The Ebiker Joke thread...

imidacloprid said:
Looks like Mama Merkel. :)
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Hehe... Had to look that up. (Haven't watched any commercial television for decades.) SOUNDS like yer tapping about Germany’s "Iron Lady" (German Chancellor Angela Merkel)? So. A "bad" car operator ("driver")?
 
In ES Newz... "Volkswagen Promises Its Next Electric Car Will Be as Revolutionary As the Beetle". The company promotes the fact their new car will still produce millions of property damages, and injure and kill millions every year, but swears will do so in a more "eco-friendly" way. (No word yet on whether it will be any easier to pedal.)
 
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[youtube]-UQ-HdBtYQs[/youtube]
 
"Lessons From 10 of the Worst Engineering Disasters in US History"
http://www.livescience.com/55619-engineering-disasters.html

Interestingly enough (or not), Engineering Disaster 11 omitted from their list.

The failure of local officials to permit use of large, heavy, (and expensive) vehicles (which can be driven at "high speeds" by amateurs - much faster than most urban speed limits, often with mostly empty seats plus loads of empty cargo space) while exhausting burnt fuel exhausts (requiring dirty engine oil "replacement" - often dripped onto soil), noxious and poisonous "greenhouse" gases into the airs, etc, etc.) resulting in billions of dollars of property damages every year - damages from road snow clearing salts just one example - and injuries and deaths of millions of plants and animals (many human, due to a lack of exercise) and "accidents", etc) every day.

Epic FAIL. "Biblical" EVen.

MUST be a joke, right?
 
Medieval-doctor-illustration-skull-160804.jpg


The medical profession has noticed that the brain of an "ebiker-type" is noticeably larger. (And also in other varieties may appear noticeably smaller... or have defects.)

Science. Stranger than facts.
 
In the news: "To Be or Not To Be? Monkeys Type Shakespeare Using Brain Waves"
http://www.livescience.com/56154-monkeys-use-brain-implants-to-type.html

In part:
Monkeys with brain implants are able to type out sections of the Shakespeare play "Hamlet," new research shows.

What's more, the macaques are able to type at a relatively fast 12 words per minute, with fewer typos than past brain-computer interfaces. The new brain implants could one day improve communication for those who are almost completely paralyzed, such as the polymath Stephen Hawking.
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Researchers are particularly excited to think that in the future direct connections to the brain may assist some in operating heavy equipment (think "car") more effectively ("better"). Sometimes. On a "good" day. Maybe. Some of them.
 
In local newz... "Wynne says Hydro Cost Hikes “worth it”"
Ontario’s Auditor General has reported that Ontarians have over-paid $37 billion for power between 2006 to 2014 and will hand over $133 billion more by 2032 because of a “global adjustment” electricity fee on hydro bills.
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Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne: "They keep buying those darned ebike thingees."
 
The Ig Nobel Prize Winners of 2016 are out! On that list?
Solving car emissions

The Chemistry Ig Nobel went to Volkswagen, "for solving the problem of excessive automobile pollution emissions by automatically, electromechanically producing fewer emissions whenever the cars are being tested," according to a statement by Ig Nobel officials. This Ig Nobel did not come cheaply. The car company agreed to pay $14.7 billion to settle claims in this scandal, in which they fitted cars with software to cheat the system — allowing the vehicles to pass emission testing even though on the road they went over legal pollution limits, according to the New York Times. Volkswagen will also pay other compensations and penalties.
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http://www.livescience.com/56228-ig-nobel-prize-winners.html
 
In ES Newz "Self-driving ‘robo-car’ taxi service now available to public for free in Singapore"

In an exclusive, ES reporters snapped a pic:
total-recall.jpg


(Any similarity to 1997 movie "The Fifth Element" are entirely coincidental and can be ignored.)
 
CONGRATULATIONS!

To the city of Madrid, Spain!

... On winning the first annual Worlds WORST "Car Free Day" Award!

"Huge traffic jams mar Madrid car-free day"
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-37441704

_91346913_madridcarsnov15.jpg


(Winners may drive over to Canada to pick up this huge cup thingee anytime!)
 
