https://www.quora.com/What-is-it-like-buying-a-prostitute-in-Bangkok
They also seemed delighted to see me like I was a movie star or something. They treated me to the best two hours of my life. I discovered the meaning of life there and then.
He discovered his raison d'etre screwing some bangkok workers.
I discovered my raison d'etre gazing into the HEB chick's eyes and creating a sexual pairbond in the process. (i.e., gf/bf)
Those were the best 2 hours of his life, the heb chick situation was the best day of my life.
The overlap is interesting...
sex=meaning of life.
I've had intimate relations, but never really created a sexual pairbond like I did with the HEB chick. So while those intimate relations were highly pleasurable, they definitely weren't some kind of "happiest day ever" / "meaning of life" kind of event.
It's interesting this sexual pairbond. Because I don't think I can create it with just anyone. I've had girls gaze into my eyes, and while I might feel uncomfortable or anxious or some such... definitely no pairbonding going on. So there's something else going on. I'm not really sure what exactly...
I'm guessing establishing it requires some kind of passion/arousal/lust. Because not only do I establish it, but she establishes it thru the sensing of the passion. The passion created with the HEB chick was undeniably "communicated" with her which created the strength of the pairbond, and it was pretty damn strong. I could sense how strongly she was affected not only from the overwhelming emotionality that swept over her as she went into that instinctive tinged-by-sadness/immense-beauty/intense-yearning expression facial expression which was dramatic as hell, but also by the strength of the chemical addiction when I rejected her, which could be seen in her weakness, tremors and uncontrollable shaking.
Maybe this "unique property" that's required to establish the bond is called love?
It definitely seems I cannot create the bond with someone I don't love, which is the vast majority of girls. I think arousal has something to do with it... though...
It does make sense that significant sexual arousal would be necessary to establish a strong sexual pairbond.
I still don't think any girl can create that /kind/ of arousal. The kind that feels like /deep/ love.
It was like we were married...
in some ways, marriage represents a sexual pairbond. Many girls, whites especially, will not have sex unless they are married.
At the time, I didn't know eye gazing created sexual pairbonds. I thought I was telling her I liked her a lot with my eyes. But that distinct feeling in my brain like some kind of intense arousal during the first 10 seconds of the eyelock... "sexual tension"... (Probably in the hippocampus)...THAT was the sexual pairbond and she developed it too. At that point, her chemical addiction to me was established.
She and I then went onto have the happiest day of our life. And, in my case, many days of great sadness many months later with her prolonged absence. She probably missed me terribly, too. For how long, I don't know... maybe another sexual pairbond was established with her not too long after. I know, personally, any girl who tried creating a sexual pairbond with myself just made me angry. And, it still might be the case, I know it was the case just a month ago.
The swedish house mafia has no love/relationship songs. Lots of male bands seem to have no love/relationship songs. Isn't that interesting? It almost seems like it's particular to female artists.
What are the symptoms of falling in love?
You bounce between exhilaration, euphoria, increased energy, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, trembling, a racing heart and accelerated breathing, as well as anxiety, panic and feelings of despair when your relationship suffers even the smallest setback. These mood swings parallel the behavior of drug addicts.
Anxiety, panic and despair... yep... precisely what happened when I rejected her.
Despair... what periodically happens to me even these days when something strongly reminds me of her. Or what we had.
The first day, she definitely had immense exhilaration. I really have a hard time she'd be capable of hiding it from someone (Say, parents).
Even if her parents made her quit, I'm sure that girl was exceptionally happy I did that. I don't think she's mad at me for that.
It's interesting, I forced her to fall in love with me. She didn't really have a choice. I guess in some hypothetical way, she could have (she could've looked away,etc.), which she did by the way... she looked left, then right... but it appears she thought about it and then her eyes met mine. So I guess she chose to engage. Would she have known the affects I wonder and wanted them? Was she just curious? I wonder why she chose to engage.
I think she got a taste of it when saw me for that split second, and then that's when she looked left/right in deciding if she wanted to continue... she probably thought she wanted more. And, sure enough, she ended up as one exhilarating chick.
It's interesting about that despair. Because you read some of my early ramblings, you'll see moments of great despair when I focus so much on some small part of the situation and how I "screwed it up"(But, I didn't actually). And there were definitely moments of euphoria. Alternating despair and euphoria definitely marked the first 4 weeks.