Buying forest land, implementing solar

[swbluto]

Went to sleep at 10:30 p.m., woke at 1:30 a.m.; Now posting at 2 a.m.

About 15 minutes before 6 p.m., kept getting this pain radiating near my ribs and going up my neck. Bothersome pain. I earlier checked my ECG at the onset, and the R wave looked fine, and so did the T wave, and no obvious abnormalities... so didn't assume cardiac. But it seemed remarkable given the timing, almost right before 6 p.m., the second most common time for people to die. I don't know what resolved it, but eating the rice and chicken at panda express about 30 minutes later, seemed to prevent its recurrence. (It followed me all the way there)

The pain felt like it was near the surface of the skin, like in the muscles, bones or joints or something, and seemed like it could be palpated, so it didn't really alarm me, other than how bothersome it felt. And the fact it was radiating up my neck, and the time of the day, right before 6 p.m.

And then there's this:

If someone has gone to a doctor for their symptoms and has been diagnosed with costochondritis, there are still some instances when a person should seek immediate medical attention again. These include:

feeling faint, dizzy, or lightheaded
feeling as if the heart is beating irregularly or too fast
pain that worsens over time or cannot be relieved by pain medicine
having a shortness of breath
a fever that is higher than 100.4 °F in an adult
coughing up dark-colored sputum or blood

If the chest pain is radiating to the arms, neck, shoulder, jaw, or back, a person should seek immediate medical attention.

Got done laying down the floorbeams. Finishing their alignment and fastening tomorrow, and then going to complete the rest of the block stacks next. Got some Scratch Awls to facilitate their aligning, going to tie string between the two ends.

Also got a "Corner clamp", looks like it'd be useful for attaching 2x4s to the rafters on the eve. I remember spending many tens of minutes trying to get that to stay in place on this house just to screw it in. (I could probably have used that one method my neighbor was about. Screw in one side, roughly; screw in the other side, perfectly; readjust the first screw, perfectly.)

And got a humongous 5/16 drill bit for a pilot hole to install these 6 inch long 1/2 inch lag screws, for the floorbeams. I learned yesterday one can get 4x6s in nearly any length upto 40 feet. Dogs. (Looking back, I would've got 24 footers for the ends of the house.)

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Went to sleep at 4:30 a.m., woke up at 8 a.m.

Feels like I'm dragging this morning. Had a little cocoa, picked me up a little bit like expected.

Had rice and chicken yesterday around 7 p.m., was last meal of the day. Suspect maybe blood sugar is low.

Yesterday, from 8 p.m. to 10:30 a.m., was a 14 hour fast. I was only abiding by "Do I feel hungry" guidelines, interesting doing so meant I was doing a popular kind of overnight fast.

 

[swbluto]

Funny how I posted in my journal, "I'm not satisfied with good, I want the world" , and then found a song that uses this phrase.

[youtube]C8x64O1EPF8[/youtube]

I swear I'm not like this girl. I'm aware of the concept of ambitioning and working for it instead of just "taking it", like her case. Trading for it vs taking it. Amanda on the other hand... lol... "I deserve it because of me now give it to me now! If you don't, off with you!", lol.

That girl needs a whooping, lol.

Just a tiny bit hungry at 10:40 a.m., and measured blood sugar, was at 101mg/dl.

I was fairly hungry at 10:25 a.m. yesterday.

I reasoned that since I was fairly lively at 10 a.m. today, but not when waking up, that "low blood sugar" was not a likely cause of "Dragging ass" when waking up. And, this blood sugar reading confirms that. So why was I...

Let's look into google. The other hypothesis was the ticker, but it doesn't happen every morning, so worth looking into it.

Figured I'd measure not right after awaking, because seems like it's elevated within a 2-3 hours time window from awaking. Think it goes away after that time. Measuring when I got hungry in the morning seemed logical.

Seeing how I'm not getting hungry anytime fast, I think I'm just going to start working within 2 hours of awaking going forward. Other guys seem to work out during their "early morning fasts" without issue.

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Eating 4 medium bananas at breakfast this morning (120g carbs) was satisfying, unlike yesterday, 3 was not satisfying. Neither was 2, and I fell asleep that day. So think maybe I'm looking at 120g carbs at breakfast going forward.

From this research I'm reading, it appears that the optimal outcome for males and females is to copulate, and then sleep in separate beds. The article didn't investigate males copulating and then sleeping in a different bed, but I have a feeling, guys would be "better off" with that arrangement, then no copulation and sleeping in the same bed.

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Til death do us part. How literal is that phrase, lol. Ticker definitely has an issue, think that's what that "knot in the stomach" feeling was last night. Just took a nap from 12:30 to 1:30, and chest felt "light". Knot in the sternum at peak, and passing left hand numbness.

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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verbal_aggressiveness#In_romantic_relationships

When resolving a dispute is the objective amongst a couple, each individual's argumentative traits come into play. The way in which couples engage and act during a discrepancy can play a chief role in the satisfaction of each partner.

I do believe I was verbally aggressive ("You have some problems"). And her satisfaction was probably low, thus getting blocked, lol.

I either believe she really did have some problems, or she was trying to fool me. Because, my mom and my sister ain't that damn inept.

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Okay, started driving in the 1/2 inch 6 inch long lag bolts by hand and... my gosh... I need a torquey air rachet, stat, lol.

I'm not sure if these "high torque" air rachets can do the job (130 ft lb). Think I might just go get a foot long cheater pipe, lol.

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The nap at 12:30, I'm not sure if that was driven by high blood sugar by the 4 banana breakfast this morning. Because the fact it coincided with chest tightness seemed a bit too coincidental, and it's well known that carb overindulgence causes sleepiness.

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Calculated how many more blocks I needed and went and got 70 more. Also grabbed an 18 inch 1/2" pipe to aid in the turning of the socket wrench. Hoping I can complete both tasks tomorrow, installing the lag bolts and finishing off the foundation blocks.

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I keep getting this urge to go to facebook but then I keep getting this little voice telling me, "Don't do it! Don't do it!", lol.

I suspect yesterday's cardiac episode was triggered by facebook. It started soon after visiting the site and seeing amanda's avatar.

I previously put up an 11:30 a.m. facebook restriction for good reason. Think maybe I should comply with it. lol

Thought it was interesting how she asked, "F*ck zodiac, who's your favorite character in Mario kart?", following her post "We broke up, NEXT", and suddenly 40 different guys popped out of nowhere to answer, lol. Oh, I see, that's AT LEAST how many guys are looking at her on a per post basis. That's a lot of male attention.

It's interesting seeing how well I arrested her attention given that.

Might give me more understanding why pops is willing to fly his helicopter over my place. Special interest for his daugther, I guess. Might be thinking along the lines of "How soon can I get my daughter out of my house?", LOL.

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Started off with 101mg/dl at 10:25 a.m., Had the 4 medium sized bananas at 10:45 a.m. today, and about 7 roma tomatos about 2 hours ago, and my blood sugar is 108mg/dl as of 10:05 p.m.; I feel like I have plenty of energy available.

Doesn't seem like it takes much carbs to keep blood sugars up thru the day.

 

[swbluto]

Feb 3. Next day.

Got up and started working at 8:20 a.m. today. Found out the cheater pipe was too small, had to get one size up, 3/4". Local hardware store was closed (sunday) so had to spend $4 gas to get a $10 pipe from home depot 18 miles away. Dogs.

But nice thing about starting so early, is that it was still 10:40 a.m. when I got back. Perfectly good time to continue working, it's normally when I would start on previous days anyway.

Looked in the mirror, noticed the left temple artery isn't bulging today. Isn't that an interesting phenomenon, it's normally bulging which doesn't seem to be a normal phenomenon looking at other people's temples. I've had 2 bananas at wakeup (7:30 a.m.), just had another one at 11 a.m., and some nuts. No cocoa just yet. No cheese, no dairy (No greek yogurt). Visited a friend yesterday afternoon, talking about stock market and options tradin and dividends. He says his "effective dividends rate" is 9.5%. Wah... I'm assuming he's including stock value appreciations in that percentage, whereas I only wanted to know the "dividends rate". Because, internet seems to think 6% is tops. Learned the computer store guy in town trades options, same guy I've purchased 3 computers so far from.

