Buying forest land, implementing solar

[swbluto]

I'm thinking, I should stop looking on tinder (or online, even) and relying on my "Gut feeling". Because, more often than not, that heuristic seems to get these witches who are trying to kill me, lol. Probably because they tend to cause the most infatuation which I had already identified in her particular case.

In her particular case, I could identify the high level of aggression pretty easily, prior to trauma. So the idea of a "deadly infatuator" in her particular case should seem no surprise, despite seeming like a normal geeky girl everywhere else.

I noticed how I was getting a strained heart, so it felt like while laying in bed (tension in the neck), after the brush clearing yesterday. That was unusual, because I usually only get that after REALLY HIGH workloads during the day, like excessively excessive kind of workloads. The brush clearing yesterday isn't what I'd normally consider a real high workload. So, that'd seem to imply the heart's capacity was reduced yesterday.

Tried sleeping at 2 a.m., think I slept (not sure), woke at 6 a.m.

This 4 hours of sleep I seem to be getting each night is a recent seemingly unwelcome development.

But I did start sleeping at 8, woke at 11, then started again at 2 and woke up at 6. I guess it might have just shifted backwards, doesn't seem like normally happens though. 8 is what I'd normally assume would happen in the case of falling asleep in sync with the sun.

There were a number of "good looking girls" among her friends, but I didn't find them interesting, and they didn't seem to be an aggressive evil witch, either.

--------------------

Found myself unbearably yawning, as if I didn't get enough sleep, but apparently tried. Napped for 1.5 hours, which seems like it cured the yawns (8-9:30). The occasional palpitation still seems to be present.

Going to try doing physical work early in the day, to hopefully minimize the "strained heart" effects come the night hours. I figure it goes away after some rest. I stopped working yesterday at 5:30, and went to bed at 8, which is when I noticed the unsavory sensations (Tension in the neck).

----------------------

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/im-sorry-nudes-thirsty-drink-130000297.html

Yep, same feeling as with amanda. I could sense the brewing lust and recognized it, just like with Amanda. I'm noting this for training purposes. As to... AVOID THE HOE, lol.

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/hoe

Apparently, this is taking over the Dog Filter as the new "hoe filter". But boys, don't be fooled. She still a hoe despite which filter she uses! Obviously, flowers imply that a girl sleeps around with boys. Therefore only whores use this filter.

Damn, yeah, she had pictures of flowers. It's noteworthy that she never changes her facebook relationship status, despite being in one. Tells me, she's always looking around.

This experience tells me I shouldn't judge a girl from her family background.

Even if she's not a hoe, technically speaking, she could DEFINITELY STILL BE a SERIAL HOE. The kind that breaks it off from guys being like, without absolutely no sound evidence, "You're cheating on me! So I'm going to teach you!" and goes out and cheats on you, like a hoe.

Found her on tinder, too. Damn, what could I expect honestly... lol.

And just like the "Don't trust me" song, she was an actress. The irony in my concluding she wasn't a "real hoe", lol. Yeah, the idea she was a "serial hoe" was kind of a left hook.

[youtube]mdB3Oyd5HtU[/youtube]

I thought it funny her disloyalty was making me in turn verbally assault her. The thing is, I know that's exactly the kind of thing that hoes like, lol. So, I tried putting it very succinctly and not indulging her likely hoe fetish too much.

http://www.xonecole.com/avoid-the-hoe-phase/

Seems like that typically happens for some girls after a breakup from a longterm relationship (Divorce, death of husband,etc.). Hoeing around.

 

[swbluto]

[youtube]0J3vgcE5i2o[/youtube]

Will you still respect if you get it?

Isn't this an interesting contrast to the heb chick. She got massively aroused thru disrespect. Scolding her, calling her names. Granted, it was "deserved" in her particular case, but it seems like arousal happens even if it's not seemingly rationally deserved.

Who are the girls that really want respect. Would that'd be "the normal girls"? I'm thinking so, actually. Although, in that guys case, he was a bit too... weird about his approach. He didn't really properly seduce the girls through crescondoing insinuation and was a bit too verbally direct.

In a middle of seemingly normal conversation...

"I'm a 6' 2" fit guy and workout, what do you think is going to happen?"

 

[swbluto]

Right now, it feels like I'm running away from her. But why?

Is she trying to kill me? Chasing me?

If it was the former, I'd feel like killing her right, punching her, verbally assaulting her. Self defense, right...

So, I think I'm getting the sense she's chasing me. Which is an odd conclusion. And, I don't want anything to do with her... right now.

That was true the first time she approached me, she started chasing. I had to back off for a little while. Then I approached her.

It's funny to think the cycle might be repeating. Seems absurd.

It's like the heb chick, when I was telling her off, didn't want her anywhere near me... she started pleading and begging me to take her back.

It's interesting how "I bet she's going to take this in a bad way", then she put her deceptive "I hope you got everything you wanted for christmas!! REALLY HAPPY." image up and so on... and then... Dec31... SUCKER PUNCH... like a cunt.

I think I should be relying more on "my bets" more often, lol.

Maybe I'm mistaking the sensation for another physiological issue. I just did some massive work outside, it's possible there were heart impacts. Anxiety might imply heart issues. If I was low blood sugar, this wine would taste a lot better.

I did so well completing the outside work by 4 p.m. yesterday, so I thought I'd work until the end of today.

https://ispyphysiology.com/2015/06/03/feeling-lightheaded-after-exercise-use-the-heart-in-your-legs/

Seems like this guy recommends walking to cure the lightheadedness following hard work. Or flexing the leg muscles. Or something.

