Buying forest land, implementing solar

[swbluto]

She's running off with link (From zelda) instead of me, now I'm heartbroken. lol

[Just kidding]

See she has a thing for protectors. In that case, I'm quality goods, lol.

What was this "Overtly flirting with other men" called by the chase girls site...

Oh yeah, autorejection.

Seems like I should really be hurt or something, but I'm not really at all. Maybe because I think she's joking?

I can't tell the reasons why, but that smile on her face makes me thinks she's playing around. That's no ordinary "polite smile" of hers, that's one of interest.

Moving too slow. Yep, moving slow with a girl will send you into auto-rejection, more often than you’d expect. As noted in “Social Circle vs. Cold Approach,” the less well you know a woman, the less time she gives you to close things out. Contrary to how most men view attraction, it tends to drop rather precipitously after the initial meet the vast majority of the time. When you’re a social beginner, you might be able to use a little more time to generate more interest; but once you’re at even an intermediate level and your fundamentals are getting tight, you already have most or all of the attraction you’re going to get the moment you say hello to her, and everything else you’ll be doing is really just getting her comfortable with the idea of intimacy with you. Wait too long to get intimate with her and she’ll give up on you or come to resent you for not giving her what she wanted, and at that point it’s done.

Yep, exactly what I thought. Stretching "the chase" over the entire christmas season when I'm unavailable is going to kill "The game". Oh well, money over honey is what they say.

 

[Dauntless]

See she has a thing for protectors. In that case, I'm quality goods, lol.

More like mega lol

But if it's protectors she's into, then we know what you need.

What was this "Overtly flirting with other men" called by the chase girls site...

Oh yeah, autorejection.

Seems like I should really be hurt or something, but I'm not really at all. Maybe because I think she's joking?

Or just relieved that you have an excuse to avoid a woman again.

Moving too slow. Yep, moving slow with a girl will send you into auto-rejection, more often than you’d expect. As noted in “Social Circle vs. Cold Approach,” the less well you know a woman, the less time she gives you to close things out. Contrary to how most men view attraction, it tends to drop rather precipitously after the initial meet the vast majority of the time. When you’re a social beginner, you might be able to use a little more time to generate more interest; but once you’re at even an intermediate level and your fundamentals are getting tight, you already have most or all of the attraction you’re going to get the moment you say hello to her, and everything else you’ll be doing is really just getting her comfortable with the idea of intimacy with you. Wait too long to get intimate with her and she’ll give up on you or come to resent you for not giving her what she wanted, and at that point it’s done.

So I could think that was my problem, this waiting too long. So many times you'd have thought, but I'm trying to talk to her. . . .

But I guess it becomes a self perpetuating situation. The girl in the 8th grade who had acted like, then turned around---well, that girl in high school when I was new, she thought herself the prankster when she was leading me on. So here I am, looking for a little more certainty after that, They grow more impatient, such a cixious cycle.

At least I'm not afraid. Yeah, you can laugh easy, apparently she got away. You're safe.

Maybe you really do need to wear protection.

 

[swbluto]

Think actually it has more to do with control. She tried dictating the terms, I said that wouldn't work, and dictated my terms back and she rejected them. Haha, power struggle.

I apparently have a thing for the "alpha females", but conflict when it comes to "who has the control", lol.

The only thing in my case, is that it's the customers who are dictating my terms, not so much me.

I did previously note that her common homicidal ideation is a sign of "power hunger", and here I am just drawing the inference she doesn't like it when she doesn't get it her way.

It's good for a male to have control. The fact it's one of the key tenets of MS13 and girls have a thing for gangsters, tells me that much.

 

[Dauntless]

You think it has to do with control? You mean like way she's a woman? Is some sudden revelation for you, or have you been thinking about this one?

That it's about control isn't even worth bringing up, except that maybe your fear of that explains your fear of women.

