The Ebiker Joke thread...

In local Newz, real estate collapses and drivers fume when others discovered napping and/or taking turns waking up periodically as traffic inches along... occasionally.

One driver of "SUV"-style camper-style car (mini "truck") was quoted "We just found we hardly EVer reached home anyway, so it made sense instead to camp in line between work and the liquor store. (Hic)"

(Liquor store parking lot next to fast food takeout restaurant too full of other campers.)

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Impact From Behind - Best Scenario & Solution!

Absolutely the best solution to a rear impact scenario requires good speed capability, constant awareness, and one piece of specialty equipment.

First you want to be traveling, as closely as possible, to the speed of the approaching vehicle.

Second you must have an awareness as to the velocity, angle, mass and surface composition of the vehicle. Sets of 4 mirrors, or more, recommended, if possible, arrange into a stereoscopic, full 3D configuration.

Thirdly, and most importantly, the one piece of specialty equipment! "Cyclists Downunder", (based, possibly, in Australia?), has begun marketing their "Octopi" line of cyclewear.

Just make sure that you are struck squarely from behind. If you are about to be hit, quickly swerve and position yourself directly towards the center of the vehicle, the car should knock the bicycle from under you and you should roll gracefully onto the hood and, or, windshield, where the Octopi suction cups should keep you safely secured. (Tip: As soon as you get stuck to the vehicle, rip off one, or both windshield wipers! Some drivers will use them to try to knock you off. You can also beat them on the roof to get the drivers attention, in case he is sleeping, or just doesn't notice you.) Hopefully the car will come to a gentle stop and you can then safely get off. Much safer than rolling down the road at 30 mph or bouncing over the roof and landing, "who knows where"! (Tip: Please do not anger, or insult, the driver! You will probably need their help getting unstuck from the car!)

Warning! Speed is important! 20 mph bike speed is optimal to be hit by a 30 mph car.
Slower can result in fairly severe injuries.
Faster and you might not be bounced onto the top of the car, you might have to jump backwards, timing is critical! Warning! Be careful, some a__hole drivers will approach like they are going to hit you, then ... slow down, just before impact. If not aware you might jump, and miss, ... then where would you be? ... Embarrassed! ... ???

Large trucks can be very tricky. Most don't have a nice hood to get stuck to.
1. Ideally, you must be going 10 mph slower than the truck.
2. Timing is critical, you must jump straight up just as you are being run over.
3. You must hit the windshield squarely, with enough body, to stick. Grills-radiators don't work well with suction cups!

This is a skill! Like any skill it requires practice. You should have a friend try to run you down, a few times, just so you can get good at being safer.

Oh, ... Make sure you have a good supply of bikes handy.

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P.S. Be prepared for being hit by the, proverbial, "Redneck Pickup". Keep an Armageddon bag handy, on your bike. Recommend couple bottles of water, sun screen, some granola bars, "Space blanket" ... anything you might need in case they drive around with you stuck to their hood, for a few days.

Disclaimer! You must read "Epitaphs of the Downunder Cyclists", before attempting this "solution"!!!
 
EDIT: See I shoulda added here a "Hee Hee" re msg. above in this thread,

Was about to post this in ES thread "TESLA to Plans to Build World’s Biggest Battery Factory!"... but thought I shouldn't bother/upset any folks, so will just throw into ES "Joke" thread:

Quote: "Argonne National Laboratory’s Li-ion battery cost and performance model, BatPaC".

Sadly, lost my link to the ES cost/performance model, but as I recall it is def. more "Eco-Friendly" to be hit/run over by a large, heavy (mostly empty) vehicle powered by electricity stored in chemical batteries (unlike the 20th-C. Stinko-Mobile Thingee powered by... poisonous dead stuff).

(Will edit this post when link found again. Sorry `bout that.)

PS. And of course there is that whole awkward thing about a larger (heavier) mass requiring more energy to accelerate, "climb" hills (fight re "gravity"), etc. Probably should have just stayed in school longer. Betcha today "Physics" is totally different. Or something.
 
Note to self:
It may appear rude for an Ebike Luster/Lover/rider (Addict) to "smile" at... other passersby who are "trapped" (?) in their "vehicles", looking "out at you".

By using hands to ear and eyes, etc action to appear like fishes do (in a bowl of water, etc., on the "inside").
 
... was travelling today (didn't once use bells - eg sound signaling device aka "Bosuns Whistle" aka "Pipe" on back bones and gold chain handy `round my neck) by current OEL (Object of Ebiker Lust aka "The Horny Devil", HD fer short), so not entirely sure, butt (sp?) WiFi/WWW/screen connect interrupted by voice babbling machine/telephone/intercom thingee. Had to pull over. Nuisance people, please don't! (Unless largely for fun of course).
 
Label seen on neighbours new car:

It's never too late...

Quit smoking increases life expectancy and improves quality of life.

(Fine print)
People who quit burning fossil fuels increase their chances of living longer. They improve EVerybuddys general health, leading to a better quality of life for all.

It's nEVer too late to quit. No matter how old you are, you and your neigh-boors (sp?) start to feel major and immediate health benefits and have more energy to help all to live life to the fullest.
 
Well, well... In the Ebiker Newz, the article "How to stop global warming, in 8 steps". Top of the list of course, wide adoption of the "power-assisted bicycle"!

