The Ebiker Joke thread...

Seen somewhere:
BigMove_cover.jpg

(Nasty old ebiker had penned on a bit more info "Ebikes. The REALLY BIG "move".)












Well, claims they did later.







(That's the official report, anyway.)
 
Well, there's something ya don't see EVery day... a "Parking Warning Notice"... for the disabled parking their wheelchair while on a visit to an area hospital.
Ticket.jpg

(Notice notice describes Vehicle Make/Model as a "bicycle" - I gave up looong ago quibbling how many wheels the vehicle has. Or why it doesn't fall over when parked.)

Anyway... loooong list of "stuff" I *didn't* do with my "bicycle":
Blocking FIRE ROUTE. (Nope.)
Parking in DRIVEWAY. (Nope.)
Parking in 2 SPACES. (Nope. Vehicle against wall, with other boxes/machines etc. taking up waaay more "space".)
Parking in RESERVED/DESIGNATED space/area. (Nope. Didn't think to ask for permit anyway.)
Parking in DISABLED parking space/area. (Nope. Yah, should get some Handy-Dandy (TM) disabled stick on thingees.)
No motorcycles permitted wherEVer. (Nope. And see above re TRIcycle.)
No "unauthorized parking/no valid permit. (Nope. For a patient to visit a hospital???)

So at bottom. "other" ticked off "Obstructing walkway" location "EMC Bay".

"But Orificer!" didn't cut it. (Spot was handy to 120V electrical plug.)

So HA HA Orificers, moved trike `round to east/valley side of building, and nasty old disabled ebiker dude plugged in just fine on back patio, thank you very much.
 
"They only last an average of a few minutes (or an hour or two)."

For most, when cravings occur they usually last only a few minutes (or an hour or two.)

When you quit smoking (gasoline), you may get strong "cravings". This is part of the "quitting" process.

The brain gets used to not having gasoline. The more you resist, the fewer "cravings" you'll have.

You've got watt it takes to go gasoline-free!


(Another in series "If cars came with warning labels.")
 
Ford debuts 2015 Edge with glitzy 'reveal'

(The new 2015 Edge is slightly hugeR than the model it replaces, but retains its familiar four-door, five-seat configuration.)

It doesn't matter if the big-do involves a dose of hype, mainly because the Ford folks shrug and say it's not hyperbole if it's true. That's what happened at the summer unveiling of the 2015 "Edge" (now new with handy-dandy "skids" for running over pesky cyclists - the worst, those riding bettery-electric) at the Ford Motor Co. headquarters in Dearborn, Michigan.

Continues:
During the Edge show-and-tell, none other than "Justin", president at Ebike.ca and one of the most pursued biz execs in the world (not hype, Google just landed this former CEO on its board of directors) showed up to work the room and press the flesh. The party and unveiling had the trappings of a Hollywood preview. All this for a ("giant") 2015 "crossover" utility vehicle that won't go on sale until early next year. ("Capital J" - Justin there for reveal of latest funky electric thingee.)

And:
The "Edge" is the first vehicle to come with its "EcoBoost" turbocharged 2.0-liter four-cylinder gasoline/diseasal engine as standard equipment. Product briefers said they could not divulge the horsepower or fuel consumption because the numbers had not been certified by the EPA. But the sneaky printed press materials gave the estimated horsepower as 245 with 270 lb.-ft. of torque. Based on various sources, the guesstimate here is it will deliver about 24 mpg overall, and is capable of "top speeds" waaaay faster than any ONE horse (for some reason - maybe the laundry ready).

(The 2.0-liter "four banger" is the *base* engine. If ordering the "Sport" model, you get a 2.7-liter "EcoBoost" turbocharged V-6 engine with an estimated horsepower of 300 horses. All the engines deliver power via a six-speed automatic transmission that can be shifted manually with paddles on the steering wheel. The paddle shifters always are switched on, available any time the driver wants to shift or jump out.)

Finally, built in a Ford plant near Toronto, Ontario, Canada (those suckers will buy anything ya sell `em).
 
YAY! Current "15 things you need to know if you're an ebiker in Toronto"

Where to buy an "ebike"
Toronto has tons of great ebike shops that will help you pick the ride that suits your needs, including your riding style and habits (leisurely or... leisurely), terrain (bike lanes or uphill bicycle racing), and "body geometry". They're way more knowledgeable than your standard big-box store, and will often throw in extras like free tune-ups. If you're hoping to save TONS of cash versus a car, pubic transport (sp?), used "ebike" stores are another option; other spots specialize in custom road bikes or funky hill-climbing ebikes. (We can't tell you what kind of ebike to buy, but we'd recommend something with maybe three gears - this city is "hilly". ED: Not really. Not anymore. Funny expression eh? `Course there ARE the DOWN "hills")

What extras you'll need
Ebikers under 18 are required to wear helmets while cycling `cause of those car/truck "drivers"; it's still an excellent idea for cyclists of all ages (talk to any cyclist who's ever had a nasty crash, and the phrase "thank God I was riding the ebike" will come up at least once). Other (legally) necessary accoutrements include lights, if you're riding after dark (a white light at the front, and a red rear light or reflector in back), and a horn or cow bell. (You may want to purchase lights that you can easily take off and carry with you - they're popular targets for theft. See also re modified cattle prod.)

