Buying forest land, implementing solar

[swbluto]

I've just not been updating the minutiae here, pretty much.

So far, got 4 out of 15 trusses finished, and sitting ontop of the frame. Hoping to get out at least another 3 today, ideally 4.

With the completely flat floor, and probably just greater experience, and better assembly processing, my trusses are turning out pretty professional looking. They look nice and consistent.

----------------------

[youtube]BPwZaQfoIbU[/youtube]

I'd sell my soul for you babe
For money to burn with you
I'd give you all, and have none babe
Just have you here by me

Because in the midnight hour, she cried "More, more, more"

Holy shit, I hope that's not how the real world works. My having nothing would mean no investment, meaning no income increases. It'd also make one vulnerable to income dips, which happens in retail from time to time.

It's interesting how this mirrors my dream of her, "I want to find a guy with a lot of money and spend it all". Especially with guys like this apparently willing to do it. There's demand, and apparently there's willing supply.

--------------------------------

https://www.quora.com/Do-narcissists-ever-come-back-after-discarding-you

She started telling folks in game that they were invited to our future wedding. She even asked what I would name my kids. I said I’d let the woman decide. She then said “I’m screenshotting and saving this!” and told me the names of her kids.

Funny, I was having this convo with her, huh. Except she didn't ask me, I supplied the names.

Thank god this girl is apparently a slut, I don't think there'd be a "shut down" like with this person. But, I did suggest, "We need to meet first", somewhat suspect how our real life chemistry would turn out... just like it did for this guy...

If I were to take strict parallels to this guy's story, it'd seem like I'd be the having panic attack and not willing to "get intimate". But, that would seem to be a little suspect for a guy, wouldn't it... I wasn't having panic attacks around the heb chick...

But I do have a history of panic attacks and an apparently fearful baseline of some kind, don't I...

I might just be the girl in his story. The fearful narcissistic initiator and love bomber.

 

[Dauntless]

YOU better get laid soon! With all those health concerns they might kill you before you have any of all those chicks , you keep dreaming about.

Careful, that would create the additional danger of additional, ummm, HIM! Are you SURE you wish to encourage a next generation?

This funny idea popped into my head yesterday about how I'd get some woman pregnant and she'd go to court trying to take my house because she was entitled. Keep this guy worrying about that possibility and maybe it'll be safe after all.

 

[swbluto]

YOU better get laid soon! With all those health concerns they might kill you before you have any of all those chicks , you keep dreaming about.

Careful, that would create the additional danger of additional, ummm, HIM! Are you SURE you wish to encourage a next generation?

This funny idea popped into my head yesterday about how I'd get some woman pregnant and she'd go to court trying to take my house because she was entitled. Keep this guy worrying about that possibility and maybe it'll be safe after all.

Sounds like something a BPD would try to do. LOL

Liars, cheaters and thieves. Funny how that seems to fully describe them hoes, ESPECIALLY, the entitled ones. Of which many DEFINITELY are. (That's experience talking)

I've been advised by google to get a "living agreement contract" for any would be live-in girlfriends, if I intend to keep my possessions in my possession. Funny how renters don't have to deal with such bullshittery, think maybe I should put my properties in the possession of my parents for safe keeping. I don't need their permission to sign the deed over to them.

I thought about the benefits of constructing my own place. As long as I have money on the table, I can always start over.

 

[DAND214]

YOU better get laid soon! With all those health concerns they might kill you before you have any of all those chicks , you keep dreaming about.

Careful, that would create the additional danger of additional, ummm, HIM! Are you SURE you wish to encourage a next generation?

This funny idea popped into my head yesterday about how I'd get some woman pregnant and she'd go to court trying to take my house because she was entitled. Keep this guy worrying about that possibility and maybe it'll be safe after all.

So sorry Daunt, wouldn't be able to read all the multi posts, from him and ?.

All I was worried was without it he might die before getting it. And what would it matter if she killed him in bed? No more worries of heart what ever he claimes or all that money he has or doesn't.

Dan

Dan

 

[swbluto]

She posted a picture, peer deep into my eyes. Just like I did to the heb chick, right.

