The Ebiker Joke thread...

"Baby Boomers Don't Want Your Retirement Communities", here:
http://www.thestreet.com/story/12554254/1/baby-boomers-dont-want-your-retirement-communities.html?puc=yahoo&cm_ven=YAHOO
In part:
A recent real estate survey finds retiring Baby Boomers making 'lifestyle plans' that involve beach houses, country estates and condos and ebikes in the city. Tapioca and shuffleboard didn't make the cut.
 
"US Gov IRA rollover ruling stuns some ebikers, advisers and savers"
Here:
http://www.marketwatch.com/story/ira-rollover-ruling-stuns-advisers-and-savers-2014-04-04

(Writer looks another one of those dang aliens. Or a commie. Worst case, suspected ebike lover suffering from falls. Or rollovers. Or something.)
 
"U.S. jobs market shakes off winter's icy grip"
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/fading-winter-lift-u-payrolls-074440471.html

In part:
By Lucia Mutikani
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - U.S. employers hired at a brisk pace last month and ramped up the hours their workers put in on the job, the strongest signals yet the economy was breaking free of its winter doldrums.
Nonfarm payrolls increased by 192,000 jobs last month after rising by 197,000 in February, the Labor Department said on Friday. The unemployment rate was unchanged at 6.7 percent.

(Reporter speaking from behind shiny new countertop and job at Macdonalds, perhaps longing for that new ebike plugged in and recharging just off camera.)
 
Label.gif

"Another premature death..." (Horribly translated into Engrish maybe.)
"www.gasoline.info.service.ca" phone number, etc.

Another in the continuing series "If cars came with warning labels".
 
Ad seen in passing on Face Plant (sp?):

Free online photography courses. Learn to photograph weddings, newborns, pets, naughty ebiker caught w/exhausted ebike exposures and more.

Get Started Today!
Led by world-class expert and electric bicycle owner in live video format.
 
The International Olympic Committee has brought together Olympic champions, world-renowned coaches, ebike riders, top academics and inspirational leaders to teach subjects ranging from nutrition to sports management to Scots and their electric bicycle "skulduddery".
 
Play Up Your Walls with New Miles, LFP, Justin, Master D, etc Prints!

Add some whimsy to your walls by hanging one of the aboves new giclee art prints that are individually screened and hand-leafed. We're in love with the playful Ebiker series, which includes a puppie riding an electric bicycle. Click to see which limited-edition print you like best:

(Sorry. Ad was cut off here. See your friendly neighborhood ebike store for details.)
 
Aging EBiker Raving Mad sailor Person (seen right, at home in his dining room - one of them, in earlier times. Note dim candy libera overhea
 
I am sorry I do not speak the "lingo", but apparently a short vid featuring two grrrrrls, both excited about ones new bettery-electric powered chariot:
[youtube]8TbebdYWgnI[/youtube]
 
"Can't Buy Me Love (Already Got My Ebikes)" - extended version of that hit song, first released in 1964, written by wannabe ebikers while they were lusting after others (folks riding them too).
 
Here:
http://news.yahoo.com/katie-couric-lbj-daughters-civil-rights-interview-001003293.html
On the eve of an historic event commemorating the 50th anniversary of the Civil Rights and Ebiker Freedom Act, Katie Couric explores civil rights issues from then to now, with key contributors, influentials, and everyday people.

Other vids in the series:

Bryan Cranston
Hear how playing Lyndon Baines Johnson on Ebikes shaped his perspective.

LBJ Daughters
See Katie interview Luci Baines Johnson and Lynda Bird Johnson Robb from their father's library and ebike collection.

In their own words
Understand how four prominent Ebiker civil rights/ebiker activists

(Justin et al.) view this critical moment in history.
 
Seen in passing on the WooHooHoo:
"Ebikers Mechanics Institute (EMI)"
Radio? Maybe.
Calls? Maybe.
No text messages? Maybe.
Perrier optional too. (Chiller wine/champagne, etc.)

Just you, your ebike and the back of that tricky park bench/wherEVer.

Demand remains strong (and growing, in some places in Europe and China, at least. NA use set to "explode".) for professional electrical technicians, etc. trained to work in the BA (Black Arts) of tomorrows "motorcycles" (no more stinky noisy thingee).