/HAD/ to have a banana before going to sleep yesterday. Was 12:30 a.m., and entire upper body felt "empty" in a characteristic way that only a soon consumed banana could sooth and comfort for sleep. The last carbs eaten before than was at 10:45 a.m., 4 bananas.

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1 p.m., had some pink salmon, little bit of cheese, 25gram carb potato, 2 stalks of kale, and 3 tomatos.

I only have kale instead of spinach because the local grocery doesn't sell organic spinach bunches, but it does with kale.

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https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/politics/a12817407/stop-shaming-women-for-spending-money/

Stop Shaming Women for Spending Money

Okay, why?

Female pleasure has always been seen as an enemy, whether it’s women enjoying sex, food—or beautiful objects.

WOAH, that is not the point here. The point is she's using the justification for "Spending all of her money", so she can spend my money. Eventually, all of it. I totally don't have a problem with women spending their own money, but not if doing so means they NEED to then spend mine when they run out. :lol:

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Got a "Free copy" of millionaire success habits. In actuality, I know they make $5 on the sell. What they're hoping for is a future "mastermind" member willing to plunk down many thousands and other upsells. What he tells me after purchase is what I already know; the money is in marketing and sales. He purportedly has a networth of 47 million, so I'm curious if he really has any "golden nuggets" of info for me. I get the impression his wealth derives from selling "Get rich" books and associated memberships, which I'm not sure he advocates in his books, lol, but it's a well known profitable vertical.

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Funny that yesterday that steve was describing a local hitman yesterday, and he went like such "He'd be just like you, nice and easy going to fellow who's nice to be around, and then *Bam* DEAD.", lol. Funny, because that's what apparently my tested personality would suggest as a possibility (psychopath), but... I WOULD NEVER DO THAT... I have better aspirations and cleaner family influences than I'm assuming that guy did, LOL.

He was talking about "the lawyer" who goes around stealing people's shit thru paperwork and whatnot, and apparently he got targeted for murder but they accidentally got his grandpa instead with the same full name.

------------------------

Amanda? LOL.

One word. Amanda, LOL.

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watching dean's real estate training available for his book buyers.

Send the "I want your home" postcards to houses with "Cash owners" and which aren't their primary residence.

Buy at "Wholesale price", have a paper that gets the best price from 'em.

Sign a contract with them with you putting down the earnest money (say 90k, earnest money of $1), find a buyer "from your list of hungry buyers" and sell the contract to them (say, 100k), send all the info to the title company and the title company will kick you back the difference (10k).

The old way he talks about is buy, rehab, filp. Makes average of $61k per deal and "the process" averages 150 days per deal.

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Yeah, no pretending with the heb chick, lol.

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Just as men will tolerate almost any kind of behaviour from a woman that looks like a gorgeous model

I AM CALLING BS. There are certain levels of arrogance and entitlement that no fudging girl can get away with me.

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All the arm muscle work turning the lag bolts today, what they do for the drive, woo.

Had to take a break after every set of 4, because of it being so tiring.

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Fell asleep at 10:30 p.m., woke up at 2:45 a.m.

Feel somewhat hungry at 4:31 a.m., measured blood sugar at 96mg/dl. Had 2 medium sized bananas yesterday evening at 8 p.m., felt like I needed it.

The only carb I'm generally allowing myself at this hour is tomatos. And all out of those, I believe.

Interesting that the only other time sub-100 blood sugar was recently found was when I was hauling a bunch of concrete, about 1000 pounds day.

Tells me... use your muscles -> lower blood sugar.

This research tells me that much when "reading between the lines".

For each 10% increase in the skeletal muscle index (ratio of muscle mass to total body weight), there is an 11% reduction in insulin resistance and a 12% reduction in prediabetes

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During the day, levels tend to be at their lowest just before meals. For most people without diabetes, blood sugar levels before meals hover around 70 to 80 mg/dL. For some people, 60 is normal; for others, 90.

70 to 80, that's the goal, eh. I'll see what I can do with what I know.

Be interesting to think it's not that low for me before meals because my blood sugar levels are more stable. I know what I was eating the high calorie pizza, I would wake up SO DANG FAMISHED, and there seems to be a connection between "hunger" and "blood sugar levels", and I wouldn't be surprised if it was somewhere below 90.

The hunger was far more extreme and volatile when eating the pizza (For those 3 days) then when I'm not. My calorie intake was higher too. (400 grams carbs vs 200-240 grams carbs)

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Ooo, looks like I could plausibly buy a small airplane with a 350 mile range. I'd have to stop at airports to refuel wouldn't I, going to places like Los Angeles.

Owning a helicopter sounds interesting. Landing ontop of mountains.

Had 3 roma tomatoes and little bit of cheese at 4:45 a.m., now 5:39. Still up.

Tested blood sugar at 5:52 a.m., about 1 hour after eating the tomatoes. This should be peak.

Measured at 104mg/dl.

3 tomatos = 8-10mg/dl.

I feel full.

 

[swbluto]

Feb 4

Interesting looking up "arrogance and entitlement" and what do I find via google.

Someone who is narcissistic is arrogant, self-involved, vain, and cocky. ... NPD — the clinical variant of narcissism — is associated with a lack of empathy, a sense of entitlement, and arrogance.

Yeah, we already made that assessment off of "A sense of Infallibility and entitlement plus obvious classical basis for it (Her beauty)".

Articles report this kind of person tends to be a cheater, and I already determined she had that history!

So, interesting to think she fits the clinical description and article's relational behavior description profile like a glove.

Note to self, if a person has a seeming obsession with taking pictures of themselves -> THINK NARCISSIST. lol

I wouldn't ordinarily think anything wrong of the personality, think it'd be a natural match, but it's obvious where the pitfalls lie having been involved with one. They cheat and take your money and if they can't take your money, they're off.

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Getting hungry, just bolted in 2 lag bolts. Measured blood sugar at 9:21 a.m., blood sugar = 109mg/dl.

Given how it increased since 5:45 a.m. this morning (When it measured 104mg/dl), it's easy to hypothesize how the recent heavy labor boosted blood sugar levels due to the stress heavy labor induces. This "workout stress" is noticeable in the way it makes me feel, somewhat irritated. Tends to happen with "heavy/intense loads" and "prolonged moderate loads".

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[youtube]SJOgTMP8cs4[/youtube]

I think I know what this song is about. "I only wanted you because I couldn't have you, that's not love, that's called hope". What is she talking about.

And, I think I figured it out. He was already taken by another girl, and I'm guessing he had other female attention. I already know how this works, when you're "in a relationship", the girls definitely notice the change in composure and demeanor, and they act so incredibly nice like they're trying to get your attention and curry your favor. Others will honk their horn, trying to get your attention. So when he came back on the market, I'm guessing this girl was real quick to snatch him.

And it's not really hope, it's called FOMO. lol

By now you've heard of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), the official acronym of the insecure. ... But every trend has its backlash, so it should come as a relief to the introverted that there exists FOMO's opposite – JOMO. The Joy of Missing Out.

LOL! Yeah, I've experienced plenty of JOMO most of my life, lol.

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DANG, this song is hitting the spot right now. Just got done with first stint of work outside, going out shortly.

[youtube]wG5R7vyu-mA[/youtube]

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Apparently didn't have a second sleep this morning. Just slept for 4-5 hours and that was it.

Inching away at finishing the foundation block stacks now.

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Apparently amanda has taken interest in a model. The main behavioral difference between him and the others is he's verbally aggressive in a disagreeable way ("Imposing his power" if you will). Interestingly, it was that same aggression that made her kick back her leg so high at my calling her a LOSER. And that aggression was based on... doing some kind of physical work earlier that day...

Nope, not feeling an ounce of jealousy. There's truth to that statement "Sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck".

Half of me thinks the real issue is "The timing is off". Not just the housing, but the "allowance expectations" funded presumably by sufficient income.

But, eww... I swear the arrogance and entitlement following her utmost wasteful behavior was peeving as hell.

"whoops, I just wasted all my money, can I have yours?" LOL.

"I crashed every car I own, can I borrow yours for a month?" LOL.

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Local hoe walking by with that look in her eye like I was going to abuse her.

Seeing facial expressions does make me think about what exactly is happening here.

Am I abusing amanda? Maybe I should stop.