"Your soul belongs to me" she followed up with.

Damn. I think the heb chick beat her to it, actually, fudge. Because, actually, no it doesn't. There was no dramatic sexual pairbond that was forged, nope, not really, not like I did with the heb chick. But, it felt like a rush of some kind.

So she's getting aggressive with the seduction, huh. That's normally something the guy is supposed to initiate.

Wish I could take back the idea she's a slut. Seemed like she was valued more back then, like "worth keeping".

Funny, she seems to be trying what the girl in this YT music video did.

Wonder what exactly is triggering this...

She seems to have been getting aggressive since I implied to her "get back here!".

[youtube]iIpfWORQWhU[/youtube]

Yeah, so that supports my theory. She was trying to consummate our relationship, to "keep me", essentially. That's why she was trying to cheat. Not because of "You're SO HOTT, LET'S DO IT MAN!", lol.

 

[Dauntless]

Well, she sure LOOKS like the Flock of Seagulls guy, judging from that picture .

Women initiate things to get you off guard and take everything from you. Maybe she succeeds that this regularly. If so you might be able to sell her a house.

But if you let her do her dirtywork she'll take it from you.

 

[swbluto]

Well, she sure LOOKS like the Flock of Seagulls guy, judging from that picture .

Women initiate things to get you off guard and take everything from you. Maybe she succeeds that this regularly. If so you might be able to sell her a house.

But if you let her do her dirtywork she'll take it from you.

You're saying someone who looks like this would do something like that? Have to admit, the implied BPD personality, and how she seems to fit the "high maintenance" urban dictionary entry so well, there's pretty high risks.



I'll have to start researching when I put that roman villa post down... and trace when she started the "get him" campaign... the timing might be suggestive...

Oh yes, I see. I put the roman villa dream project post down on Feb 21, and she started the "get him in bed" campaign the next day, Feb 22.

I think you're right, Dauntless.

Though, getting me in bed doesn't mean she's getting a roman villa that's being built 2 years in the future, now does it...

However, if she manages to successfully push marriage, it's possible. And if she manages to poke a bunch of holes in the condom... lol

 

[swbluto]

Shoot, think I'm realizing something. Someone gets too close, I just blow up, devalue them, and push them away. Like this girl, the most recent devaluation came in the form of "What a slutty cheater". The prior devaluation was "What a spendthrift".

That sounds just like classical descriptions of BPD.

So I'm the hoe that...

She wants to touch me (whoa)
She wants to love me (whoa)
She'll never leave me (whoa, whoa, oh, oh)

Don't trust a ho
Never trust a ho
'Cause a hoe won't trust me

----------------------------

Jeez, still crying about the heb chick, being reminded of that moment. Maybe it's just an early morning thing, now 9:24.

Reminded by this recent writing.

And I prefer the aggressive highly forward, head held close to the left shoulder, tilted down look myself. And, that'd be my pose. The other's pose would be like... an instantaneous reaction, as if time stopped, as if having seen the most beautiful picture in the world, tinged by sadness.

It f'ing rained, telling me this morning might not be a good time to do construction.

Makes me wonder if the recent love cry sessions were really more about the heb chick than this girl...

Only about 1 year and 9 months since the event. But, I had no problems taking this girl about 4 months ago, actually, there's a lot to suggest that. So the "relational exclusion property wasn't there at that time, like was true for the first year.

Why do my love moments get so predictably soppy, lol.

So she wants my soul, huh. Assuming that's what she really really wants... <3

Suspect that some times, even when they're getting talked shit about behind their back.

The emotions are subtly overwhelming this morning. Watching this over and over, in context, might've helped.

[youtube]9muzyOd4Lh8[/youtube]

--------------------

Watching this ketogenic diet advertising video, it apparently suggests "can't skip out fruits and veggies". LOL, I guess I don't have to change much to be on a "ketogenic diet", do I, lol. Just limit the number of bananas.

-------------------

Keep re-imagining and re-enacting that moment, keep evoking those tears. Maybe I should stop doing that, lol.

Bonded for life, maybe.

So didn't need to say that...

But at least the reaction it evoked highlighted the underlying reality.