Let's see, I mentioned the girl in high school. This will terrify you, dangerously close:

Having been in Catholic schools up to just before Easter junior year, she hadn't grow up with me like so many of the guys, or least had me around since freshman year. We barely spoke the remaining weeks before summer, so it surprised me to see her spelling out my name with her finger in the air when the teacher asked in the first days of fall.

And then she comes running after me when I leave class. The short version is not only was she putting herself in front of me all the time; I have people remarking how unexpected this is to everyone, her being the mousiest girl on campus.

Again, the short version is she didn't just say 'No,' she launched into her long suppressed mean girl routine she's found her last opportunity to indulge in before high school is gone forever. That's all I was to her

Be glad when they don't hide the control freak from you. It sounds like you'll be easy picken's for the type who controls you by putting up a front until she has what she wants and are tired of it all. Get up the fight for control and get it over with. As scary as that is, it's scarier for the guys who get married and THEN realize what they got themselves into.

 

[swbluto]

Don't think it really has to do with control, just a nice theory for now. Think the "short window of opportunity" is a compelling theory. In the really short window of opportunity with the heb chick, I damn well established a 1+ year relationship in literally 10 minutes, lol. Then in cases where I've waited longer, such as with this chick, the window disappears altogether. It's theory at this point, but the faster you move, the stronger and longer lasting it is.

Getting what she wants and then getting rid of you.

Yep, like that girl using the guy to pay off her student loans, and the divorcing at the 2 year mark (When they have access to division of assets).

And this girl, the seattle house. Yeah, plausible. Was a suspicion of mine, seeing her diabolical laughter wasn't reassuring me.

----------------

It's quite plausible I sabotaged the budding relationship. That's what borderline personality disorder people do... devalue the other person and sabotage relations.

Though, think my reasons were more practical. Namely, can't bring anyone home right now.

 

[swbluto]

Need to get a bill of materials for the 768.

And need to ascertain the total cost of completion of this house. Including driveway, septic and such.

Depending on those two numbers, might need to downsize the 768 to ensure two finished houses by may 1. Wouldn't want to enter with a worse entry since it's already in that position, lol, but getting an entry in is better than waiting another year. Time is money.

I'd prefer two houses, because the larger house should be "upto standard" to make the listing viable.

 

[Dauntless]

Don't think it really has to do with control, Just a nice theory for now.

Someday you go on a date, then you learn.

In the really short window of opportunity with the heb chick, I damn well established a 1+ year relationship in literally 10 minutes, lol. I

That's funny. You said you never saw her again. It was 1+ year of griping over lack of access as you presented it to us.

 

[swbluto]

I have that smile on my face like I know I'm getting some. Yeah, think she's just playing around. Flirting with other men is what girls will do to get your attention, too. (Like, "Look at how valuable I am, you don't want to be missing out on me", lol).

Which is ironic, since that's anything but certain. But, it's like that smile... like it...yes.

 

[swbluto]

Ok, going to revise the post from page 222 for a 768, pasted below, to get a bill of materials for it.

---------

Going to do some quick estimates on a house cost. Assuming 768 sqft.

24x32

Floor beams...

Length wise; 2x 12foot 4x6s and 1x 8 foot 4x6 per line. In 24foot width, there are 4 lines.
Width wise; 2x 12foot 4x6s per end. There are two ends.

4x 8foot 4x6
12x 12foot 4x6

--------------------

Floor joists.

With 16 inch spacing, there's (32/1.33+1) 25 8foot 2x6 joists per section. There are 3 sections.

75x 8ft 2x6

------------

blocking.

There are 20 blocks per section. (Totals upto 32feet) There are 3 sections.

96 feet of 2x6. Implies 12x 8ft 2x6

------------

subfloor

23/32" interlocking osb.

There are (32x24)/32sqftper4x8 = 24x 23/32" interlocking osb 4x8s.
--------------

Exterior wall studs.

Each 8 foot section gets 5 studs, plus 1 bottom plate and 2 top plates. Implies each 8 feet gets 8 of them. (Just approximation)

So, 32x2+24x2 = 112 feet implies 112 studs.