I wonder if that's the curse she's implying with all the prior narcissists that have taken her... the narcissist to narcissist relationship devolves into abuse, and she then leaves.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_abuse

Narcissistic abuse was originally just defined as a specific form of emotional abuse of children by narcissistic parents. In recent years the term has been applied more broadly to refer to any abuse by a narcissist, in particular adult-to-adult relationships – adult-to-adult narcissistic abuse.

I never denied I'm a narcissist, lol. But I don't think I'm nearly as arrogantly entitled as she is. And definitely not NEARLY as wasteful.

You see, I just happen to be perfect. :lol: (I'm kidding, we just have highly conflicting expectations and goals.)

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By George, I GOT IT!

I'll use clamps to hold temp ledges onto the 4x6s, to hold the joists in for fastening to the floorbeams. Properly applied, this should ensure a flat floor.

Now I just need 6 blocks to finish off the foundation block stacks.

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Yep, just tried it, that method works. Now C-clamps are much better then the squeeze clamps (Ensures a more rigid ledge), but that's really no huge issue. It's more of an issue if the joist is above the floorbeams than slightly below it.

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[youtube]Ok6qjPj7O3g[/youtube]

Others passed away of boredom and despair

My lord, I think this scene onto something! lol

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https://www.thisisinsider.com/phrases-narcissists-use-2018-8

The devaluation stage

Once a narcissist has hooked their victim, they start showing their true self. This is where the insults and put-downs start slipping into what they say. They suddenly criticize things about their partner that they once seemed to love — everything they say is part of their scheme to shatter their partner's confidence.

During this phrase narcissists may utter some of these things:

"You're crazy."

"You're too sensitive."

"No wonder nobody else likes you."


"My friends hate you, but I always defend you and have your back."

"You're so insecure."

"What's wrong with you?"

"Aren't I more important to you than your friends?"

"Your tears won't work on me. Why are you crying?"


"You're being so manipulative."

HUH. Isn't that interesting. I DID MENTION some of that to her, BUT... THERE WAS DEVALUATION AFTER SHE INFLICTED THE CHEATING TRAUMA, so it was totally provoked. And she wasn't "mine" at that moment, either. She became "pseduo mine" after I called her a loser. Then came the request for money, and I called it off completely. Way too much emotional trauma that girl was causing, so I replied with the first two emboldened methods, in essence. I recognized the pattern by the second time the trauma was inflicted, and thought she ain't worth it. As I said, abusive narcisisst was the feel she was giving. And definitely had key narcissistic attributes.

In essence, I used the "devaluation phrases" when she had just cheated on me and left me feeling major hurt, and finally once again, when I was calling it off after recognizing the repeating emotional abuses. And she clearly took it that way, blocked me. I did not use these methods while in a relationship and intending to keep it. But she used traumatic "narcissist" methods while in a relationship, YES SHE DID. The first time, cheating trauma, the second time, manipulative finagling. She be the "unhealthy" narcissist, I'm the healthy narcissist, I use narcissistic methods only when I'm intending to end it.

Steve asked me "What the hell do you say to these girls", when I told him her father buzzed over my house with the heli. LOL

Well, I think he probably needs to understands there was the context of a "relation", so it has lot more impact when "going for the throat". So much so, I caused to her use the F-bomb, apparently, something others noted as being an exceptional rarity from her. She comes off like some kind of good girl, until I'm frocking with her. :lol: (But only after she inflicted the cheating trauma ON PURPOSE, I swear...)

I almost think that was "payback" essentially. But when I was calling it off... I don't think that was payback at that point. That was just simply calling it off seeing a repeat offender.

This is the text that got her pops to fly my way. Keep in mind that we were in a "pseudo relationship" and she was pining for financial help, supposedly.

Dang, I see you have problems. Funny, my dream told me about these problems of yours, and now they're actually happening. XD The next dream told me you were a heroin addict, which I didn't believe, but with how skinny you seem to be, your forearm undersides might deserve a check. XD

https://www.biblestudytools.com/msg/proverbs/passage/?q=proverbs+24:17-27

Don't laugh when your enemy falls; don't crow over his collapse.

Oh, I see, she was the enemy at this point, was she. Oh, yeah, this was another instance of emotional trauma she was causing, so I was quick to end it with an "enemy move", I guess. I still don't think she's an enemy, per se.

--------------------------

Interesting.

Order of operations.

Blocked me.

2 hours later, dad's helicopter flies overhead and turns straight back to the woodlands.

About 8 hours later, she posts "F*ck your zodiac sign what character do u choose to play in Mario kart?" with now 53 replies, all applying to be her boyfriend. Definitely no girls answering that question.

Assuming she was in the helicopter, what might I infer she thought based on the latest question?

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You know, it's interesting. I wonder if that's the "fearful attachment" personality type. What was that again about that...

See, I'm looking at it now, and it wouldn't seem like there's deception going on.

But when we were in "the relation", it sure seemed like it. Like, she was fulfilling "the dream" I had. "I want to find a guy with a lot of money and spend it all". But, I do believe it was the emotional trauma I was definitely reacting to.

From the dream, I then identified her as a "gold digger", and she subsequently became "The enemy", and then I laughed her off accordingly. Or, I think it was the repeating emotional trauma I realized she wasn't a girl I wanted to keep, so I guess she became "The enemy" in that moment.

Maybe my dream was frocking with me, just like it did with the heroin dream. But maybe it was protecting me. Maybe it was protecting her...

Hmmm...

 

[swbluto]

Slept from 12:30 - 4:30, then went back to sleep at 5:30, woke up at 7:30 a.m., woah, had one helluva dream. Sleep felt "light", but I definitely dreamed.

Key moment was being in class with danny chrytser and he asked me to create a formula that would count the number of digits of a binary number that's been converted to a base 10 number (Decimal).

I spent my time thinking thru the process, and I kindly beseeched him (After wanering around forever trying to find him across the sprawling campus), could I use an algorithm instead. He said yes, and I was delighted.

Was skipping and running like I was the happiest kid on earth and knew that year was going to be just like the last year of Elementary school. I was going to be enjoying myself and my popularity would (unknowingly) reign. LOL

[Not because of the formula, but because I knew I had a best friend, who happened to be the smart kid, who would embolden my self-expression.]

------------------------------

Think it's funny that Amanda thinks she's a nerd when I have dreams like these. ^^^^ LOL

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So I thought about what exactly did I do that upsetted her so much that her pops flew over head.

I think it was relational aggression, yes I do. Specifically, I was trying to "end it" (There was too much emotional trauma with that girl), which I clearly did when she blocked me.

So, it's interesting, the kind of relational aggression girls can inflict on guys, guys can do to girls, too, eh. And, that's the kind of thing that REALLY hits home for them. I didn't know I was a natural at it, but I never had been in a position where I wanted to end a relationship, either, until just recently. So, not a technique I often use, but I obviously have great capability.

--------------------------------

I think I've figured it out. How "clean" your stomach is -> how much harm there is to the vascular system.

I was eating bananas all day (In moderation), kept having left shoulder pains. It had been notable I hadn't consumed any greek yogurt for 2 days. I consumed the greek yogurt late at night, and the left shoulder pains went away and remained away.

I think the continuing banana consumption -> growth of bacteria in the gut -> attacking the heart

But then I cleaned up the gut with the greek yogurt, and the cardiac pain went away. (The sharp left shoulder pains)

Thinking about this dynamic over the last 2 years. Yeah, I can see I was not doing myself favors overindulging on the bananas. And couldn't have fermented foods without refrigeration.

I suspect all kinds of carbs grow the bacteria, but sugar might be particularly ornery. Complex carbs harder for bacteria to digest, but enzymes do break down the polysaccharides into their glucose constituents prior to absorption I believe, so there would seem to be opportunity. But, at any one time, much less available for uncontrolled "simple sugar" bacteria growth. (There are a few bacteria that can grow directly off starches, so there's that caveat.)

It would seem like there's bacteria in the mouth that can digest starches, because my gums recede when eating potatos. I find it better for my gums to eat bananas and skip the teeth altogether.

----------------------------

Wow, yesterday kicked my @ss. Leg muscles sore and feeling fatigued this morning. Think I'll check bloodsugar soon.

Slept from 10:30 a.m. to 12 p.m. I usually never sleep that late, seem to be a little more energetic now.