Think maybe I'll be more consistent in eating the salty protein in the morning. Fish,etc. Lightheadedness seemed to die down after eating the chicken tacos, but just the time spent getting them and doing that might've been the relief.

 

[swbluto]

Tracking stocks in this guy's stock list.

Today he recommends. The price right now is.

DCIX = 1.04
PRPO = .25
INPX = 4.19
VERI = 5.00

I'm going to track these "recommendations", and see if there's an algorithm I can come up with that can profit from them reliably. Might consider deploying it if I can find one.

Going to consider stop loss, and max percentage drop from most recent peak sell point. Might identify more factors later.

I wonder if robinhood has an API? Might want a program to keep track of price moves, since I wouldn't be watching it 24/7.

---------------

When I sent you the message on Dec 12, that was primarily because I wasn't so sure if our personalities were compatible, and I needed to further verify you were let's say... quality goods. Like, a relatively normal girl, a good girl of sorts. More precisely, A GIRL WITH GOOD INTENTIONS. There were prior signs suggesting that you weren't. I have plenty experience with girls in real life and none of them showed the warning signs you did.

On Dec22, after earning a bit over the season, I sent that message because I recently computed the construction costs for the new project, and found it viable, and so it was greenlighted. Since funds were being prioritized for the new construction project, that moved the earliest available suitable date from Jan 21 to April 1. Given how that seemed "a little too far away", that's when I quickly informed you of it LIKE A RESPONSIBLE CARING ADULT. In this house, I have to remove all the construction materials, equipment and goods inside of it, to finish the drywall and flooring and... that's pretty much it. And that would've taken until Jan 21 because of the fact I have to get storage, and everything takes time.

I see now that neither date worked for you, and I was completely unware you were looking to use somebody by a certain deadline and Jan 1 seemed like it was "way too soon" at the time, so kind out of the blue. And seeing your nature now, the rational side of me thinks you're not a good candidate and probably never were. And, I don't think the rational side of me is budging on that. The emotional side is not as angry as it once was, but it's not completely indifferent just yet.

I do believe I'm a great catch for the right person, and I don't think you're that person. Quite fundamentally, I don't think someone who actually cared would be so eager to inflict maximum damage over something they failed to communicate and coordinate on. [Essentially, IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT CUNT! NOW BURN IN HELL YOU EVIL WITCH!!! (I kid about all the last few lines, I'd delete them before sending.)]

So in essence, you're the cunt.

Btw, I had already identified the cheating on your post on Dec 21, so I was well prepared for the SUCKER PUNCH you attempted. Sorry to say, no broken hearts here, ya sociopath.

I do thank you for the experience you provided, was a great lesson on the kind of girl who doesn't deserve me.

And not checking your feed. So, don't bother attempting any manipulations on my behalf.

[If there were any purchases you endured in your efforts, please list them here and I'll reimburse you. You'll also need to provide a recent photo with the said good to prove you didn't return it, and that photo must include the date written on a piece of paper. It is subject to approval at my discretion, btw. Not going to refund your Zelda pixie fairy ears.] [Thinking about deleting this part]

------------------

Here's the version I actually sent.

When I sent you the message on Dec 12, that was primarily because I wasn't so sure if our personalities were compatible, and I needed to further verify you were let's say... quality goods. Like, a relatively normal girl, a good girl of sorts. More precisely, A GIRL WITH GOOD INTENTIONS. There were prior signs suggesting that you weren't. I have plenty experience with girls in real life and none of them showed the warning signs you did.

On Dec22, after earning a bit over the season, I sent that message because I recently computed the construction costs for the new project, and found it viable, and so it was greenlighted. Since funds were being prioritized for the new construction project, that moved the earliest available suitable date from Jan 21 to April 1. Given how that seemed "a little too far away", that's when I quickly informed you of it LIKE A RESPONSIBLE CARING ADULT. In this house, I have to remove all the construction materials, equipment and goods inside of it, to finish the drywall and flooring and... that's pretty much it. And that would've taken until Jan 21 because of the fact I have to get storage, and everything takes time.

I see now that neither date worked for you, and I was completely unware you were looking to use somebody by a certain deadline and Jan 1 seemed like it was "way too soon" at the time, so kind out of the blue. And seeing your nature now, the rational side of me thinks you're not a good candidate and probably never were. And, I don't think the rational side of me is budging on that. The emotional side is not as angry as it once was, but it's not completely indifferent just yet.

I do believe I'm a great catch for the right person, and I don't think you're that person. Quite fundamentally, I don't think someone who actually cared would be so eager to inflict maximum damage over something they failed to communicate and coordinate on.

So in essence, you're the cunt. Thus, the previous message.

Btw, I had already identified the cheating on your post on Dec 21, so I was well prepared for the SUCKER PUNCH you attempted. Sorry to say, no broken hearts here, ya sociopath. [I'm technically accurate there, what you attempted would be called "emotional trauma".] [And, don't worry, I do understand you were shifting because of needing residence by Jan 1.]

I do thank you for the experience you provided, was a great lesson on the kind of girl who doesn't deserve me.

And I'm not checking your feed. So, don't bother attempting any manipulations on my behalf.

---------------------

Here's what the web says about sociopaths. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/5-types-people-who-can-ruin-your-life/201803/how-spot-sociopath-in-3-steps

They want to dominate people in order to get things from them, such as their possessions, money, sex, business partners, homes, cars, investments, reputation and so forth. But they also like dominating others just for the feeling of it—the feeling of power and control. Sociopaths lack a conscience, so they will do anything to get what they want.

