Feeling pathetic, pissed off and generally down :(
- Thread starter NeilP
- Start date
Ykick
1 GW
Not riding much?
NeilP
1 GW
I posted that by mistake...
I then filled in the rest of the post..then just deleted it..it was all self pitying drivel.
But since you have replied I am too late to delete the whole post.
No , not riding at all..
barely done any since August.
Broke my arm in august
K-wired
even with wires in, it coudl be seen that the thumb was not working
Bust the tendon
so in Novemeber it was grafted with a 'spare' from teh index finger.
Out of plaster...and all going well till the graft failed last night.
Been in to se the surgeon this morning..booked in with hand specialist next week..Thursday.
So I have not worked since August...so only social security income...almost pay mortgage on the small apartment.
So no risk of loosing the house just yet.
But because of my job flying the local air ambulnace, I need to be 100% fit...so this could potentially cost me my job.
Hey..I'd still have my life..this is not terminal ..I see enough really sick people in my job.. and even if I did loose the flyin g..weel I am sure i coudl find other work...but being 45..not easy to get a new career.
So i am alive, no terminal illness, and the worst that I am going to end up with is is a thumb that is immobile..so cant grip..compared to War Vets that loose limbs,..it is frock all.
But it does not stop you from feeling pissed off when you can see you r whole life going down the pan..even knowing that there are people worse off does not make your problems any less...although they would probably kill for my minor issues
What a way to start the new year !
I then filled in the rest of the post..then just deleted it..it was all self pitying drivel.
But since you have replied I am too late to delete the whole post.
No , not riding at all..
barely done any since August.
Broke my arm in august
K-wired
even with wires in, it coudl be seen that the thumb was not working
Bust the tendon
so in Novemeber it was grafted with a 'spare' from teh index finger.
Out of plaster...and all going well till the graft failed last night.
Been in to se the surgeon this morning..booked in with hand specialist next week..Thursday.
So I have not worked since August...so only social security income...almost pay mortgage on the small apartment.
So no risk of loosing the house just yet.
But because of my job flying the local air ambulnace, I need to be 100% fit...so this could potentially cost me my job.
Hey..I'd still have my life..this is not terminal ..I see enough really sick people in my job.. and even if I did loose the flyin g..weel I am sure i coudl find other work...but being 45..not easy to get a new career.
So i am alive, no terminal illness, and the worst that I am going to end up with is is a thumb that is immobile..so cant grip..compared to War Vets that loose limbs,..it is frock all.
But it does not stop you from feeling pissed off when you can see you r whole life going down the pan..even knowing that there are people worse off does not make your problems any less...although they would probably kill for my minor issues
What a way to start the new year !
Matt Gruber
1 MW
they say the first monday is the most depressing day of the whole year!
NeilP
1 GW
Ummm not sure how that makes me feel. Since I am not working had not realised it was the first Monday. Not even sure i wold have known what day it was!
If that is the case, at least i can think that it will get better
If that is the case, at least i can think that it will get better
torker
100 kW
Matt Gruber said:
Not have heard that.
I wake up by a blare and get out of bed and my vertigo is back. Happened a couple months ago. So I stagger outside like a drunkard hangin on to the house all the way. It is the horn on my bucket truck. Yank the wire on the horn through the grill. The pto for the bucket quit also a few days ago. Still trying to figure that out. Oh and it was 1 deg. this morning. Brr..
Sorry Neil.. Now I feel better
I am just a little pathetic myself I guess..
wineboyrider
1 MW
Cheer up Pal! I felt like that about 3 years ago when I found out I was getting divorced, but today have never been happier!
NeilP
1 GW
maybe we should start a cult...I don't know...get to the library search the books and find some flaky references to the end of the world predicted by some weird text from some ancient civilisation.
Get enough people to believe..and tell them that the texts also say that a great ship is coming to collect the 'believers'..but only those that contribute to the ships return fuelling costs...we then open a bank account and get the believers to pay in to it..
That would make me feel a lot better.
What is that 1 deg F or C?
I'd take cold and dry over damp and wet any day...OK..maybe not -50 deg C..but something other than the damp we get here
What sort of truck do you have with a PTO? only one I have here is an old 1950's Series One Landrover
Get enough people to believe..and tell them that the texts also say that a great ship is coming to collect the 'believers'..but only those that contribute to the ships return fuelling costs...we then open a bank account and get the believers to pay in to it..