Blood sugar at 12:22 p.m.; now 109 mg/dl. Might've been boosted by the recent sleep I woke from, or just the fact I ate a large banana 3 hours ago.

Been getting this bulging sensation in my right temple recently.

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Think I might characterize that response more accurately in the context of our relation. I do believe that was maniacal or evil laughter, like the kind you hear from a movie villain. Except, I had no murderous intentions or anything... maybe they just appeared to be an enemy at the moment and they were "down". Or maybe I'm just maniacal, lol. I did tell her that, I score highly on mania.

Thought it was funny they were claiming they were "evil" and... I just chuckled to myself a little there. lol (Evil compared to what, exactly? The easter bunny? LOL)

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Youtube has me on a "60s song" binge, apparently. Have to admit, it's pretty pleasant. Modern songs tend to be... bitter or sad or angsty or something...

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https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201409/10-signs-youre-in-relationship-narcissist

I dyed my hair blond and enlarged my breasts to get men’s attention—and to make other women jealous

Yeah, that's what I'm figuring out. If the girl dyes her hair blond, she's a gold digger, exploiting you for your money. THIS IS ESPECIALLY TRUE if she's a pretty girl, because the narcissistic complex suits them like a fudging glove, AND ESPECIALLY TRUE if she likes taking many many selfies, lol.

Entitlement. Narcissists often expect preferential treatment from others. They expect others to cater (often instantly) to their needs, without being considerate in return. In their mindset, the world revolves around them.

YEP. Give me money, now [Especially for some ridiculous reason like I just wasted it all on high priced clothing]. If not, OFF WITH YOU. lol

Gosh, I don't think I need to really go on length how this girl is a classical narcissist.

Thinking of oneself as a hero or heroine, a prince or princess, or one of a kind special person. Some narcissists have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, believing that others cannot live or survive without his or her magnificent contributions.

Her looks made her something of a princess.

There is a lot of evidence that narcissists have problematic interpersonal relationships.1,2 They are less committed and more likely to manipulate their partners. Not surprisingly, their partners also tend to become increasingly dissatisfied over time.

YEP. I think that's why narcissistic pretty girls tend to be hoes. They can't keep a man because she unapologetically and insufferably craps on all of 'em.

Interacting with a hostile, egotistical person, not surprisingly, can elicit hostility and anger. If you believe that your partner is narcissistic, it may be valuable to not only observe how they treat you, but to observe your own behavior as well: Is your partner bringing out the worst in you?

Because these findings are correlational, it's unclear if narcissistic women cause partners to become angry or hostile because of their behavior, or if they are just more likely to have hostile and angry partners in the first place.

Haha, yeah, I would say I was getting hostile with amanda by laughing at her misfortune in ridicule. Why? Because of egotistical entitlement behind it which was angering. "I wasted all my money, and I need yours. Send it [OR ELSE]." (The else was implied by breaking up with her other boyfriend over it.)

But if I were a hostile narcissist myself, I might be more prone to act like such, like they say.

Yeah, I think that's what it was. Laughing AT them.

Yeah, something like that.

--------------------

Installed the first row of floor joists. 2 more rows to complete, guessing it'll take 2 more days. Joists are slow going because of all that I'm doing to ensure "complete fit" and "complete flatness".

Started thinking about her expectations against the backdrop of a wife's expectations. Because, if I were bringing in a girl inside a house I owned, that would tend to have those implications, even if those aren't my immediate intentions.

So, starting thinking about my mom. When she wasn't working, which was for many years.

Dad paid for pretty much all the cars, their insurance, all the phone bills (including her phone bill), all the food (Including her food), all the utilities (Including her use of the utilities, like all that hot water for the shower.).

So, think that's the expectation, all bills paid. Would be nice to get a number on that.

And don't know if those were her expectations, exactly, maybe she was just fishing for more spending money. She wasn't really clear what the money would be used for and she had an obvious shopping problem.

If she doesn't have credit cards, it'd almost seem like she'd be a bargain, lol. But I get the feeling she might want a shopping
allowance and... mmmmm... she obviously talented at wasting money... I really don't like wasting money.

Google suggestions:

People also ask
How can I stop my wife from spending money?

How do I protect myself financially from my spouse?

How can I get my husband to stick to a budget?

How can I control my wife?

LOL, yeah, I see the wife spendthrift is a common issue.

Just about every guy did, LULZ.'

The attitude sounds about right.

 

[Dauntless]

Think it's funny that Amanda thinks she's a nerd when I have dreams like these. ^^^^ LOL

I'd say it's to be expected that people think you're a nerd, as we think of that as the sort of dreams that nerds have.

So I thought about what exactly did I do that upsetted her so much that her pops flew over head.

I thnk what it must be is that she was upset because you're acting as though you two would be dating or something when she's obviously one of those Web Cam Girls and you're supposed to be paying her to talk to you like a psychologist expects to be paid. I don't know how it works, but you must have some unpaid bill.

I was eating bananas all day (In moderation), kept having left shoulder pains.

I don't think there's any such thing as eating all day in moderation. But obviously you have a problem in the mechanix of the way you eat bananas that is not present in the way you eat yogurt. Hence the shoulder getting better.

Youtube has me on a "60s song" binge, apparently. Have to admit, it's pretty pleasant. Modern songs tend to be... bitter or sad or angsty or something...

Here's a great collection for you. You know you'll love groups with names like Mouse and the Traps.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LqmzLgoWl3w&list=PL11B94212CAE013BC&index=2

[youtube]LfNq0kboAII[/youtube]

 

[swbluto]

So, found 'em. Got the names of the father, her brother and her mother. Picture of the front house, address and everything.

What am I going to do with this knowledge? Absolutely nothing.

Just thought it was fair since pops knows where I live, I should know where they live. Definitely no "stalker interest" in finding this info out, purely for quid pro quo possibilities if it was ever needed. Don't think it's needed, honestly, buzzing over my house with the tiny yellow helicopter is about as threatening as a balloon animal.

If I had a stalker interest, I'd make a point of driving by their house a couple times, and feel the infatuory rush in doing so. The idea of visiting, however, did send a passing flare of infatuation feeling, though. But, definitely no "obsessive stalker feel" to it, the kind that would motivate stalking.

Interestingly, found out her father was an electrician. That's interesting, because I was specialized as an electrician in the navy. And Steve is an electrician.

Apparently has at least 7 people living at the residence, grandpas and grandmas too.

Doesn't seem like the "bar" is set too high in terms of "father expectations". I thought I was vying against a large construction company owner for a father, but nope, not really. Cool. Typical middle class father.

Interesting name for the company, infinity. Seems like a concept I see "conventional" nerds like to parade around with. The concept seems a little abecedarian for me though, I prefer "infinitude" personally. XD Just kidding.

------------------------

is this a rich person house? was the economy good during the roman time period?
was the romans the only people who was so into architecture?

Haha, think this is a funny question. Seriously, just feed the slaves, and they keep on gathering the marble stones and lime and whatnot and build the roman villa. That's all they needed, feeding, so if you had a farm... and slaves... you had a roman villa. No real "great economy" was needed back then. Just food.

 

[swbluto]

Now feb 7, 4:00 a.m. (Slept from 10:30 to 2:30)

Having an idea for a porch. Instead of "adding on a porch" onto the existing floor space, thinking about taking 6'x4' out of the existing floorspace from the front to make an integrated covered walkway/porch. This way, I wouldn't have to center the door on the house (Which introduces design problems), and I get a porch. Which seems like a desirable improvement over this house.

Now just thinking about how I'd support the roof at the corner so it "looks good", and not gauche.

--------------

now 4:10 a.m.

Started googling around "flight from houston to britain" and "flight from houston to france" and got a bunch of results mapped out. The going price is $1200-$1400, but if I were to take a trip to Manchester,UK, it's potentially $656 (Nonstop flight, too).

SOOOO... pays to look around.

I think I'd be interested from april to late october. Thinking longterm, like (probably) next year. I could do it this year, but seems like a trip I'd be more interested in taking a girlfriend out on.

----------------

Now 6:46 a.m. "slept" from 4:30 to 6:30. Had a dream, so probably did.

