The Ebiker Joke thread...

"Banned rider Jonathan Tiernan-Locke to ride Exmoor Beast sportive"
http://road.cc/content/news/129084-banned-rider-jonathan-tiernan-locke-ride-exmoor-beast-sportive

(Tiernan-Locke is currently serving a two-year ban from racing for "irregularities in his biological passport".)

He has claimed those irregularities were the result of leaving magic hidden ebikery sneaky added bits left switched on.










Race officials still... suspicious.
 
"Natural asphalt/bitumen from the Dead Sea" (Wicked-speak re word "asphalt" - see also "bitumen", butt word asshalt refers to part usually injured/embarrassed re sudden stop if Ebiker... errm... burps too much, loses attentions, wattEVer. "Dis-Mounts" unexpectedly.)












Dang spell-check. Spelt asphalt wrong.













(again)










... and only one "T" in word but used here. Sorry.
 
Ya. Watt he said.



(At the risk of boring those who may have nothing better to do and apparently keeps coming back. For some strange reason. (May not "get out" much.)
 
Notice how some may be in a HUGELY TINY percentage, expressing their "concerns" re this thread? Anywayz...

Kim Kardashian's Skirt Can't Contain Her Ebikes!

Continues: "Uh oh, Kim Kardashian! The 33-year-old beauty was photographed returning to her hotel in London on Wednesday where she was snapped with a slight tear at the back of her curve hugging leather ebiker skirt which appeared to have separated at the seams. Earlier in the day, the Keeping Up With the Kardashians star was spotted arriving at BBC Radio Studios where she flaunted her killer curves in a monochromatic ensemble, sporting a peplum top that showed off her ebikes enviable cleavage which she teamed with a fitted skirt and pointed toe nude points. But after a busy day of press it seems that the skirt required a little more give due to Kim's bootylicious backside and under-sized ebikery saddle. Hey, can't blame the girl for flaunting her best ebikery assets!
 
At the risk of boring one apparently sad old lonely guy... Bill and Ben knew watt I'm talking about:
 
... well waddayouknow... On website forum "PistonHeads", username "AJI" started thread/conversation re "Diseasal tuning" back in 2010:
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?t=846772



... in sub-forum "General Gassing"...(that a sub-forum termed the "Gassing Station".)




Before the Lonely Old Angry/Bitter Man character introduced themselves in THIS thread, mighta been the perfect forum for them on which to "gas off" at others.
 
In local newz, "Hundreds of Toronto Hydro ebiking customers without power to recharge"

http://toronto.ctvnews.ca/hundreds-of-toronto-hydro-customers-without-power-1.1992431
 
Sad newz today "Woman dead after car collides with Windsor-bound train"











(One might hope in future accidents happen in a more "Eco Friendly" manner using giant, high speed, heavy thingees using bettery chem energy storage cells.)
 
Is this video proof that ebikers really are the biggest cheating bastards ever?
http://dirtmountainbike.com/news/roadies-biggest-cheating-bastards-ever.html
 
Call this screen shot "Mad half-dead crazy Canadien Ebiker Guy looking at option re moving (see also windmills, wind turbines, etc. and re electron xfers)"









Questions/choices were:
Where is Canada's "Tornado Alley"?
The southern Prairie provinces.
Southern Ontario into southern Quebec.
Between the Great Lakes from roughly Windsor to Barrie
All of the above.
 
In newz today:
"Ontario moves to cut speed limits on residential streets
(MetroNews Canada-17 hours ago)
The Ontario government is putting the brakes on speed limits along ... release of a $45,000 report, “Road to Health: Improving Walking and Cycling in Toronto,” ...








... and at same time:
"No plan to cut speed limit on Ontario's residential streets, says Steve ...
Toronto Star-18 hours ago"









(Some readers/writers may appear to be... confused.)
 
Scene elsewhere in the news (calculated to maybe make some Ebiking Rabbits "wery, wery happy"): "New Quantum Particle Calculations Make Waves in Field"



















"Quantum computing and quantum teleportation both rely on particles that exist in multiple places at once." Snort Snort.
 
