Buying forest land, implementing solar

[swbluto]

Think I'm understanding the nature of hoes. When they think you're no longer useful to them, they'll go out of their way to spite you. Mainly, flirting overly aggressively with other men, and depict going out with others specifically to arouse jealousy/hurt.

When Amanda pulled this technique off, she strongly reminded me of the HEB chick, and I automatically thought "She no longer thinks I'm useful to her" and... HOE.

That wink she has, and the smile on the guy, tells me they getting frisky.

She gets in and out of sexual relations like... a HOE. lol

(Something tells me she's been having a holiday itch that needs getting scratched... and she gave up on me and is now using this guy... and judging from that smile on his face, yeah...)

Actually took about 10 minutes to make the connection to the heb chick.

All those god danged skanky hoes leaving that grandpa's sons in financial shambles.

Think maybe I should trust my suspicions more, lol.

It's not like I'm writing her off, but I'm planning the future without consideration of her.

And, I wouldn't change any of my design choices for the house, which feels good to say. I'd feel awful if I wasted any money ON THAT BITCH. lolol (I kid, I mean, that girl.)

The drama feels good, though it hurts sometimes.

Like to think, unlike the heb chick, there was much less downside this time, without too much loss of upside.

Could also simply be the "3 month infatuation" time limit coming up. Fading attachment = less potential to get hurt. Think this is about 2.5 months after initial meet.

Damn...

She's a hoe.

This is definitely NOT my sister, lol. She doesn't use guys just to get an itch scratched.

Holy moly, that's a straight up hoe.

Girl looking for dick = hoe.

Could also be that this is her boyfriend, now. But, I think they live in two different states. So, I think maybe a fuckbuddy when the need and opportunity arises.

Whatever the case, she's obviously a bit too unstable to seriously consider as a girlfriend.

Wonder if my seduction aroused her which she is now parlaying into this guy... hmmm... wouldn't that be a cruel irony, lol.

I made myself happy for a while, and I'm making those two happy for a while. Not only do I sell happiness, you could say I make it. :lol:

At the moment she got really angry suspecting cheating. Think maybe the bond was broken then, and my mere words about my dating withdrawal weren't really the reason. The bond was broken, but the arousal wasn't.

Of course. Maybe it's true. She got really angry suspecting cheating because she herself was cheating. There's evidence to suggest that was going on if that's what she's doing to the same guy now.

The evidence is quite strong she was cheating. This new years sex event didn't just transpire in the last few days.

And my reaction to her suspected cheating was RIGHT ON THE MARK. Yeah, the evidence is strong.

Should trust my suspicions, yes.

So my suspicion of her cheating, and casting her out, is exactly what I should've stuck with. And I guess I will now.

She cheated, as I described, because he was turning her on. Getting angry at her and barking commands at her. She in turn did him because she's a slut, does anyone who turns her on. That's the normal thing you hear from highschool sluts, "But he was so hottt, I couldn't help myself...", lol.

In short, she cheated because she's a slut.

 

[swbluto]

Must say, it's good that she showed this side of her to me sooner.

The use-and-abuse them hoe kind.

I have a better understanding what kind of girl this is, and she's not my good-hearted sister that makes for a good wife. And, there's no way in hell I'd consider this girl a serious marital prospect.

I never was convinced of such a thing, her hoe-esque behavior had my guard up on that matter earlier, requiring "further evaluation". And think I have more than enough evaluation, now.

Damn, that was fast. Having a "blue christmas" on the 24th, then sleeping with the competition 6 days later, IF NOT EARLIER. There was no unrequited love, that was a horny hoe looking for dick, cultivating her targets of choice.

She wasn't leaving the holidays without her fill of dick.

It's flattering she chose me initially, but suspect doing so with not the best intentions.

Looking thru her facebook feed, I do see she's never pictured with another guy, especially not a guy with the smile of "I'm getting some tonight", lol. That smile is unmistakable.

So, it's either because there's something about this particular holiday (Maybe personal fortunes have improved across the board, so every guy in her life is acting a player now.), or ... because of me.

There's no doubt that facebook post was because of me, lol, just about every recent facebook post has involved me on some level. Just that, wow, that escalated fast. I wasn't meaning "go sleep around with the town and put it on facebook", I was talking about things like... can't pay the rent, another white knight coming to the rescue, things of that nature. Like, normal, NOT A HOE kind of things, lol.

Then again, maybe there is a functional reason. Is she living with him now?

The timing is unusual, the first of the month, just like with the heb chick...

Had to sleep with someone by the first of the month in looking for a place...

Further, let's see, HEB chick was July 1. Which would be 7/1.

And this girl is 1/1.

Exactly 6 months apart.

And what are typical lease terms? 6 months usually.

Isn't that peculiar...

So maybe the rent was the motivating topic for Amanda, just like the HEB chick.

In that case, I should just accept I didn't have availability by the time she needed it. Old story, so it appears, lol.

I was very straightforward with that as well, with her (Not going to have room available for 3 months), and I see this is likely pertinent information to her.

She became available on July 1st, too, isn't that interesting. That guys lease must've expired.

I talk about people being straight up hoes, but then I think, maybe there's something about the rent that's the issue. And, it's looking like there's a good chance.

Maybe I'll find another suitable hoe come July 1.

It was interesting to speculate "Why she was doing this" assuming she's not an idiot, and she wasn't specifically trying to be malicious. And, the rent issue would explain a lot, just like it did with the heb chick.

If there's a recession on the horizon, probably won't have too much problem finding them.

She should've prefaced her post with "It's not personal, it's strictly business"

---------------

Think they're now gf/bf. That was a pretty quick change of heart. As I said, lease just expired and needed to make a decision. Just like the kind of thing I thought would happen (JUST NOT THIS QUICKLY, lol).

Fitting with the "lease just expired" theory, she's going to live with him. Now where exactly is the question...

Just curious if this guy is really living in Indiana, or he's actually in Houston which would make more sense since he's apparently working here.

It's interesting that I seem to be getting uncontrollably rabid with pleasure (Like, rabid infatuation), despite what would seem to be a prevailing sense of hurt. It'd almost seem like I'm vicariously feeling the guy's emotions.

Think maybe her being unavailable is making her that much hotter.

 

[Dauntless]

Once again, you sound like the guy who can't get up the nerve to put yourself forward who then rages when she winds up with someone else.

 

[swbluto]

Okay, let's think thru what might we do differently next time to speed up the process of buying crap from home depot next year (If the same thing happens, let's say).

I spent a lot of time picking up wood and carrying it back home. (That took a total of 4 days)

Think maybe I'll just get a delivery of all that.

And all the large number things, I'll just go ahead and get a delivery for that too. insulation, shingles, etc.

And all the larger things as well.

Mainly to reduce the number of trips, thus, the number of days it'll take.

Should just go around the first day, going down the list and writing down skus and quantity. All the littler stuff I need, I'll just pick that up and purchase.