I'm pretty sure the "relational exclusion" isn't there anymore... but it might mean the inability to "life bond" with anyone else for life.

That would mirror my sentiments at the time, "I will do whatever it takes to find you", even if I knew intellectually that wasn't going to happen.

-----------------

Completed 3 more trusses today, 5 more left to do. If it doesn't rain tomorrow morning, I should get them all done.

 

[Dauntless]

Keep re-imagining and re-enacting that moment, keep evoking those tears. . . "I will do whatever it takes to find you", even if I knew intellectually that wasn't going to happen.

What moment? When you started the ketogenic diet? Are you trying to suggest you're scamming YOURSELF?

If you need a hobby, consider this guy:

He goes online live on whatever, YouTube, Facebook, etc. This is only the end of the broadcast. Some people scam to to profit, this guy is scamming the SCAMMERS, so we like that, right? I have my own history of pranking the bad guys to bust them, I've even testified in court on the subject. Just think of how you'd impress the better class of women. The way the crooked type might reconsider even trying to rip you off.

[youtube]698Rm2FV6ik[/youtube]

 

[swbluto]

The indian's end reaction was risible. I bet he's thinking, "I don't give a shit about your people when I'm wallowing in poverty and subsisting off of breadcrumbs I find at random on the dirt road.", LOL. Go hungry makes you angry which leads to... well... not feeling guilty about those actions that it leads to.

Is this what "I want your soul" means, obsessed girlfriend. Well, can't say I find that disagreeable.

But now this is starting to worry me, LOL.

mhmmm.

I think it's funny how "I'm going to play it cool", when, not holding myself back... catcalls are the order of the day, when they're like 10 feet in front of me. LOL

True, but she will when the man has the fearlessness to do it 10 feet in front.

------------------

Anyway, had that insight from that article, "Don't fear death, it can cause heart failure", and I've been sleeping a sound 6 hours of sleep a night ever since. Isn't that interesting...

Fear of death can cause death, what a trap.

Thinking about how lucky animals are...

The only mortal threats they can comprehend, and fear, are "other animals".

---------------------

Definitely need to remember...

Are you from McDonalds? Because I'm lovin' it!

Oh, and...

Did you just pass gas? Because you BLEW ME AWAY! My sister's favorite.

http://pun.me/pages/cheesy-pick-up-lines.php

 

[Dauntless]

. . . . she will when the man has the fearlessness to do it 10 feet in front.

------------------

Thinking about how lucky animals are...

The only mortal threats they can comprehend, and fear, are "other animals".

---------------------

Definitely need to remember...

Are you from McDonalds? Because I'm lovin' it!

Oh, and...

Did you just pass gas? Because you BLEW ME AWAY! My sister's favorite.

So just how many tornadoes HIT this trailer park you grew up in?

 

[swbluto]

How many earthquakes hit yours, huh?

Someone posted "future wife" in her feed, and she has a fairly revealing dress. Doing that for moi? It's easy to question who she intends her posts for, exactly...

 

[Dauntless]

I'm not the one using passing gas as a pickup line. Or anything else in that post.

The dress is to say "Hey, look what YOU don't get."

And what you don't get about the Indian scammer is he's way too educated to be some dirt farmer that you're making him out to be. I've known people from India, they say if their English is so good they're not poor. Didn't you catch where he said he wanted iTunes cards? Nothing to do with poverty. Maybe he lost his job at the boiler room and set out on his own. Or maybe on his days off he goes trolling for iTunes cards.

 

[swbluto]

The girl who commented "future wife", must be one of her friends she chats with. A close friend. I've had the idea she's a hoe, and this girl appears black (So she has close friends who are black), and we know the kind of reputation that they tend to have. And, "hoes of a feather, flock together".

My sister and mother do not have black close friends and they ain't hoes, lol.

An unsurprising conclusion at this point.

Not sure how I want to handle this. Marriage is off the table or prenuptial will be thoroughly reviewed by my lawyers, lol. She doesn't seem ordinarily dismayed by the non-prospect of marriage, anyway.

