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Evgeniy Maslak
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If you are reading this message, then I am no longer alive.
Sounds like a line from an adventure novel, doesn't it? But, unfortunately, it is a fact. I died suddenly from a long, protracted illness: Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis.
I could feel the first signs back in 2021, I began to notice the loss of speed and muscle strength in everyday situations in the second half of 2022, in the second half of 2023 I could no longer maintain balance while squatting and began to walk much worse and slower. On New Year's Eve, 2024, I surrendered to the doctors and received the final diagnosis in the spring.
And I do not regret that I endured for so long and hoped that “it’s nothing, it will go away on its own.” This is that rare case when the later the diagnosis is made, the higher the quality of life: before the diagnosis, there is still hope. And after the verdict, there is no hope. But in no case should you take the above as advice: do not try to repeat my experience and delay your illnesses. After all, I have a very rare disease, and the vast majority of people can be cured of almost anything if they consult a doctor in time.
Now you can try to understand why I hid my illness from everyone: it is very hard to bear the knowledge that a person is inevitably dying and nothing can help him. That same dilemma between endless horror and a terrible end: it is better to get a shock from sad news once than to painfully wait for months for inevitable death.
I cannot help but note the courage of those people who knew about everything and helped me until the last moments. But this is personal, and remains between them and me.
I have lived not a very long life, but not a very short one either. There were enough adventures and events on my way for four or even five hundred-year-olds! So I don't have any particular regrets, it's just that my last adventure turned out to be very dangerous.
I leave behind a vast archive of articles, photographs, videos and audio recordings. It is kept under the control of my heirs. But I also managed to make a public version of the archive - I gave away several 4 TB disks to my friends who were aware of my condition. Distribute my photographs, illustrate articles with them, exhibit them in museums, feed neural networks with my digital legacy, create virtual neural speed walkers - I am not against it, I am all for it! Maybe I will also get a share of information immortality.
I have lived my whole life as an atheist and I am dying as an atheist. Many burial rites are incomprehensible and alien to me: I have expressly forbidden farewells and funeral services, having willed that my body be cremated. My ashes will be kept in one of the Moscow columbariums in a cell with a modest plaque. But do not look for me there - look for me on the streets, wastelands and in the dungeons of Moscow, on the empty sandy beaches and on the peaks of Otsekutan and the Sultan Ridge near Anapa, in the steppes and ravines of the rivers of the Belebeevskaya Upland in Bashkiria, in those places that I loved so much and where I felt alive and free.
That's all.
July 22, 2024