumbo.

Still waiting on SRP to tell them what they have to do to fix the breaker box before SRP will come out and look at it again and then SRP tells some other company to come out and add some wiring or something and the outlets, and then SRP comes out and turns on the power. i think there are some city inspections required in there between steps too, cant' remember.

Also they have to wait for city inspectors to come out and look at all the existing wiring now exposed by the wall removals, to see what has to be changed/replaced/updated/etc. and if any of it has to be removed and put somewhere else, cuz code has changed a lot in 59 years.

Floor in the back room, which is an addon, has to be leveled somehow, becuase it was not laid/poured evenly and one end is sinking cuasing walls to crack. Tehy're still working on ideas for plans for that. I have a few possible suggestions, but I doubt they need my help in that department. (like inflating rubber bladders under teh existing slab to raise it, and pouring more concrete underneath it to fill the gaps; I've seen that done (not in person) to fix non-level buildings before. )


I noticed that they had taken the big window AC unit out of my master bathroom window, the one on the carport. I had planned to take that out this weekend with my friends so I could use it on the barn shed (best shaded to start with) as that one is full of stuff I am probably not keeping anyway, and thus is easiest to turn into a workshop for doing stuff this summer. (lots of stuff I have to do that I can only do at my house, either because my stuff is there or because i wouldn't be able or allowed to do it at Bill's for one reason or another).

However, I cant' find it anywhere in the piles of stuff in the yard, even though the cleanup crew guy (i keep forgetting his name) that took it out said he put it in the big pile in the middle. I can only hope that it is underneath stuff I can't see under yet, because that was my one still perfectly good unit that even worked with my old remote control from my favorite (but dead from a leaky compressor) AC unit. it was also 10,000 BTU so it should have been capable of cooling the barn shed enough to be tolerable conditions, especially if I can line the roof with styrofaom sheets saved from work over time (most of the stuff I had saved before was destroyed by heat of the fire, even though it wasn't in the room that burned).

I really hope it's there somewhere. :| It was $150 or so even with the extreme markdown I got on it originally, and not much more than a year old, if that, IIRC. I'd guess it'll cost me at least twice that to replace it, and I would much rather not use the donation funds for stuff I already had that was still perfectly good, like this. :(



Anyway, after I got done with being shocked and upset and frazzled by all this, I couldn't keep my thoughts straight about any of the stuff I had originally gone there to try to do. And I felt so bad that I decided I should not try to do anythign else there today--I'd just get more upset, which is not good; I'm having more and more trouble with diving back into that emotional state. As long as i stay out of that state I get better, but each time I end up feeling liek that I feel worse than the last time. More confused, less sure of what I should be doing, or what I will be able to do to continue things.

Even now I can't remember what I had meant to do. There were a bunch of little specific things I wanted to do, find, sort, move, etc. Can't remember any of them. :cry:
 
So when Bill got there, we headed off to lunch, and at first I ate because i knew I had to--I wasnt' hungry at all anymore after all that.

While we were waiting for the food I called up Mark to see if he wanted to save any of the electronics stuff I can't keep there anymore, before it all gets recycled tomorrow, since I haven't heard from him in a while. Left a voxmail, was no answer.

Then i texted Mdd0127 (instead of voice cuz neither of us has many minutes), and got even worse emotionally than i had been before.

He said he recovered all his stuff, and is finding buyers for it, but then said he found a home for his dogs (which was my first gut-sinking feeling) and that after he gets all his other stuff sold or whatever then he'll be able to "go". I was very afraid of what he meant by that, and texted back to clarify, and it means just what I thought it did.

He's giving up, and is going to do what he talked about before--a hunger strike for world peace. He says it'll take a few months so he could still change his mind, and I hope he does. I thought he had said he had found a new purpose, to help people (which is kind of how I have stuck around myself, by making myself useful to people in little ways here and there, and by helping dogs in need, etc.), but I guess he's changed his mind on that, or forgotten.

I respect his decision as it is his life, but I really think it's a horrible mistake, and I think he is very very wrong to re-home his dogs like that; I think that they will do badly and miss him so much that they might die of depression. (I've seen that happen with other dogs who lost their owners).