Interesting, huh. A girl wanting to get their homes, huh. Yeah, that wasn't hard to detect from her plotting facial expression. The sociopathy wasn't hard to distill from the emotional trauma she intentionally inflicted.

The key thing I found on this page...

These hints may help you choose to keep your distance despite how appealing they may seem on the surface. Don't be a target for a sociopath.

"How appealing they may seem on the surface".

Yep, that's what I immediately noticed about amanda, how much effort she put into being SOOO APPEALING. I was sensing that particular manipulation from the get go, but didn't know the exact psycho personality at the time. But after the purposefully inflicted emotional trauma, I had the answer pretty damn fast. Sociopath. And she fit the description and stereotypes nearly to a T.

-----------------

It's interesting to speculate that psycho-socio is a natural mating pattern because the lower empathy of the pscyho can withstand the socio's emotional trauma a bit more effectively. And, both are dominant.

----------------

https://www.quora.com/What-famous-people-are-most-likely-psychopaths-sociopaths-or-narcissists

This guy is describing psychopathy.

Low sense of empathy
No ability to care for their actions
Egos the size of China
They are always right
They are always on the attack even when appearing calm.
Charm and sophisticated eloquent speech
No emotion on the eyes. (Thu may appear to be reptilian or avain looking)

Does any of that sound like me? lol.

I wonder if my message to amanda was sounding a bit manipulative...

Position myself as the "responsible caring adult" and her as "the cunt". lol.

Not sure if I quite believe what I'm saying now that I'm reading it, but... lol...

----------------------

It's interesting, seeking to dominate to get sex.

Was Amanda's cheating thing really a sign of "dominating me", like she had the choice of leaving and I didn't.... so she was "dominating me"...

And that's why my willy was going limp.

But then I called her a cunt, and suddenly my willy came back in force.

Strange to think about the cause and effect of the "limp willy". Doesn't seem intuitive, but dominance likely has something to do with it. By choosing to cheat on me and getting away with it, she was "dominating me", making me the submissive. But then called her a cunt, and suddenly I was the dominant, lol.

----------------

A broken heart is a major stressor and has been found to precipitate episodes of major depression. In one study (death of a spouse), 24% of mourners were depressed at two months, 23% at seven months, 16% at 13 months and 14% at 25 months.[15]

That's interesting, because felt like I was experiencing depression after the "emotional trauma" attack by Amanda for about... 9 days.

I definitely didn't feel any today, nor I believe yesterday. Of course, I've also been working outside on clearing pretty much all day, the exercise likely has been elevating my mood.

---------------

Sociopaths cheat, didn't know it was a thing but makes COMPLETE SENSE. Only one word here, Amanda, lol.

Girl breaks up with sociopath boyfriend because he cheated on her.

 

[swbluto]

[youtube]TRkIdcuXZQg[/youtube]

I think it's interesting that the black girl tells the talkative white guy, "Just shut up and follow my lead".

HAHA. Yeah, she knows how it's done. It's not a fudging speech, it's a dance, a to and fro nonverbal exchange.

I do wonder about the heb chick, "Just another rent hoe", what would happen if I later found out she had a child. That's not improbable for your average hoe, so a fairly realistic question.

 

[nicobie]

Seeing how Nep is locking threads down here... I wouldn't mind seeing this one go.

It's really getting creepy. Some of the OP's posts are starting to scare me. For his own sale I hope he gets some help soon. At the very least somebody needs to take away his shotgun.

 

[slacker]

Spot on nicobie

 

[neptronix]

We don't have a formal rule against offgassing your mental issues here in OTD.. it's kind of what the place is for.

But many of us replied to this thread at some point ( when it was about the subject line ), so it forever shows up in our 'new posts' list. This board seems to not allow us to unsubscribe from threads ( i looked for a way to do it, but correct me if i'm wrong )

I have grandfathered past threads and bad behavior in since there was no expectation that we were moderating the section at all.

So here's the deal..

swbluto, you've been made aware that some people don't want to read the things you're posting as of late.
I'd be happy to let you continue to post replies here.. with the condition that you keep the crazy stuff out and find another outlet for that.

I've ignored enough complaints about this thread in the name of preserving free speech for our members, but at this point there are way more people having a negative experience than positive one here.

 

[swbluto]

Oy, I will assume that Amanda's relation aggression was greatly impacting and rubbing off on my well being, so I will stop talking about those matters. That's it, right?

Assuming that bad time is unintentionally permeating here...

Wait... Okay... thanks for pointing out the "inappropriate" topics, now I'm reading back, I can see recent issues in that regard. I will keep private part matters private even though I do find it rather curious and worth exploring the "why"s and whatnot.

I think that's it...

 

[neptronix]

Yeah i understand you are having some troubles and all.
Just keep it relatively clean here and everyone's.. relatively happy

 

[swbluto]

As of today, the land has been cleared of all the not-so-tall trees for the house. Now, many tiny saplings, some fallen trees and a few trees need to come down. The driveway will circle in front of the house for now, and if the house expands upto 40 feet, the circle can continue out the front left of the house to complete the circle. That way, the circle drive will be centered with the house.

Right now, the house is designated for 28 feet length.

 

[swbluto]

Started wondering if this model was a prostitute. Found a few pages on the subject of models and prostitution, they told of "How they can afford all those vacations". (Clients pay for the plane trip, hotel stays,etc.)

FUNNY. Because I previously noticed Amanda seems to go on an absurd amount of vacations.

Yeah, shoot, I'm talking to a prostitute aren't I.

No wonder why she's always "single" and she never seems to block me despite the blockworthy content. Never responds either.

And the absurd amount of pictures compared to the other tinder users. It's all advertising.

