The weight matters for going up slopes, and for acceleration. But the bike weight difference (for most ebikes) is very small compared to the total bike/rider weight. If you have a 50lb bike and a 150lb rider, and then a 30lb bike and a 150lb rider, that's only a 200 / 180 = 2:1.8 ratio of mass. If both have the same system on there, there won't be all that much difference in their response.
If you use a 20" wheel vs 26" for the same motor, that's a ratio of 26:20 or 1.3:1 for torque, and 1:1.3 for speed. (depending on actual tire size used on each).
Well, the assist levels (that you're calling PAS #) dont' work the same way on every system; some work by speed limits, and some work by power limits or current limits; etc. Knowing how your system works can help figure out what exactly to do about the issue.
If yours is just a speed limit, then it still has full current / power available and thus full torque, at any level. It's just going to have a different limit for the top speed of the wheel in each level. It wouldnt' be limiting available torque or power, and wouldn't be usable to mitigate overheating under slwo but high load conditions.
If yours is a limit on the power or current, then it doesn't have an actual speed control on each level, the speed would just be limited by the available total power vs the present riding conditions (so riding downhill at the lowest assist could easily let you reach the top speed limit of the system (where it would cease assisting at all regardless of assist level). The level instead is a maximum torque (effectively) allowed, and could be usable to minimize the risk of overheating under slow but high load conditions.
If it's some other limit type, like a combination of speed and current, etc., then depending on how they set it up it could have various degrees of combinations of the above behaviors.
If you have a throttle, then that's probably easier to variably and precisely control the system for highly variable conditions than any cadence-based pedal control (variable or not).
Then it's just up to how the system responds to the throttle, and whether the system's assist levels work via speed limits or current/power limits, etc.
On my SB Cruiser, the cadence is variable (because of the Cycle Analyst), so I simply reduce pedalling speed to reduce motor output and slow down, if doing so in advance of the need to turn or stop, so brakes are only needed for quick stops or unexpected decelerations. (I just pull the lever lightly to engage the brake lights, without triggering the brakes or regen or cutting off the motor entirely).
That makes sense. I get winded just walking around the house, so I sympathize. I couldn't ride at all if it weren't for motors (well, I could, but only at less than walking speed and only for a few dozen yards at a time with significant stops / breaks before continuing).
Keep in mind that torque sensor systems (at least those using the CA, possibly others) are tunable for the response to the TS. So you could set it up to require less input to get more output.
Because I am really only riding on flat ground, and for the most part am riding at a constant speed (whatever the best speed is for present conditions on that path or road or parking lot, etc), I just use a cadence sensor with the CA to control my speed variably, because it works "well enough". If I had variable slopes to ride on, and rode at constantly varying speeds, I might well use the torque sensor ability instead, as it would respond faster to changes in input (doesn't have to wait for enough magnets to pass the sensor to calculate cadence).
But I do have a throttle on there as a kind of "go button" for startups from a stop when needed (fairly common), or the times when I'm simply so worn out or knee/etc pain is too bad (rare). My hands usually hurt more than my knees if I'm sitting (vs walking), so I couldn't use the throttle for whole rides most of the time.
It doesnt really matter what the size of the bike is. What matters is the end result required, vs the ability of the system to do that job.
A middrive *is* more complex, with more failure points, than a hubmotor in a wheel, and it wears out the pedal drivetrain faster than just pedalling does. So it's got disadvantages. The reason to use one in your situation is simply to get more torque for less power, less battery usage, at a lower speed, with less risk of overheating the motor.
The ebikes.ca motor simulator can help figure out which method works "better" for a particular usage, though ti takes a bit of time learning how the sim works and to set it up properly for your specific usage/etc.