grindz145 said:
My heart absolutely wrenches for you AW.
Thank you.
neptronix said:
I am seriously misty eyed for you, dude.
Hang in there. you are in all our thoughts!
If you need a computer and bigmoose's offer doesn't go through, let me know. I've got a pentium 3 system lying around that'd be OK for browsin' and such.
I think Iam probably set for browsing/internet computer use between this one borrowed from bill, what bigmoose is planning to send, and a local friend that is digging out an old laptop.
My biggest loss now is my trackball (logitech Marble FX, the very first optical trackball with the red and black spots, and the best one) and my backup (Microsoft Trackball Explorer 1.0) whch are the only two I ever found that fit my hands and work the way I need them to without making me hurt. My Canon LIDE USB scanner, keyboard (which was one of the almost-ergonomic microsoft ones but I can't remember which one; maybe the label is not completely destroyed if I'm lucky), and my Samsung 191N monitor. All were on top of that beige kennel that loki is pictured in chewing on his paw, with the others on top of the bed. My drawing tablet I had just dug out a while back to troubleshoot the software/connection issue it's had so I could start using it to draw up bikes in CAD....I forget what kind it was but was an old ebay deal for 16x16" Wacom serial version. (somewhere I have a box of older-style mac versions but they require a cable I didn't have and never remembered to see fi i could make, to see if they even work).
I have an old CRT monitor or two I can use once I unbury them from the shed, but all the mostly-working LCD ones are toast afaik they were in that bedroom. so were my spare keyboard and my spare trackballs including one I had miraculously found in perfect condition at goodwill a few months ago....
Something that hits me very hard now that I want to play out my grief, because music was always my other therapy besides dogs: all my music equipment is gone. The MIDI keyboard Mdd0127 had given me when my ASR88 turned out to be mouse-destroyed...it was up there with all that stuff too. The MIDI audio interface was on the computer...I didn't even see any evidence it ever existed. My Takamine acoustic...I never really learned how to play it right but I lvoed it's sound when I played it my own way. My Yamaha MIDI guitar; I forget the model, like XC10 or something? It's melted into it's carrying case. My speakers; I forget what they were, some old Boston Acoustic 5.1 "theatre" thing that I usually used only with front speakers and sub. I don't think any of these things can even be found anymore. But I have hardly used any of it in years; there just hasn't been time, especially when I have felt well enough to do it. SO not much point to even replacing that stuff I guess. Funny; before my mom got so sick and I had no more time music was as much my life as dogs and making stuff out of junk.
Rassy said:
AW, as everyone already expressed, we're sorry, shocked, and thinking about you. Take care.
Thank you.
major said:
Sorry for your loss
Thank you.
liveforphysics said:
Wow.
I know how much you love your dogs, and how much you sacrifice to care for them so well my friend.
Dogs live in the experience rather than in human construct illusions. I believe your dogs all felt nothing but love for you, and they know you absolutely took the best care of them and loved them more than perhaps any other care taker they ever could have had. They don't mind that at some point the room got smokey and then they drifted into unconsciousness, and they would never hold it against you my friend.
You are an amazing human with an amazing capacity to love and care for animals.
Think we can scratch up some help for you my friend.
Thank you...but I still can't stop seeing the horror from their point of view and others and feeling their terror and pain, even if they ddin't feel any of it I will never know because I wasn't there. I will always imagine and remember this.
rojitor said:
It's tragic, i am really sorry for your loss, pets are members of my family as well. Remember ALL dogs go to heaven. They will be ok my friend.
Thank you.
slacker said:
sorry for your loss,i put down my dog of 14 years last summer and still think of her daily.hang in there and have faith.treasure those pictures and memory's.
I was worried so mcuh that I'd lost all the pictures on the computer and camera cards, that the first thing I had to do once i was at bills and we were settled down was to pry the drives out of the comptuerblob and find the dog pics folders. I COULDN"T lose those too....thakfully they seem to all be there, but there isn't really a lot fo them to start wtih. Not enough. I should have pointed the camera t them all more, when I already had it out for the bikes and stuff.
dogman said:
Dig Deep guys. Amberwolf is really a pillar of the forum, incredibly hard to log on and find a dirty forum. And he has a heart of gold.
He's going to need extra money for everything, new computer, new dogs, food for the friends that come help him clean up the mess. He's going to need to rent a temporary place to stay too, like a by the week motel or something. It could be for quite some time, fire cleanup remodels take months.