Think I still need to make the carpet a separate trip, since they need to cut it to size and I'm unsure if they have SKUs. But, would have to check, would be nice to get that delivered, too.

I still feel too traumatized to just focus on work right now, lol. I'm hoping I'll get over it soon enough and "feel better".

It's one thing to understand the reasons aren't one of malice, just necessity and circumstance, but then it's quite another to shake off the hurt, lol. I'm pretty sure I'll get over it. Not sure if there's really a "nice way to put it", anyway, lol.

------------------

For some reason, I seem to feel pretty happy judging from the smile. Who knows why.

Okay, just now getting into "let's work" mode as of 12:57 p.m.

I'm anticipating some HARD CHARGING in the days ahead!!

Not motivated by a deadline or anything, but to be the very best that I can be!

Should commit daylight hours to outside work, since they are limited. Maybe all the way upto... say... 4p.m.

Definitely not feeling a broken heart with endless crying. Obviously did not fall in love, but didn't really have much of an opportunity anyway, never heard her voice and I couldn't gaze into her eyes online.

 

[swbluto]

So, think a better metric for projecting flooring cost is $2 per sqft, not $1/sqft. Seems like that's roughly what it was for me.

Projected $700, was actually closer to $1200.

Also going to do 16 inch walls for the bedrooms to use this "sound proof" insulation. Also should help increase heating/cooling effectiveness.

I want the bedrooms to be as quiet as they can.

 

[nicobie]

So have you heard there are now three genders in Germany? I suppose they are male, female and WTF?

 

[swbluto]

Once again, you sound like the guy who can't get up the nerve to put yourself forward who then rages when she winds up with someone else.
[/quote]

But I did put myself forward. The issue is, I withdrew because of lack of suitable housing for 3 months which I made this clear to her, and she needed a place by the first because her rent was coming due or something, so she went with this guy. She might've also been somewhat vengeful by thinking I was cheating on her and started the ball rolling for revenge. She didn't need to post she was sleeping with the guy if she wasn't seeking revenge. People generally have a nicer way of stating they have a boyfriend, lol.

So, "not putting myself forward", poppycock. That was firstly a practical move, and secondly, done in a way that was straight up revenge.

Revenge motivations include.

-Thinking I was cheating on her
-Getting her hopes up and then disappointing her (As far as implied housing availability), all the while seeking gratification. "Playing her"

The last reason is why the HEB chick was so vengeful at the veeery end, much the same reason.

-----------------

Wait what...

I hope christmas brought you exactly what you wanted!! *pictures of hearts and presents* *picture of a very happy amanda*

I thought she was happy because she saw my website, and liked it or whom she thought I was.

And that forms the basis of my thinking "Wow, that sure changed fast". Considering she went on the "honeymoon trip" within like 2 days.

But... maybe she was so happy because I was letting her go with the "don't have a place for 3 months, so I'm withdrawing" I told her the day prior.

Just as a guy can take a girl, a guy can let her go.

As much as I find that ridiculously humorous in a rather letdown kind of way, that'd seem to make more sense than this "Wow, she sure changed her mind fast in like 2 days", lol.

[youtube]BQ_0QLL2gqI[/youtube]

So, lesson learned. When a girlfriend "hates you", that's a bad sign, lol. I was actually undecided as to the meaning of that.

And here I thought I was making her so happy, when in reality, I was making her so happy when I was letting her go, lol.

This is funny beyond all get out.

So I can take and seduce a girl, but apparently I can't make them love me. And, well, it's hard to say I loved her, figured maybe it was because I never had a chance to see in her real life.

What the heck was that blue christmas thing about if she really hated me.

Think maybe she was looking for dick all along.

 

[swbluto]

Looks like I was able to get my taxable savings down to 11k at the end of the year. I was at 15k same time last year, so hope this bodes well for taxes this year. Don't like those huge tax bills in the middle of the year when they could've been avoided by buying things I eventually would've bought, before the end of the tax year. Will definitely do a more efficient shopping approach at the retailers next year (mainly relying on itemized lists and delivery), to ensure I get everything in far less time.

As far as what's pending expenses on the house.

-Water connection $2500
-Septic $1500
-Driveway $1000
-Foundation $600
-Drywall $1000
-Trusses $1500

Total pending = 2500+1500+1000+600+1000+1500= 8100.

So, looks like I would be left with 6k after all is spent finishing the house.

Would be working on the house today, but raining all day.

-------------------

6ft pickets are now $1.68 per picket. I wonder if it's cheapest during the winter time... will track...

Fences are no small expense, thus the interest in tracking.

--------------------

So if I were to list all the different kinds of "non-standard" bumper stickers I can find coming out of this area.

There was the scary family with the scary dog bumper sticker.
And, this morning, spotted the "No one cares about your stick figure family" with them getting killed, and with a picture of two guns below with the caption of "A washer isn't the only thing I know how to load".

So, we have the "Scary family" in the area along with the bitter resentful male adult guy.

The silent majority is really the retirees living off their social security. Then the minorities. A unifying theme for the retirees seems to be... losers and drug dealers and addicts.

I only fit in here because of the same reason the minorities are here, "not so rich younger adult". And even those minorities who are here appear to be in their 60s and up.

I definitely am not an angry bitter male adult, nor a loser, nor a minority. I'm just simply a rising star.

------------------------

I noticed that when we were bf/gf, there was a lot of girls trying to get my attention.

Then I wondered if there was a lot of guys getting her attention, too. And, I'm thinking... I bet there was. LIKE THAT ONE GUY. lol

It's funny to say, but think I was instrumental in getting her hooked up. You could call me a match maker.

 

[Dauntless]

When a woman says she hates you, it doesn't always mean she's in love with you. Sometimes it means she knows you're the one who killed her dog.

A woman will also say she hates you fir interfering. When there's the man she's really interested in and you get in the way, she might say she hates you. Especially when you had your chance but we're too chicken.

Lwhat you have to understand is, love is an insecure thing. When a guy gets upset and uncertain when a woman says she hates him, there's a good chance that he's her kind of guy. But if he finds it easy to say 'She says she hates me because she LOVES me,' one can pretty well accept that she says she hates him because she HATES him. And he'll probably do things to make her hate him more.

I definitely am not an angry bitter male adult, nor a loser,. . . .

Oh no. You're just the timid, afraid of women guy who calls her a 'Hoe' when you watch a guy get up the nerve to go win her and you wind up the. . . .

 

[swbluto]

When a guy gets upset and uncertain when a woman says she hates him, there's a good chance that he's her kind of guy. But if he finds it easy to say 'She says she hates me because she LOVES me,' one can pretty well accept that she says she hates him because she HATES him.

Sounds dubitable.

She was saying she hated me when I was acting like there wasn't a relationship. Acting as if it didn't exist. In reality, it was still an open thing for me because I never met this person in real life to really commit to anyone.