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Comes w/handy "crush zone" addition to better protect occupants inside...
[youtube]tFGd52ZXlnU[/youtube]
 
The Car Addicts Support Group.
https://vimeo.com/183925441

Try to Guess What Members of This (Fake) Support Group Are Addicted to

It's not one of the big holidays, but Brazil's leading bicycle brand Caloi is making the most of World Carfree Day by sponsoring a fake cause to get people in car-crazed Brazil to think differently about getting around gridlocked cities.
In the video, members of a support group for addicts share their shameful stories of what sounds like substance abuse in a dimly-lit room. "I was only 14," begins one. The confessions continue. "At first, it was just on weekends" and, shockingly, "It was my own dad who offered it to me."
Then we get an inkling of what these people can't get enough of: "I realized when I started driving to the gym. And it's only a block away."
The Car Addicts Support Group is full of people who unthinkingly drive everywhere. The cure for them is to re-think using a car on every occasion, with the help of a Car Addicts website and Facebook page, and Mobilility Week's lengthy agenda of activities through Sept. 25. They include walks, city bike tours, biker breakfasts and coffee breaks, and a telenovela-like theatrical performance about star-crossed lovers (Heedless driver Manoel almost runs over Cristina as she innocently pedals along in the bike lane).
The campaign is by Sao Paulo digital agency Salve, part of Grupo ABC, an Omnicom-owned Brazilian advertising group.
"Caloi wants to take advantage of World Carfree Day to humorously show how bicycles can be an option to get around big cities," said Ana Paula Nogueira, Caloi's senior marketing manager for Latin America. "We want people to think about whether using the car is always necessary or whether it's time, with the growth of bike lanes and paths in big cities, to add the bicycle for some trips."
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This week the American Psychiatric Association (APA) announced it was adding “Fear of Parking Loss” to its official “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders”. Fear of Parking Loss (FPL) is characterized by a belief that having free, on-street parking next to the front door of your destination is essential for human survival and a fear that this publicly subsidized parking might be taken away, resulting in bankruptcy, physical hardship, injury or death. Early symptoms include sending hyperbolic and apocalyptic comments, letters and emails about parking to government officials, newspapers and social media sites, and making hyperbolic and apocalyptic speeches about parking at public meetings. But FPL can manifest itself in much more extreme ways.

People afflicted with FPL can occasionally exhibit extreme anger and rage. FPL has led to injuries and even deaths as people afflicted with it have harmed or killed others whom they feared were trying to take away their parking spaces. This summer in Chicago, a man suffering from FPL shot two people, killing one of them in a dispute over a parking spot.
A few weeks later, four other Chicago citizens were shot in a parking dispute that left two dead. Just this year, people have been shot and/or killed in Knoxville, Chicago, Wichita, Miami, Atlanta, Texarkana, and Boston, all in disputes over parking. The year before featured at least a dozen murders including horrific ones in Baltimore and Chapel Hill, North Carolina, where a man named Craig Hicks shot and killed three college students in a dispute over parking.

All this parking rage led the American Psychiatric Association to identify Fear of Parking Loss as a serious mental disorder. “In its milder forms the disease is fairly harmless but, left unchecked, it can become dangerous or even deadly,” said an APA representative. “It seems worse in urban areas where parking is scarce but it can manifest itself even in places where parking is plentiful.” Certainly milder cases of it are seen routinely in Saint Paul, Minnesota at public meetings and on public comment sites.

At the moment, there are no known cures for FPL but psychologists are experimenting with a treatment called “car-removal therapy.” According to Dr. D. C. Shoup, a clinical researcher, “We try taking away the patient’s car for short periods of time and forcing them to walk, bike or use public transit. Once they get used to this, we’ve found their Fear of Parking Loss greatly subsides or disappears entirely.” Pharmaceutical giant Eli Lilly is working on a drug called “Cartoxalin” that it hopes will treat the disorder. Cartoxalin is currently in Phase 1 clinical trials.

In the meantime, if you see symptoms of FPL in you or a loved one, see a psychologist. They may be able to help.
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fear_of_parking_image350.jpg


Oh. Yay think maybe I make this stuff up???:
http://streets.mn/2016/09/24/a-cure-for-fear-of-parking-loss/
 
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East Harlem resident Marie Assante, the 33-year-old owner of Assante PR agency, never wanted kids, so she couldn’t resist posting a “birth announcement” last week — when she purchased a new car.

“After nine months of hard labor I’m excited to welcome Stormy Sonata into my family of one. She came home at 5:44 p.m. and weighs 3,460 pounds,” Assante wrote.

“The labor part refers to the fact I’ve had my own agency for nine months,” Assante says.
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(I'm not making this up:)
"These women think having a dog, car or job is the same as having a kid"
http://nypost.com/2016/09/28/these-women-think-having-a-dog-car-or-job-is-the-same-as-having-a-kid/
 
Sorry. For once, nothing to do with ebikes... or traffic... "new" stuff? Maybe...