Girl was walking by and flirting with her, I asked her what she did. She said something like "commander" and pointed to her insignia on her collar, and said "I'm the highest level" real snob like. I replied, "Oh is that so? Well, I'm the CEO. This year I'm allocating capital for expansion, you know, more marketing, capital investments, etc.", one upping her. LOL She smiled all intrigued like, not unlike Amanda, and turned around and walked away.

"CEO of a startup in my basement", that sounds about where I'm at right now. lol

I know I'd be using term hyperbolically, as of right now, I think the term "entrepreneur" might be more appropriate.

But imagery of commandeering a fleet of whatever along a shipping dock (Didn't know that's what it was called then, but that's what it was) had pervaded my thoughts when I were little, so it must be destiny.

I actually also wanted to be a doctor, but the time required seems prohibitory for someone past the age of 25. So that's effectively not a possibility, the CEO dream is what I'm left with, and right now is simply training.

-----------------

Looked at the porch idea again, looks like 4'x8' would look better.

-----------------

Googled "I want to be a ceo" and found...

Just over half of Fortune 100 CEOs have a degree in business, economics, or accounting, while 27% studied engineering or science, and 14% law

Isn't that interesting. I have a major in computer science and a minor in economics. Seems like a perfect fit, lol.

--------------------

That one girl in class got elected by the master sargeant to be the class leader (This was after she was pretending to suck the forbidden.) and she suddenly acted like she was all better than me, racing to get to the checkout scanner before I did when class ended. I was amused when she was fumbling around with her ID cards, when I already had it handy, and I checked out before she did. SORRY HONEY, SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST BETTER THAN OTHERS, THAT'S HOW IT IS. nuhhhhhhh.... *raspberry*

[I didn't have that "complex" prior to that point with her, but then suddenly she was "trying to beat me" like SHE DID, and that's suddenly when I did. Superiority retaliation, if you will, lol. It's also funny, not unlike Amanda, I'm doing better than all of 'em by being prepared well beforehand.]

-----------------

Part of this "working all day" attitude I've been getting with the house (Seemingly necessary for something of its size and my intended deadline), I'm starting to think about "What should I do when it's raining", and I figured it out.

So far, my day is structured.

Breakfast
Work outside nearly all day
Then rest a little, then work online at night.

Seems like I get a lot done that way. But, now that it's raining, now what. And figured it out, and ongoing activity.

-----------------------

32 years old and 123lbs, I had 2 heart attacks and a stroke in March.The first heart attack I will never forget. I was at work, getting ready to close for the night. I started feeling nauseous and had an overwhelming urge to sit down and catch my breath. I sat for about 10 minutes until the feeling subsided, then I finished my tasks and went home. It wasn't until the next morning when my diabetes was completely out of control that I went to the hospital. Whenever I am in the ER due to my diabetes, they always do an EKG and a chest xray, and that's when they told me I was actually having a second heart attack. The next day I had a stoke. I was very lucky and made a complete recovery. though I am still on aspirin as a precaution. The cause? takotsubo syndrome caused by stress and anxiety
Less

Sounds like a lot like me and Amanda! She seemed to be talented at imposing lots of stress on me, so much so, that one time she made my chest feel real odd and then later in the day, had a TIA when the room started spinning for about 5 minutes. She didn't even break my heart at that point, merely got really mad in a threatening way at me. (Of course, this was also during the high stress christmas season, so probably a combination of factors behind that "takotsubo syndrome".)

-----------------------

At recommendation, ran the starlove calculator and me and amanda. Seriously don't know her date of birth, which seems to be the point of the calculator, but whatever... it says "excellent match", lol. The only challenge is "love", which seems to be right, she apparently hates me, lol. And there are parts about her that really give me grave anxiety, like the hole in her pocket and subsequent entitlement to your money to "fix it", like "fixing" an addict for a couple hours. :lol:

Adding more money to her pocket doesn't fix the hole in it. Think the hole just gets larger, lol.

There's a proper term for girls like these; called SIRENS. Financially shipwrecking unsuspecting travelers or "boyfriends". I would have to talk to her about these concerns, and satisfactorily addressing them, before seriously considering her.

--------------------------

Sophia Loren's husband Carlo Ponti promised her the 'most beautiful house in the world,' after they married.

I swear that's how it happens. Mention a house that's happening in the future, and girls think you're now married to them. And it's not just something in their mind, it creates a bond in your own mind, as well (When they reciprocate, however that happens.).

Once he hears to his heart's content, sails on, a wiser man.
We know all the pains that the Greeks and Trojans once endured
on the spreading plain of Troy when the gods willed it so—
all that comes to pass on the fertile earth, we know it all!

Exactly, you hear the siren song from a women's voice, "Sail on". The most recent girl like that in this neighborhood was definitely a druggie prostitute. Granted, after my neighbor spent some dough on that quick fix, his sense of masculinity temporarily boosted as evidenced from him loudly playing music for a couple days after. So, there's a tradeoff, I guess.

Was thinking of a future without love (or amanda...?), and I palpitated.

----------------

"I became a millionaire at age 21 by trading thousands of penny stocks", I see that, and I'm thinking about that one guy in highschool who acted like he was so rich and had a reputation for trading stocks. I just wonder if he was one of these types...

--------------

I like how I've restrained myself on the carbs unless I'm certifiably hungry for them (usually the morning), and I skip the teeth with the bananas, and my gums are almost back to normal now. Not only do they feel full, but I can't feel any notches when flossing them. It flosses in and out smoothly like "normal teeth", that's a great sign.

-----------------

behind every great man is a wife going through his wallet

No kidding.

 

[Dauntless]

I have a major in computer science and a minor in economics. Seems like a perfect fit, lol.

The return of the minor in Economics.

You have one thing with the CEO's of their own basement: None of you have a basement. I wonder how long their parents will put up with all these CEO's. The funny thing was, here I had a house and part-time work that wouldn't support it and my older brothers and sisters with kids, they were so contemptuous of me doing socalled self employment things because I needed whatever I could get while they sat around useless. The least they could have done was get me my phone messages.

So you're at least gonna let us know when the major news story is her and her father, right?

 

[swbluto]

Went to sleep from 8:30 p.m. to 12:30 a.m., now posting at 1:32 a.m.

Lower left back pain shortly after peak, like right around the hip.

Ate half a banana about 5 minutes ago, noticed it tasted good, measured blood sugar at 1:36 a.m. at 100mg/dl.

Suspected it might have been lower 10 minutes ago. Wondering why I was feeling sleepy at 8:30 p.m., seems a little too early.

------------------

Finished the third row of floor joists, the final row.

Had a banana. In the sugary state. Causing acid reflux, but coincides with neck pain for some reason ("radiating neck pain" usually concerns me). Had greek yogurt after noticing it, and seems to have subdued it noticeably.

Bananas in the unripe state don't generally cause acid reflux, but they do in the ripe state. Telling me, sugar -> acid reflux.

-------------------

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-I-wake-up-after-4-to-5-hours

Because those 4–5 hrs. are the ones you are profoundly asleep and are the most important ones out of the whole night. During these hours, REM (rapid eye movement) phase occurs. It is the phase where your brain recharges and rests; and where dreams also happen. Although a good night’s sleep should be between 6–8 hrs.

I find that most of the dreams I remember are from 5-7 hours of sleeping, the "second sleep" of the day. One day not long ago, I skipped over the second sleep and I was concerned. Then I thought maybe I was just a little excited or something.

----------------------

Warning you about an issue that needs attention: Through dreams, God or his angelic messengers may warn you about something important that’s dangerous to ignore — such as an unhealthy habit (like an addiction) or a person who needs your help. Bestselling novelist Stephen King has said that his nightmares not only give him ideas for his horror books, they also act like mirrors that show him issues he should address in his life. Sometimes divine warning dreams predict a future event, as well. For instance, former U.S. president Abraham Lincoln had a vivid dream that he was going to be assassinated shortly before that actually happened.

Oy, my dreams have suggested that Amanda's is going to be spending all my money and if not a present drug user, a future drug user. It's interesting though I have some intense attraction to this girl, I'm getting more warning dreams about her than positive ones. The HEB chick didn't really come with warning dreams, other than telling me of her promiscuity.

 

[swbluto]

Amanda looks a little insecure in her latest picture. Oh, did I do that?