Now, there is the possibility I was getting in the way of someone moving in on her, but I don't think that's what she was reacting to when she said she hated me. (Although, if I was acting like it was an open thing... and there's someone moving on in...she might hate me for feeling like she's still taken without that apparently being the case.)

In the end, didn't matter much, because wasn't going meet the material requirements for /a long time/ to really commit to anyone, anyway. (Need to finish the new house)

To put it succinctly, she hated my lack of strongly committing to her. Being absolutely 100% sure I was taking her.

This probably mattered even more considering when lease expiration deadlines were looming and the high earning Christmas was over for her. Her need for commitment had a more practical urgent reason for it.

It's interesting contrasting his and my earnings profile. The "high earnings" season.

It starts in Nov 28.
Mine starts Nov 1.

So I have a headstart in snatching a girl, compared to that guy. But, can't compete with a coworker who's there everyday with her when I'm being locked down by work.

 

[Dauntless]

I wonder if you'll ever grasp how rare it is that a woman is looking for a guy to move in with in some big hurry.

 

[swbluto]

I wonder if you'll ever grasp how rare it is that a woman is looking for a guy to move in with in some big hurry.

Same day. Pretty rare. HEB chick.

Within a month or two. In the under 30 age group. Pretty common.

It's just so funny thinking she must've saw something she really liked from viewing my website, and she was so happy, when actually she was so happy I was letting her be free if she wished. (And apparently that's what she wished and she had a grudge, uh huh.)

There's good reason to think she liked my work, for some reason.

Haven't seen her wearing the blond hair and red lipstick since then. That seemed to be a surefire sign she was in a "Good mood", like she was happy. She was normally happy during my time, seeing the black when she was angry at me was a stark contrast.

 

[swbluto]

So manufacturing index went from 60 to 54 in december. That's a 10% plunge. That's roughly symmetric with the reduction in consumer demand during the great recession. Yippee, another one.

And what does this mean, don't rest on your laurels and keep things tight.

Your thinking is well ahead of the pack today, whether youre on the job or roaming around in the community. While youre waiting for everyone to catch up with you today, there is plenty of preparatory work to be done. As others turn on to a trend youve long seen coming, youre already working it into your routine. Being ready for anything makes you an obvious candidate for the position of leadership you crave. The road to the future is paved with practical ideas. Take pride in your contributions and others cant help but stand up and notice. Get Your Complete Cosmic Profile

Yes, I think it's referring to the impending reduction in consumer demand. There indeed would seem to be much preparatory work to be done.

------------------

Figured out how to keep the fire alive.

The mind is a powerful thing. Pretend like I was completely misreading that and she's really waiting it out for me, and that's keeping the feeling alive. I've noticed what happens when the feeling isn't alive, certain things tend to stay limp, that's bad.

Then again, maybe that's just the first stage of grief, denial.

The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost.

Seems to be in context.

The anger was actually 1-2 days ago, so I guess I'm reversing the steps a little, lol.

I accepted it not longer after I realized she was a rent hoe. What I did not accept, however, was the resentment. If she actually cared, she would've put it more nicely like "Hey, the lease is going to expire the first, and sorry, but I have to leave. Bye", something considerate like that. Not this "Out of the blue", "Hey guess what, I'm going to fudge this guy I've been emotionally cheating you out on!", with him smiling ear to ear with that "I'm getting some" smile. Bastard. lol

[I kid, what a lucky guy!]

Looking at her feed more closely, she does have a history of cheating. Her friends even commented on her past treachery. I knew something wasn't quite up and up with that girl, like I couldn't trust her, and turns out I was completely right. Granted, I wasn't anticipating cheating, I was thinking more along the lines of "playing the fool" and "using the hell out of you, sucker".

Divorce rape, etc.

Seeing her malicious breakup style confirmed this would've been a likely outcome.

My breaking up with her was rather gentle and equitable.

Her style was "right for the throat", nothing is getting spared.

I should've easily anticipated this seeing her swing those weapons with so much anger. She's a vicious person.

-----------------------

Okay, got the bow and arrow and went squirrel hunting. Did not find a squirrel in the nearby area to hunt down tonight, shucks. But did have some fun trying to hit really high tree limbs in getting pine cones to fall down.

------------------------

Circulation appears to be great, but libido appears to be dead. Limp.

What was the issue exactly.

She needed residence by the end of the month, which I was unaware of. And she resented me for not having it in time. She of course did not tell me these things.

I've been trying to describe this personality. Irresponsible and immature. She could probably use a good slap across the face. Not sure if that'd resolve the limp, though. Something tells me it might help.

She seems like the kind of girl that responds well to disapproval and punishment. has a hoe ish personality. cheeky, disrespectful, angry -> hoeish.

It's funny I can say that "Hypothetically", but I don't really feel like it.

I find it funny I feel less inhibited in real life because I can't really be "blocked" like I could on facebook. Like the way I treated the heb chick that massively turned her on (Yelled at her, scorned her, called her names)... I'm not sure if I feel comfortable doing that on facebook because of the blocking risk. That's something that experience has taught me, not some baseless fear.

And the kind of relationship we had wasn't the kind that was like "Just do it in the hotel", that wasn't what she was seeking, and that just wouldn't work.

God damn it.

If you think about it, hoes are the masters of libido manipulation.

They can make a guy as horny as hell. (What leads them to being potentially prolific in the first place)

They can kill a guy's libido.

They are just little bitches, aren't they, lol.

They aren't usually killing a guy's libido unless...

unless...

(I guess if you disappoint their expectations as far as residence availability goes..)

So, going to build this "hoe response" up. And, debate leaving it as my last words.

You're worth less than this speck of dust I see floating thru the air. Less than the germ on that speck of dust, less than the follicle on that germ. You're worth absolutely nothing, you sick freaking piece of crap. You're worth less than the gum stuck underneath my shoe and just as annoying, both deserve being pulled off and thrown in the trash, just like the rest of the dirty whores in the world. In other words, you can kiss my ass, you POS.

Now how am I going to interject some yelling in here. IT NEEDS TO BE ALL CAPS AND FOLLOWED BY MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!! lol.

Part of this is also, in addition to name calling, getting angry at them and yelling and generally disrespecting, also... putting them in their place. Like, if putting a girl on a pedestal is the problem ("Dang, you're one cool cat") [Followed by the cunt move on her part], putting them in the sewers is the solution.

You're worth less than this speck of dust I see floating thru the air. Less than the germ on that speck of dust, less than the follicle on that germ. You're worth absolutely nothing, you sick piece of crap. You're worth less than the gum stuck underneath my shoe and just as annoying, both deserve being pulled off and thrown in the trash, just like the rest of the dirty whores in the world. In other words, KISS MY ASS, POS!!!! AND SHUT THE F UP YOU DUMB WHORE! No one wants to hear your whimpering.

Btw, not checking your feed again, it's nothing more than scribbles on a preschool's chalk board.

[Btw, I'm just joking about most of it. Just trying to fix a few things. Please don't call the cops, lol. And don't sic your daddy on me.]