But I previously hypothesized she went on those vacations because of her being a wanderlusting sociopath with enough money from her gigs to pull it off. But the prostitute hypothesis is... somewhat compelling. Not convinced.

I guess there's one way to figure out...

Kidding. I wouldn't do it, nothing to do with affordability.

----------------

It's interesting how I can remember singers wailing about "Why can't you wait until I fall out of love" making me think it's a month+ long process, whereas, it seems like I got over the "bond" with amanda is less than 10 days. I think. I'm not actually sure, honestly, it's really hard to tell just sitting there. But it is a question, though. Because, you'd think the emotional "cheating" trauma she inflicted would've destroyed our bond, but it didn't, at least not for 7 days. It just inflicted trauma for the day, some heart effects for about the first 2 days, depression, which became overwhelming at day 6. But, the bond still seemed to be present in some form.

 

[Dauntless]

Started wondering if this model was a prostitute. Found a few pages on the subject of models and prostitution, they told of "How they can afford all those vacations". (Clients pay for the plane trip, hotel stays,etc.)

You could do a better job of this cooling it that was suggested.

FUNNY. Because I previously noticed Amanda seems to go on an absurd amount of vacations.

Yeah, shoot, I'm talking to a prostitute aren't I.

No wonder why she's always "single" and. . .

And the absurd amount of pictures compared to. . .

. . . . she went on those vacations because of her being a wanderlusting sociopath with enough money from her gigs to pull it off. But the prostitute hypothesis is... somewhat compelling. Not convinced. . . .

I guess there's one way to figure out...

. . . . it seems like I got over the "bond" with amanda is less than 10 days.

No it doesn't. Never does with you. Imagine how it would be if something actually transpired between you and a woman. What do you consider a "Bond?"

 

[swbluto]

Started wondering if this model was a prostitute. Found a few pages on the subject of models and prostitution, they told of "How they can afford all those vacations". (Clients pay for the plane trip, hotel stays,etc.)

You could do a better job of this Collingwood that was suggested.

FUNNY. Because I previously noticed Amanda seems to go on an absurd amount of vacations.

Yeah, shoot, I'm talking to a prostitute aren't I.

No wonder why she's always "single" and. . .

And the absurd amount of pictures compared to. . .

. . . . she went on those vacations because of her being a wanderlusting sociopath with enough money from her gigs to pull it off. But the prostitute hypothesis is... somewhat compelling. Not convinced. . . .

I guess there's one way to figure out...

. . . . it seems like I got over the "bond" with amanda is less than 10 days.

No it doesn't. Never does with you. Imagine how it would be if something actually transpired between you and a woman. What do you consider a "Bond?"

The kind where if you see her cheating on you, you get some strong "cheating trauma" going on, and feels like you're jolting over the shock like pretty much all day, followed by depression in the ensuing days. That kind of bond.

I'm not supposed to refer to certain features, but "the presence" is noticeable when the bond is there, yes. Depending on the status of the bond, it can help or hinder. The difference between the normal everyday feeling and "Holy hell, can't stop..."

I think she was amused at my calling her a cunt, following my quipping this quote to her.

Love does nothing but make you weak! It turns you into an object of pity and derision-a mewling pathetic creature no more fit to live than a worm squirming on the pavement after a hard summer rain

I think maybe she had no issues imagining what kind of effect she imparted. Makes me think she has experience.

I'm thinking, "The evil queen"?

--------------------------

I think what I'm going to do with the houses, is the 400 sqft. will be for biz and and the larger one for residence.

Safely take the full 400sqft. deduction off of taxes. And, keep business separate from the main house. Keeping business secrets, the secrets that they are. Keeping business assets where they belong instead of being pawned off.

 

[Dauntless]

These "Features" you are referring to, no, not a bond. A bond is not one way, for starters.

But is she amused at reading here and seeing you totally NOT cooling it? Dang, maybe I should blame you because I can't sleep. It's raining. . . .

 

[swbluto]

At one time not long ago, it was provably two way. I'd suspect it's still two, but that's just my suspicion. She has an obvious practical reason for "ignoring her feelings". But good suspicion it's been supplanted.

They might get married. Getting to that age and keep seeing these engagement ring ads. Must be because I started googling for engagement rings after seeing the spate of sex/marriage articles on Yahoo after christmas. Seems like a familiar trend, the christmas windfall brings about pairings.

I sent my final letter to her so pretty much hands off now. Come what may.

After waking up from my 3 hours of sleep last night, this guy said "Take a picture of the house and the new one and send it to me".

Hmmm...

Who would this dream person be analogous to in the real world? Her? lol.

-----------------

Update, maybe that's who it must be. Her. I need a pretty solid carrot to get to her cheat for me, now don't I. lol

Hell, I'll start posting it everywhere, and tell her about all these ladies knocking at my door and the opportunity is escaping...

When the time comes, I'll go looking again. I'm not really a one-itis guy when I'm actually doing the search. (I'm not searching right now, learning that these girls often have "less than 1 month" deadlines... many times, it's like less than a week... sometimes within a day...)

-----------------

Need to stop looking at facebook. The pain would stop sooner, I'd think. Seems like I was doing fine for 2 days doing that, and then I looked at it yesterday, and now I'm a mess.

------------

Pretty sure my really warm cheeks and the tears are both telling me, a mixture of love and depression.


-----------------

Of course, psychopaths regard love with contempt. ... They have nothing but disdain for the emotions that normal human beings feel.

Not sure if I quite believe that, though it might be an understandable trend for some reason.

Then again, maybe I'm not really a "solid psychopath". The online quickie tests probably don't correlate highly with clinical scores, right...