It's funny, it's pretty easy to do, just mention their weight in a negative way. Suddenly, they feel insecure, lol. She's nearly anorexic, so pretty easy to do by insinuating she's an anorexic drug user. lol

I didn't know I could be so naturally evil, but it was for a specific reason. We're breaking up. I'm sure she understood that... right... girls understand these things...

-------------------

[youtube]GI9FsaT5X1w[/youtube]

The second scene.

I hate it how "Someone took my pills and consumed them" would be somehow my fault. My thoughts are, if they so stupid to take pills they know nothing about, THAT'S THEIR FUDGING FAULT, not mine. I'm not so stupid to be taking pills I don't know anything about, if someone's that stupid, they deserve to be in harms way and all faults on them. Darwin award winner is what I think I'd call it.

The argument for why my keeping undisclosed aspirin pills was somehow "putting the group at risk", because they might just decide to down them.

 

[DAND214]

Amanda looks a little insecure in her latest picture. Oh, did I do that?

It's funny, it's pretty easy to do, just mention their weight in a negative way. Suddenly, they feel insecure, lol. She's nearly anorexic, so pretty easy to do by insinuating she's an anorexic drug user. lol

I didn't know I could be so naturally evil, but it was for a specific reason. We're breaking up. I'm sure she understood that... right... girls understand these things...

HTF can you so call it breaking up, when you never met her. This whole thread has been noting more than talk. No solar, no chicks you think are you GF. A small house, no water or plumbing doe the septic you still don't have. A new house built with no permits, and no real codes. It sure would be a shame ir they really existed and the hurricane blew them of there loose pocks.

So I assume there will never be solar, only take about your health and the imagination of chicks you don't know.

Your turn Dauntles, I had enough for now.

Dan

 

[swbluto]

Amanda looks a little insecure in her latest picture. Oh, did I do that?

It's funny, it's pretty easy to do, just mention their weight in a negative way. Suddenly, they feel insecure, lol. She's nearly anorexic, so pretty easy to do by insinuating she's an anorexic drug user. lol

I didn't know I could be so naturally evil, but it was for a specific reason. We're breaking up. I'm sure she understood that... right... girls understand these things...

HTF can you so call it breaking up, when you never met her. This whole thread has been noting more than talk. No solar, no chicks you think are you GF. A small house, no water or plumbing doe the septic you still don't have. A new house built with no permits, and no real codes. It sure would be a shame ir they really existed and the hurricane blew them of there loose pocks.

So I assume there will never be solar, only take about your health and the imagination of chicks you don't know.

Your turn Dauntles, I had enough for now.

Dan

In this modern age, facebook relationships are practically just as real as real ones. So, that's how that happens. And, in essence, "the bond" just requires "reciprocated flirtation" after a prior request. If she don't reciprocate, she's not interested.

Yeah, it's true though, I often quipped how it's just make believe, so her having the expectations of my being a real boyfriend (Like giving her money), is baseless IMO.

 

[swbluto]

Looking up "bad girls" and found "high maintenance" in one guy's image description. Also "expensive".

Looked up high maintenance at UD and found https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=high-maintenance .

The themes seem to center around narcissistic and expensive tastes (Clothing, restaurants, etc.). This definition in particular caught my eye.

Often a divorced woman with a fake tan, big processed hair (usually blonde) and lots of bling. Very insecure about her looks and requires constant reassurance of her physical beauty. Spends lots of time and money on clothes, shoes, accessories, hair, makeup and beauty treatments. Needs expensive homes, cars, clothes and vacations. Never pays for anything when in the presence of men.

Let's see, what does Amanda have here.

She dyes her hair blond. CHECK
She definitely gets constant reassurance of her physical beauty, making me think she's fishing for it with her many selfies. CHECK
Spends lots of time and money on clothes, hair and makeup. CHECK
Needs expensive clothes. CHECK (I think the other things just aren't affordable to her at her current age and job history, LOL. Now she hightails it by marrying some rich guy, i.e. ME, she might very well be buying those 'expensive cars, home and vacations'. IN FACT, I was thinking maybe we could go on a european vacation next year, LOL.)

Never pays for anything in the presence of men. If she thinks the man has money... seems like it...

So Amanda is high maintenance, is she.

That's one thing my sister IS NOT. She's not "high maintenance", oh definitely not. And friends were jealous that I had such a hot sister (She's my sister so... yeah... I don't think she's that hot, personally, but her face is symmetric and her personality is cheerful.)

------------------------

Suddenly, warning lights flash and thoughts flood in like, “This is moving too fast. You will only get hurt. You don’t need anyone. Just step on the brakes.” As a result, we pull away from something that was making us happy.

But getting hurt does happen so...

----------------------

It's interesting. At a distance, doesn't seem like there's any obvious attraction/chemistry, but then the thought of standing near her sends flares of infatuation through, and I think of songs like this.

[youtube]Z5-rdr0qhWk[/youtube]

Because when you're standing oh so near, I kind of lose my mind

Feeling fatigued as of recent. Think maybe I need to eat, only had one banana. But the wine doesn't great, telling me my blood sugar is probably fine. Will test it soon. The other explanation is cardiac, but diet is easier to believe.

At 2:16 p.m., blood sugar is 2:16 p.m. (EDIT: Whoops 101 mg/dl)

Had one banana and a tiny bit of pink salmon about 3 hours ago. And just finished up the floor joists, hammering in one row with the joist nails, and finishing the screws on the joists resting on the block stacks.

 

[Dauntless]

High maintenance includes requiring a lot of attention and patience. Like someone sneaking in aspirin, you have to learn to keep an eye on that person and whatever else they might sneak in.

Your turn Dauntles, I had enough for now.

Dan

In this modern age, facebook relationships are practically just as real as real ones.

You mean like the way inflatable dolls can ignore you just like a real woman? I so wish we could get the master, Manti Te'o, to come share HIS views. But in order for this to be "Practically just as real" you have to actually be PAYING the camgirl. I think you're considered a 'Loiterer.' Or 'Freeloader.'

But the wine doesn't great. . . .

Sounds like it's doing something, though.

 

[swbluto]

I didn't sneak in aspirin, I just found it in one of my uniform pockets and decided to hide it so no one could find it, and I simply didn't think anyone needed to know about it, so I didn't tell anyone. But during one "paraphenalia sweep", someone found it...

---------------------

Ok, I totally need to find a program that will let me design a floorplan and generate a 3-dimensional model house directly from the floor-plan. ANY IDEAS??

Tried using google to find such a program, and saw videos on youtube. All the videos make it seem like you're going to build a 3d model of the house by hand, which seems like a pain. Seems like it'd be easier to automatically generate a model from a floor plan.

-----------------------

I noticed how I'm spending my daylight hours mostly working on my feet (on the new house), and the varicose veins in my right foot have NOTICEABLY dissipated. Thinking this means I'm doing something right, like I thought I would. It'd be nice to do it fulltime, but that takes funding.

 

[Dauntless]

So, you're saying someone PLANTED this aspirin on you? Hmmm, maybe the culprit turned you in and that's what they were really looking for, you're bootleg aspirin. You left out the part about it being your daily dose cholesterol aspirin. Maybe you should have hidden it where you hid your minor in Economics when you were denying you had one. . . .

And you say Google didn't tell you about Sketchup when you searched? https://www.sketchup.com/ Google has a free version.

How about Libre 3D? http://libre3d.com/ Also a free version, your basic introduction to get you wanting the better version you pay for.

Daz 3D might even work. https://www.daz3d.com/ They'll even market your models for you.

 

[swbluto]

I put the aspirin in dime bags inside my pockets like 5 months prior, so that if there were any issues, regardless of what uniform I was wearing, I could take it on a dime, lol. (No pun intended)

[That was a conflagrating factor, them being in dime bags. Them being police officers of sorts and having seen illegal drugs in these bags before didn't help matters when they didn't know what it was at first... so, yep, lots of hysteria and drama. Must be little cocaine pills or something, LOL. Which meant heads were going to roll, and they did, LOL.]

There were issues throughout the year, but with my current insight, I'd suspect they were "stress" events more often than not. Stress making for strong radiating chest pain, that's a curious phenomenon if it's not some kind of "serious" cardiac.

Sketchup might work, draw the outline of the house, extrude, then I guess implement "door" and "window" 3D models into the exterior of the house somehow...