It also makes me feel abandoned by yet another person I cared about, as I'd thought he was coming back here--just having his company there when i was at the house made lots of difference to being able to be there and accomplish something. Now (even though it almost certainly isn't true) it feels like I did something to drive him away, and to make him want to die. I'll probably never be able to shake that feeling.
 
Anyway, back to lunch...I really didn't want to eat anything after that. If I hadn't already ordered I would have just sat there and watched Bill eat, and moped; I wanted to cry again, and again Phideaux beign there to hug was the only thing keeping me from it. But even after all that, I found I was still hungry once I started eating, and almsot finished all the food. Left half a piece of garlic bread, which felt like a sin to leave uneaten; I meant to take it with me for later and forgot even that. :(


Went back to my house for hte bolts after lunch, then cuz it was looking very cloudy and feeling humid and getting windy, I put a few choice things away in a shed (lots and lots I want to protect utnil i can go thru it but not enough time or energy to do it today) in case it rains tonight.


Then we came back to Bill's, and finished the project he'd started of taking a leaf out of the MC trailer springs, whcih kept me occupied enough to not dwell as much on the events of the day.

A little later, Deb brought by an organizer unit similar to the ones my younger sibling Raine gave me a week or two before, but taller and in one unit instead of two. Also in much better condition, as the smaller ones are cracking--but better than nothing. :lol:

Been trying to reply to PMs and emails, too, but I'm pretty far behind on that. I'm very sorry to all of you I haven't yet replied to, some of whom have been waiting more than a couple of weeks.


I checked with work on the way home, and found my next day of work is not until the Sunday the 26th of May, so i guess I have a week off. (it'll be unpaid as I'm out of PTO, but I guess unlike normally, I can afford it at the moment, with no rent or utility bills for now). I certainly need it, though I wouldn't have asked for it yet. I will probably need another week off in a couple of months or so, once i have done most of the work of sorting and scrapping at my house, a little at a time, so that I can have an *actual* restful vacation, and do something I *want* to do, instead of all the things I *have* to do.
 
Next post shoudl have pics of the inside of the house as it is now.

Pardon my grumpiness in my replies below; if you read the posts jsut above this you'll see I have had a very bad day that started out really good and turned into one of the worst days (maybe THE worst) since the day of the fire. So if I seem vitrolic, I apologize. It's hard to think right now.


marty said:
Weld shelves? I thought metal shelves bolt together?
The shelves I have are from a retail store like you'd seen the aisles made of, with products on them, and just lock together super-easy with notches, but I don't have all the parts, and would cost too much time and money to go find and buy the stuff needed. But I have plenty of metal tubing to weld them into stiff heavy duty structures very easily, if I only had power to run the friggin' welder. :( Pretty sure I talked about all that before in the first few days of this thread.There's even pictures of them in a pile with the tubing, and I probably talked about them again whenever I posted the pics. Or at least once I'm sure I did. Too exasperated with my day to go find links to all that though.



Here are a few metal shelf manufactures that Grainger sells:
http://www.edsal.com/
http://www.hallowell-list.comindex.php
http://www.lyonworkspace.com/

Craigslist is a good place to look for used metal shelves.
While I certainly appreciate the thought and the information, I have no intention of buying new shelving when I have perfectly good shelving that will do what I want. I just have to get it put together, which jsut requires power for the welder. if I have to buy a generator to do it, well, at least the generator has other uses or can be resold or maybe even returned when i'm done with it, even if they charge a restocking fee I'd just consider that rental.




marty said:
Here is a good place to buy nuts and bolts to bolt shelves together:
http://www.fastenal.com/web/home.ex
Unbelievable number of branches. There are everywhere! Employees sometimes are not very knowledgeable. Best to know what you want before you go there.
Sure, i could also drill holes and buy bolts and nuts and washers, but welding is way easier and less work, and more permanent, pretty unlikely to break, etc. Far less time consuming to do, and less expensive, even considering cost of welding wire/etc.




emiyata said:
In the past I saved way too much stuff and many still say I have too much stuff :lol: To control my stuff I went with chrome plated wire racks. They never rust and never fail. I used to build mine out of wood and because they don't adjust , I end up rebuilding and repairing them all the time and at the end of the day they cost more than just buying the new wire racks.
I have a rule about the stuff I save. It must go on a rack and into a waterproof storage container. I am going to the industrial attached lid storage containers now. They holdup so much better than the other storage containers and you can stack them at least 5 high. If the stuff isn't worth the rack and the storage container is it worth keeping? The time comes up that they are all full and then I know it's time to purge some junk or sell some stuff online.
It looks like you are making great progress and keep up the good work.
I wish I could make a rule like that, but if I did, I would never be able to get or save the things needed for my projects.