Could be like sociopathy, can be reverted given the right environmental conditions / lifestyle factors. Psychology tends to be amorphous like that.

-------------

True, it crescendoed over 5 minutes upto an hour.

And an interesting contrast to a prior image.

I would think if it happens over and over again, it might mean something. But, it obviously doesn't happen to just me, I guess I'm just a little bit more forward than most.

-----------------

bebe rexha has a mental illness? Like what... her anxiety? That's what I first questioned because I can hear it in her voice. Googling, sure enough, it's anxiety.

(Listening to my voice right now, I have absolutely no anxiety.)

I don't really consider anxiety a "real mental illness", but to each their own.

Social anxiety. I'd think the primary cause for that is a lack of bonding. And I think her case is more from... elements of aspergers. Not uncommon for prolific music artists. This suspicion is also supported by her somewhat frequent "I'm not loved" songs.

 

[Dauntless]

Mental illness is in what you do with it. Anxiety can lead to self cutting, which they wouldn't be doing if they didn't have the anxiety to release. And as long as you keep dealing with the idea of a woman in your life as a business transaction, you're going to have lots and lots and lots of anxiety. If you treat them as hoes, they're going to respond as hoes. If that's your idea of the good life, have fun.

 

[swbluto]

And as long as you keep dealing with the idea of a woman in your life as a business transaction

So you're implying there's an alternative. I told the Amanda girl I didn't have a suitable place ready right away, and she fudging punched me in the gut, effectively.

Granted, she does appear to be a sociopath at times, so "using people" (Exploiting them) seems to be her nature. Or maybe just people like me.

Judging from steve's life history, seems like "used and abused" is pretty synonymous.

 

[swbluto]

Carried the 4x6 8 ft yesterday and that felt like some good "loaded carry" exercise. Probably should do those exercises on days where I get more sleep, started getting fleeting right migraine sensations and fleeting tingling sensations spread down my left pinky and ring finger. Felt like many pin pricks, in sensation. Unsure if vascular or cervical in origin, though I suspected vascular. But now thinking cervical nerves is plausible. Pin pricky feelings seems like it'd indicate nerves. If it was heart related, I'd suspect an ache or numbness.

Seeing that 29 year old judicial assistant waking up with a migraine, and him having migraine medication, gee...

That'd be sending alarm bells off on my person.

--------------

I keep seeing these pages saying that building materials and utilities are not tax deductible, but I think those pages are addressing the average person, and not businesses creating resale properties. Businesses can write off a lot of things that employees can't.

But, this is deserving of closer review. Doesn't seem like many pages specifically address this demographic.

https://ttlc.intuit.com/questions/3255781-i-m-a-carpenter-where-do-i-deduct-building-materials

This page seems to imply you can. Which would make good sense.

 

[swbluto]

Stock watchlist for today (Received at 8 a.m. sunday, opened up at 8:57 a.m.)

-------------------

STLD - 33.49
CIEN - 36.67
CGC - 38.25

-------------------------

Seem to be getting palpitations pretty much everytime I get mentally stressed now. Wow, that wasn't the case before her emotional attack.

Seems like I can do physical work without problem, so I guess the damage wasn't "huge". Or wait... not too long ago, I was having lightheadedness issues following heavy work. Maybe I'm underestimating it.

--------------------------

Special I work security at a county court house at age 68, and of the 12 of us who cover 3 buildings I am the youngest and the oldest is 72. In 11 years working as one of the 12 I have never had to wrestle anyone, usually just someone wanting to have a "stare down" or making their feelings known.

LOL. I remember staring down my old roomate after he stabbed in the back in getting me ousted from the nuke program, and he got VERY NERVOUS and was out of there FAAAST! LOL.

Yeah, he knew what he was doing. The "concern he had" (purportedly) was entirely fake, he was just manipulating them to get the room all to himself and bringing me down. Little does he know, that doesn't stop me from clawing my way back to the top! SUCKER!!! lol.

----------------------------

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/means-high-functioning-sociopath-tell-193323369.html

What It Means to Be a High-Functioning Sociopath—and How to Tell If You Know One

Most are out there leaving a trail of broken hearts and pain

ONE WORD...

AMANDA

And what did I try to convince her of in the most recent letter to her... (I knew what her intention was...)

Btw, I had already identified the cheating on your post on Dec 21, so I was well prepared for the SUCKER PUNCH you attempted. Sorry to say, no broken hearts here, ya sociopath. [I'm technically accurate there, what you attempted would be called "emotional trauma".] [And, don't worry, I do understand you were shifting because of needing residence by Jan 1.]

Yeah, that's right. She was trying to break my heart, and I was trying to convince her she didn't. When in actuality, she did, lol.

I know now that the "warning signs" she had at first, was a good solid sign I should be wary. And there's enough interaction with her to know now that's more than likely VERY FUDGING TRUE. So yep, pay attention to those gut feelings, is what this is telling me.

Granted, I don't know how I should take that in the future. Should I just use them and throw them away, or simply avoid them...

Judging from her history of "can't keep them, it's a curse", I'm guessing everybody else grew the wisdom to throw her away...

Hmmmm...

Have I been leaving a trail of broken hearts? Egads, I almost think that describes me. But I don't do it on purpose, do I...

NO, it's because I don't have a place yet. I sure as hell would've taken the HEB chick if I could have. Even though, she was probably a sociopath just like amanda...

Yeah, amanda was strongly reminding me of the heb chick, for sure. Their "events" were exactly 6 months apart, Jan 1, July 1. And HER behavior... wow... strongly resemblant of the heb chick's. And you just wanted to do the same thing to both of them, fudge them to oblivion.