The requirements for marriage go beyond them, it also applies to me, in terms of sufficient income and projected stability to support children. Because marriage isn't a titular institution to me. And there's more requirements as to us, do we want children.

Think maybe I'll want to review my search strategy next time, perhaps something other than tinder. Or play close attention to those "hoe indicators" in terms of my intention.

Closer review doesn't suggest they're a hoe. See no obvious provocations in her facebook photos, and she doesn't seem to blow kisses to everyone...

Seem ironic to conclude her black friend isn't a hoe, but she is.

Okay, well, I'll keep the label off her for now. Benefit of the doubt.

-------------------

And had another explicit dream. The explicit dreams of late have a different quality about them than the rare ones in times past, seems to have a bit more detail or something.

-------------------

Anyway, I'm analogizing the intended biz strategy to the best strategy in Civilization 3. Allocate resources all over the map to establish many cities, and grow each city over time, doing so will establish in time, AN EMPIRE.

Right now, I'm simply working with the first business started, choked by the inability to deploy necessary assets due to insufficient suitabel mosquito proof floor space. But that'll be resolved when the house gets finished.

--------------------

it's nice seeing my balances grow with time. Didn't see that much last year, actually, LOL. But this year is different, since I have high ratings now due to having line electricity.

----------------

missing graph paper which has my house layouts on it. Need it for drawing the internal frames on the floor. Frustrating as hell, lol.

Might as well learn some cad software now, lol.

-------------

Will have to admit, I seem to be beaming at the prospect of marrying this girl, despite my immediate hesitations and "Woah, way too fast!!", lol. And, for some reason, I can't seem to say that seriously... "way too fast", lol.

Well, thinking about the 20-something "young love" marrying conditions, I seem to be a much better position for it. Not quite "perfect" yet, but much better.

And, damn, not supposed to marry anyone until ... like... Dec 2016.... Dec 2020... So at least a year and half from now. Because my creditors will find me before the statute of limitations are up, lol. That was like "The big way" that defaulters get caught, was marrying, according to that one guy.

But at the end of the day, logic will trump in matters like these. So, hesitations will be heeded.

https://projecthotmess.com/warning-signs-to-make-you-realise-you-shouldnt-get-married/

Seem to pass all the tests.

 

[Dauntless]

I've had the idea she's a hoe, and this girl appears black (So she has close friends who are black), and we know the kind of reputation that they tend to have. And, "hoes of a feather, flock together".

What feather are YOU flocking with, birdie? Opens this up for some serious satire. 'Hoe' being black slang that caught on. People who don't use that particular expression use another, but it's NOT some 'Reputation' exclusive to being black.

My sister and mother do not have black close friends and they ain't hoes, lol.

Oh, so THAT is how to keep from being a hoe, you have to avoid black people. You're really giving the reader ideas about yourself right now, Not good ideas.

An unsurprising conclusion at this point.

Not surprising at all.

Will have to admit, I seem to be beaming at the prospect of marrying this girl, despite my immediate hesitations and "Woah, way too fast!!", lol.

So now you're going to marry her. . . .

 

[swbluto]

I think I'm realizing she has a number of black friends now because she's lives in a black area of Houston right now. It's no doubt a "cheaper area", thus why. Her friends in the past who commented, when she lived in Austin, were most definitely white girls and her pictures depict her hanging out with white girls over there.

I don't live in a black area, I refuse to if I can help it. lol The greater concern in this area is illegals, but thankfully those are gone.

I'll give her a chance, and I'll try to keep the cynicism at bay. In particular, the positing or insinuation of selfish intentions. I seem prone to doing that unfettered... and... doesn't hypothetically seem like a good idea. Because, erosion of relations and encouraging them to act that way. She seems "good natured" at her core, as long as you're helping her.

I'm thinking of the verbiage in the prenuptial, to address inequities and very palpable risks in the current legal system. In particular, high value "Indivisible assets".

All indivisible assets above $20,000 in market value will be liquidated and net proceeds split 50/50. First via a realtor, and if not sold within a reasonable amount of time (1 year), then at auction.