---------------

Going with another approach in line with the "mind is a powerful thing" mantra.

It was a conspiracy between the two. Purposefully orchestrated to my chagrin.

 

[Dauntless]

You're worth less than this speck of dust I see floating thru the air. Less than the germ on that speck of dust, less than the follicle on that germ. You're worth absolutely nothing, you sick piece of crap. You're worth less than the gum stuck underneath my shoe and just as annoying, both deserve being pulled off and thrown in the trash, just like the rest of the dirty whores in the world. In other words, KISS MY ASS, POS!!!! AND SHUT THE F UP YOU DUMB WHORE! No one wants to hear your whimpering.

Btw, not checking your feed again, it's nothing more than scribbles on a preschool's chalk board.

[Btw, I'm just joking about most of it. Just trying to fix a few things. Please don't call the cops, lol. And don't sic your daddy on me.]

Hey, kewl pickup line. Bet you scored.

So I just got back and I'm amazed at all the storefronts that went empty while I was gone. 16 days, Some New Years resolution, eh?

Interesting conundrum. Building that house means risking that you can't sell it. NOT building it means guaranteeing you can't.

THE MAN WHO SOLD HOT DOGS

Many years ago there was a man who lived by the side of the road and sold HOT DOGS. He was hard of hearing so he had no radio. He had trouble with his eyes so he read no newspaper.

But he sold HOT DOGS

He put up signs on the highway telling how good they were. He stood on the side of the road and cried: "BUY A HOT DOG, MISTER?" And people bought, because he was so enthusiastic.

He increased his meat and bun orders. He bought a bigger stove to take care of his growing trade. He was so happy selling Hot Dogs, and people enjoyed doing business with him.

One day his son came home from college to help him out. And something happened. His son said, "Father, haven’t you been listening to the radio.? Haven’t you been reading the newspaper.? The situation in Europe is terrible. The Domestic situation is worse."

Whereupon the father thought,"Well, my son’s been to college, he reads the newspaper, he listens to the radio, and he ought to know."

So the father cut down on his meat and bun orders, he took down all his advertising signs, and no longer bothered to stand on the highway to sell his hot dogs. And his HOT DOG sales fell, ALMOST OVERNIGHT.

"You’re right, son," the father said to the boy. "WE CERTAINLY ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A GREAT DEPRESSION."

 

[swbluto]

What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they
go down on you.

Hahaha...

Didn't know I had any kind of bond to the girl when I "broke up" with her, but then she ran off with the guy with the insinuation they were going to do it, and man... oh.... I totally felt the trauma that soon impacted. Traumatized for an entire day.

The "I'm getting cheated on" trauma.

I guess there was a bond between us!

Just really odd to think it could happen over text and images alone. Hard to figure out where the key moments were...

I think maybe figuring out I was "her boyfriend" (Which happened long after seeing the written evidence of that from her own words), that was the key moment. Because, that was uncertain until that point. And when it became certain, my voice got really low pitched.

With the heb chick, it's not questionable where the key moments were. Gazing into her eyes. That was, by far, THE KEY MOMENT, that started the relationship. Many future arousals was based on recalling that seared bond at the time of initiating the gaze.

 

[Dauntless]

Her boyfriend? You and Teo Manti. Yeah, you just think I'm jealous because the only on the internet girls talk to YOU.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/12/the-sex-recession/573949/

 

[swbluto]

Her boyfriend? You and Teo Manti. Yeah, you just think I'm jealous because the only on the internet girls talk to YOU.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/12/the-sex-recession/573949/

Haha, yeah, that's the funny thing. She didn't really talk to me, but she talked to other people. But she responded with facebook posts, so I guess you could say she did.

Somehow, I was totally fine with that, though it did seem unusual for a "normal relationship", lol.

Why it was still "open" to me until we met in real life, but in reality, it was a sealed book. The emotional trauma that happened after she "cheated on me" left that as NO QUESTION.

Now I know better, the bond can, and most definitely does, exist beyond conversation. "clicking".

It happens when you "take the girl". And, you have something she needs, like housing. But considering boyfriends can take a girl without themselves having housing, I do believe "taking a girl" is really the fundamental thing. The other shit just can help. It can help A LOT if they really need it.

The other girls who don't have a need...

I'd think you'd need to really want them in the first place. Or they seduce you, like an everyday hoe might.

-------------------------

Received the cabinets, water heater, bathtub and insulation for the new house. The delivery truck driver said he's been driving this route for 5 years, and I was the ONLY person he's delivered to in this direction.

Spent about 2 hours shuttering away most of it. Still didn't get it all to fit inside the house, the cabinets in particular, are staying outside, themselves being designed to be bulky. I got them tarped down.

It's interesting hearing of loaded carries being the best form of exercise. Seems pretty elementary... pick up something heavy and walk with it. That's interesting, because that's pretty what construction is about. Picking up heavy things and moving it. In addition to fastening.

-------------------------

Most of the daylight hours were doing that. Didn't have lot of time for working on the property, like I would have. I need to clear out the undergrowth for the new house build, which I started yesterday. Here's hoping I can work all day tomorrow.

-------------------------

Think I need to stop following this girl. Obviously not attracted to her and trying to come up with an explanation for her travel patterns is bizarre. Something really off about this person.

 

[swbluto]

UH HUH. I'm thinking about what "simple" appropriate replies I could leave to this gal, and the options right now are...

-You're a cunt
-I hate you

The "getting cheated on trauma" definitely fits the "getting hurt" category.

The idea that I'd stick around for a girl who fully embraces cheating on me, and rubbing it in, would make me think I'd be a pretty weak man. (She didn't /technically/ cheat on me, but she was warming him up prior to my "letting her be free if she wished", and she acted like we were still together at that point (Getting mad at me for cheating for example), so that part is technically true.)

So far, the idea isn't sounding good to me.

Just checked, the timing of the "warming him up" was AT LEAST a day before she misconstrued my message as cheating on her, and 3 days prior to officially relinquishing.

Think that'd be cheating, and the event on the 31st was just its crystallization. Yeah, the heart's an idiot and my brain is already telling me, better toss this girl away.

Although, technically, she didn't heart it until a week later. But, considering she went back into her feed to heart it a week after posting, tells me she was aware of the underlying intent and that's why she went back to heart it a week later. Her not immediately hearting it is because she was trying to hide it. (Although, maybe it wasn't "official yet" in her mind, though she definitely was warming him up.)

Yeah, intuition was completely correct with that particular message, there was cheating going on, and my tossing her out was entirely appropriate.

That settles it, don't want any room for confusion. The only option right now is...

-You're a cunt.

nd now that it's been settled as to culpability, should stop wasting energy on the topic. The only reason why I might waste energy on the topic is if it could be transmuted into useful energy, in terms of ambition, productivity,etc.

And now sure how I could accomplish that...

So maybe I should just not waste energy on it.