Dig in, and send money. I just sent $150, and I'm not even employed anymore.
Soon as you can, hit a dog adoption event at the petco, and hug some fur.
You shouldn't send me your money--you need it like I do!
I am planning on going to the AZHS near me tomorrow for that (tried today but too much happened), along with the PO to forward my mail, (unless I can do that online), finding sheds to put my stuff in to keep thieves and scrappers away from it, getting SWG to let me drop them, get this prepaid phone working (I'm trying to port my old number to it so it might take a week before it's live), see if work will let me stay home next week too and the week after and after that if needed (probably will still need to be cleaning up) or if i have to go back on Sunday.
I foreget what else; I need to write down a list. Or find the ones I alreayd started and lost.
Lessss said:
electricle@gmail.com is your email for paypal?
Thank you. PM Bigmoose, Ypedal or Dogman for paypal info/etc.
spinningmagnets said:
It may be a while until you are settled into another place to live. It might help to try and find something close to work until all of your options are revealed. If it was me, I might volunteer at a shelter to give the unadopted dogs some attention and exercise, they always need help at animal shelters. That might give you some solace, so both you and the shelter dogs can help each other...
If I can I may do that; i'm not sure if the time I have can be blocked off when they need me though, at least not just yet.
jpgey said:
Hello Amberwolf, please confirm this email, i'm in to help you.
Can't describe my sorrow for you ...
Thank you. PM Bigmoose, Ypedal or Dogman for paypal info/etc.
vodk1c3 said:
Deeply sorry for your loss... We are with you Amberwolf.
Thank you.
nicobie said:
How very,very sad. I don't know what to say.
I'll be asking dogman for your paypal info.
Hang in there man...
Thank you.
flathill said:
stay strong Buddy
after a fire comes fresh growth and free standing flowers
Thank you.
captain387 said:
I'm really sorry to hear about your loss, I can't imagine the grief you are going through, just remember to take it one step at a time.
I am trying. butthere are some huge steps with tightropes between them.
cassschr1 said:
I had to put my dog down monday cause of lung cancer AW.I felt like a traitor taking her to the vet. She looked just like your fox red lab. 11 years old.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I will send some money.Time will make things easier.
cancer...that's awful; but if she was suffering you did her a great favor. I have only had to ever put one to sleep; he was very old and had given up; it was the hardest thing I ever had to do; I couldn't even go in with him it hurt so much I could not stand and could not get out of the car; my friends took him in while I balled my eyes out in the car. That was over two decades ago I guess and I still feel it.
Green Machine said:
Hang in there Amberwolf.
I just sent $150 via paypal.
Please everyone lets send him some dough.
thank you; it will all hlep. Just to get my stuff put safely away (well, safer than loose in the yard without the dogs to protect it) friends estimate about 500-600 per 10'x20' tin shed plus wooden platform to bolt it down to and give it a raised non-dirt floor. I will need two of them at a minimum, which what has been donated from ES so far will probably almost cover. A local friend donated enough to cover the rest, plus some, enough for at least one more shed if I have to (but I would probavly have to tear down the smallest shed to put another 10x20 up). I think there's enough for a new mattress at least, too.
Another friend frmo another forum donated quite a bit towards new-dog-rescue-fees, for when I have a place to go back to and keep dogs at again.
jpgey said:
Sorry for my language, I lost three of my dogs. Nothing let you forget.
Amberwolf, keep them in your mind. They have not suffered because of asphyxiation.
I understand you fine, language barrier or not. I wish that no one had any basis for understanding the way I feel, because it would mean that this had never happened to anyone else. 1I hope they didn't suffer, but I can't help imagining that they did. THe images won't go away.
Arlo1 said:
Hang in there man. That relay sucks. Luke and Dave are right your dogs loved you and they would not blame you. As time goes you will heal. I believe there is something after we die with the way my mind works for me I just can't see this as all there is.
Me either...but I don't know what it is yet.
Ypedal said:
some of the most memorable and fun memories i've had were had while i was dreaming... that's how i see things happening for me when my time comes .
I would like to hope they slept thru it, but....
Chalo said:
I have been watching this thread since it popped up last night, trying to think of something worthwhile to say. There just aren't words for this kind of thing. I'm very sad at the news.
You are not alone, Amberwolf, though it may feel that way without the company of your closest friends.