Finally, a career path that pays you back in Freedom (beers, lose ebiker wannabe guys and Grrrls, etc, etc).

Courses start anytime! Learn as little or as much as you like (more better).

Path on the way to enlightenment? Run (don't stagger too much) on over to the Alt. Reality Planet of "ES" today! Sit at the feet of the Gawds (they may like grapes, raisins, etc).
 
In local new: "Graphic: How a pothole forms":
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/toronto/graphic-how-a-pothole-forms/article17669409/

Stage 1
The weight of vehicles causes depressions in the asphalt where cracks can start to form. These cracks allow moisture to get into the earth below the asphalt.

Yay! We want larger and heavier vehicles!

Oh. Waitasec...

Stage 2
When that water freezes, it expands, pushing the pavement up. This raised surface gets more impact from the vehicles on it.

"When the water freezes". Watt, like it does, EVery year (in more "northernly"/"southerly" climates)?

Stage 3
When the temperature rises, the pavement stays where it is but the earth returns to normal as the water evaporates, creating a cavity that has no support underneath it.

Watt, like it does, EVery year? (Oh. Sorry. Sorta said that already.)

Stage 4
The pavement crumbles under the weight of the vehicles on it, revealing the space below and creating a pothole.

So... "HEAVY VEHICLES"? Again? Some may be noticing some sort of a pattern going on here.
 
"No Bones About It: Technology Made Ancient Humans Less Active (Ebikes better.)"
http://www.livescience.com/44691-bones-show-ancient-humans-became-less-active.html

In part:
Human bones are malleable, and grow stronger or weaker depending on how much physical activity— such as long-distance walking or running — they experience. Bones tend to bulk up in areas that undergo the most strain.

For many in North America, this may be "rocket science"?

Macintosh analyzed the skeletons' lower limb bones after scanning them with a portable 3D laser scanner. She found that men's shinbones became less rigid over time, and changes in both men's and women's bones suggest they began walking and cycling less.
 
http://www.robmdavis.com/Airship27Hangar/index.airshipHangar.html#biker
From Michael Baron, the award winning creator of Nexus and Badger, comes a tale of terror and suspense set against the backdrop of the Outlaw Ebiker culture.

Josh Pratt is an ex-con turned private investigator. A woman dying of cancer hires him to find the son she gave up as a baby. The child’s father is a sadistic car driver/sociopath named Michie who has vowed to run her over (with his vehicle) for abandoning them.

Josh is the EBIKER, caught up in a race for survival against a human monster on the road between heaven and hell at the end of which lies either salvation or damnation. Baron spins a tale of unrelenting suspense and horror that moves across his narrative landscape like the roar of a cars’s engine. Creating memorable characters and authentic backgrounds, this is an amazing, quality crime thriller unlike anything you’ve ever read before. The man who shook up the comic industry with his revolutionary stories now turns his limitless skill and imagination to the world of real-life crime and the result will blow you away.

Featuring illustrations by artist Joseph Arnold and designed by award-winning Art Director, Rob Davis, Ebiker is a punch-to-the-gut reading experience even the most jaded thriller fan will be cheering.

“Hard-boiled. Hard-edged. Hard-core. Hard to put down until you get to the last page, where a pack of raving ebikers run him over and over (Hope I haven't given away the ending.)”
 
Studies found that 1 in 6 ebikes have fecal matter on them. Here's the proper way to clean yours, in case, because, you know.....eww.
 
Ban the Bomb!

GEBA gets their centuries mixed up, and confuses the nuke w/that car driver in Hiroshima the other day, and generally the catastrophic humanitarian consequences (aka "side effects") of the 20th-century horseless carriage (or wattEVer it's called these daze).
 
In local news: Toronto mayoral candidate Olivia Chow "TORONTO - Olivia Chow says she wants to help ebikers “move faster” and ban large private vehicles in the city."
 
Seen in USA news: "The Smart Move More People Are Making" (apparently may has something to do about buying an ebike. Haven't read it yet myself.)
 