Clearly the only plausible interest I have in the gal, right now, is sex. Not really sure if that really changed, though she prior had my commitment as well. Not anymore.

(What does "commitment" mean. I'm thinking that means commitment of resources, housing, food, money,etc. to her and potential offspring.)

It'd be a sad thing for the world if not one girl could ensnare a high resource person like myself. But, I understand I'm one of 9 billion, so it's a small tragedy in the grand scheme of things.

Obviously the best thing next time is to have everything ready to take a girl immediately. In terms of housing, income AND HAVING TIME AVAILABILITY. She chose the WORST POSSIBLE TIME to have me meet her, when I had no time off work.

Going forward, I'm just going to put where they ask my age, 29. The superficialness I've seen tends to weed out a lot of younger girls, which is some bullshit, considering that young girls are universally preferred by males, it's naturally that way. This whole idea you should only date people within "highschool age range (4 years), is SOME BULLSHIT. Haven't seen too many older girls I would've liked.

Now that we've concluded she's a cheater (Granted, probably motivated by need for residence come Jan 1 and she didn't want that lingering late in the month), we can write her off and hopefully her negative effects will dissipate in time.

In particular, I need to get rid of this limp dick. lol (This has never happened before in the last 2 years)

[Do I really feel inadequate because, ultimately, I don't have a finished house when that's only a matter of time? This is shitty.]

[KNOWING WHAT I KNOW NOW... If I'm letting a girl be free to do as she wishes... DON'T LOOK BACK. LOL]

There have been a few times where it would've been better to remain ignorant than to be rejected. But, getting "rejected" by a prior love... this is taking the cake.

I'm hoping it'll dissipate in time. I'm thinking if I stop thinking about it and I stop looking at her feed, it should go away faster.

I'd hate to think it'd be necessary to win her back. Not that I think it couldn't happen, but that'd be at least a few months from now, and would seem like a very probably foolhardy mission.

Thinking I had to win her back would be a form of ONE-ITIS, commonly thought of as a psychological fallacy (Though, that's to do with currently pursued but not yet ensnared, not former girlfriends...). I think the real solution is ignorance and time.

If you break up with a girl, getting her back can be one of the hardest things that you do in life. However, if you want to give it a shot, there are some tips on what to say to a girl to get her back, or at least make it easier. The Art of Charm has put together this handy guide to helping you get your ex back, starting today.

Let Her Initiate Contact

Sooner or later, it happens that the girl that you broke up with — or even the girl that broke up with you — decides that she needs to initiate contact with you again. This is the time that you’re waiting for. Letting her initiate contact is the best way to do things, because it allows her to chase after you. This puts you on a stronger footing when it comes to getting your girl back. If you chase after her, chances are good that all you’re going to do is drive her away.

Ok, great, I'll know if it's meant to be if she initiates contact.

Which makes me think, the real solution is time and ignoring her.

----------------------

Got myself a toaster oven. Thought it'd be nice to have something different than bananas last night, and I wanted to go out eat. But then I soon realized after noting there were no suitable restaurants in the nearby areas (Either took too long or was simply undesirable), I thought about it, and I thought frozen pizza sounded good. Freschetta is some good shit. So, really was looking for something different, not necessarily "out to eat".

But, I needed a toaster oven for that.

If I need the full size for an oven, I figure I'll buy a proper oven.

All the XL toaster ovens (16 inches wide) had glass shattering problems.



----------

And wasn't recently ignoring her, but will do so going forward. I'd say that her current boyfriend took her out to the local football stadium and I'd surmise this guy actually lives in Houston, like I suspected.

He's like me, a tall lanky hairy white dude. Seeing that he seemed to be a physical replica of me was satisfying. As much as I "hate" her, I feel happy for him.

Makes me feel happy for me too, thinking that I really am this girl's "natural partner". As I've long suspected, soul mates are a 1 in 100 phenomenon, not 1 in 9 billion. Meaning, when I'm ready, I probably will find someone else.

(I'd hate to think about what'd happen to tribal societies if it was 1 in 9 billion. They'd probably all die out, lol. With tribes naturally sizing at 150, 1 in 100, or 2 per 150, seems perfectly logical.)

And that seems like the kind of hope I need, I will find someone else.

On that note, should up the ambition a little bit. That's the kind of hope I need to kick my productivity and ambition up a notch, instead of getting depressed, inadequate and ruminating on this gal.

And that ambition of course is along the lines of "Acquire resources". (Generally, "housing" and income and things like that... what I'm doing right now, "chasing housing".)

If it was some black dude.... oh dude... hard to imagine the emotions that'd stir... lol

(ACTUALLY, I'd probably think even more lowly of her... which might be a good thing... but then thinking she went with that guy instead of me... could the impact be even worse? lol)

It's interesting that the way I found her, was by her visiting parents in the nearby area. She seems to travel A LOT, unlike most people her age, so that's the only way she showed up on my tinder feed.

I'm not so sure if tinder is really the best way to find girls in this particular part of houston. Seems like there's a lot more hotties down in West Houston than up here (Of course, that's also where the high paying jobs of Houston are, Katy,TX).

-----------------

I guess that's really the thing in hating someone whom you've lost...

The belief you won't find someone else like that, who stirs those kinds of feelings.

It's hatred towards the person who imposes the hopelessness. But a tweaking of belief (Or expectation, that you will find someone), can remove it, and thus the hate.

It doesn't seem like I hate her anymore.

I suspect my dick is still limp, though. I guess I'll know tomorrow.

I think I'll message her around Feb 1. Give it just a bit of time to cool off. Then again, maybe I won't.

I would not be messaging her with the intent to win her back.

Topics are subject to revision, but for now, I'd say it'd cover... regards, reflection,summary and closing. And probably an area for "How I'm feeling right now, unscripted", which I would clearly delineate from the other sections. Because, that would likely arouse the emotions and so it'd be good to clearly warn the reader.

"how I'm feelign right now, unscripted" tends to move girls.

Kind of how I took her in the first place.

Doing "how I'm feeling right now" is what took the heb chick, anyway.

 

[swbluto]

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/psychopathy-quiz/

DAMN... it's funny taking this test and answering "Definitely me" to every single question. (Not every one of them, but pretty much almost all of 'em)

It's the psychopath test so, LOL.

Yeah, amanda is a sociopath herself. Very pretty, but generally "life destructive"(Spendthrift,etc.) and very violent/aggressive person. (If she's violent because she's poor... that's because... she spends it all, like a moron.)

I'm somewhat of a contrast. I'm very cute, but I'm definitely not life destructive (saving, investing, working hard daily) and I'm generally not that violent when I'm not poor.

Got the last word in, and refuse to look at her chat and refuse to look at her feed. I've learned if you're going to say something you might later regret, you better not check on those things. So, that's what I'm doing, lol.

Should've done that around the 25th, actually. Would've saved me from the "cheating trauma" on the 1st, but I didn't know I was even susceptible to it, not really knowing if there was an actual bond to be broken. Hell, I've never been cheated on before, so...