Throw in 12 more studs and 2x 8ft. 4x6s for window and door framing.

---------------

exterior wall sheathing.

112 feet needs upto (112/4) = 28x 7/16" 4x8 osb.

----------------

roof osb, basically the same area as floor except about 1.2x more. so 1.2*24*32 = 921 sqft

(921/32) = 29x 7/16" 4x8 osb.

-----------------

(32/2) = 16x 24ft trusses at $100 each.

$1600 for trusses.
------------------
drywall.

Assuming double the exterior wall drywall, for all the interior wall drywall.

112 feet/4 = 28x 4x8 drywall sheets.

So, total of 56x 4x8 sheets.

Ceiling drywall. (24x32)/32 = 24x more sheets.

Total of 80x drywall sheets.
---------------------
interior wall studs

assume as many as exterior wall. 112 studs. And 2x more 8 ft 4x6s.

--------------
electrical and plumbing.

???

--------------

insulation

???
---------------

siding

112 lineal feet * 8 ft high = 896sqft.

For gables, another 2.5ft*24 = 60sqft each gable, 120 more sqft.

Total of 1016 sqft.

$1/sqft = $1016.

----------------

Then fixed cost of $6000 for kitchen cabinets and drawers, appliances, bathroom,septic,driveway, water connect fee. Probably should up that to $7000.

Kitchen = $1000
bathroom = $1000
septic = $1500
driveway = $400
water connect fee = $2500

$6500


totals.

studs = 240x * 2.25 = $540
8 ft. 2x6 = 75x * 5.98 = $448
8 ft 4x6 = 8x * 13.67 = $110
12ft4x6 = 12x = 21.27*12 = $255.24

24x 23/32 interlocking osb = 24*18.98 = $455.52
57x 7/16" osb (roof, exterior wall, and 6 more for gable) = 63*7.79 = $490.77

80 4x8 drywall sheets. 80x10 = $800

siding = $1200+200 for gables = $1016
flooring = 768sqft*$1sq/ft = $768
electrical = $200
plumbing = $300
insulation = $1000
foundation = $600
shingles and roof underlayment = $500
windows = $900
doors = $500 (exterior front, exterior back, and 4 internal doors)
screws, nails,etc = $300
trim = $100
electrical box and wiring upto house = $300
trusses = $1600
hurricane ties = $100
floor joist hangers and nails = $150
internal ventilation fan = $40
roof ventilation = $100
ceiling ridges = $100
lighting = $400
Can't forget roof ladders, rain guards and flashing and this and that. $500

Current total = $540+448+110+255+455+490+800+1016+768+200+300+1000+600+500+900+500+300+100+300+1600+100+150+40+100+100+400+500 = $12572

Plus $7000 fixed.

$19572 total.

Taxed at 9%, 19572*(1.09) = 21333.

So, $21,333 predicted total.

What did the formula predict?

7000+17.5*768 = $20,440

I guess I'll have to be diligent in keeping the receipts to find out, lol.

--------------

The water company girl seemed surprised I was the owner of the property I was requesting an estimate for.

What was the source of her surprise.

Poor, sodden gent.

Look too young.

People have said I look 23 recently.

 

[swbluto]

Now what about the cost to finish this house.

It needs.

Driveway
siding
drywall
plumbing
septic
flooring
insulation

----------------

Driveway ($500)
siding ($900)
drywall($300)
plumbing($200)
septic($1500)
flooring($500)
insulation($800)

500+900+300+200+1500+500+800 = 4700

So about $5000 to finish.

Implies I'd need $26,333 to finish both.

That's pushing the envelope.

What could we neglect for now.

Septic,flooring,driveway (2500 total). So, need to commit $2500 to it.

So looks like it'd be advised to increase income since it's cutting so close. Might need 2 grand earned "left over" income from here upto april. That's kind of pushing it, but plausible with ambition. January and february are among the slowest months, too.

---------------

Looked around for counties with cheaper sales tax, there's a few nearby, but none of them have bigbox stores or any major retail, lol. That kind of defeats the point, lol.