Don't know if there's a "door" and "window" library available and if it's really that easy.

I was thinking it'd be nicer to have the floorpan with the windows and door in there, then the program would create a default 3d model house directly from the floor plan, windows and doors and all, and then maybe just adjust the parameters of the doors and windows to customize to suit. That seems like it'd work pretty nicely for speedy design work, accelerating iterations to get the final design a bit faster.

Granted, maybe I'm just the first person seeing a need for this...

[youtube]oI1VzSNhMpo[/youtube]

"Be with me or be me" - Either want to be my boyfriend or be just like her, an object of desire. (Maybe that's Amanda? Has a lot of guys applying for the role of boyfriend)

"When she asks for something, boy she means it" - Yeah, and if you don't give it to her, we're breaking up! (Amanda, deffo)

"Make you fall real hard in love" - When there's anticipation (Not much anticipation with ongoing idle FB chatter), seems like she has that effect!

It is telling though, when she's bitching because of me, she doesn't bitch to me... she bitches to everyone else. Implying my higher status than her. Be kind of nice if she had a bit of "fight back" in her, but I think I can cope, lol. The "fight back" thing is HOTT, so there's not much downside to it. HEB chick had a lot of "fight back" in her, and damn, she was hot.

-----------------

Recall descartes reasoning behind "Cogito ergo sum".

How do I know I exist? What if I'm in a dream? Then I could deploy a test to see if I was a dream. But what if the devil has tricked me and it seems like I'm not in a dream? (That actually has happened a couple times, waking up in my dream, and thinking I'm in the real world, and suddenly finding out NOPE I'M NOT, and then waking up for real, lol) Well, fudge it, I think therefore I am.

Basics of descartes reasoning. Not very complicated philosopher, him.

-------------------

Summary. Back before the heartbreak and she was mine, my hands were in particular places much of the time regardless of where I was, not unlike my pops. This wasn't normal behavior for me beforehand.

After the heartbreak. Nope, not in those places anymore.

After the reciprocated flirtation after the heartbreak; despite the feeling of some kind of vague bond, it was still not in those particular places anymore.

I got the sense that I couldn't restore the feeling that "She was mine" at that point. Not sure if it would've been possible. Seems like cheating trauma pretty much traumatizes the bond permanently, or something.

------------------

Standing up quickly, got palpitations. 3 or 4 noticeable beats. Looking around...

It is important to find out about the circumstances during which palpitations occur. Does it happen when the patient is at rest or, more significantly, does it happen when at work?7 Palpitations during exertion are alarming. Can it be brought on by swallowing cold food and drinks or can it be stopped by coughing or breath holding? The former can sometimes be found in atrial flutter while the latter would suggest an AV re-entrant tachycardia.

Not sure what to infer here.

Palpitations during exertion or immediately afterwards need urgent specialist

Hmmm...? Couldn't find the full sentence in the document where this snippet was taken.

I'm willing to bet it means "weak heart". So, more than likely, declining ejection fraction a la heart failure.

https://www.acc.org/education-and-meetings/patient-case-quizzes/young-patient-with-palpitations-on-exertion

A 20-year-old runner was seen in the general cardiology clinic for episodic palpitations and dyspnea on exertion of two-month duration. The episodes of palpitations would last for "a couple of minutes" and were associated with a recent decline in functional capacity for the last month. She denied any exertional chest pain, dizziness, or syncope. Physical examination was grossly normal. Resting 12-lead electrocardiogram is shown in Figure 1. Subsequent to the initial evaluation, an event monitor and echocardiogram were performed. The event monitor (Figure 2) demonstrated an episode of wide complex tachycardia at 185 beat per minute, which correlated with symptoms. Complete 2-D echocardiogram revealed global left ventricular hypokinesis with an ejection fraction of 35-40% and subsequent cardiac magnetic resonance confirmed the presence of mild to moderate left ventricular dilatation with mild global hypokinesis and estimated ejection fraction of 45%.

35-40%, that's low. Normal is greater than 50-55%.

What Causes Dilated Cardiomyopathy. Often, cause of dilated cardiomyopathy isn't known. ... Some diseases, conditions and substances also can cause the disease, such as: Coronary heart disease, heart attack, high blood pressure, diabetes, thyroid disease, viral hepatitis and HIV.

Heart attack was suspected one night. Seems like the occasional palpitation is a symptom of its plausible decline.

-----------------

Y'know, this one 45 year old guy who doesn't own a place and doesn't own a house, he kind of stays with other people when he's not renting a mobile, and he knows "This area" like he's a local or something...

He came on the property and started asking about my building a second house. Wow, I think I could sense some irritation when he was asking that, like some kind of resentment. What would that be, envy? I'm not trying to show off or anything, I'm just trying to get a "normalish house" I can live in, one with bedrooms. Other neighbor called that "oooo, you're getting fancy.". (Area has a bunch of smallish single person dwellings.)

I take it some people resent some 30-something guy building two houses? As I said, I'm not trying to show off or anything. But, some kind of place I can bring home chicks, maybe.

 

[Dauntless]

How dare you build houses while he's doing nothing. You're making him look bad.

I assume you're in 'Mud Hut' territory. People go to get away from restrictions, you go bringing attention to how maybe things could be done better there. Dang, you're playing head games with EVERYBODY.

Back when there were computer stores everywhere you could get discount rack CD home layout software for $10 or whatever. I'm sure it's around. I think I remember some of the cheap animation modeling programs could do it. (Bryce?)

So there's this new waitress working downtown here, walking distance from my house. A REAL person. With REAL giggles when I talk to her. Even if I am kidding myself, she's REAL cute, even talking to me for REAL. Do you get where I'm going with this?

 

[swbluto]

How dare you build houses while he's doing nothing. You're making him look bad.

I assume you're in 'Mud Hut' territory. People go to get away from restrictions, you go bringing attention to how maybe things could be done better there. Dang, you're playing head games with EVERYBODY.

Yeah, I think that's what it might be called, since it definitely is the closest one can get to Houston without restrictions and permits. It does look like people specifically come her to "get away from restrictions" because of the preponderance of tin housing. I'm told the build price for steel houses is half that of wood by a neighbor, he chose it because the taxes would be less. I'm choosing wood, spite the higher cost, because of the resale value and the mere ABILITY to sell it.

The lack of restrictions is important for me because the build costs otherwise are restrictive for me with the 1000 sq.ft min, for now.

So there's this new waitress working downtown here, walking distance from my house. A REAL person. With REAL giggles when I talk to her. Even if I am kidding myself, she's REAL cute, even talking to me for REAL. Do you get where I'm going with this?

You talking about the REAL deal and something with REAL potential? lol.

Yeah giggles, huh... I don't think I ever remember Amanda giggling, lol. She flirted in a very invitational way, though. Have you tried the "try for baby" routine yet? Maybe it's not the only viable way with real adults, especially those rent-pained girls in LA.

Local younger girl was trying to talk to me in a flirtatious way at the grocery. She specifically beckoned me because I was standing in the other line and soon the flirty mood was on, teasing about my presumed diet ("Don't tell me you're only eating tomatos."). I was mildly amused in a "woo, that was fun" kind of way by the encounter for about 10 minutes after. And, that reminds me of this song. lol



[youtube]VLnWf1sQkjY[/youtube]

I need a few things from the grocery
Do things alone now mostly
Left me heart broken not lookin' for love
Surprised in my eyes when I looked above
The check out counter and I saw a face
My heart stood still so did time and space
Never felt that I could feel real again
But the look in her eyes said I need a friend
She turned to me that's when she said it
Looked me dead in the face, asked Cash or Credit?
And I
Jizzed in my pants

I have to admit, I seem to be attracting girls with my >10k account balance, I can tell seeing 5 sig figs is attractifying my mood.


Read more: http://www.city-data.com/forum/relationships/1767669-when-should-guy-start-giving-his-2.html#ixzz5f5kjuB6t

When should a guy start giving his girlfriend money? (wives, boyfriends, woman)

Seriously, never. If she starts asking, look out.

But FYI, the "earned it" comment ... Kinda icky.

Seriously what I thought. And what did I call her? GOLD DIGGER. She wasn't even my girlfriend, and she was asking me while she was still girlfriend with this other guy. I'm thinking WTF...