Just thinking... I don't plan on removing the front vegetation for the second house. (At least not before I start construction)

So, the house should be hidden behind some brush on the front. That'd seem kind of strange, but maybe that's what I'm looking for. Maybe it'd get less attention that way...

-------------------

It's interesting messing around with a ... manipulative deceptive "popular person" (So I'd surmise)... and then when they want to screw you.

Dang, they have a powerful affect.

Turns out the solution for ending the unusually strong demotivation/depression malaise today was telling that person off, in direct reflection to how angry they purposely made you. Don't kid yourself, this wasn't some "jealousy" thing, it was a purposeful trauma/anger campaign.

I'm over it now, I think. At least, my motivation seems to be back.

I actually suspected plotting from the beginning, not sure if it's connected. I'd guess they were generally an "enemy", probably thought I thought a little bit too much of myself.

Think they realize their sex appeal and use it to maximum exploitation/disadvantage as intended. They seem to know exactly how to inflict trauma.

It's just rich that... well... I'm rich and they're not. :lol:

Seems like a common difference in outcome of the living-on-the-fringes lacking-regular-income sociopath and a money hungry pscyhopath. The sociopath tends to pursue the short-term, while the psychopath tends to be more strategic and longterm. Sociopath acts on impulse, the psychopath plans.

I'd guess they both generally excel at manipulation, based on my results and theirs, lol.

[Actually, I don't think I was being very manipulative, since I expected the house done in late january which was not that long after BUT... there was a change of plans, finishing the new house instead of this one. And, I didn't know of her "jan 1" deadline.]

It's easy to see how planning is instrumental to maximally effective spree campaigns as it is for market share expansion for a company.

So, it's interesting to think "we're soul mates", when we have some differences. Might be "small differences" in the grand scheme of things.

 

[swbluto]

Interesting. Not only was I not limp this morning, that was pretty good actually.

And what did I do. Disrespected her to the extreme, tit for tat.

I guess it looks like I got myself a hoe here. They'll disrespect you, and you better have the manhood to proportionally disrespect her back.

And, well, I think this is a good endnote. Seeing the risk of motivation impairments, I'd rather keep it at this level for now.

Interesting to think lacking "the manhood to put in her place thru disrespect" was what was really causing the limp dick, not the fact she was taken.

When retaliatory "abuse" makes ya this horny, I don't see how it's always a bad thing.

--------------

Going to ignore facebook completely now. Part of the "phasing out" phase. She's the only interest I had on facebook.

I saw how great I was doing not being on the computer and talking with my dog, and I think... this is totally what I need more than spending any time on facebook right now.

Emotional management is also about who/where you spend your time with/at.

I'm interested in this because it seems to be impacting my motivation to work and sleep, like probably not in a good way.

---------------

Anyway, now I'm more learned on what facial expressions to watch out for.

There's the "maniacal" expression, and there's the more subtle malicious intent facial expression.

She had the malicious intent facial expression prior to the Jan1 trauma, but I hadn't identified that particular expression JUST YET. The maniacal one earlier, however, I definitely did. It was that one, I suspected "plotting", and I brought it to her attention. She had later deleted it, didn't want to arouse suspicion I guess.

Anyway, now it's been added to my catalog as to "What to watch out for".

The plotting was a red flag, yes it was, but that didn't stop the bond from being forged, that was later traumatically broken.

That did not make me suicidal. It just seemed to make me stressed, demotivated and depriving sleep. Seems like I'm getting those things back now, at least here's hoping.

It's interesting how efficiently I'm weeding out "the bad candidates" whereas the 50-something steve guy who's been divorce raped 3 times... I'm not so sure about him. The last girl he married DEFINITELY would have triggered red flags to me. Police officer AND a hoe (I'm assuming this is how he was ensnared)? Power hungry, manipulative and finagling. Bad juju.

Any girl who's "hoing" me in... that's definitely a red flag. Think public/prolific scantily clad bodies and provocative poses and behaviors. They are among the most arousing, but definitely have a well established reputation for being the most dangerous. If not physically, than definitely financially, mentally and emotionally.

That's not just song lyrics but also personal experiences.

And even the bible. Yeah, this is a psalms theme, talking about the femme fatale.

Now I'm starting to think that construction store girl wouldn't have been a bad person to pursue. I'm getting a bad taste for hoes.

I'm just thinking, if I could keep myself mentally strong (Narcissistic as hell), I could just verbally and possibly physically abuse them when it's needed, and we could have a functional relationship.

It's interesting that Amanda talks about the narcissists in her past relationships, always ends the same way. (Getting abused to hell for being a disrespectful and cheating hoe?)

Hoes apparently cheat on you because "they don't trust you"(Quoting the song), and think you're cheating on them based on the faintest of evidence. Which is the funniest thing, sounds like feeble-minded projection to me.

Which wouldn't be too unfitting for the term "dumb whore".

There are cases where I do ask if the gain was worth the pain. Like the heb chick, and I think it definitely was.

Than this girl. It's like, I wasn't intentionally causing harm, so it doesn't seem like a valid question. But, if I were to ask it, maybe. Maybe not. In terms of days, would seem like it, in terms of the cumulative highs vs the cumulative lows, wouldn't seem like it. The highs weren't that high, and the lows were rather low at times.

Really, it was the unspoken relatively soon deadlines of a self-centered individual with a little amount of understanding. And our schedules just didn't quite match, off by 3 weeks at the earliest. And when they didn't quite match like she apparently expected, she went unglued.

Exploits others
Using charm or wit to manipulate others for personal gain or for sheer personal pleasure
Intense egocentrism, sense of superiority and exhibitionism
Repeatedly violating the rights of others by the use of intimidation dishonesty and misrepresentation
Lack of empathy for others
Unnecessary risk-taking or dangerous behaviors
Poor or abusive relationships
Failure to learn from the negative consequences of behavior
Disregard for right and wrong

Yeah, this sounds A LOT like Amanda. I'm calling "sociopath".

Sociopaths (anti-social personality, psychopath) can decimate a life. The mental, emotional or physical trauma can be stunning.

Oh yes, the emotional trauma was quite pivotal. Felt nothing like it before.

It's not going to decimate me, call them what they are, and move on. frock the bitches.

I'll probably get my full productivity back tomorrow. Today was awful because last night was awful because yesterday was particularly awful. But, felt entirely necessary, to get things under control. The energy robbing that was happening yesterday was unprecedented, had to do something, and seems like I was glad I did.

The idea she was "exploitative" in the context of seeing her "plotting facial expression" right after inviting me, doesn't surprise me. Just made me wonder what exactly she was plotting. See, I'd normally project my kind of thinking... long term gaming... like divorce rape. But she seemed to be a rather short term thinker, so I'm having my doubts that was the actual trap.

No fudging doubt.

