End of the World. Beginning of a new one. The Life of Amberwolf.

@riding_on : I don't see how you think that just because I am not built the same as everyone else so I am stressed out by things others don't even notice, that I "hate life", but I guess that's another part of nobody understanding me.

Anyway, I just came back to this thread to link this new song, Gareki, as it is meant to be about the feelings I had (still have) about how everyone else saw / sees the leftovers from the disaster as useless trash, but I (and others going thru similar things) still see them, even destroyed, as memories, as part of my life. Only someone that has actually experienced this kind of loss could really understand the "gareki" feeling, though not everyone that goes thru something like this will care enough about their past to feel like that, so those won't understand either.

https://endless-sphere.com/sphere/threads/amberwolfs-music-studio-technical-stuff.72867/post-1834493

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Whlie looking for some parts for the new trike project over here
https://endless-sphere.com/sphere/t...uild-conversion-to-heavy-cargo-hauler.125947/

I dug thru a box of assorted stuff that I haven't apparently looked thru thoroughly since the fire. It's one of those packed by people "helping" me cleanup after the fire before the rebuild, so it had random...everything in it. Anyway, pics I thought lost in the room that burned (because I had been scanning them into the computer and cleaning them up) were in this box, and some of them made me very happy to see again (and very sad remembering the loss of the dogs that are in them, long before the fire):

Lady, the wolfdog, gone a couple decades now. Smartest and cleverest dog I've ever had; she just...understood things. Not from training, just...did. I don't think I appreciated her nearly enough until long after she was gone (I tend to think similarly about all of them, but most especially her, and Kirin, and Hachi, of all the many dogs I've had). The first four pics are the newfound ones, they're from when I lived on the other side of the freeway, when she was only a couple years or so old, IIRC. The last pic is an "incidental" pic where she just happened to be in the image being taken of something else; she was probably 11 or 12 in it; you can see how much darker she got as she aged. When she was younger, her winter coat was very light, making her creamy white with "ghostly" cape and face markings, and so floofy she looked twice as big as she really was. I wish I had pics of that, but those were not in this tiny batch of photos. I got her from the pound when she was probably less than a year old. I lost her to a repeated UTI...and it was almost as traumatic to me as Kirin's loss was...it probably was moreso but I didn't yet have her loss plus all these other losses between Kirin and her to build up and make Kirin's loss so much harder on me.

Lady is really the basis for my wolfy-bot project, and the non-bot snuggle-wolfys I've made over the years, because she like to snuggle up and she'd "hold" me with a paw and put her muzzle on my neck while I slept, and that made me feel more secure than anything else ever did before or since (and no other dogs did that).

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Lucky, a collie german-shepherd mix; gone more than two and a half decades. He was more my mom's dog than mine in that he was attached to her. We got him from the pound, age unknown, but he lived another decade+ with us. I don't know why I don't have more to say about him right now.
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Reckless (who earned that name; I can't even remember what the original name I gave her was). Her favorite thing to do when you asked if she wanted out was to run into the livingrroom from wherever she was at that moment, all the way to the carpeted half to get traction to run, then she'd hit the linoleum half heading toward the kitchen, skittering sideways to try to turn she'd slam into the fridge door that was in direct line with her path (eventually denting it more than an inch deep) then continue at 90 degrees from the original path to the back door at the end of the kitchen...which hopefully we'd already opened...(if not...BOOM).. She'd do this even if hte french doors to the backyard, which were in the living room, were already open..... :roll:

I got her as a pocket-sized puppy from some people in front of one of the local stores that hasn't existed in decades, sometime in the late 80s I think, i might have still been in highschool. She was...energetic. I think the people she came from said she was blue tick hound and lab mix; who knows... She liked to sleep under the covers behind my legs, even if it was hot. :? She died at only a few years old of a sudden horrible illness the vet couldn't do anything about; they gave us some meds I don't recall what they were, but not long after she died with bloody diarhea. :( it was very traumatic...enough so that I have a hard time recalling events correctly around then, and am not sure exactly when we got Lucky but it was probably right after this).


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@riding_on : I don't see how you think that just because I am not built the same as everyone else so I am stressed out by things others don't even notice, that I "hate life", but I guess that's another part of nobody understanding me.

Anyway, I just came back to this thread to link this new song, Gareki, as it is meant to be about the feelings I had (still have) about how everyone else saw / sees the leftovers from the disaster as useless trash, but I (and others going thru similar things) still see them, even destroyed, as memories, as part of my life. Only someone that has actually experienced this kind of loss could really understand the "gareki" feeling, though not everyone that goes thru something like this will care enough about their past to feel like that, so those won't understand either.

https://endless-sphere.com/sphere/threads/amberwolfs-music-studio-technical-stuff.72867/post-1834493

View attachment 364281
You are a truly unusual fellow, my friend. May you never mistakenly believe that I would ever willingly cause you to stumble.

Beyond that, I don't know WTF you're talking about, my good man. But I'm listening.
 
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