In addition to what others mentioned, how you ride plays a huge part in how much heat the hubmotor makes, because the most heat is made during the early part of acceleration due to higher phase current, and heat created in the windings goes up by the square of current.
At top speed cruising, current limits set in the controller shouldn't even come to play. Current limiting can be used to limit top speed, but that's generally only with fast wind motors (higher rpm/volt) and low current limits. Increasing current limits increases acceleration, and typically has little, if any, effect on top speed. If your controller is programmable then maybe you just have a bad setting. eg If the controller has a 3 speed switch setting, but no speed switch is installed some controllers default to speed setting 2, so that would need to be set to 100% to get the proper top speed. If you use a Cycle Analyst or another ebike computer, that could be artificially limiting your top speed.
First, determine where you stand now:
-Compare your top speed to the no-load speed. The closer actual speed is to spinning it up with the wheel in the air, the more efficiently you are running and the lower the stress on the motor.
-See how hot you're motor is running now under different riding conditions. That will give you a baseline to compare to higher current you try later. It also helps you learn what makes more heat, which can enable you to run higher settings without modifications and without heat issues. Even using your hand to feel how hot the motor is can be better than nothing. Guys use to ridicule me about using my hand as my only temperature measure, but I've only installed a temp gauge on one bike and I very rarely turn it on, yet I run higher power through hubmotors than anyone and I've never burned up a motor I was riding.
-Check your top speed with different riding positions. Above 30kph or so wind resistance becomes the primary factor, so maybe you're just giving up a lot of your top speed to the wind compared to your wife's bike.