 

[swbluto]

A paid off house and no car payment as well as zero balance on credit cards can replace income shortfalls every time.

Thank goodness that's my situation. But, there's still monthly expenses, about $300/month.

This gal, looks like I'm in "a relationship" with her, even though it might not apparently be the case. This is not to say she's in one with me, given she's been penetrated multiple times by this guy.

So, even though she massively hurt me, the "feelings" are going on. And that means a sense of being forlorn right now, which kind of sucks.

I can tell because of the really warm cheeks. And the sexual connection. That's no ordinary "Jacking off to porn images" kind of sensations going on, that feels like some kind of love.

I thought "getting screwed by circumstance" couldn't get any worse, lol.

I thought I could just "Walk away and forget". Haha, yeah like that's apparently not happening.

But, I do believe I have the motivation I didn't have yesterday, after the tit-for-tat abuse.

-----------------------

https://psychcentral.com/cgi-bin/psychopathy-quiz.cgi

https://www.healthyplace.com/psychological-tests/sociopath-test-am-i-a-sociopath

Retook these tests and I took them a bit more honestly, in particular the pscyhopath test.

Sociopath 7/25

Psychopath 19

I think it's kind of clear, I'm definitely more psychopathic than sociopathic. And, that'd seem to be pretty true, I do plan things more than act on impulse. More of a longterm thinker, in terms of years.

So, think it's interesting to think amanda is the sociopath and I'm the psychopath.

Seems to be about right. I definitely have higher financial success than Amanda.

Conniving behavior huh, lol.

Is that really me? lol

It might've been used to be me, but I don't think I connive anymore.

Someone conniving is calculating, scheming, and shrewd — in other words, sneaky and up to no good.

Do you know anyone who is always trying to get away with things? Do they constantly look for ways to get out of trouble or work? Those kind of people are conniving.

HAHA, yeah, this is amanda's tagline in essence. "sneaky and up to no good."

HAHA, yeah. Sounds like amanda.

Think we can make that "perceived slights". I did not in anyway intentionally slight her.

I do believe I informed her of the later build dates not too long after I committed to the project. I had to recalculate the project cost to approve it first, and that happened pretty late in December. So, I don't think I was really with-holding any relevant information. All the details were posted in my feed, and I'd assume she never read it.

I think she must've assumed I had a finished house ready to go. I didn't really pay attention to the house in our convo topics.

-------

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAjAMYaiWnI

Looks like the "greenway killer" is considered a sociopath. He killed young prostitutes and runaways mainly, around Tacoma and Seattle.

I noticed they mentioned washington state. That's interesting, because appears I bumped into one at the Seatac airport. Or... she bumped into me.

Seems like that area is particularly rife with them. Thus why he was so prolific, I'd guess.

Video talks about the sociopath. "Travels a lot and lies, cheats and steals along the way".

HAHA, yeah, that sounds like Amanda. I can't verify the "steals" behavior of hers, but it'd be awfully fitting with the lying and cheating she does. Typical of hoes, thieving.

 

[Dauntless]

What's this 'Sociopath Test?' there's no such thing as a sociopath, it's a word with no meaning. Psychopath is sort of accepted by the DSM crowd, but not so real in itself.

A sociopath was suppossed to mean that they knowingly put their faith in things society doesn't approve of. Except you may be a sociopath if you come from South of the border. These are people where the 25 year old guys get 15 year old girls pregnant then when they are in trouble kidnap the girl and marry her to save themselves, though history proves those marriages don't turn out well for the girls. Then the south of the border crowd acts like the rest of us are wrong for expecting them to follow our laws. To do that way, you have to rack up points on the sociopath test, if you answer honestly. But they won't, they'll say that stuff doesn't count. Sure fits the concept of sociopath, eh?

But look at the good news: They're cracking down on trolls around here, your name is not on the list. Unless you have another name you're posting with.

I had a 4 on the other test. But what is the difference between 'Not me' and 'Somewhat?' I'm the one who always winds up with everyone's problems on my back, but I sure like the idea of not getting the responsibility for their mistakes. So what is the real answer on that one?

So if you pay off the house like early, only buy the car you can pay cash for, pay off the credit card at the end of the month, that is NOT guaranteed to tide you over the shortfalls. It helps, but I can tell you from experience that theory itself has a shortfall.My car is ready to crack 100,000 miles and won't self test the gas tank so I'm about to take a second big hit on smog test cost. I've been spending on that car, if I income was working right I could replace it. But the need for a new roof before the old one leaks, etc., nah, a new car is not a good idea. If I could get a stable income it would be different.

 

[swbluto]

What's this 'Sociopath Test?' there's no such thing as a sociopath, it's a word with no meaning. Psychopath is sort of accepted by the DSM crowd, but not so real in itself.

True, it's not its own classified disorder by the DSM. That does put into question "What is it REALLY".

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopathy

IMHO, being manipulative is the key symptom. Autistic children do NOT have empathy, but yet, are NOT manipulative

Haha, yeah. I guess that might be true, this one guy in restriction said that about my person, "He's REALLY good at manipulation" and I had no idea what he was talking about, so that's what I said in an innocent voice "I have no idea what you're talking about", and he's like "SEE, HE'S DOING IT AGAIN!". lol

[I thought to myself, "How am I supposedly so good at manipulation if I so easily get outed out?", that didn't make sense to me. So, I personally did not and still do not believe I'm "really good at manipulation". Though, boy, I sure did game the system, didn't I. lol]

I'd rather be a psychopath than an autie anyday. I'm not saying they REALLY represent the peak of society, but there are suspicions in that vein. They might just tend to be, true to their statistical rarity, "The 1%", lol. (Among new money, that is. Inherited doesn't count)

Fallon says there is some truth to the old adage that if you think you're a psychopath, you probably aren't. Most psychopaths think they're fine. That's why Fallon's own diagnosis came as a total shock. "I'm a self-diagnosed normal person. I think I'm a regular guy," he says. "But I'm not."

Yeah, I'll totally claim the psycho label for myself, no problems with that. At times, I've been called manipulative and "something evil", so this label kind of fits. [I've heard that this label is of primary interest to young men, so maybe I'm just one of that particular trend.]

Just like Amanda girl is "so evil", but is she really. Then again, I immediately think to myself, "Oh yes, she's fudging evil", LOL. She's very quick to turn on you if you don't suit her particular needs. And is she exploitative, I don't know. It almost seemed like she had those intentions in mind with my person, but that's pure speculation. It'd seem more probable she had more immediate goals.

 

[swbluto]

HAHAHA, yeah, the psychopath thing seems to apply. Not every bullet point applies, though. I obviously haven't went to jail for aggravated assault or anything. And "Completely unable to form personal attachments" is some fudging bullshit, it just tends to be a rarity. Forming attachments with the "average person" doesn't really happen. It takes a certain kind of person, and in my experience, that seems to be those who are near the HFA or sociopathic spectrums.

----------------

Trying to cut back on bananas. Gum recession is why.