It'd be nice to not pay sales tax, lol.

 

[swbluto]

Damn, the IXIC crash is happening like anticipated, lol. (Now standing at 6333, down from 7500 just a month ago.)

My 12.9 investment would've been standing at 19.9 right now.

(19.9/12.9)*5000 = 7713.

lol, that price spike that took out my stop loss... frocker, lol.

Well, there's still money to be made on ixic, anticipating it falling to below 4000.

But, think maybe I'd rather go triple long at trough.

So what kind of economic implications (Mainstreet, that is) would a stock crash have.

Should I change my plans?

I'd roughly expect the best entry point for triple long ixic will be after october 2019.

Should I downsize to a 2 room design? Would ensure completion of both.

Looks like it's not just IXIC that's crashing, but the DJIA too.

This is unlike the dotcom bubble.

This is more like the great depression.

The fact that banks are reducing their exposure to industrial loans, anticipating "reduced industrial demand", sounds like a great depression theme from what I've read.

The parallels were numerous.

-soaring corporate profits
-high personal debt
-flat wages
-crescendoing trade disputes

So, should be unsurprising.

Formula. 24x28

7000+17.5*(696) = 19180

What might happen to housing prices?

According to Scherbina and Nicholas’ working paper, “Real Estate Prices during the Great Depression,” the prices for a typical Manhattan house increased 62% in a run up of the 1929 stock market crash and then lost 51% of that value by the end of 1933. By 1932 and 1937 the stock market showed signs of rebounding, but real estate did not, according to Scherbina. A house purchased in 1920 would have lost 51% of its value (in inflation-adjusted terms) by the end of 1939. Scherbina and Nicholas report that it wasn’t until 1960 that housing prices recovered.

So another housing crash within the next 4 years.

Would be expected with buyers "holding out until market bottom" to buy, like yahoo comments suggest is happening.

Should I just conserve capital and pay taxes? And claim loss of job on student loan application, lol.

Given that having a legitimate entry into the housing market is uncertain, while a decline in income seems pretty certain, at the same time housing demand might be crashing.

Seems to suggest I should conserve capital and invest in immediate income opps. I guess I could always build later.

If I go upto stage 1 (Complete the other house entirely), I would have $5000 or so to put into income opps. Seems like "about enough", might be better to have more.

But then real estate taxes might increase to $1000/yr, a possibly appreciable sum during a great depression.

Stage 1 - complete other house entirely (Might skimp here and there in the event of an anticipated great depression, lol.)
Stage 2 - Bring this house upto half completion
Stage 3 - Finish off this house entirely.

So I don't anticipate having an entry ready for the housing market by may, then, since it'd require too much risky commitment of capital. It's risky against a backdrop of a great depression and declining income.

This puts my mexican neighbor recent transfer of ownership to some "opportunity mortgage company" in context. Loss of income somewhere, more than likely, so he had to refinance with someone who would accept his dire circumstances.

And the vietnamese couple that very recently vacated the store, with very little hint prior of this happening.

Just wonder what will happen to that lawn there. If it'll be overgrown with weeds. it gives this area a "nice feel" as it currently stands.

The water company girl seemed surprised I was the property owner I was requesting water for. Wonder why.

Looked like a poor, sodden gent.

Looked too young. People seem to think I look 23, at least recently. And this is a common remark, heard back in restriction.

If I find I'm wrong about a great depression coming up... there's nothing wrong with that. Doing better than expected is always welcome, lol.

In essence, you never go unprepared assuming the worst is just ahead, lol. So, the best policy to have, in my opinion, lol.

The scout's motto, "Be prepared", probably could be translated to "Expect the worst".

Expecting the worst may not make you feel any better when faced with a disappointment, say psychology researchers who have tested the age-old advice.

HAHA. You definitely going to feel worse having nothing in your bank account when you didn't expect the worst, lol.

----------------

Good thing about Texas, is that house prices went down merely 20% during the great recession. So housing prices here are more stable than the coasts during recessions.