The only relationship they would be in is where there’s some kind of material gain or sexual gain. They will shack up with somebody if there’s something to gain, but as soon as they lose that they’re off

Yep, exactly, she preferred me because of the higher potential material gain.

sociopaths are “phenomenal at making you feel like you’ve known them forever.”

WOW, wasn't I just talking about Amanda being some kind of soulmate? Lol.

------------------------

Similarly, people with ASPD don’t tend to stick with jobs for long. “They’re probably temp workers,” says Dr. Salzbrenner. Someone who stays with a job for a long time may have antisocial traits but likely doesn’t meet all the criteria for a diagnosis, he adds.

Yep, amanda is definitely a gig worker.

--------------

googled "sociopath ceos" because someone claimed that it's the number one job of sociopaths (I personally doubted that), and pretty much all the google results are telling me that ceos tend to be psychopaths. Many sources appear to be claiming 1 in 5, which is surprising for something with a prevalence of 1%.

So my being a ceo... am I really a psychopath like those test results suggest? lol.

I definitely know I'm a HELLA OF A LONGER TERM THINKER THAN AMANDA! lol

---------------

And the bible even warns of this kind of girl, THE SOCIOPATH. In the story, the "harm" she does is MURDER, and uses LUST to bait the victim.

I swear to god, the hoe indicators, the scantily clad in provocative poses, gotta watch out for that. Lots of guys are licking their chops at such imagery, I myself am thinking MANIPULATION, and she's looking for something... (Just hope you don't put yourself in a position where she can take it...)

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs+7&version=NIV

Now then, my sons, listen to me;
pay attention to what I say.
25 Do not let your heart turn to her ways
or stray into her paths.
26 Many are the victims she has brought down;
her slain are a mighty throng.
27 Her house is a highway to the grave,
leading down to the chambers of death.

"Many are the victims she has brought down" (The sociopath's trail of broken hearts)

The Full Text is:

My son, keep my words
and store up my commands within you.
2 Keep my commands and you will live;
guard my teachings as the apple of your eye.
3 Bind them on your fingers;
write them on the tablet of your heart.
4 Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,”
and to insight, “You are my relative.”
5 They will keep you from the adulterous woman,
from the wayward woman with her seductive words.

6 At the window of my house
I looked down through the lattice.
7 I saw among the simple,
I noticed among the young men,
a youth who had no sense.
8 He was going down the street near her corner,
walking along in the direction of her house
9 at twilight, as the day was fading,
as the dark of night set in.

10 Then out came a woman to meet him,
dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent.
11 (She is unruly and defiant,
her feet never stay at home;
12 now in the street, now in the squares,
at every corner she lurks.)
13 She took hold of him and kissed him
and with a brazen face she said:

14 “Today I fulfilled my vows,
and I have food from my fellowship offering at home.
15 So I came out to meet you;
I looked for you and have found you!
16 I have covered my bed
with colored linens from Egypt.
17 I have perfumed my bed
with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon.
18 Come, let’s drink deeply of love till morning;
let’s enjoy ourselves with love!
19 My husband is not at home;
he has gone on a long journey.
20 He took his purse filled with money
and will not be home till full moon.”

21 With persuasive words she led him astray;
she seduced him with her smooth talk.
22 All at once he followed her
like an ox going to the slaughter,
like a deer[a] stepping into a noose
23 till an arrow pierces his liver,
like a bird darting into a snare,
little knowing it will cost him his life.

24 Now then, my sons, listen to me;
pay attention to what I say.
25 Do not let your heart turn to her ways
or stray into her paths.
26 Many are the victims she has brought down;
her slain are a mighty throng.
27 Her house is a highway to the grave,
leading down to the chambers of death.

It's interesting how I was reading passage in the bible while I was in restriction in the navy, and it somehow struck me as something particularly noteworthy, like I HAVE TO REMEMBER IT.

And, WOW, it seems to be finding a LOT OF APPLICATION in real world dating.

my point is that just because a person is not impulsive, does not mean they are not a sociopath. a sociopath who has learned self control is a DEMON and the most dangerous of all. these are the ones who learn how to kill without leaving a trace and escape detection to do it again. they ruin lives for fun and get away with it.

the primary point of detection must be lack of empathy. once you identify a person who speaks and acts without concern for others, when you come across a situation that horrifies you with that person's lack of regard for you or others, that is your identity point. that is their "tell". get away from such people as fast as you can.

Pretty sure she's talking more about a psychopath as opposed to a sociopath. The main points of differentiation is "lack of empathy" and having "Self control" and "leaving without a trace and escaping detection".

--------------------------

The thing I'm figuring out, is that just because you're a psychopath, doesn't mean you're dead set malicious. Some people realize the way to wealth is to help, and do so accordingly, and they're not really that malicious once they get set in the way of "helping others" and having wealth. So, essentially, the malicious intentions that people ascribe to these various disorders DOES NOT mean everybody in the demographic has "bad intentions". I definitely don't have "bad intentions" when it comes to other people, my customers or pretty much anyone who doesn't deserve it... the only person who has my "bad intentions" is those who deserve it, like the wall street banksters.

So, you could be a meticulous planner and thinking longterm while also not killing someone in the process.

Like, my thoughts about investing in triple long nasdaq a year after it's peak, after the crash, and then riding it out over the next boom cycle. That's some longterm thinking and planning there, but I'm not hurting anyone in the process.

Wonder if that's true of Amanda, she's not "a sociopath" until "you deserve it". And she thought I deserved it.

------------

I think the key point with Amanda, was that I was trying to pursue her, and "gently" get to know each other, and coordinate later...

