Not at all necessary, though I admit, I don't fully understand your reasons for needing the end product. Understanding one's motivation is not a prerequisite for deserving to have an identifiable need fulfilled, though. To be perfectly frank, I'm skeptical of your belief that you need it and don't know why you would; principle demands that I accept your desire at face value, all the same.
As far as I can tell, no one understands or accepts anything about me or my mind. I don't understand them, either, though I can see the patterns in what they do so I can attempt to respond to them the way they expect when I have to interact with them.
There are no people that would want my constant company ***. Certainly none that would stay with me and just accept me and snuggle whenever I need that (which is pretty much all the time). ****
Dogs do, but dogs get old or sick and die.
Every time that happens, it tears me apart, and I reassemble less well every time, and it takes longer and longer.
At some point Humpty will just be a bunch of crumbled eggshell.
To prevent that, at some point I won't be able to have another dog. Or I'll be too physically unwell or disabled to take care of one, as I get older and sicker myself.
I can't just live alone and lay there in trauma and stress all the time; without snuggles and acceptance I will be so bad off I would not survive.
So even if it's not "real" acceptance, just in my imagination, I have the snuggle-wolfy to help me. None of the versions of it have ever had anything other than my own imaginary response, but at least it's there, and it can't get sick or die or just abandon me like everyone does eventually (probably after I do or say something wierd that I don't know is so wierd that they can't or won't deal with it).
***there are people that say they want to be my friend, but that's only when it's convenient for them, and only when I can do something for them, or when I am willing to do something they want to do. If it's when *I* need it or if it's something I need them to do for me, or something I want to do, they're busy, or unavailable, or whatever. Got pretty frocking tired of that. Not even counselors paid to help me will.
****and I haven't met anyone that had any interest in me as a person at all that I would trust or want to be around this way, either. (I actually haven't met anyone that truly had an interest in me as a person). And they're person-shaped, not big shaggy dog shaped, so the snuggles would not be anything like the same even if there were such a person.
I once thought that I would find a companion, a real partner, friend, etc., to be with in life, but eventually realized that is certainly not going to happen, that people are just not like that. (at this point in such conversations, everyone then tells me "well, you have to compromise and just take what you can get, and accept how people are...but why should I, when they are never going to accept how *I* am? Why should *I* be the only one to "compromise"? Nope, done with all that crap.)
I know it's because I'm broken, not them, since the rest of the world "works" together but I don't, so I just live with it and find my own solutions.
I also know that there are others who are broken that the world won't help, even if they're not broken the same way I am.
That's what the wolfy project is for. Me, and anyone else it or derivatives of it might help, someday.
There are other things I need that apparently no one else does or understands, too, to use technology (hardware, software, combinations thereof) to do things (mostly my various arts), but since they are not my deepest emotional need, they will almost certainly never be created. I've tried to get others (artists that want to work in similar media, mostly) interested in those, too, but they'd all rather do things the hard way instead of creating a new way of working instead of being limited to the ways that other people think they should do things.
Either way, you're unlikely to get the end product any time soon. You may actually die first, depending on your age. The theoretical design is hard enough, but implementation is going to be a nightmare too.
As people say, "I'll do it or die trying". It's likely I will die long before it's done...like almost every other idea in my head that I don't have time, money, skills, or energy for.
It can't actually be that hard for people with the necessary skills to do what this project needs to do. Pretty much all the stuff necessary to do it already exists; I just don't know yet how to synthesize it into one thing.
You're a beautiful human being, never change. That said, it's not your responsibility to be the loving parent of the entire world. That's on us, mostly. It isn't all up to you.
Not everyone's entire world, but it is my responsibility for my own little world. If I don't take care of my own dog, who else will? Should I just neglect her, stop giving her her seizure meds, wait for her to die horribly? Stop paying attention to her so she dies of loneliness? Stop watering and trimming/etc the trees and plants in my yard, and let them wither and die?
No, it *is* my responsibility.
It's also my responsibility to at least try to do what I can that no one else can or will, to make the world as a whole a better place.
Too bad so many people don't see that they are responsible for their own world, at the very least. If no one ever tries to help anyone else, or even themselves, we're not even as good as animals.
To sum up, there's a world of possibilities. Not only can you choose to change your goals, if you decide you'd like to, but you can also change the methods you're employing to pursue those goals. In my opinion, human beings are extremely vulnerable to tunnel vision; it's just a necessary aspect of how our psychology works, in my mind (the details being that we have limited mental resources available to us with which to consider possible actions, and evolution has resulted in us remaining largely unaware of anything except the most obvious and likely/frequent possibilities when faced with a situation.)
I already went thru the obvious and likely and frequent potential solutions to my problem (of being alone, and needing emotional support and snuggles), and all of them have either been failures, unworkable, unacceptable, or have eventually made things worse while appearing to have made things better.
The wolfy project is a synthesis of some of the more effective parts of the previously-attempted solutions, along with new ideas that would fix some of the unworkable/unacceptable portions of the failed attempts. It's still not a perfect solution...and the version I would *really* want is almost certainly unachievable, but an acceptable version is not really that big a deal if I had the right skills.
I guess I was encouraging you to think outside the box, if you want it in a simple buzz phrase.
I'm already outside the box, and that's why no one understands that these aren't just goals. They're a path to something I need, and that others also need but don't even have the ability to conceive of.
I know you (and probably everyone else) thinks I'm locked into a path that is unworkable...but it wouldn't be if I didn't have to do it alone. I also know that you can't see (or know) that I have considered, tried, and found unworkable or unusable various other solutions.
The problem is that I can see solutions to all sorts of problems (not just my own) but it requires others to help implement any of them, since even when can create the solutions, regardless of how simple they are, I can't get the people creating the problems to use them instead of the problems they're creating, that requires people that have to deal with the problems thus created to actually *do something* about them. But people aren't like that, they just accept that this is how the world works, and perpetuate it.
The "world of possibilities" is really just "a list of things that already exist that are acceptable to other people". It's not helpful to create new things that don't exist in the world yet; things that other people haven't thought of and so don't think they should exist (or at best don't care to help create or change).
I learned that the hard way a long time ago, and as frustrating as it is, I have also had to accept it, and leave most of the world to it's chaos and awfulness, and just try to improve whatever tiny corner of it that I'm in at the time, for myself if no one else wants things to be better.
Wireless "lavalier" mic that can be used with the phone or the computer soundbox input, to record things without dealing with wires, especially outside stuff.