 

[swbluto]

Lost sleep again.

Okay, new rules. No reading news after 11 p.m. and no touring facebook.

Bottom lip started quivering/jumping while my heart was coursing something fierce. This seemed to be keeping me up. Great Depression fears seemed a likely culprit, and this came about from the news.

I suspect after the change of expectation happens (Expecting rosy to expecting the great recession all over again), fear levels go back to normal.

I think it's rooted in fearing change. In particular, fearing downward changes.

 

[swbluto]

So, got one hour of "half sleep" last night. And some random light back pain where I'd imagine my heart is (Right above the shoulder blades).

Think I'll be downscaling to 24x28 (Saves about 96 sqft, about $1800). 2br/1ba, just need to refigure out the layout. I think I'm realizing I can expand the bedrooms to take up empty spaces, yes, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

I'm hoping this can possibly help getting both houses as far up the stage ladder as possible.

And more capital available for active income investment.

Okay, have a good layout.

Need to regen the bill of materials.

Getting tired of that, lol, but necessary so I know what to get.

-----------

Y'know, if this is bad as I think it will, this is some bull.

Literally, 4 years of "There are some jobs in the market" to another crash... lol

What could I possibly accomplish in 4 measly years as a job entrant?

I know I'm accomplishing a lot compared to my peers, but DEFINITELY NOT to someone whose working years were in the 1950-2008 period. At least most definitely someone from 1985-2008

 

[Dauntless]

I know I'm accomplishing a lot compared to my peers. . . .

Your peers would have a section 8, Corporal Klinger. No, they don't tend to do much.

Your lip quivers reading Facebook? Man, I thought you sense of terror around women was bad. You are already living the 1930's Okie homeless lifestyle, you have nothing more to fear. If anything, the world falls to your level and you're ahead of the game.

 

[swbluto]

I'm not afraid of facebook. I did however, infer that this girl was a slut and was having a good time with this one guy. The words he used, in addition to the words he was previously using, suggested he was turning her on and he was having a good time soon after. I know how this works, personal experience [It's actually the exact same kind of thing I've did to get ladies to... seduce me. It's strange to think, but it does seem like that's the key thing... berate a girl, she soon seduces you. I can recollect that in the following experiences: Heb chick, nail salon girl, craigslist girl. Additionally, I've seen a girl's pupils enlarge significantly, probably with lust.]. The words he was using matched the "promiscuous girl" lyrics. So knowing about her personality and whatnot...

I went a "dumb whore" tirade in my facebook feed and soon cast her out.

That might've caused me to lose sleep since it was right before bed.

Do I actually think she read this? No, and I soon locked it so she couldn't.

Funny enough, she soon posted a blue christmas picture. So maybe she saw something.

Calling her a dumb whore and berating her for it was turning me on something fierce, so it's hard to suspect it was the key culprit sleep stealer.

But whatever attraction I had to her soon vanished.

The fact that I'm attracted to a whore shouldn't be surprising. And the idea that "hot girls" are sluts is also not surprising. It's just frustrating when you're thinking that this girl might be marriage material, lol. Like she might be your "soul mate".

Funny enough, I thought the same thing of the heb chick. She was marriage material. And... she was definitely a slut.

Maybe I shouldn't be trusting of my "marriage material" instincts, lol.

Maybe the "boring girls" are really the marriage material kind, lol.

------

It's just kind of weird that the "fake girl gamers" are called "Sluts with a controller".

So you'd assume she was a fake gamer.

But, she seemed a little too fanatical in specific ways to be a faker (In particular, things that I've done, like visit the nintendo campus).

But her gaming tastes, first person shooters and super smash brothers. Seems like the kind of thing regular guys would be playing. Not geeks/nerds like she claims to be. Geeks/nerds seem to be more often into RPGs and strategy, from what I've seen, and these girls are measurably more intelligent than this gal.

I'm more into strategy and RPGS myself, but unlike this girl, I don't go around claiming nerd status. I wonder if that says anything.