Currently doing the rounds on Face Plant (sp?):
 
File this under stuff that may make some old ebikers chuckle and cock around w/their not-too-chilled Perrier glass:
Thunder Bay Generating Station stops burning coal
The Mission Island plant was the last in the province to use coal, and will now burn biomass
CBC News Posted: Apr 15, 2014 12:27 PM ET| Last Updated: Apr 15, 2014 12:27 PM ET
The Thunder Bay Generating Station has burned its last supply of coal, making Ontario the first jurisdiction in North America to fully eliminate coal as a source of electricity generation.
 
In the news: "Asian Pollution Boosts Pacific Storm Power" (Ebike Nation accused of buying, begging and borrowing and stealing too many betteries manufactured in China.)
 
News: "Ebike Ice Cream Arouses Controversy"

In part:
The long list of unnatural food combinations just grew a little bigger: Ebiker ice cream.

The treat — which has the familiar blue hue of some popular Li cells (can't mention any names here) — is the brainchild of Welsh food inventor Charlie Harry Francis, who created the product for one of his numerous "A-list celebrity clients." (Not mentioned, but now living better electrically and riding with a "Woodie" for their transportation needs about town.)

EDIT: By "woodie", I was referring to their bicycle frame of course.
 
In news today, coffee seller Starbucks has banned car smoking (exhaust) within 100 feet of any of their outlets! (Some protest, but struggle out of their vehicles to walk the long distance - with breaks of course, but still!)
 
Adventures on the Alt. Planet of "Bettery":
From Australia, "2011 Volkswagen Golf R Hatchback 190kW All Wheel Drive 6sp"
http://www.gumtree.com.au/s-ad/norwood/cars-vans-utes/2011-volkswagen-golf-r-hatchback-190kw-all-wheel-drive-6sp/1046900241

(New tires, bettery and a car service was done recently.)

And one "Mitsubishi Pajero"
http://www.gumtree.com.au/s-ad/coolaroo/cars-vans-utes/mitsubishi-pajero/1046836284

(excelent pick up, new betteries, top modal with sun roof)

"Maruti 800 A/c Sale in Vijayawada 2005 Model @ 85000 - Vijayawada"
http://vijayawada.quikr.com/Maruti-800-A-c-Sale-in-Vijayawada-2005-Model-85000-W0QQAdIdZ168332677

(model zen d new 4 tyres 4 new biscs new amron bettery red colur.)

"Electric schwinn scooter never used."

(Perhaps sadist thing some ebikers will EVer read.)

2007 White Toyota Corolla Car For Sale - Vadodara
http://vadodara.quikr.com/2007-White-Toyota-Corolla-Car-For-Sale-W0QQAdIdZ168389267

(Santro for sale at low price with new dunlop tyres and bettery.)

Urgent sale honda activa 2008 model in excelent condtion @ 25000 - Gandhinagar
http://gandhinagar.quikr.com/Urgent-sale-honda-activa-2008-model-in-excelent-condtion-25000-W0QQAdIdZ160514153

(Bettery is new. two wheels are good condition.)

A WELL MAINTAINED LUXURY LXI MARUTI ESTEEM IN ON SALE - Kolkata
http://kolkata.quikr.com/A-WELL-MAINTAINED-LUXURY-LXI-MARUTI-ESTEEM-IN-ON-SALE-W0QQAdIdZ168218310

(engine oil, gear oil, tyres, bettery are all new.)

Parts Pocket Bike | Buy or Sell Used or New Scooter ... - Kijiji
http://www.kijiji.ca/b-scooters-pocket-bikes/ontario/parts-pocket-bike/k0c308l9004

(Brand new Enerwatt bettery.)

Suzuki | Buy or Sell Used or New ATV or Snowmobile in ...
http://www.kijiji.ca/b-atv-snowmobile/ottawa/suzuki/k0c171l1700185

(Has brand new swamp fox tires and brand new bettery all tune up.)

Batman | Buy or Sell Toys & Games in Alberta | Kijiji ...
http://www.kijiji.ca/b-toys-games/alberta/batman/k0c108l9003

(BATMAN ELECTRIC KIDS CAR... COMES WITH CHARGER AND BETTERY.)



(Some of the above seen on website "Quikr".)
(they made me say that.)
 
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