That would make me feel a lot better.
What is that 1 deg F or C?
I'd take cold and dry over damp and wet any day...OK..maybe not -50 deg C..but something other than the damp we get here
What sort of truck do you have with a PTO? only one I have here is an old 1950's Series One Landrover
friendly1uk
1 MW
I think you have good reason to be miserable good man. Unfortunately, by march, everyone around you will be miserable too. This seasonal depression may only make it worse. Make sure you sleep good hours still, eat on time and get bright light first thing. Sad lamps if you must. You will get through.
NeilP
1 GW
Looking on the positive side...i get to learn about using Photoshop..Here is one of me I did earlier
Three images..
the sand and rock background
the Sky
me with the Axe
Three images..
the sand and rock background
the Sky
me with the Axe
Sucky.. i almost lost my index finger a few months ago ( still hurts like a b** ) .. but as you say, i'm glad to still have the finger, pain as a reminder of " it could be worse " ..
Being unemployed for the last year ( oh man, it's been a year already ) i understand the pissed off feeling of being out of a job, not by your choosing, being a reason to be hateful. however it sounds like you liked your job so it makes it that much worse.
ok, that probably did not help your mood, but, for me it was a good thing ( at the moment while i can still manage to pay my bills.. barely.. but i manage ) to be out of a job i hated, forcing me to do something else for a living, being 35 i have lots of experience in my previous field of work, but i hate dealing with people with IT problems... :lol: ..
Eating regular meals, getting out of the house (even if just to walk the dog) and getting good sleep is a good way to keep the blues at bay.. it's easy to piss away a day playing Xbox.. so not getting into that habit is important.
some random ramblings.. hope you feel better man.
edit to add : i have also spent a whole lot of time learning about software, photoshop is on my list, among video editing, sound editing, etc.... so much to learn when you can learn anything you feel like learning vs being told by bosses to learn specific things needed of you but of no interest.
Being unemployed for the last year ( oh man, it's been a year already ) i understand the pissed off feeling of being out of a job, not by your choosing, being a reason to be hateful. however it sounds like you liked your job so it makes it that much worse.
ok, that probably did not help your mood, but, for me it was a good thing ( at the moment while i can still manage to pay my bills.. barely.. but i manage ) to be out of a job i hated, forcing me to do something else for a living, being 35 i have lots of experience in my previous field of work, but i hate dealing with people with IT problems... :lol: ..
Eating regular meals, getting out of the house (even if just to walk the dog) and getting good sleep is a good way to keep the blues at bay.. it's easy to piss away a day playing Xbox.. so not getting into that habit is important.
some random ramblings.. hope you feel better man.
edit to add : i have also spent a whole lot of time learning about software, photoshop is on my list, among video editing, sound editing, etc.... so much to learn when you can learn anything you feel like learning vs being told by bosses to learn specific things needed of you but of no interest.
Ykick
1 GW
Simplistic, but riding usually helps me shake the bluze.
'Sounds like a tough stretch to work through but hang in there and keep healing!
'Sounds like a tough stretch to work through but hang in there and keep healing!
dnmun
1 PW
1.2 million here in the US just lost their unemployment benefits so they can build more nuclear bombs and more stealth aircraft to fight the russians, when the olympics are over of course.
that costs our economy about $400million/week. about 1/2% of our growth.
that costs our economy about $400million/week. about 1/2% of our growth.
NeilP
1 GW
Ypedal said:
SO do I ..I do it for fun ...well to be charitable..Just built myself a hacintosh with a HP4530s laptop and a tonymacx86 hack..Mac OS-X installs right on there with little to do afterwards..4530 is an almost perfect hardware match to MacBookPro/ 500gb SSd and 8gb RAM..as fast as a2012 MBP for less than £500
Thankfully that is not my thing, nevr has been..if not for the GF would not even have a TV in the houseYpedal said:
If you are on Mac. and PS CS6... try the Topaz reMask create for creating masks to cut items out. Ask me and I can PM the torrent files to you .Ypedal said:
That is bad.dnmun said:
Unlike the UK, here in jersey there is very little in the way of unemployment benefit. We get a Sickness benefit and free healthcare, if we go to a local Doc we need to pay a fee..£15 something like that , plus £10 or so for any medicine..UK is totally free...but still way below market costs.