Take extra care of your body now, because you'll need your physical health for what comes next.
I'm already mcuh worse off than usual; I hurt everywhere. I am not sure if stress triggered it or digging their grave or thrashing around while crying (I am told I did it a lot and could have hurt myself), or what, but it is just a little better than early this year when I had to use a walker. I am going to have to do a lot of this stuff myself because people are not going to be available to just stand around and have me tell them each stepof what to do wtih stuff, most of the time.
The good news is I am ery exhausted and have already dozed off tying this up a few times now. so i might get better sleep tonite whether i want to or not.
Thud said:
omg,
I just heard the terible news.....nothing I can say that hasn't been said already. This is an uncomprehendable loss my friend.
please don't blame yourself for the situation....easy for me to say but really, it is not your fault.
Please let us know if you need anything or if funds get out of controll....or if you just want a ph # to call & talk...I am here for you man.
T
i think i am ok about that rihght now, but you can pm me a number and a good time to call i will take you up on the talk at some point.
But that reminds me...i had the shaft you made me out in the back room with the other stuff for the new bike but i hadn't yet found the aluminum threaded core you made me for the freewheels to go onto, and I think it ahd been in a box next to the puddle of powerchair. I will know more later...but I might ask you for another of those things, depending on how I go about doing my powertrain on that bike if I can ever get back to building it.
Miles said:
amber,
So sorry to hear this sad news.......
thank you.
Trilska said:
Amberwolf i am sorry for your loss.
I don't know you, but i know what you have done and hopefully will continue to do for this forum.
Remember even tho you have a hard time, it could always get worse.
So be happy for what you got, not for that you miss.
This may be a little to cynical words from a young swede, but they have helped me in hard times.
//Trilska an active forum lurker.
I appreciate those words, cyincal or not; they are part of how I live life, often.
liveforphysics said:
amberwolf said:
If I had not worked Monday or Saturday and had lunch then I would have been home and thyey'd all be alive.
...
I am always so careful to prevent such things butI guess I screwed up this tiem and it cost them their lives.
Remember my kind friend, all living things have a clock running from the moment they become alive, and all living things will return to dust at some point, nothing escapes that. All anything can ask for in life is to get the chance to have some experiences, and the lucky ones get to feel loved along with there experiences.
I bet each of your dogs would choose living in your care with your love and kindness for even just 1 happy year over living 100 years without feeling loved and wanted. I know for certain your animals had fantastic well-loved and well-cared for lives they were lucky enough to experience during there time spent living.
The amount of living you do has really minimal to no relationship to how long you're alive for. I know you gave those dogs fantastic well-loved lives filled with kindness and playing and adventures in trailer pulled behind ebikes and all sorts of stuff most dogs could never dream of getting to do my friend. Those things matter SOOOO much more than a pre-mature ending does, especially in the case of a dogs reality which I believe is much more experience based than illusion/construct based like human realities.
What happened can't be undone, but you are still the same amazing loving kind creative smart compassionate person who contributes so much to helping us out on this forum. We all love, enjoy, and wish to support however we can to help you get back on your feet. I currently have under $100 combined in all cash, checkings and savings combined, but that's enough to get some packages in the mail to you, and I'm rich in tools and parts and laptops and things.
thank you for saying all that. It helps. But you don't need to spend all your money sending me stuff...keep it for you so you can eat and stuff!
thewmatusmoloki said:
So sorry to hear of this tragedy, hang in there mate.
Thank you.
marty said:
Amberwolf,
Sad about your dogs. Hang in there.
$100 will be in your PayPal account as soon as I get your email address.
National Fire Adjustment Co., Inc.
http://www.nfa.com/
Company that helps to get more money from insurance companies. They helped me when I had a fire. Worth whatever they charge. Looks like they are on the east side of the US. I would give there phone number to your landlord and see if there is a similar company in your neighborhood.
Think this is the main office?
(716) 689-7700
1-800-777-3333
(716) 689-7768 Fax
Love,
MARTY
Thank you; Iwill pass it on whne I can. PM Bigmoose, Dogman, or Ypedal for paypal info.
Stevil_Knevil said:
Saw the thread this morning and I could not even respond.
Tears are salty, and they make it hard to see the keyboard and monitor.
Hug yourself for us...
Im hugging the christmas puppy toy..does that count?
XLR8 said:
My thoughts are with you at this sad time.
thank you.