...and stuff about riding in city:
How to ride in traffic
Basically, just act like a really tiny car - a very small (Cough, cough) car that doesn't include a huge steel frame, seat belts, "crush zones", air pillows which means you have quadrupled the incentive to be less dumb across urban spaces. Make sure you're visible (like usual), obey lights and stop signs, and avoid making unpredictable, sudden movements. Familiarize yourself with the rules of the bike lane, and, of course, Toronto cyclists' worst habits. (By the way, don't ride on the sidewalk. Not only is it uncool - if you're riding an adult-sized bike, it's illegal.(ED: Fortunately, my current Handy-Dandy sidewalk traveller has wheel diameters "too small".) Above all else, remain calm - if you feel nervous about riding in traffic, plan your routes around quiet side streets and bike lanes at first and "have another" before you leave. For a full rundown of "rules" you can check out the Toronto Ebikers Handbook.

What the worst roads are for cyclists
Part of staying safe while riding in Toronto is knowing which streets to avoid.

Everyone has their picks for worst roads, but there are a few that consistently show up on most people's lists. Pothole-strewn and bike lane-free, Dufferin is a top contender. So too is the Bloor-Danforth corridor, which is always busy and a prime place to get doored. And please be careful on any street that crosses the 401. Darting out of the on ramp lane can be terrifying. Also, trip up Brimley Road South from lake surface "a bitch". (Or a "bastard".)



(So I've heard.)




And other bits:
http://www.blogto.com/sports_play/2014/08/15_things_you_need_to_know_if_youre_a_cyclist_in_toronto/
 
Oh. In "What's Hot This Week",

"US Troops Beat the Heat with New Personal AC Units"



















(Best part re plugging in their ebikes and other bettery "pack" stuff.)
 
"There's No Tomorrow (peak oil, energy, growth & the future)"
File maybe under "jokes" that may make gasoline/diseasal-powered car sellers puke:
[youtube]VOMWzjrRiBg[/youtube]
 
In the news 'I don't look at it as something to be ashamed of' (Young Ontario couple tries in vain to explain to their children why they STILL own a "Stinko-Mobile car".)
 
How crazy old disabled Ebiker Dud (sp?) amuses, using Giggle (sp?) to search the W-W-W for the Engrish (sp?) three words "dildo electric bicycle". (Not sure first word Battery spelled correctly. Sorry.)
 
In teh news somewhere..
World Record: World have now over 1.000.000.000 Stinko-Mobile Cars in use. Special thanks to the ABB workerz.
 
Lock :pancake: H said:
How crazy old disabled Ebiker Dud (sp?) amuses, using Giggle (sp?) to search the W-W-W for the Engrish (sp?) three words "dildo electric bicycle". (Not sure first word Battery spelled correctly. Sorry.)

Modified ABB worker? hehe
Maybe it was a fancy capacitor from the future?
 
Shocking!
 
A fav "dildo" image maybe:
Tank.jpg
 
by Locksomebuddy » Fri Jul 11, 2014 10:40 am
"Views The Ebiker Joke thread... 11111
Oh oh."
I say again Oh oh... Ladies and Lassy etc. fellow Rebels.


































Oh oh.
 
HEY! This is fun. "Super Big Size" dildo (electric bicycle).
Truck1.jpg
 
Noted song rocketing up Ebiker Charts "I get a charge out of you".
 
"The best park about money? Giving it away."

(Conversation overheard with car mechanic.)























(Some may prefer to give to beer industry, instead.)
 
The latest Runner(Over) Model for the young grrrrl or guy:
4runner.jpg













(Sorry. More Giggle peakin' `round re term of obscure cant or slang origin, used in old ballads and plays as a mere refrain or nonsense-word; also used, from its vagueness, as a substitute for various obscene terms, and in various obscene meanings.. Etc. Sorry. Ermmm... again.)
 
(Seen at local ebike store:)
Starting at $40,076
$819/mo at 5.89% APR
72 months finance
Prices for Aug 14, 2014













(Oh. Sorry. Wrong ad. Was for 2014 "Expedite Things" (I guess). Some may be waaay more "comfortable" in the cheap(er) seats.)













Waaay cheaper.
 
Maybe amusing the stuff ya might see wandering through DEB ("dildo electric bicycle") Land:
czechspresen.jpg

http://endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=50911
 
"Nice, so you're breaking into the custom dildo market ? :lol:"

Nice. (Seen on ES from that master Barking Dog Guy aka "Hyena", in 2012.)
 
"Customer claims Apple Store printed homophobic slur on his receipt"

(Apparently "Ebiker Dude" didn't "cut it".)
 
It’s Ebiker Smack Talk season. Join J.J. "Watt" and sign up today to play Yahoo Fantasy Ebiker: http://yeehaw.it/UxOMnq
 
"You have received a buddy request from theresa009!"

(Email, one reason to ride bettery-`Lectric.)
 
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