Tried to ride a few times..but not easy with arm in paster or splint up to the elbowYkick said:
torker
100 kW
Haha nice photochop It is 1 F here. 31 deg. below freezing point. I have a 2000 Chev 3500 hd that has a Versalift sst -36 bucket lift. 40 ft. working height. I started a Sign service in May and then had a stroke in Aug. so has been a little challenge. A lot of speech therapy. At least I can type a sentence now :? Make sense most the time.. just have to check-reread before I hit that send button..
It is 1 F here. 31 deg. below freezing point. I have a 2000 Chev 3500 hd that has a Versalift sst -36 bucket lift. 40 ft. working height. I started a Sign service in May and then had a stroke in Aug. so has been a little challenge. A lot of speech therapy. At least I can type a sentence now :? Make sense most the time.. just have to check-reread before I hit that send button..Attachments
hydro-one
10 kW
OUCH- That really sucks man. I hope you can get it reattached and healed up. whats your prognosis currently?
NeilP
1 GW
Nice truck torker
hope you get well soon
got to wait till end of next week to see a hand specialist that comes over to the island once a month or so.
Since I 'work' for the hospital ( actually work for an outside company that contracts flight services to out hospital) I get to know a lot of people and may be ble to get the op pulled forward.
if I can jump on to a works aircraft I may get over to England and go see the specialist at his local hospital,then get the op done a little quicker.
hope you get well soon
hydro-one said:
got to wait till end of next week to see a hand specialist that comes over to the island once a month or so.
Since I 'work' for the hospital ( actually work for an outside company that contracts flight services to out hospital) I get to know a lot of people and may be ble to get the op pulled forward.
if I can jump on to a works aircraft I may get over to England and go see the specialist at his local hospital,then get the op done a little quicker.
marty
1 MW
Hang in there. Be thankful ya got enough working fingers to type.
After spending a lifetime doing construction I have had the experience to work with a lot of guys who were missing fingers. Working on a roof. Weather getting cold. I say Fred would you like some of these gloves with the fingers cut off? [Cut the finger tips off the gloves so one can still work with small stuff] Fred says lOOk, I got hands with no fingers. After working with guy for a few weeks, I never noticed he was missing some fingers. He then went into a long detailed story....
Circular saw, paneling, pull a curtain off a window to wrap the fingers in, his dog ate the fingers while he was waiting to go to the hospital. Things could be worse.
Careful with the circular saws and table saws
After spending a lifetime doing construction I have had the experience to work with a lot of guys who were missing fingers. Working on a roof. Weather getting cold. I say Fred would you like some of these gloves with the fingers cut off? [Cut the finger tips off the gloves so one can still work with small stuff] Fred says lOOk, I got hands with no fingers. After working with guy for a few weeks, I never noticed he was missing some fingers. He then went into a long detailed story....
Circular saw, paneling, pull a curtain off a window to wrap the fingers in, his dog ate the fingers while he was waiting to go to the hospital. Things could be worse.
Careful with the circular saws and table saws
liveforphysics
100 TW
http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.html
LockH
1 PW
HA! NeilP... Surviving can be fun! Re accident(?)/injury, got ya beat! Currently, as one of the sorta walking only half-dead, I lost my last client months ago (currently learning to "live" waaaay below the "poverty line", with banged up brain, mending shoulder, wrist, etc.) I used to like to stagger around from good alcohol, but now I get to stagger all the time! (See head injury above.) The only sad part for me? Currently limited to three wheels. (Gave up four wheels decades ago.) Since escaping the Ontario "Health Care SYSTEM", conceived and help organize the first annual international up hill ebike climb race/challenge. Currently (slowly) cleaning out an old (leans like I do, maybe worse) wooden detached garage, to be used as a hangout for "Carbeerian"(Scarborough)/Toronto-area ebike riders and wannabes, offering classes in conversion of old antique (pedal-only) bicycles and tricycles. If I am still kicking (sorta the best part of living), hope the "gang" (Toronto-area ebikers plus those less fortunate/wannabes) will make a "happening" this July 12 (same day as the hopefully annual race sorta just down the road/close by) watt happens to be a full moon day (not actually that day at all, but that night) and come to a costume party.
But this all is entirely about promoting electric traction, esp. the funky pedal bicycle assisted by a rotary thingee spinning using energy (watt may at some point be generated by the sun), transferred by electrons, stored using a chemical element "battery".
Fun with chemistry! Haven't had this much fun since lysergic acid diethylamide!