Getting all the mineral goodness from tomatoes, instead.

Right bottom middle root started paining, and I thought I needed to start reducing sugar consumption immediately. Anyway, I did, and it doesn't seem like it's been a problem since yesterday. I'm waiting for the toaster oven before I can start subsisting off of potatoes, getting it shipped in. Highly rated cuisinart toaster oven.

----------

https://www.newscientist.com/article/2118547-real-life-psychopaths-actually-have-below-average-intelligence/

To investigate, Boutwell and his colleagues analysed the results of 187 published studies on intelligence and psychopathy. These papers included research on psychopaths in prison as well as those enjoying high-flying careers. They also included a range of measures of intelligence.

Overall, the team found no evidence that psychopaths were more intelligent than people who don’t have psychopathic traits. In fact, the relationship went the other way. The psychopaths, on average, scored significantly lower on intelligence tests. “I think the results will surprise a lot of people,” says Boutwell.

Yeah, there's an IQ distribution among the psychopath population. I bet you it's more dumb-bellish at the high end, accounting for the above average representation among senior business leaders/CEOs.

 

[swbluto]

I'm noticing palpitations now, and I surmised the emotional trauma that Amanda purposely inflicted (Let's call it "Shattering a heart of glass with a sledgehammer") would likely damage the heart. And the palpitations now seem to be evidence.

Acute fear, grief, startling, or anger can cause "stunned heart."

What is a stunned myocardium? ANSWER. If blood flow is returned to an area of heart muscle after a period of ischemia (lack of blood supply), the heart muscle may not pump normally for a period of days following the event. This is called "stunned" heart muscle or myocardium.

Okay, so it should return to normal function within a month or so. Right?

I guess the hope REALLY IS... that the individual is vulnerable enough, that the stunne heart will kill them. She seemed to have that affect after Dec 20th, trying to kill me via vascular means. First the TIA, and now a stunned heart.

Think maybe I'll be more careful of "witches" going forward. They seem to have a history, both my and the world's history, of inducing vascular problems.

"Baited them by infatuation, and killed the husbands with witchcraft"

The "withcraft" is really Relational Aggression at the heart of it. (If not poison)

Emotional trauma -- such as the death of a spouse, mental or physical abuse, or posttraumatic stress disorder -- increases risk of heart attack and heart death.

Yep, she's a deadly person.

------------------

Continuing on clearing out the underforest now for the house build. Hoping maybe it'll take another week or so.

------------------https://www.quora.com/Do-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-get-their-heart-broken

Breakup with a full blown psychopath before they are ready and you’ll have one angry ASP on your hands. They won’t have a broken heart because their feelings are rather limited and they might seek revenge.

Hehehe...

I think it's actually rather good that I strongly suspected cheating and reacted accordingly about a week prior, I'm sure that lessened the impact somewhat.

I was actually thinking about finding their car next winter, and then painting in Red Paint, "I know what you did last new year's day...", LOL.

But thinking I need to make it scary and not so much like a joke... maybe I should use real blood...

Hurting them really isn't the agenda. Scaring them seems to be about what I'd want to accomplish.

I have a feeling they'd probably fall in love, though... since that's who they are.

Nah. Might be a match made in heaven. I guess my matching with the sociopath Amanda wasn't all that inexplicable.

http://whisper.sh/stories/6c57260a-f77b-4680-a1de-8033b1fa26db/Im-Dating-A-Psychopath-And-Im-Scared-To-Leave

Looking at all the "psychopath" whisper stories here, I'd surmise from the # that are scared of psychopaths, that psychopaths do in fact enjoy scaring others. I guess I'm not that special, haha.

While sociopaths like hurting others. LOL

The sociopath-psychopath mating pattern is definitely a thing in this whisper page. At least 3 images tell of this.

It appears that typically, the girl is the sociopath and the guy is the psychopath.

----------------

As noted by Université Laval (Quebec) psychologist Claudia Savard and colleagues in a 2015 scientific study, criminals in general have the insecure attachment style of avoidance in which they find it difficult to form close relationships with others. Individuals who fit the criteria of psychopathic personality disorder—whether or not they also engage in criminal behavior—exhibit behaviors associated with an avoidant attachment style, being unable to form close intimate relationships. Emotional detachment and lack of empathy—two key indicators of psychopathic personality disorder—also relate to maladaptive attachment styles.

HAHAHAHA...

Seeing how much Amanda seemed to be a little too trigger happy in trying to hurt (Wasn't just when she was trying to end it), it's not hard to see the reason for the "avoidant attachment style". When people are trying to hurt you, getting too close can hurt. It's generally better to be lacking pain, than to be deeply in it. This pain isn't just some make believe phenomenon, has a direct correlation with deadly vascular outcomes.

It honestly wasn't hard imagining yesterday evening, with her laying beneath me. Not sexually, per se, more romantically.

------------

So the bride's parents traditionally pay for the wedding?

PHEWWWW... lol.

Is that really true? lol. I have a hard time imagining my parents were paying for my sister's wedding, even though they would be the most capable of paying for it among the 2.

I guess the only thing I have to pay for is the wedding ring, which is now $7000 average for 2018. And that's chump change.

Think I'd be more interested in making my own wedding ring, since I could afford more carat that way. Retail prices for jewelry is massively inflated.

Barring any medical catastrophies or sudden large expenses (Vehicle,etc.), after the house is finished, looks like I would have about 30 months of savings in my account. That seems like enough time to make up for any income shortfalls, thank god. UNLIKE LAST YEAR. Literally, 1 months worth of savings during the middle of summer, lol.

And lab created diamonds are a commercial reality, wow. I don't see why I would go with "natural diamonds" if their compositions are identical and they're FAR cheaper.

--------------

https://www.psypost.org/2019/01/good-looking-individuals-have-more-morally-permissive-views-on-sex-related-behaviors-52877

Good-looking individuals have more morally permissive views on sex-related behaviors

Yeah, that's what I thought. Good looking people have more sex. Thus, a very good reason to snag a good looking girlfriend. Be brash and fearless, just don't piss her off too much, lol.

I'm a little less certain about the good looking girls with a hoeish feel to them. If I'd write them off necessarily for behaving like a hoe. Scanty clothing and provocative poses and behaviors. Because, outside of that, that one girl would seem to be a "normal girl". I guess maybe I'd have to use my best judgment on a case by case basis. Amanda generally seemed to be a normal girl, but there were questions as to how exploitative she was. In terms of theft and being a finagling spendthrift. There were enough red flags, in terms of behavior, that'd warrant further review.

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I think I see why a girl wants a "protective boyfriend". To protect her from former boyfriends and failed suitors when she acts like a bitch, lol.

I don't want to hurt Amanda, but if I REALLY wanted to, her current boyfriend doesn't seem like he'd deter me.

Maybe that's why she's OK being with a psychopath. No ones going to mess with that unpredictable scary ass mother fudger, lol.