Ebiker Guy "I like the tail. It might give (some) the idea that they should make damn sure they hit you from behind. It also provides a possibility for an energy absorption device, or at least redirection (think "fat bottomed"). Instead of getting bounced forward in a rear impact collision, maybe the tail angle would cause the ebiker to pop you up and their tail into their face."









NO idea watt those nasty ebiker folks were rattling on about.
 
"It's so big and fat, and it's running" Writer referring to the animal "hippopotamus", NOT average NA car/truck operator.
https://screen.yahoo.com/awesome-animals/baby-hippo-entertains-itself-chasing-084655538.html





("Car" etc. drivers sorta shuffle, so as not to spill "take out" foods, maybe sorta precariously rested on distended belly.)
 
Someone please bring Safe back. In just a single post I'd get more laughs than the sum total of this 24 page thread.
 
Jack Dawkins, better known as the Artful Dodger, is a character in the Charles Dickens alt. novel "Oliver Twist". Dodger is a Ebiker, so called for his skill and cunning in that respect. He is one leader of a gang of nasty, sneaky bunch, trained by the Elders.






(Not to be confused with that OTHER "Wild Bunch".)









BTW, story characters "Tools of Characterization" for the author:
http://www.shmoop.com/oliver-twist/characterization.html











Ho goody. Twisted, Sad Angry Old Lonely ELF has returned to this thread of Super-Lame boring old Ebiker Jokes (watt he apparently can't stay away from).
 
(Good thing hasn't stumbled on Ultra-Lame Advanced Joke sub-forum threads hidden here.











... shoudn't a EVen mentioned that here.)
 
Sorry. Word assfelt mis-spect earlier in thread, unfortunately as "asshalt".











Sorry. asphalt.
 
Here:
http://www.thisistrue.com/

Subtitled "Truth is Stranger than Fiction because Fiction Has to Make Sense"

... Watt may cause some to recall Alt. Reality ES thread "Ebikers Joke" (this one).

That "This is Truth" author describes himself as "Thought-Provoking Entertainment".

And much here about... stuff" that may appear as "real" (at least based on current "real"), but... errr... "bent" in some way or other. The truth/reality ultimately sorta "odd" itself?


(One tiny example, pubic (sp?) executions used to see mass turnouts as "regular events".)


Anywho... This writings by Randy Cassingham site highly recommended by... many, evidently.

One tiny example stolen, titled "There's a Cloud in Every Silver Lining":
"Downside to Fewer Violent Deaths:
Transplant Organ Shortage Grows
(New York Times headline)"






So (hopefully) one hundred years from now it wiil seem "funny" that folks used to spray poison antique fossil-fueled burning engine exhaust gases in their neighbours faces (and the air/oxygen many animal bodies rely on for existence on this third rock orbiting around Sol.)





Oh. Gotta go. Madam Gioteen (Guillotine?) performing that heady thingee tomorrow. (Cast of thousands, if one includes truck operators dealing with waaay too busy/crowded urban shared spaces... Termed "drivers" may stretch the truth a bit TOO much, but OK. I GUESS so. If ya like.)
 
In newz elsewhere "Why the ebike of the future weighs only 500 kg"


Oh. No. Sorry. Was re "cars". (According to one theory, a giant, heavy-ish and designed to go waaaaay fast vehicle weighing 500 kilograms produces a more "eco-friendly" whack.)
 
In news "MIT Robot Cheetah Sprints Up To 10 MPH, May Reach 30 MPH" (Not shown in video, can balance on its ebike.)
 
In ES News, "Beastie Boy" (Graeme Obree’s son aims for his father’s human powered vehicle record. Against that super electric train thingee, he on old-fashioned antique "Poop Machine".
Flying_Scot.jpg

(Crowds hope to see whether he wears the usual "tighty-tight" short pants, or has to resort to a big diaper due to volume of... errrm... "poop" produced in this attempt.)


Says son "My Ebike is in the shop".
 
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