The object of all this fun is to maybe leave the world a better place, for my daughters, friends and neighbours.
So chin up! (And have a beer for me)
But this all is entirely about promoting electric traction, esp. the funky pedal bicycle assisted by a rotary thingee spinning using energy (watt may at some point be generated by the sun), transferred by electrons, stored using a chemical element "battery".
Fun with chemistry! Haven't had this much fun since lysergic acid diethylamide!
The object of all this fun is to maybe leave the world a better place, for my daughters, friends and neighbours.
So chin up! (And have a beer for me)
FeralDog
100 W
I felt sorry for myself because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet ...
Keep a chin up ole' boy.
Things will surely change for the better.
Key to survival is to always have good sense of humor ...(or to have a dog, a cart, and a good destination}
PS ---Just don't trust cats with your keys. :wink:
Keep a chin up ole' boy.
Things will surely change for the better.
Key to survival is to always have good sense of humor ...(or to have a dog, a cart, and a good destination}
PS ---Just don't trust cats with your keys. :wink:
DAND214
10 MW
Matt Gruber said:
that seems to be correct. Been 5 years to date I lost my job.
The first Monday of the New Year.
Try to find a job at 59 and Blind. Not totally, You've all heard the saying. "Blind in one and can't see out of the other"
That's me, leagaly bling they call it. One missing and the other is 20/200. You / I can do things that I have ben told i can't
One is my Ebikes, would of gone nuts without my bike, a great wife and not least, my DOG.
Keyboard with large letters, screen with large text and lots of magnifiers.
can't or should i say don't feel comfortable much over 25mph, but I sure would not be here if I gave up and sat on my A$$.
Like a lot I hear are just getting by. That's what i've had to do for the last 32 years.
Things do get better even with all the problems we have, so Neil keep your chin up.
THINGS WILL GET BETTER!.
Dan
My problems have been very different from yours, Neil, but I can sympathize greatly with you and the others in this thread (and elsewhere). But I can say that if it werent' for my friend Bill, and especially my dog Tiny, I wouldn't have made it thru all this, even with the help of all those here on ES and at my work, and ohter local friends.
There are still moments here and there that I suddenly get so sad and hit by memories that I literally have to stop whatever I'm doing and just sit down and cry, and at those moments I someitmes wonder if it is worth continuing...then i remember Tiny and know that I *have* to continue, for her sake if not my own, and then I get past it and am "ok" again.
And anger and frustration at looters, depression that I can't do much of anything about that...and the extra pain and slowness and aching and troulbe sleeping that winter brings on (worse each year), which brings it's own anger and frustration and depression, on top of all the above.
But things are getting better, slowly...almost back at the house, this month I hope, then the long process of making it a home again, figuring out what I still have of various projects and then reacquiring the remainder of needed stuff for them, etc., along with whatever is needed to live in the house.
(which shouldn't be much--I've been finding just how little I need compared to what i thought I did, being in transition for the last 3/4 of a year now).
Oh, and:
There are still moments here and there that I suddenly get so sad and hit by memories that I literally have to stop whatever I'm doing and just sit down and cry, and at those moments I someitmes wonder if it is worth continuing...then i remember Tiny and know that I *have* to continue, for her sake if not my own, and then I get past it and am "ok" again.
And anger and frustration at looters, depression that I can't do much of anything about that...and the extra pain and slowness and aching and troulbe sleeping that winter brings on (worse each year), which brings it's own anger and frustration and depression, on top of all the above.
But things are getting better, slowly...almost back at the house, this month I hope, then the long process of making it a home again, figuring out what I still have of various projects and then reacquiring the remainder of needed stuff for them, etc., along with whatever is needed to live in the house.
(which shouldn't be much--I've been finding just how little I need compared to what i thought I did, being in transition for the last 3/4 of a year now).
Oh, and:
Well, if it was -50C you wouldn't have to worry about "damp" or "wet".NeilP said:
Kingfish
100 MW
I wrote a reply, then erased, then wrote some more... but the fact is I've had this song in my head all day for the funk that I've been in following the Holidays.
Maybe it can be therapeutic for you as it is for me...