When she strictly needed SOMEWHERE by Jan 1, and it was literally Dec 1 when she sent the invitation to meet her. And this was right in the middle of the busy season, so I was "booked", from Nov 5 to Dec 31, so we there were no face to face opportunities to explain the realities. Just her really limited facebook communication via her simple facebook posts.

So yeah, I'd say there were a lot of failures on her part there. And totally uncalled for to get completely malicious about it, but, what can I say... she appears to be a sociopath. She wasn't really harmful in any sense until she was trying to end it come Dec 20, and "the pain" she dealt came from Dec 20 to Dec 31 (With effects lasting up until about Jan 12). That pain came first in the form of "The death stare" and yelling, then the malicious way of ending the relationship by maximizing the "cheating trauma", enhanced by a misleading "set up". There was no mistake in that, you saw the look on her face, and she had that smug look like... "Take it, sucker".

Oh, what a bitch.

-------------------

It's sunday, taking it easy today. And slept thru the afternoon, so couldn't finish the scheduled outside work in time. Oh well, part of "keeping the sabbath holy".

And, well, I needed to really think about... where am I going exactly... what particular finish line am I really racing towards...

We need to do expansion.

That means marketing and development.

We need space to deploy assets and a place for photography. The photography thing in particular consumes a lot of space. That's something I don't really have the luxury of in the current build, with it crowded with everything and all the mosquitoes with no drywall on the walls during the day.

So, in essence, I need to finish up the new house upto the point of the drywall, before we can continue with expansion. Mainly, we need an open space for photography, protected from mosquitoes(drywall). The rest of the space requirements are somewhat marginal in comparison, but still doesn't hurt having a generous amount of "mosquito free space".

The only way "more space" hurts is via 1) More capital investment required and 2) Higher real estate taxes.

The current intended build would bring my real estate taxes upto 1100sqft.*$57/sqft*.02 = $1254. (I better sell this bitch, lol)

So that's the goal, racing to the point of drywall. Think photography.

And we should be taking maximum advantage of the "mosquito free" time of the year, until later february. So should be double timing it.

So, we should pretend our deadline is actually Mar 1. And WOAAAHHHH.... we need to move, lol.

The rest of it, adding the fixtures and whatnot (sink,cabinets,bathroom,kitchen,etc.)... is really just getting it standardized for taking in a girlfriend. But drywall is the finish line we're racing towards.

------------------

Modern mortgages(2018) require passing income requirements, basically.

https://www.tax.ny.gov/pit/property/star/ivpfaq.htm

I just wonder, if gig workers like Amanda (And presumably her bae), could apply for a mortgage without a steady employment history. I wonder if they could if they made enough.

Just wondering if they could plan to buy a house and get married, essentially.

Immaterial to me, I guess, but clearly a possibility I was more interested in... say... Jan 3.

--------------

I'm getting the impulse now at 7:29 p.m... let's look at her feed...

But then I remember the last time I did that and only slept 3 hours and woke up wired.

Yeah... not going to do it. lol

I want to sleep peacefully tonight, not heart broken, lol.

 

[swbluto]

[youtube]kg1BljLu9YY[/youtube]

All I need is one
One old man is enough
Babe, you got it wrong
Please turn your fears into trust, to trust

Maybe that's what's so apt here. Like Dauntless was saying, "What's with all the fear".... maybe I should've been turning them into trust...

But given the cunt move at the end, NOT SO SURE IF THAT WOULD'VE BEEN A GOOD IDEA ANYWAY!

I'd assume some people are to be distrusted for a VERY GOOD reason.

Y'know, I distrusted the heb chick TOO whom this girl strongly reminded me of.

All the other girls... DID NOT DISTRUST THEM... didn't really LOVE them either, but DID NOT DISTRUST THEM.

So what's the key takeaway here...

-Use them and throw 'em away
-Avoid them
-Play it by ear, hope for the best and be ready to throw them away if necessary. (But deep of the throes of a relationship... the heartbreak can be INCREDIBLY painful. That's quite a risk with a sociopathic cheater WHO IS TRYING TO HURT YOU, JUST LIKE THIS AMANDA GIRL.)

The amanda girl generally seemed OK until she was trying to break it up, with the jan 1 deadline fast approaching.

I generally think IF A NORMAL GOOD GIRL was trying to break up a relationship... she wouldn't be setting you up and go for the throat with a picture of her hanging out with the new guy, her looking so smug and him smiling so widely cause he's getting the girl that night.

So, I'm thinking this girl was just a fudging HURT SEEKING sociopath. She wasn't a good girl you'd could trust, thus, my initial distrust based on her maniacal laughter and malicious intent expressions and so on was RIGHT ON THE MARK, WAS IT NOT.

So yeah, should just avoid those girls as marital prospects. At best, use them and throw 'em away.

------------------

Think maybe that should be my new years resolution. DO NOT DELAY, JUST WORK. We'll leave the evening hours upto my discretion... but generally speaking, if not a sunday, GET TO WORK.

 

[Dauntless]

I think your new years resolution should have been 'Become interesting.'

No more psychopath, sociopath, imaginary women, etc. If you must post, post something interesting.

Here's a link to read some MANGA online until you can think like an adult.

https://mangapark.net/

 

[swbluto]

Think amanda was more or less... vindictive. I don't think she was "hurtful" per se, as in abusive... but vindictive, yes.

I've definitely known abusive people before, and that was not her. But, she was vindictive.

It's hard to say if she's out there breaking hearts left and right. I would just normally assume I'm not the only one.