Maybe this provision should be specific to childless unions. This would've spared steve's dilemmas. And the idea of marrying someone as an effort to "keep them"... I'm getting the sense that would in some cases backfire. Fear of abandonment leading to it, essentially. Or, maybe moreso... fear of abandonment tending to indicate a person with a history, and likely future, of being abandoned.

In the case with having children, the real estate should moved to a trust, with exclusive use by the female; or if not used, then rented out and proceeds going to... her.

Well, might as well just forgo the trust and hand it over.

In the current environment, marrying as a way of "keeping them" seems like a bad reason. Because, the current environment doesn't exactly seem like it really "keeps anyone" if they want to leave.

 

[Dauntless]

https://www.cnn.com/2018/12/28/us/frugal-social-worker-leaves-millions-to-charity-trnd/index.html

 

[swbluto]

After thinking about it, I'm more concerned about the legal inequities in the case of childless unions. The system as it is seems "fair enough" for unions with children. And, I don't honestly think a prenuptial is going to stop child support payments, lol.

If the union has children, the man SHOULD be raped, in my opinion. So, equal to or better than that is "fair enough" to me.

Thinking of "the children should take everything", has me so teary.

 

[Dauntless]

https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2019/02/class-ceiling-laurison-friedman-elite-jobs/582175/

 

[swbluto]

Today has been a cryfest, my lord.

I think the rational explanation is "getting emotional". I guess certain things have me "getting emotional", which I would not have ordinarily predicted of my person.

I was telling myself this whole "Doing well, having big plans" and then having a family soon after IS A TRAP. lol

Why, because it locks you down. Those big plans to the wayside as the focus becomes on family, and resources spent therein.

Thought to myself, I really shouldn't be having children until after the first real estate sale. That way, I'll have the "startup capital" to further my career as I desire, instead of potentially... spending it all before I can.

----------------

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/7-signs-its-more-than-jus_n_3699124

It's a tough thing to figure out since big life changes can make us all emotional, so be sure to take some time (meditate, go for long walks, journal, sit in silence, whatever works for you) to figure out if you're crying tears of joy or tears of sadness.

Looking more at the emotions this girl was experiencing...

Except nothing was OK. My feet were frozen and my denial caused me to be depressed, angry, and scared. Yet rather than face the truth that I simply did not want to get married (at that time) I instead faced my fiancé on the altar.

Depressed, angry and scared.

Nope, not my emotions, mine is crying and high happiness, alternating. "Angry and scared", LOL, hardly.

 

[swbluto]

Wait, I think I'm safe. I never bent down on one knee and asked, "Will you marry me?". Whoo, close one! LOL

I'm trying to imagine what path I might take to get to that point from here to there and... hmmm... don't really feel like it right now. Then again, that could change.

I find it funny how loud my laughing is at this matter...

It's hard sometimes trying to understand what I'm REALLY feeling. And, that's what I'm trying to find out.\

Well, seem to feel a sense of relief since just now mentioning that. So, I guess that should be telling.

Getting married = depressed and crying.
Discovered not getting married = sense of relief and highly humored.

Now what should THIS be telling me... hmmm...

Wiat, this seems like the lauging that would happen after hitting someone's car and then saying to them, "Thank goodness I didn't hit your car, it could've been worse".

So, damn... maybe that means it's on... So merely comic relief...

but it's true though, right...

 

[Dauntless]

Today has been a cryfest, my lord.

think the rational explanation is "getting emotional".

So now you'll hear from Dan and Marty again about your teenage girlhood. Calling it getting emotional would be quite the rationalization.

So you're saying men who get married and have kids never succeed. Hmmmm.

Rather than state the obvious. . . .

So I guess I was 20 years old when I got an unexpected offer. This guy called me up and wanted me to go to work at his radio station in or around Bullhead City, Arizona

So I thought it was an interesting prank, I hadn't told anyone that I'm met this owner or manager or whatever of this small market station when I was at the supplier for the school radio station. So I'm supposed to bieve that this guy had talked to me there, listened to the station and called me up to offer me a job. Riiiiiiiight. . . .