[youtube]T3D68KWfZOo[/youtube]
George Harrison: Beware Of Darkness
Watch out now, take care
Beware of falling swingers
Dropping all around you
The pain that often mingles
In your fingertips
Beware of darkness
Watch out now, take care
Beware of the thoughts that linger
Winding up inside your head
The hopelessness around you
In the dead of night
Beware of sadness
It can hit you
It can hurt you
Make you sore and what is more
That is not what you are here for
Watch out now, take care
Beware of soft shoe shufflers
Dancing down the sidewalks
As each unconscious sufferer
Wanders aimlessly
Beware of maya
Watch out now, take care
Beware of greedy leaders
They take you where you should not go
While weeping atlas cedars
They just want to grow, grow and grow
Beware of darkness (beware of darkness)
Take care beware, KF
Maybe it can be therapeutic for you as it is for me...
[youtube]T3D68KWfZOo[/youtube]
George Harrison: Beware Of Darkness
Watch out now, take care
Beware of falling swingers
Dropping all around you
The pain that often mingles
In your fingertips
Beware of darkness
Watch out now, take care
Beware of the thoughts that linger
Winding up inside your head
The hopelessness around you
In the dead of night
Beware of sadness
It can hit you
It can hurt you
Make you sore and what is more
That is not what you are here for
Watch out now, take care
Beware of soft shoe shufflers
Dancing down the sidewalks
As each unconscious sufferer
Wanders aimlessly
Beware of maya
Watch out now, take care
Beware of greedy leaders
They take you where you should not go
While weeping atlas cedars
They just want to grow, grow and grow
Beware of darkness (beware of darkness)
Take care beware, KF
NeilP
1 GW
That brings back memories Not the first time round, but used to have that album as a student in the lat 80's early 90's
Well the GF is off work today, and with these storms, we have lots of sand stripped of the beaches...One area out West..an old granite slipway has been exposed, so might be a good area for the metal detector..
She can drive.get me out of the house....so off to generate some synthetic happiness
I am know i am not badly off by any means..one dodgy finger and eye sight still good enough for Class 1 Aviation medical...so despite what it may sound like.I am not wingeing..I know I am bloody lucky..but it still does not stop it being any less frustrating and the worry when you are lying awake at 2 in the morning thinking about how you are going to pay the next mortgage payment still keeps you awake the same.
When I took the mortgage, I went for the smallest, cheapest apartment I could, the bank were prepared to offer me more..but I only took what I needed ..was not greedy, so over the past few years, I have been making overpayments and putting in the odd lump sum. I never paid any mortgage, health or income protection insurance, relying on my own ideas..borrow small..saving, etc to see me through if any unforseen circumstances..like now were to arise. I have enough put by to see me through 4-5 months..so all should be good...but you just never know.
As much as anything..this thread is therapeutic for me..just writing the thoughts down ..makes it seem less of a problem.
With my job, I see people every day that are worse off, so I have always realised I am not in a bad situation...but that does not stop the worry.
I have lived in Uganda and DR Congo...where people have nothing...even the illlest of us here in the West are unlikely to starve to death or die from drinking un clean water or ...
Thanks guys.
and good luck to all of you this New Year,
Not the first time round, but used to have that album as a student in the lat 80's early 90'sWell the GF is off work today, and with these storms, we have lots of sand stripped of the beaches...One area out West..an old granite slipway has been exposed, so might be a good area for the metal detector..
She can drive.get me out of the house....so off to generate some synthetic happiness
I am know i am not badly off by any means..one dodgy finger and eye sight still good enough for Class 1 Aviation medical...so despite what it may sound like.I am not wingeing..I know I am bloody lucky..but it still does not stop it being any less frustrating and the worry when you are lying awake at 2 in the morning thinking about how you are going to pay the next mortgage payment still keeps you awake the same.
When I took the mortgage, I went for the smallest, cheapest apartment I could, the bank were prepared to offer me more..but I only took what I needed ..was not greedy, so over the past few years, I have been making overpayments and putting in the odd lump sum. I never paid any mortgage, health or income protection insurance, relying on my own ideas..borrow small..saving, etc to see me through if any unforseen circumstances..like now were to arise. I have enough put by to see me through 4-5 months..so all should be good...but you just never know.
As much as anything..this thread is therapeutic for me..just writing the thoughts down ..makes it seem less of a problem.
With my job, I see people every day that are worse off, so I have always realised I am not in a bad situation...but that does not stop the worry.
I have lived in Uganda and DR Congo...where people have nothing...even the illlest of us here in the West are unlikely to starve to death or die from drinking un clean water or ...
Thanks guys.
and good luck to all of you this New Year,