The fake geeks are the ones claiming most vocally to be geeks, lol.

They do it because it has modern social cachet, even if "real nerds" do not, lol.

I had my doubts this would be the kind of girl who'd be enthusiastically launching product lines and doing research and all that. I would like to think she could "geek to it", but had my doubts.

Her work experience seems to be mainly playing video games and looking pretty, lol.

 

[Dauntless]

. . . . this girl was a slut and was having a good time with this one guy.

Well, yeah, the whole reason they're sluts IS to have a time.

.It's actually the exact same kind of thing I've did to get ladies to... seduce me.

How hard is it to see someone else succeed that way? Damn, proof of concept.

Calling her a dumb whore and berating her for it was turning me on something fierce. . . .

Life long virgins tend to have that in common.

It's just kind of weird that the "fake girl gamers" are called "Sluts with a controller".

So, you with a fake girlfriend. That would be a WHAT with a controller?

The fake geeks are the ones claiming most vocally to be geeks, lol.

They do it because it has modern social cachet, even if "real nerds" do not, lol.

Yeah, but them geeks still don't get any.

 

[swbluto]

So if I were to be honest about my personality.

Looks like I'm distrusting. And tend towards short relations, caused by that distrust. Something of a man-whore.

"I don't trust a hoe because a hoe don't trust me"

[youtube]mdB3Oyd5HtU[/youtube]

Habits of distrust ("You're cheating on me") and devaluation ("you're a dumb whore"), indicating borderline personality disorder. Looks like I have the black spot. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Spot_(Treasure_Island))

In addition, "no one knows who you are, just another girl alone at the bar."

I'm not soooo certain how true that is...

I'm not on facebook because of debt collector hounding, and the fact facebook requires "real names" and will push for government ID. They ended up disabling my "real profile" because of a purposefully misspelled last name (Wanted government ID, lol, not going to happen), and kept my "fake profile" up and running, lol.

I did get her to smile a little more than her common "polite smile", thought I was "making her happy" but what was that REALLY. What kind of smile was that, that was a sexual smile, yes it was. Corner of lips will lift up a little more on one side.

 

[Dauntless]

So if I were to be honest about my personality. . . Looks like I have the black spot.

A Lacunae. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lacuna

A la Freud. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/BF01172608

But is this 'Hole in the.personality' merely a gap between reality and expectation? At what point does someone else not liking the way you do things become important? Because everyone has Lacunae, some more than others, some bigger. . . .

 

[swbluto]

Yeah, anyway.

So, need to gen the bill of materials for the 24x28.

And what else...

Shipping.

Work.

Missed a day of sleep yesterday, slept from 12 to 6:30 a.m. yesterday night, and though I feel wide awake as if I got a full night's sleep, I feel like a total zombie today. So much missing energy, lol.

I think it feels better now that I've taken the cocoa.

 

[Dauntless]

I think it feels better now that I've taken the cocoa.

Really filled the hole, eh?

 

[swbluto]

The circulation reducing atrial septal defect hole, possibly. I'd surmise cardiac output is impaired, help boosted by the cocoa. Thinking of taking it again, still feeling periodic "side effects".

And telling myself to stop thinking of the great depression concerns. Seems like a reliable way to get the heart racing. Caught myself about 10 seconds after the last time it happened this morning.

I guess unlike a panic disorder person, I have good control of my thoughts.

 

[swbluto]

So the "fearless protector" type is what turns girls on, REALLY, eh. (Well, at least it'd make sense it'd be the type to turn on the sword wielding, morning star swinging warrior princess herself, lol.)

Interesting.My close friend seems to be a wealth-focused "hard working" guy who's gotten assaulted many times, in various ways. Car going out of its way to run into him, getting shot, getting punched in the face by a black dude, all in his adult years. He's divorced 3 times. Girl took the house each time.

Then this other 2-time divorcee guy. Don't get the impression people have intended him physical malice (No reports of being shot, intermittently punched in the face, ran over, etc.), but he does seem to have emotional instability. "he'll just suddenly blow up on you and cut off all ties". He does report getting screwed over many times in the working world, getting the short end of the stick, what he calls "all the bullshit".

