Arrant Knaves, All
Monday, May 10, 2004
Road trip to the mystical KFC Buffet
All started two years ago when our friend, who we'll call Bob mostly because his name is Bob, relayed what was first considered a tale verging on the fantastical. Bob's travels had taken him to the exotic land of Georgetown, TX, where on the I-35 Frontage Road, he espied what he thought an error in signage, or at least the devious work of a disgruntled Chief Marquee Letter Placer. (Digression: Frontage Roads are what Texans call Access Roads. When my cousin from back home visited, he asked: "Was this Frontage guy a general at the Alamo, because seems like every town has a road named after him?"). Ever the curious one, Bob pulled over and as he opened the doors of the sparkling new building, the intoxicating 11 herbs and spices smacked him dead in the primal eye of his gut. After a seemingly interminable search, he had found the mecca: the ultra rare KFC All-You-Care-to-Eat Buffet.
For two years, Felix Ruiz, a KFC freak from way back, was incredulous about the existence of the KFC Buffet and often prodded Bob for details: "So, what you are telling me is that you can eat all you want, both original and crispy, and that they replenish the tray with yet more chicken?" Bob: "Honest to God, but you need to understand it is just a KFC." Ruiz: "So, it's like a normal KFC but it has a buffet line with chicken--both original and crispy--,biscuits, mash potatoes--ohh, important question: do they have gravy, like with a ladle and I can use as much gravy as I want?"
When we got outside of Austin, we had to admit to Gupton, who had been duped into driving, that the mystical KFC lay just north of Round Rock, a town otherwise known as The Epicenter of Society's Downfall. At that point, I recall Gupton calling us "frockers." Forty-minutes into the trip, we pull into a parking lot big enough for 50 SUVs full of corpulent suburbanites who just shopped for plastic lawn accoutrements at the Super WalMart. The anticipation is welling as we individually pay the $7.53 entry fee into the chicken wonderland. Now, I realize you are expecting some great finish with culinary experiences approaching the orgasmic, but this a tale of a band of idiots driving 40 miles to eat at a KFC Buffet, just because such a place exists. So what do you expect? Ruiz used the gravy ladle. We ate enough chicken to feed a small town and we had bad gas for a week. On the way back to civilization, like the first explorers to discover Shreveport, we seriously questioned what the frock we were thinking.
posted by Earl of the Knaves @ 9:11 PM
8 Comments:
At 5:14 AM, Blogger The Idiot said...
I've seen the Promiseland.
At 11:49 AM, Blogger Tom said...
...and it's Sacrelicious!
At 12:30 PM, Blogger Dynamind795 said...
If you're ever in Southern California... there's a KFC Buffet in the city of Hawaiian Gardens at the intersection of Carson Blvd and Norwalk Blvd.
I thought this was the only one in existence until I read this post.
12161 Carson Street Hawaiian Gardens, CA 90716 (562) 402-3425
Same price $7.34... it's owned by Polly's Pies.
Sometimes they have ribs!
At 10:21 AM, Blogger Greg said...
This post has been removed by the author.
At 10:33 AM, Blogger Greg said...
There is one 700 N Milwaukee Ave
Vernon Hills, IL 60061. I used to work 2 minutes from it and would go there for lunch often. Only thing I miss about the job. Tried to find one near my current work and called a few KFCs every empoloyee I asked acted as if I were crazy. Pisses me off that there is no way to search for a KFC buffet oin the web. KFCs website doesn't even mention their buffets.
At 4:15 PM, Blogger Georgia Garden Guy said...
There is a KFC Buffet in Augusta, GA as well. I just discovered it when I got a new job doing collections for a furniture store. I passed a KFC and thought I saw the word Buffet. I had to turn around to verify and sure enough it is an all you can eat KFC. I have yet to eat there, but plan on it soon. I will likely starve myself for 24 hours before so that I can devour my own weight in chicken and gravy.
For those that are interested it is on Dyess Parkway / Belair Rd at exit 196 off I-20.
At 2:49 PM, Blogger pretty_princess said...
The KFC in Vernon Hills, Il SUCKS!!!! If you feel like kfc buffet, I recomend you take a road trip... somewhere else. I live in the next town (where they HAD a great kfc but closed it), and if I now want it, I'll drive farther. The manager of the VH store is terrible. I've worked in retali over 7 years and NEVER have I met someone who shouldn't be aloud contact with people, let aolne "serve" them. The buffet food ALWAYS looks nasty. I wouldn't feed it to my dog. Every time I have been there it appears to have been there forever. EWWWW. After my latest visit, I will never go there again, and recomend everyone else to do the same. There's an Old Country Buffet across the street. It might be like a dollar more, but it's totally worth it. VH KFC
S-U-C-K-S!!!!!
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