In fact the owner of the vendor did indeed get him to listen. You have to understand, he has all this college kids begging their first job, he never knows which one is ready to be away from mommie and daddie. Apparently he likes me as he was talking to me, here I was one of the paid student advisors, yeah, getting to actually hear me on the air instead of some cherry picked aircheck must have made this seem perfect. Dang, I never told classmates because they'd have sworn I was making it up when I turned it down.

Turned it down? Do you know how desperate so many raido students who will never get that first job really are?

Well, radio wasn't really what I had in mind, I was set on TV/Film and just hanging out on the air. Plus you get something like minimum wage to live on when you move to this new town. Additional complications, including the recent death of my father, well, I decided I'd at least get closer to graduation before relocating.

So I did wind up with some part-time work in radio without moving, again what an incredible stroke of luck. By the time I finished school I'd made up my mind I wasn't going to chase through the hinterlands for television work, I'd settle for what I could get in SoCal.

Counterintuitive, we're told all through school about the time we'll spend in small markets, etc. No way to raise a family, that's for sure. There was my primary motivation. But I'd decided that once I was on that treadmill I might never get off. The business had changed, there was ind3ed burgeoning opportunities that proven better that the transcient life I'd been told of.

Still, I might instead have done better if I'd picked up and gone. But I'll tell you, I don't really feel regrets there, it's a good choice

I don't see myself in the future feeling I missed out by refusing to do things that were incapatible with having a family, but I Will regret if I really don't get to have one. I personally didn't do anything to avoid one, except the refusal to have a BAD one with some junkie, etc.

I see others with families make it in TV, no need to see it as stopping me.

Of course if the REAL reason you're crying is you think it's your own behavior that stands in the way. . . .

 

[swbluto]

What is "comic relief".

comic relief. n. A humorous or farcical interlude in a serious literary work or drama, especially a tragedy, intended to relieve the dramatic tension or heighten the emotional impact by means of contrast.

Dang, yeah, the cryfest yesterday would've suggested a tragedy, and that's when I was operating under the notion it was going to happen, but I switched out of it. It's on the mind, but no longer seems "imminent and inevitable" like yesterday.

So getting married is a tragedy, huh.

Interesting. I'm not sure what about me she would wish have changed, LOL, since I wouldn't say I'm flawless, but close enough to it. lol

The other google image search results suggest that divorce is a tragedy. Oh yes, that was the presiding thoughts yesterday wasn't it, thinking of "the end". I've already seen what happens when I focus on "the end", it tends to happen, LOL. But I don't think I'm focusing on it, just thinking thru how I might address the inequities I've observed in all the old timers past marriages around here, and I think honing in on childless marriages would be key. If I was surrounded by a bunch of young pups, I wouldn't necessarily have the same kind of awareness.

Okay, so, cool cucumbers.

We totally need to date first, lol, getting to know each other, before making life decisions like this. It would seem like she's willing to so readily get married at the first sign of a going-to-be-rich boy, whereas I think we should at least see how our personalities mesh, and I should know certain things about her. In particular, debts she might expect me to pay. I have my own debts, which I don't expect her to pay, so... it's only fair.

---------------

Ribbing me hard. Posted an american psycho pokemon card episode, even though I question my actual similarity to the protagonist, it was easy to understand the intention.

------------------
mar1 - mar7
$3/day - 75 clicks - 20.28 192.88

That looks like pretty good performance.

Upping to $5/day starting now 9:13 p.m. mar7.

 

[Dauntless]

So getting married is a tragedy, huh.

It will be if you make it so.

https://www.cnn.com/2019/03/07/asia/hong-kong-domestic-helpers-sacked-intl/index.html

 

[Dauntless]

Okay, I guess there's one change we all fear in a woman. Turning into THIS woman.

Flashing her commissioner’s gold badge and boasting of her influence during a routine traffic stop involving her daughter, Caren Z. Turner demanded to know why police had pulled the car over and why it was being impounded.

Then she launched into a tirade at the two officers.

All of it was captured on camera.

Tenafly Police released a video Tuesday revealing just why Turner abruptly resigned last week as a commissioner of the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey.

When you think it's over, keep watching. She WAS some sort of ethics chairperson.

[youtube]Y5zx1xzzi7k[/youtube]