My father hasn't had any of those problems. And not a divorcee. I laugh a little thinking he's the "blowing up on you and cutting off all ties" kind of guy, lol. He might be in a better field and be with better companies. He does tell me he researches companies to find out who he can trust, and his past consists of working for the air force and working for the hospital, two seemingly trustworthy outfits when it comes to pay reliability.

But, it's interesting that he's not had a problem with finances unlike these other guys. Seems like these other guys regularly got screwed over on rent getting jacked up or couldn't pay the mortgage with income shortfalls (Specifically, couldn't pay the land mortgage, though they paid for the house out of pocket. I thought isn't that convenient for the foreclosing banks.). So, he's also been financially stable.

Emotionally stable and financially stable. The other guys seem to have individual issues here and there in those areas. The other guy actually seems to be both emotionally stable and financially stable, but "protective guy" he does not seem to be. He does not appear to be fearful, either. Wouldn't call him fearless, but not fearful.

-----------

And, oh yeah, that good friend has been exploited by his wives. I'd think that's the common thread. Abused by males and used by females, I'd think was his life, lol.

(Unlike me, that guy seems to lack more common sense than I apparently do. Like, leaving a bunch of valuables in the front yard without an enclosing fence and then getting miffed when some go missing. REALLY??? Hey steve, have you heard of "easy pickings"? lol)

It's interesting I have a lot of insight into "motivation", and I can usually tell when a girl is trying to exploit to me whereas I don't know about steve, lol. It's just weird in the sense that I seem to have so much insight here, but I'm not sure if I can change that, a motivation to exploit. I can think of theoretical methods, "flip the boyfriend switch" and become the "real boyfriend", but that's just theory. I also think maybe there's girls who specifically look to exploit, but the few I'm aware of, I don't think they're looking to exploit everyone.

I get the sense when it seems a girl is "whoring herself out", provocative pictures mainly (In real life, provocations in general), and I get that "whore feel", that gets my attenae up. And juding from that "hoes ain't loyal song"...

"You spent all that bread, and it was all for nothing"

I think maybe I'm right on the mark.

So when amanda, a seemingly intelligent girl (She used the correct form of "Hylian" for example), starts posting scantily clad pictures of herself in provocative poses, that alone triggers my caution. It didn't help that I previously saw her evil laughter and associated mania just days prior, shortly after anticipating our meeting. Kind of made me think, "Plotting", though it could've been anything. I further intuited she was "power tripping" but over what exactly... something current or something in the future...

Think maybe I triggered the boyfriend switch with the sexual approach. I'm not explicit, I think I have subtlety, lol.

Kind of like the HEB chick, she started with the sexual allure, than I became the sexual aggressor, so it would seem like I triggered her boyfriend switch. Think she was anticipating finding a target, but she was open to "correction".

I think about "What would my sister do". And she would not be posting scantily clad pictures of herself in provocative poses, lol.

(I bring up my sister because she's the archetypal "good wife with a good heart". But it's true, she'd get miffed at me and then steal my shit, lol.)

-------

Oh yeah, they say rape is about power. Male exerting power.

So, the antonym is divorce rape, the female exerting power. lol

I think it's pretty appropriate considering that the power hungry female cop who married steve very clearly divorce raped him, like not even ambiguous in her motivations. The idea that a power hungry cop would do power tripping things like that, doesn't seem surprising.

I suspect that steve went up and married a hoe. Makes me think he has that history, marrying hoes.

 

[swbluto]

Amanda hates me and looks like she's pretty angry.

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha...

Should I text her anything? lol.

It looks like she analogizes herself to "the grinch" and puts me in the category of "other people".

So this sounds like an appropriate understandable explanation, right? Like something an average person can understand.