GOLD DIGGER is the conclusion I came to.

As 2mares said, a "rare temporary situation" is one thing, but expecting a boyfriend to subsidize your lifestyle (paying for manicures or getting your hair done, making your car or cell payments, contributing toward rent, etc.)--heck no. Fleeeeeeee.

Guys who give their girlfriends money are setting themselves up to be used. Then they come back to CD pissing and moaning that "women just use me". Set the boundaries and guidelines right from the get go and you won't have this problem. Any women who asks for money should be ashamed of herself for being a beggar.

Exactly what my dream told me about her, she just uses guys for money. And this guy's comment pretty much implies that about her.

10 or 29 bucks once in a while is acceptable but hair done nails and all that crap screams gold digger.

Getting her hair done, yeah, that's what she did. And that's one thing my sister and my mom don't do.

I like how there's an undeniable wave of evidence telling me SHE'S A GOLD DIGGER.

Granted, if their goal is to marry a rich man, and it'd be expected he'd foot the wife's bills and clothing allowance and whatnot... than that wouldn't be out of place.

But prior to a wife.... prior to being a "real boyfriend", even... hmmm.... yeah, I'm thinking I made the right call.

--------------

Oh yeah, that guy was arguing with some girl and a guy at the end of the court. Words were flying and I have no idea what the dispute was. Likely something to do with money, since they were hitting the old man up for money just 2 days ago, and the girl begging him looked at me kind of warily as a viable prospect, LOL. Which is funny, since I do have cash BUT the real issue... am I generous with it...

-----------------

What the heck.

This girl who makes you so damn horny is the same girl saying she doesn't want children? WTH.

I thought that was a surefire indicator they got the goods for making great children. LOL

 

[Dauntless]

They're all trying to get their hand into the guy's wallet: That alone does not a 'Gold Digger' make. Just a rite of passage with them. certainly doesn't work as an excuse for you not paying your web cam girl bill. I'm not sure I understand the "Try for baby" routine.

The lack of restrictions is important for me because the build costs otherwise are restrictive for me with the 1000 sq.ft min, for now.

Just so those who would interfere with your freedom are properly restricted, eh?

 

[swbluto]

This girl seems to be responding to my post. lol

If you're married, stop talking to unmarried people about your relationship. They can't relate and their also jealous so stop

HAHAHAHA. She thinks I'm married, lol. So jealous about what exactly, the "relationship" we have?

Oh crap, how can I block that person from reading my posts? It's supposed to be my private journal SINCE NO ONE KNOWS ME, but I want to keep it publicly accessible.

Can't seem to do it, so I guess I'll ignore her entreaties. Boy, she is really responding to the most recent one. Inspired like 5 different posts.

 

[swbluto]

They're all trying to get their hand into the guy's wallet: That alone does not a 'Gold Digger' make. Just a rite of passage with them. certainly doesn't work as an excuse for you not paying your web cam girl bill. I'm not sure I understand the "Try for baby" routine.

Did you see the replies from that city-data thread? A girl asking for money "way too soon" is a surefire sign of "watch out for her", and they further specify for emergencies and whatnot, actual troubles, not deceptive finagling.

Doesn't matter much, I wonder why waste funds on someone who's DEFINITELY not children bearing, if there'll be such a person down the line. You're inevitably wasting money that would've been better contributed to the family you'd eventually have, especially if they an expensive gold digger.

I think my thoughts on dating and family is much like the pope's. Childless girls are SELFISH. (But, I really don't want to seem like I'm saying that because I AM SELFISH, lol.)

What was that, palpitations, seemed like 180 bpm. Right after calling them selfish. A possibly hostile act.

Felt like 3 beats a second.

Some kind of tachycardia.

Looks like maybe supraventricular tachycardia or SVT. I'd have to wear a holter monitor to read these events while they're happening for a refined diagnosis.

SVT is almost never life-threatening and treatment outcomes are excellent

However...

Although most cases of SVT are not considered to be dangerous or life threatening, frequent episodes can weaken the cardiac muscle over time, and should therefore be addressed with medical intervention to prevent further complications.

 

[swbluto]

So she's posting she's going to take a trip with a guy she's been looking at over in california, and the next post, she tells me (via implication), she wants a puppy. Funny, SO DO I, so we're thinking exactly the same thing here. Granted, that post also seemed to imply she didn't want children, but I don't know if I can read that much into it.

I don't care if my child is a boy or girl, as long as it's a healthy puppy.

It's critical if this is the case, because the saying "Don't date someone you wouldn't marry", also combines with the concept of "Don't marry someone you wouldn't have children with", to produce the logical statement "don't date someone you wouldn't have children with", and she don't want children... I shouldn't date her. Further, that'd be suggestive along with her spendthrift nature, she isn't striving for anything, she's only focusing on herself and the pursuit of hedonism essentially at others' expenses (I.e., mine et al) and that would further explain the gold digger dream and her follow up of "gold digging".

So, as you see, this is a critical point to clear up with her. She don't want children? What is she living for, exactly?

It's not like I'm looking to impregnate right away, but if she isn't a viable possibility, period, I would be wasting time and MONEY at the expense of whom I would want a family with.

Imagine getting into a longterm relationship with someone like that... and you just spent your entire adulthood being deprived of the possibility of having children WHEN it is the most important time period to do so. Yeah, ridic.

This ties into steve's life history, yes it does, married 3 girls whom he didn't have children with. WTF... I'm thinking if he never married them in the first place because they weren't going to have a family, he wouldn't have had all those expensive divorces. So, I'm thinking if he used my wisdom, it would've saved him A LOT OF MONEY, lol. Likely wouldn't have gotten his house stolen as easily as it was by the third wife. (Especially if he never married in the first place, since no intended family)

 

[Dauntless]

(But, I really don't want to seem like I'm saying that because I AM SELFISH, lol.)

Well then, to paraphrase an old expression, 'Tis better to remain silent and be thought selfish than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.'

Oh, never forget, when the girlfriend leaves and takes the dog you helped raised from a puppy. . .Well, just be thankful you were never good enough for her to date anyway. Even if she's just imaginary, that'll make the PUPPY imaginary. Are you ready for that?

I
Perhaps you need to learn courting secrets of George Washington. Whose lifelong passion, his great love affair, caused his holdings to include some 40 miles along the banks of the Ohio River.

So picture the 16 year old future father of his country travelling to visit his oldest brother, recently returned from the war and newlywed, on his newly built Mount Vernon estate. He made friends with another George, this one a Fairfax and English Noble, younger brother of his sister in law. He also met the new bride of Sir George, Sally Fairfax.

There's no sign that anyone thought of anything untoward at the time, but oh those letters that emerged after his death. What did they say?

Everything and nothing. Was this code talking? Wild, passionate ravings about, what, exactly? What is actually in these letters admit nothing, yet suggest. . . .

Oh, if you are a historian do you love these letters. And to a married woman. But was she merely coaching this reserved young man on, upon meeting a woman, how to sound. . . ?

She certainly introduced him to many, if not to one Martha Dandridge Custis. Mrs. Fairfax certainly wrote to encourage that matter.

And indeed, the union allowed him to continue his love affair with land, as she was a widow of a wealthy man. Though possibly not so wealthy as George Fairfax.

Alas, on the eve of the revolution, the Fairfax' flight for the duration meant the two would never see one another again, as they lost all their holdings in the colonies. Sir George would die a broken man before Washington had even attended the constitutional convention. Little did he know that, about the time of the convention, she would write "I know now that the worthy man is to be preferred to the high-born who has not merit to recommend him…when we enquire into the family of these mighty men we find them the very lowest of people."

After all, what does some rich, ineffectual Noble have to offer compared to the dashing father of his country? Washington lived his life land rich but mostly cash poor. Though giving up the tobacco growing he's most often credited with and instead growing wheat helped. When a religious cult moved onto some of his land he was reportedly delighted. Offering to sell cheap. But they said their faith encouraged then to just take what they wanted and threaten the owner. Wrong man to try that on. (Can't you just picture him asking "Do you know who I am?") But he wound up with much development of the agricultural potential and even some building on his land by the time they slunk off.

But there was to be one last letter. Was this him at last professing his life long love---Damn, mister, her husband has been dead more than a decade, must you STILL code talk?