-----------------------

Post something interesting, huh. I guess the implication is that I've been boring lately. Didn't know I had an obligation to entertain, never really had that goal in mind.

I guess if I were doing something like that, I should be doing it on facebook. What amanda does, and she's got lots of views.

 

[swbluto]

you're asking me to stay, but I never met a girl I could trust

you're asking me to stay, but I never met a man I could trust

Trust in what? The fact they won't cheat and break your heart, ESPECIALLY MALICIOUSLY? (As in, not because "he's oh so hot", but because they are TRYING to hurt you.)

Almost think that's what it was. I thought I had more to fear about money siphoning and asset theft, whereas it's clear that cheating IS THE REAL BIG RISK.

So don't trust a hoe, and hoes ain't loyal. They'll cheat on you and break your heart. [Usually after spending all your bread on them so it'd seem...]

-------------------------

Cut down the large tree, and started clearing out the logs from the area as intended. Still clearing out the logs. Unlike earlier, I'm trying to make highly productive use of my days, now. Getting started earlier and working as late as I can. (Started at 11:30 a.m. today)

Need to start focusing on the less sugary foods. This right tooth sensitivity isn't getting better, worsened by the sugar in bananas, so I suspect. So, need to start baking potatos. Wonder if I can cook them at the beginning of the day and eat them throughout? (Store in the fridge)

-----------

left foot appears to have a puncture wound and redness and swelling around it, about an inch in diameter. Been painful to walk on it for the last week or two, never really knew what was going on down there. But now, I'm thinking... infection?

Or is that a skin burn? Feels painful to touch, like a rash. Sensitive.

Think I'll go to some quickie clinic tomorrow. Wonder if walgreens does that...

Some redness around the discoloration in the center. Discoloration appears white, whiter than my tan skin.

Checked pages online, suggests skin infection. Looks like it's spread a bit beyond what appears to be a puncture hole.

The last time I have experience with this problem, was a mate back in navy bootcamp. He got it from the boots, and didn't seem like he fared well with it. Lasted a bit longer than a week.

Think I'll go to the local urgent care in the morning. Looks well recommended.

------------

Wow, so much going on with my health on so many fronts. Got reliable palpitations now. Foot infection. Sensitive right tooth. And neck hurts, causing difficulty to sleep, didn't sleep well last night (Hope tonight is a lot better, figured maybe it's a strained muscle or something.).

Sometimes bacterial infections are mistaken for athlete's foot because they may have a similar red or painful rash. Certain bacterial infections can spread quickly and require immediate care, especially when associated with a wound.

That's reassuring.

Treatment strategies for foot infections have been changing and evolving as a result of pharmacologic and technical breakthroughs. Plastic and reconstructive techniques for limb salvage have altered the course of treatment for foot infections, with the goals of functional restoration and a major decrease in amputation rates

That's also comforting.

Here's hoping "keep it clean" and antibiotics will do the trick.

--------------------

Thinking about that guy's "They go around always on the attack" description of psychopaths.

Hmmm...

I can understand how that could lead to interpersonal issues. And, it seems like... I might do that more often than I think I do.

Not so sure if I should go "fixing it", think maybe I should be more aware of it.

Avoiding the people with "avian eyes" also seems to be an obvious source of interpersonal problems, if it's common. And, it'd sure seem to be.

No wonder why they might feel like they've been "victimized", as psychology states, they get targeted for things beyond their control.

It did feel like that much in my younger years. Some x-factor that seemed to lead to seemingly inexplicable issues in social settings. Reaching for answers, never really confidently found them at the time. "Good intentions" didn't seem like it mattered. But, that sounds a lot more explanatory, based on that guy's strategy.

And just told myself, "You better not look up 'foot infection causing sepsis' ". I want to sleep tonight, lol.

Think I'll be incredibly more wary of foot punctures going forward, FOR DAMN SURE. Instead of just assuming, "Oh, it'll get better".

No observations on this music video, I just got really get moved by it earlier today. Seems like music is a lot more appreciable after doing hard work / exercising. Sun exposure might help.

[youtube]xVrNFaeMvP8[/youtube]

----------------

While cutting down the massive tree (Which seemed rather impressive when it was falling), I used the "plunge cut" technique multiple times with my electric chainsaw. Pretty neat technique to use when it seems like "conventional chainsawing" doesn't work like normal, which seemed to be often.

-----------------

Duration of treatment may be shortened in those patients who undergo amputation as part of the treatment regimen.

No, I don't want to read that. lol

Let's hope it's "mild" and can be treated topically. Doesn't look like it's deep or anything, just a bit of spreading.

------------------

Neck seems to be elevating to new levels of pain, just in time for bed. lol

The cause seems to be the hunched forward posture of being on the computer, I think.

-------------------

They also classified diabetic foot infections into four grades: Grade 1 (no infection; Grade 2 (mild) in subcutaneous tissue only; Grade 3 (moderate) with extensive erythema and infection of deeper tissue and Grade 4

Based on other pictures I've seen online, I'm assuming it'd be grade 2. So, mild should be fairly straightforward to treat, right.

Or maybe stage 3. Extensive erythemia meaning extensive redness.

 

[Dauntless]

I guess the implication is that I've been boring lately. Didn't know I had an obligation to entertain, never really had that goal in mind.

Obviously. But I;d think you'd be bored with yourself. Remember the broken record? Stock in one place, playing the same part over and over and over. In your case for how many years now?

Facebook is for boring. This belongs there. ES is for doing something interesting. Period. Oh, did you just say the same ole' thing about HOES, again? Do you even HAVE a garden?

Maye I should link you up the new 'Ultraman' manga. Now THERE would be a great life, eh?