The fingers said:
We're praying for you AW, I know how special dogs love is, surpassing that of many humans for sure. I'll also put a prayer request in the agape box for you at church tonight and hundreds will be praying for you shortly. May God's Spirit comfort and give you strength and the peace that passes all understanding. John 16:33
Thank you.
Zoot Katz said:
You're already handling this better than I am.
I'm still sobbing, no, no, no. Damn
I already did all that all of last night and some of today. Iwill do much more of it before the worst is past me. I'msorry it's hurting you, too.
salty9 said:
AW,
Saw a bumper sticker yesterday:
"Lord, help me be the person my dog thinks I am"
You try much harder than most people I know.
Chuck
PS: I have a Tek 465B that needs elcaps replaced. Let me know if you want it and want to go thru the hassle of replacing them.
I like that sticker. I might paint that on my trike.
funny you should mention an oscope--I was just atalking to Mark about the giant old Tek scopes he'd given me that had proved useful already, kept on the scope cart in the bedroom...they're trashed, I think the screen ismelted on the top one. Tubes smashed where they tossed it out the window gettingin to fight th fire. It's done for. Bottom one probagly to. I stillhave the little tiny one, Hitachi I think, and it does work, butit really is a tiny screen. Easy to handle though. But I could probably use the 465 if it'sjust caps, and if they are common values I could easily slavage them from stuff or parts boxes around here that was not destroyed gy the fire. I don't know when I can actually do the work, though.
Trackman417 said:
Oh no, amber wolf. Just reading the first sentences put me into shock. I have no way to feel any of the emotions you are feeling right now. I can not stop thinking about what happened. The horrifying story will linger around in my head, and I am sure other forum members heads for a while.
All I can say is, try to distract yourself from thinking about them. Thinking about them and beating yourself up won't bring them back. I am sure they would not want to see you in the condition you are in now.
I know this is very cliche, but what else can I say? I am sorry for your loss. Your dogs are in a better place now. You will be in my prayers.
Thank you Amberwolf for being the great guy you are on the forum. I pray that good fortune is in your near future.
Rob
I am sorry for the horror; I could not filter anything when I wrote the first posts; I just said what I saw and felt. I am still ahving trouble fltering and reacting. I don't want to not think agout them; I don't want to forget them. They deserve to be remembered every moment of every day by as many people as ever knew them even vicariously....
StudEbiker said:
Well AW, like many on the forum I did my regular log on to E-S this morning and scanned the threads to see what's happening. I was getting ready to go out for a nice (non e-bike) bicycle ride through the country today. I saw your post. I opened it and couldn't believe what I was reading. I didn't respond this morning because I was so overwhelmed. Spent much of the ride thinking of you and sending you some good positive energy because I know that will be the best thing you could get right now.
I can't begin to imagine what you are dealing with right now.
A fire at my place when I'm not at home is probably one of my biggest fears and to have it happen with such tragic results to someone that I know is tough to hear about.
As you can tell, you have a good support system here. I hope your local circle is as strong as your virtual circle here on the forum.
Please keep us posted and take care of yourself.
I will try; it takes a long time to read and reply to eeryone, gbut I intend to try to keep up. Ididn't really expect tis amount of response from people on ES or locally...I am overhwelmed!
and exhausted; i keep dozing off typing.
biohazardman said:
Really sad to see this happen. Grew up with dogs and cats as part of the family so I know how emotionally attached one can get. Live in the here and now the best you can and let time heal things. Make some new traditions to anchor yourself and find ways of dealing with change. Remember that the only constant is change so accept it the best you can and let it be good to you. My prayers are there.
thankyou; i am not good with change. and now everythign has changed all at once, with no safe spot to hide in even for a minute,
kfong said:
Sorry about your loss, you are definitely an asset to the ES community. Hang in there! We lost our family dog and he was certainly a member of the family and very missed.
Thank you
Farfle said:
You are an immensely strong person.... I can barely even type this right now... You have taken a big part of caring for this community, and hopefully its going to return the favor. The folks at BEB are scrambling to throw together a care package for you to help keep you rolling.
Stay strong bud, sunny and chip are sending there love to ya.
Aw....whcih is which?
speed_demon said:
AW, I am so sorry for your loss. I see the outpouring of support here on the board and I am aware of just how many people you have touched during your time spent helping thers.
I want you to remember that you will get through this difficult time, and there are many members available here to serve as your rock when you feel the need to talk.