Ya can read here:
http://www.vox.com/2014/11/2/7146215/ipcc-climate-change-synthesis-report-phasing-out-fossil-fuels

(Unfortunately, due to wattEVer reasons ebikes were cut from that article on Vox, so story rewritten as only seven steps, with large bettery-electric "cars" still listed in there somewhere - for some strange reason, if ya understand physics re kinetic energy, lack of pedals (warmth, exercise), etc.)
 
Latest Tesla car newz just in:
Tesla_Autopilot.jpg

Yes, with latest "AutoPilot", vehicle features yet MORE ways to distract the driver (Operator)!
 
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Dang. And me brushing up on my "Polish" etc stuff. Kiełbasa (and kołbasa, klobasa, kobasa, kolbasi, kovbasa, kobasi, and kubasa etc.) Hehe...

(Elsewhere, the term buccaneer derives from the Caribbean Arawak word buccan, a wooden frame for smoking meat, preferably manatee. From this derived the French word boucane and hence the name boucanier for French hunters who used such frames to smoke meat from feral cattle and pigs on Hispaniola (now Haiti and the Dominican Republic). English colonists anglicised the word boucanier to buccaneer. Meaning too spicy. Or not rotten enough. Something like that.


Note to self. Must check on that bucket of salted beef.)
 
In the local ("national") newz, "Child-care affordability varies widely across Canada"... Sad sorta, for a guy from a family that has been writing about childhood education (search Toronto Library "system" for any books written by James LAUGHLIN Hughes - there are many dozens) for literally hundreds of years (since the late 1800's). Just going on the theory that there is zero "left behind us" EXCEPT our children, when we are "gone". Ride "EBIKES" Guys!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway:
http://www.cbc.ca/news/business/chi...varies-widely-across-canada-1.2829817?cmp=rss
 
Currently popular in local medias:
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In local newz, "The past year will likely be viewed as one of Canada’s best ever in terms of sales and health of the ebike industry."


YAY! ... Ooops. Sorry. That was about the "AUTOMOTIVE" biz. :evil:

Whole sad story:
http://www.thestar.com/autos/2014/12/26/many_highs_few_lows_for_auto_industry_in_2014.html
 
Search using Giggle (sp? hehe), term "Stinko-Mobile" now risen to Number SEVEN spot. (Predict/hope/shooting for Number One Spot.)
 
 
In local newz "Young families hardest hit by auto sector’s decline, report finds" (from Windsor, Ontario. One of many communities across southern Ontario badly "car-addicted") here:
http://blogs.windsorstar.com/business/young-families-hardest-hit-by-auto-sectors-decline-report-finds

(OTOH, "auto" operators hit hard folks of all ages more-or-less equally!)
 
Sad newz: "Bruce Jenner involved in fatal Malibu crash; star is unhurt"

(According to reports, both operators w/large, heavy and too fast expensive vehicles. None astride safer tiny er-ish "electric pedal-assisted `cycle"... or wattEVer it's called. That safety thingee.)
 
Amusing to watch (on YouTube) two-part BBC vid "Hidden Killers" re Victorian/Edwardian Homes. Lots of "fun stuff" like stairs (watt some may already have had a... unfortune with by with tumbling down). "Celluloid", "Borax", etc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8Sq2FQrST0

And it may occur to some that todaze "hidden killer" rests in our car parking garages.

EDIT: Modern EBikery folks may find start of Part Two above ("Edwardian era") re electricity.

Hehe... "The often dangerous and damaging side effects" (of Radium used in watch dials to light `em up. Watt I currently wear on one wrist as made by Seiko company.) To this day, car designers don't subject themselves to a "hit".
 
In international newz, "Obama Targets Global Warming In National Security Strategy" (Reports fail to mention his "plug" for the Bettery-Electric-assisted bicycle.)
 
"the nuisance of smoke and noxious vapours"... in history, Re: electric traction vs Stinko-Mobile:
http://endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=8099&start=600
 
OIL CRASHES AGAIN: Here's What You Need To Know

http://uk.businessinsider.com/closing-bell-january-6-2015-1

Shame. Lovely stuff that fossil stuff. In the future it will be CRIMINAL to burn it. For urban personal travels, guaranteed.
 
In local (national) newz, "The RCMP has labelled the “anti-petroleum” ebike movement as a growing and violent threat to Canada’s security, raising fears among environmentalists that they face increased surveillance, and possibly worse, under the Harper government’s new terrorism legislation."
 
From teh newz todayz.

Tesla invented the V8 (electrical cumbost-ion engine).
Soon Tesla model V8 in the stores.

[youtube]uhYEdD94vH0[/youtube]
 
WATT??? No stinky, poisonous gases? (I WANT. Can add to other "Swiss time pieces" on my coffee table.) :twisted:
 
In local newz "QEW reopens in Burlington following fire":
http://toronto.ctvnews.ca/qew-reopens-in-burlington-following-fire-1.2252428

In part:
"The Queen Elizabeth Way has reopened in both directions in Burlington after a transformer fire knocked out power in the area."

(Area car sellers blame too many ebikers plugged in.)
 
There's a solar eclipse on the horizon for March 20, and that has Europe's solar power producers worried.

It'll be only partially visible in Canada in parts of Newfoundland and Labrador, but in Europe, hundreds of millions of people will see between 40 and 90 per cent of the sun's disk obscured.

As the sun darkens, an estimated 35,000 MW of electricity will fade from the system, then coming surging back online, according to the European Network of Transmission System Operators for Electricity (ENTSOE).

Millions of EBikers inconvenienced.
 
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