[youtube]XPZDEWBzneY[/youtube]
 
Funny Giggle (tm). In "car free" newz today, from Great Barr, UK (area in north-west Birmingham, West Midlands, England):
"M5 crash: Man cut free from car which hit tree in smash leaving long delays"

(No word on damages to badly scratched tree.)

And from the City of Dundee (Scotland's fourth largest city):
"Man cut free from overturned car on edge of Dundee"
(it - the car - veered off the road and landed on its side in a ditch)

News from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada following the car show in Paris:
"Electrics touted at Paris car show, but await their moment"
(Millions and millions already riding electrically? Don't count.) "Free" as in a report via "Winnipeg Free Press"

... and from the City of Rockville, Merryland in the USA:
"Annual Car Show Gears up for Free, Family Fun"

Then from the HeraldCourier.com , "your one-stop-shop for information, connections and convenience in northeast Tennessee and Southwest Virginia in the US, sad news:
"Young girl runs over 2-year-old sister while starting car"
"
SALEM, N.H. (AP) — A 2-year-old New Hampshire girl is recovering at a Boston hospital after her 7-year-old sister accidentally ran over her while starting the family car.

Police say the girl's mother told officers she gave her daughter permission to start the car around 6:30 p.m. Tuesday.

The 2003 Ford Focus was parked in front of the family's apartment in Salem when the 7-year-old mistakenly put the vehicle into reverse and backed over her sister.

The toddler suffered broken bones in her legs as well as injuries to her chin, scalp, rib cage and upper right arm. The injuries aren't considered life-threatening.

Police say this isn't the first time the 7-year-old was allowed to start the vehicle. They are considering filing criminal charges against the girls' mother.
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Guess another win for the car manufacturers? Might remind some of those old news reports from the Roman coliseum? "Lions 2. Christians 0."

From midcoast Maine (US) only daily newspaper:
"AAA hosting free car care clinic Friday"

... and from the Herald Courier again:
"2 children injured when stroller struck by car"

PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) — Two children were seriously injured when the stroller they were riding in was struck by a car in Providence.

Police say it happened just before 8 a.m. Thursday at an intersection near Alfred Lima, Sr. Elementary School.

Police say a woman was pushing the stroller when it was struck by the car. The force from the impact knocked the woman to the ground, and a 2-year-old boy was ejected from the stroller. A 3-year-old girl remained inside the stroller.

Both children suffered serious injuries and were taken to Hasbro Children's Hospital. The woman was taken to Rhode Island Hospital for treatment of minor injuries.

The driver of the vehicle was identified as a 40-year-old Providence resident.

No further details were released.
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... and no word if the vehicle operator was injured or late for shopping or something.

From the News & Record (a leading multimedia news, information, advertising and entertainment source for the cities of Greensboro and High Point, Guilford County and Rockingham and Randolph counties in North-Central North Carolina":
"More than 1 pound of marijuana found in car during traffic stop in Alamance County"
(Can't find any reference to "free" there anywhere... free THC for everybody maybe?

HeraldCourier.com AGAIN?
"Cops probe single-car fatal on West Main Street in Merrimac"
In part: "a single-car accident that killed a 74-year-old Haverhill man" and "a 2013 Toyota Sienna had crashed into a tree."

I'm pretty sure vehicle operator was in OK shape... for a 74 year old...

Funny Google.
 
In local newz... "Drivers stoned on drugs besides booze to face same penalties"
("New penalties for drug-impaired driving take effect Sunday in Ontario, with fines of $180 and 3-day licence suspensions")
https://www.thestar.com/news/canada...ugs-besides-booze-to-face-same-penalties.html

In part:
“At all times, if you get behind the wheel of a car or any other vehicle on the road, you shouldn’t be impaired by anything. Not alcohol. Not drugs.”
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... and:
Del Duca wouldn’t say what Ontario would consider a safe level of THC in the blood for driving.
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(Note however... Ebikers are discouraged from giggling... too much during traffic stops.)
 
In the news "Fire service rescues child stuck in car"
http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/84866702/Fire-service-rescues-child-stuck-in-car

A child has been rescued after locking himself in a car in the parking lot of a supermarket in Northland.
Emergency services were called to the Kaitaia Pak 'n Save about 5pm after being called by the one-year-old's parents.
A fire service spokesman said the boy had found the keys to the car and locked himself in.
"We'll get the kid out, even if it takes a brick through the window," he said shortly before the rescue.
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Some ebikers may notice, there's nEVer been a call to emergency services personnel to rescue a kid stuck on an ebike? (That I know of.)
 
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