The Ebiker Joke thread...

"Addison Hall, 6, dies after car crashes into London, Ont., Costco"
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/addison-hall-6-dies-after-car-crashes-into-london-ont-costco-1.2719516

Yes kids, it may no longer be safe shopping at Costco.
 
In the news: "'A toilet'. Toronto's polluted harbour gets its first test ahead of Pan American sailing races in 2015."










Oooop, sorry! That news really about the bay in Rio de Janeiro, and the 2016 Olympics.





(Through this erronious news report, car manufactures have blamed "too many ebikers" as the problem.)










Sorry about that.
 
"Increased Ebike Size And Weight Not Only Causes Greater Wear On Highways But Also Stress On Drivers Who Need Greater Stopping Distances Which Are Hard To Judge And Perform On Congested Roadways."



Seen here:
http://insurancenewsnet.com/oarticl...rface-transportati-a-537457.html#.U9j_2mcg81I








Oh, sorry. That's one guys report to the US Senate Commerce, Science and Transportation Subcommittee on Surface Transportation and Merchant Marine Infrastructure, Safety, and Security Hearing about trucks. (I'm sure the same can't be true of large "SUV"-sized cars. I'm sure the physics must be completely different.)
 
"light truck", from ancient greek for "sharp, keen" and "dull, stupid".













(Oh. Sorry! That's the definition for the word something-moron.)
 
From 2011:
"According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), road traffic accidents kill more people around the world than malaria, and are the leading cause of death for young people aged five to 29 – especially in developing countries. Each year up to 50 million people are injured in traffic accidents, globally."

The article also mentions, very few accidents were caused by ebikers! Amazing!
 
In local news:
"Toronto Hydro (ED: Oddly, still not referred to as Toronto Nuclear) hopes to steadily increase rates over the next five years to invest in the city’s aging electricity grid. The plan, if approved by the Ontario Energy Board, would raise the average household bill by about $3.54 per month -- for each of the next five years."

Local car industry blames ebikers, and encourages motorists to buy more fossil fuels to burn in their Stinko-mobiles (Well, they didn't actually use the term "stinko-mobiles").
 
In more local news, a newpaper writer headlines "Chris Selley: Toronto is a city of cynical, gridlocked butt-sniffers."
toronto1.jpg











(ED: "Butt Sniffers"??? Hope it wasn't something I wrote.)
 
Seen elsewhere...ermmm, sort of "Rent-a-Hunk Service 'EbikerServants' Launches, Sans Sex"
 
Worst nighmare for a hard-core ebiker? To be visited in the night by members of the North American automotive industries. (Think Italian "Mafia" here.) "Hey Buddy. Watts yer concrete shoe size?"
 
"Cyclists suffer hypothermia in California storms"

In part: "In California's San Bernardino Mountains, the 100-mile contest in the annual Tour de Big Bear race was disrupted when a storm dumped rain on bicyclists on 8,400-foot-high Onyx Peak.

Most had mild to moderate hypothermia and were taken back to the starting line, county fire spokesman Eric Sherwin said."

Not mentioned in other "medias", that one darn grrrl on the bettery-electric (SP?) bike did NOT spill her drinks. Again. (Cigarettes got soggy, so were hard to light.)

(Nothing in the rules apparently re plugged in heated body warmers.)
 
EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ – August 2, 2014 – In a five-horse photo, 90-1 Sweet Rock prevailed in the $225,000 Anthony Abbatiello New Jersey Classic, producing a stakes record payoff of $187.80 in the fourth race on Saturday, August 2, 2014, Hambletonian Day at the Meadowlands.
sweetrock.jpg

(Rumours persist, that jockey had a hidden "power-assist". But horse ain't talking.)
 
Seen on site KickStarter "A beautiful book of ebikes drawn by gay women. Limited edition print run of 1,000 copies, available only through this Kickstarter."

(ED: How the frack can this have raised 24 grand ? ..... fuuuuuuuck.. i'm in the wrong business.)
 
Seen elsewhere:
DIY Ebikersuits
Check out some of our free ridingsuit tutorials below to learn more about how to sew your own bikini, one-piece or swimsuit cover up. They include free swimsuit patterns and step-by-step help to get you in your own DIY ridingsuit in no time!
 
An ES News exclusive, Jockey Jose Lezcano accused of dabbling in the black arts (hidden, light-weight battery, motor etc.)








Again, his horse "Ron the Ebiking Geek" not talking. (Conspiracy now suspected.)
 
Seen... somewhere:
Video: How to improve your ascending.
Confidence & technique make for faster, safer uphilling. Learn how here.
(Apparently involves getting an ebike.)
 
I'll see your guffaw, and raise you TWO guffaws. (Hehe)
 
Hehe (plus two more Hehe. I win! (Not really.)
 
This mornings news very HO HUM:
REGINA – Hundreds of vehicles have been seized and close to 900 penalties have been handed out for impaired driving since new traffic laws were enacted in ...

A collision involving three transport trucks... backed up traffic"

‘Motorists jump traffic signal, cause accidents’

"closed lanes on the Mercier Bridge for one more weekend."

"Danforth is closed... until Sunday night."

"had traffic badly backed up in both directions."

"traffic was gridlocked."

















FINALLY, news about ebikers. (Well it WAS on this page somewhere. A while back.)
 
More on those pesky "wind farms":
Environment Canada testing radar software
TORONTO - Environment Canada is preparing to roll out new radar technology in order to combat wind farm clutter, which clouds weather forecasts, misleads meteorologists and can even block radar signals.

Following:
Ebiker Feta: Our Top 4 Quick Tips.
 
Transportation infrastructure essential
The recent traffic tie-up resulting from the closure of the Toronto-bound Burlington Bay Skyway, serves to remind everyone in the Greater Toronto Area just exactly how vulnerable is our only connection to the northeastern United States — our largest trade connection.

(Fortunately, none of those darned ebikers tried to speak silly stuff involving "physics". The energy required... (blah blah blah). Or that smaller, lighter vehicles without seat belts and "crush zones" and etc (watt make `em - their operators, less "safe", but help other travellers maybe feel safer.)



...and save TONS of road/path repair work.
 
Seen elsewhere:
"In the United States, annual deaths resulting from ebikes total 2011: 32,163."



(No wait, maybe referred to car drivers.)










No, WAIT. That referred to guns.









(Sorry `bout that.)
 
Scene locally: "30 Second Credit Application! Get On Our Ebikes ASAP! We're here to APPROVE YOU TODAY!




(No credit? Be approved!)
 
... "and they wouldn't EVen let us ride our electric pedal-assisted cycles!"

(Buncha German ebikers protested to no awail after WW2. ...or maybe it was WW1. One of those "WW" thingees.)
 
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