When I see broken or disused things I see what could be made from them. So when I have a project already in the back of my mind, I will run across things from time to time that will allow me to make a part of that project. The only way to afford to make the project is to get and save those bits and pieces until i have enough of them to make starting the project possible. Sometimes that takes a really long time, but as long as it is not something I need right now, that doesnt' matter.

Sometimes I also just save stuff because it is potentially useful in undefined future projects or would be wasteful to trash.

i also save stuff for taking to recyclng in batches; for that I have to have enough to be wroth taking a trailerload of stuff to the recycler; it's not worth the trip for just one little thing.

that's actually what a significant part of the stuff I'm taking to the recyclers this weekend is from--those stacks of stuff that I simply didn't ever find enough time to take down there until the stacks grew very large, several trailer loads worth. I was, before the week of the fire, planning on taking some more of this stuff to the recycler during that vacation week, among many other things I had planned to do. I had taken some of it on various days in previous months, too, as I'd been in the process fo trying to clean out my house for more than the last half-year, and had accomplished quite a lot of that this year so far, and hoped by midsummer to have the house back to a mostly normal house.


I guess now I will at least have my wish of having cleared otu allt eh stuff I didn't really need to have for necessary projects, even sooner than I had thought. :(
 
Pics of inside the house as they are tearing out the walls. Pardon teh blurriness, I was shaking so bad I couldn't hodl teh camera still enough to get many good pics. I already deleted the unviewable ones.


the shocking view i got when i arrived.
0517131534-00.jpg
0517131534-01.jpg
View attachment 2
0517131535-00.jpg


There used to be lots of plants and trees and green out there. not anymore. no more shade from the summer sun for me. no more sitting on the porch screened by my forest, pretending i am in the woods with the birds and at peace with the world. now the world will be right in my face and battering me with it's presence so much that i will no longer be able to be on the porch for anything other than just going out to check the mail or whatever. i will probably move the mailbox to the side yard or the back, actually. and i'll just have to block off all the windows with foil and blankets once it's rebuilt and i move back in, so i don't have to look out there and remember how it used to be, all the stuff me amd my mom had planted and watched grow, stuff that survived so many other things and now had to be chopped to the ground even after surviving the fire itself.

sorry...i had to walk away from typing this up cuz i couldn't see thru the tears for a while. :cry:

I know that hardly anyone reading this will really understand how and why this all hurts so much...but it does, and i will just have to deal with it because i have no control or choice over anything that's happening right now, at my own home. or what used to be a home and is now a barbequed and disemboweled ghostly skeleton of a house.



backroom, utility room door at left.
0517131320-00.jpg


kitchen, east wall, where cabinets and counter with microwave used to be.
0517131321-00.jpg


kitchen south wall, where doorway at left and stove in center used to be, cabinets to right.
0517131323-00.jpg


kitchen west wall, where sink and cabinets used to be. refrigerator is to right.
0517131323-01.jpg


kitchen viewed from front room, thru where wall used to be that had big tv on this side and stove on other side of it.
0517131323-02.jpg


front room, west wall. front door to left. bedroom door/hallway to right.
0517131323-03.jpg


I forget which room this was.
0517131323-04.jpg


north wall of old bedroom (the one that didn't burn). closet to left, bathroom to right. light streaming thru window where my missing window AC unit used to be a few days ago.
View attachment 12
0517131535-01.jpg

my bedroom, south wall. fred's kennel burned at center of taht wall, old 60's oscilloscopes just to it's left.
0517131332-01.jpg


my bedroom, west wall. headboard/shelves with comptuer on top were just below right half of window. kennel loki/nana shared/competed for at alternate times burned at right wall just out of view.
0517131332-02.jpg


my bedroom, north wall. can see my mom's old bedroom (that was basically just a storage room for all her stuff and my sisters' stuff that they'd left behind, and a little of my stuff) thru the studs fo teh wall.
0517131333-00.jpg