Dang, you're one cool cat. You kind of remind me of some creative writing club highschool people. I was meaning to say, and I want to make it not sound like I'm trying to abduct you or something, lol. that since I recently realized that the earliest I'll have suitable tenements is 3 months from now, and I know a lot can change in 3 months, and I'm not necessarily referring to myself there, that I'm not putting much into the dating category right now. And, that means everyone, not just any one person. It was hard to type that because... see that little guy... > . <.... that's the embarassed face. That wasn't supposed to send before typing out the full explanation.

It's funny since she made this reference earlier, and I didn't do anything on purpose to have her hate me then. So, if she hates me when I'm /not/ purposefully doing a dick move, that would seem to be a bad sign?

She went out and bought a pink bunny suit and red ryder BB gun for the purpose of making a facebook photo? Damn, she's a spendthrift, isn't she.

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Yeah, I think I'm realizing what kind of girl this is/was. She was the popular girl back in highschool. The pretty girl every guy wants to fudge, yeah, she's having that affect.

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Think it's generally good she's angry at me. I remember the heb chick, she was angry at me and yelled at me just moments after informing her of something, and she was heavily crushing just moments before. Made the move, and was quite obvious I took that exactly where it needed to go.

[youtube]gGdGFtwCNBE[/youtube]

The guy at 1:24. I think he has my posture. What kind of posture is that, the rich boy posture.

And, I think this song is about making love. Because, "It's taking control" and "Destiny is calling me" (Like it's meant to happen), it definitely feels like that. It doesn't feel like you're in the driver's seat, even though superficially you'd seem to be. I think it's mostly a difference in "sensation" as opposed to be what it sounds like ("Not having control", though if you don't veto it, "it" knows exactly what its doing.).

"eager eyes". I've mentioned that before. Think the heb chick had them.

 

[swbluto]

Woke at 8:23 a.m.

Was up and fell asleep some time past 5 a.m.

Seemed odd I wasn't feeling sleepy anytime earlier.

While nearing peak at 4:22 a.m., I noticed that symptoms were getting bad (Namely, high forehead sweatiness and a feeling of high crescendoing upper chest "sensation" of some kind), so I decided to not let the petit one lead to the real one, lol.

Underlying cause is unknown. Could've been the weight lifting I did earlier. Last time I did weight lifting, seemed to cause
symptoms. And it does reliably seem to interfere with sleep.

The idea this girl "hated me" is unsurprising, and not because of any dick moves. Seems like a relationship doomed to fail, which is why I was adamant in meeting them in real life before making any solid decisions in terms of "relationship" and "Where it's going". There's a not-unfair-chance we didn't click.

Then again. I do think about it, it was when I was downplaying the relationship that she seemed to hate me. And I was downplaying it precisely because of the changing expectation of suitable tenancy going up from 2 weeks to 3 months, as my savings account grew thru the season. Going from "finishing off this house"(5,000) to "Starting and finishing off the next house"(20,000), given the understanding I likely couldn't do both. I didn't know I couldn't do both until the season just recently ended, and I had the years end totals.

So, if the relationship destroyers are "hated", and that's primarily what the borderline personality people do via distrust and devaluation, then that'd give some understanding why I've been calling it the "Nobody loves me" disorder. It's because they, probably usually unwittingly, breed their own hate.

Cynicism, highly correlated with valve problems. Aye, felt like yesterday morning. The cynical hypothesizations leading to this feeling like I was inducing medical issues. It's not hard to tell that cortisol pumping fear was driving it.

I think the real issue is the timing, not my supposed personality. Because, character assessments are not permanent things and, she's still cool beans in my book, just that I know I can't expect them to wait for me.

 

[swbluto]

Recently had a dizzy spell, after awaking from a short nap. I've learned some "tired spells" seem to be cardiac related, so maybe that's what the nap was.

Wondered if I ate enough today, took my blood sugar, 118mg/dl.

Looks like it. Not suffering from hypo, anyway.

Just seems like maybe I hadn't eaten enough today. Ran out of bananas this morning and the groceries are closed. Gas stations don't sell bananas, bunch of junk food.