I honestly can't figure out for sure which room or pov this is, becuase it looks shockingly different, but i think it was the doorway from my bedroom, looking out across teh nnorth wall of the front room at the left, and the closet of the bedroom to the right.
0517131333-02.jpg


this is the spot they said the fire stiarted, where the tiles are missing because they burned away. it had been completely empty floor, not evena rug, so i don't understand.
0517131333-03.jpg


the only spot i can see where soot is on the inside of the roof; dunno if that is because it got there from the first holes the firefighters hacked in cieling before the fire could be put out, or if ti was a burnthru before they got there. cieling fan used to be hannging from that thing on the rafter.
View attachment 6



the vent abvove the doorway in my bedroom. can also see the vent in my mom's old bedroom thru the hole in the wall. and the roof spinny vent is the bright spot between rafters.
0517131333-05.jpg


i would love to take a nap right now, but i do not want to see what my mind will show me after all of what's happened today.

i don't think i ever want to go to sleep again, but i know i will have to.

especially since i have to get up just as early tomorrow as i did today, so ic an meet up with my helpers tomorrow morning to haul away all the scrap to be recycled.

i don't even want to go back to that place again right now. i want to run away very far and never see anything like it ever again.

but i have to go back there, i can't leave it either, it's still my home even if i can't recognize it right now.
 
I'm a damned optimist. You could tell me to stuff it and I'd make it look like sausage.
I see a new chance for you to get your dreams fulfilled.
Today- bare studs
Tomorrow- sky through roof trusses.
Soon after, wiring, dry wall, stucco, insulation, shingle, glass, paint, doors, floors.
Soon after that, dogs running here and there, and holistic help for your hurties.
Vision is a shared experience, and your vision is bound to improve.
You are a gold mine of compassion. This is all changing for your future, Amberwolf.
BTW that's a hella nice palm tree in the front, and an expansive street view.
harox
 
Just a couple of thoughts on the generator and AC issue. If you don't want to buy a generator you could try to rent one from Home Depot or Lowes in their tool rental department. You'd just have to make a plan to get all of your welding done in a couple of days. It'd be a lot cheaper than buying one and you wouldn't have to feel bad about returning it.

As to the AC unit, if you can't find it, just do what a lot of people do, buy a new one and return it within the 60-90 day limit that most of them have. I used to work at Home Depot as a cashier supervisor and just like clockwork, the end of summer comes and all the AC units would come back. They just take them back, slap an RTV sticker on them, and they'd be sent back to the manufacturer to be refurbished or scrapped for parts. Sometimes the store would just stick a green tag on them and resell them as used or clearance items. If all else fails, as long as they still function, they donate them to charity.

I completely understand how you feel about your house and the shock it has caused. When I was a kid my parents divorced when I was 5. One year I was with mom, one year I was with dad and so on. It's like just when I was getting used to a place I was uprooted and forced to get used to another one. I went to 3 elementary schools, 2 junior highs and 3 high schools. I get really emotionally attached to things and places and it hurt a lot when I was forced to leave them. It almost felt like the home was as sad as I was when I had to leave. There was just this big empty feeling that wasn't so much empty as filled with poignant memories and emotions. To top all that off both my parents had really bad taste when it came to mates. I ended up getting three of the crappiest step parents on the face of the planet. With me there was no such thing as "third time's the charm".
 
amberdude
if you hadn't posted a note in my thread I might have never, ever noticed your loss, as I rarely roam the forum.
I'm so sorry for your loss of your dogs.

stuff is just stuff.
I had a house fire in the mid-80's where I lost every document, drawing, master audio and video tapes (and their copies) photos and their negs.
Absolutely my whole documented life went up in smoke...
but it's just stuff.
I was lucky in that no loss of life was involved, as me, my spouse and our kids were on a 'mini' vacation when the fire occurred.

...eventually I got over it because stuff is stuff.
I can never redo the old creations as they were, but new creations made up for it.
The assistance from friends and co-workers and relatives supported us in our time of great need.
I probably never thanked them all but I will never forget them all
even though I moved into my hermit shell, far away from them all.

if you need anything pm me-
I don't do paypal but my checks are mostly ok.
sometimes... ;)
 
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