I think it's funny that girls suggest prettiness is the main factor of consideration with a girl.
it's the initial attractant, sure, but I don't think it's enough.
Based on my experience, vocal qualities has A LOT to do with it. Girls with high tonal qualities who effectively communicate emotive states and intentions with tone (Especially romantic intentions, lol) seem to be a A LOT MORE attractive than flat-toned girls with lesser capability.
The fact that the grecian sirens lured sailors using their voice, an experience I can surely corroborate with the HEB chick, suggests voice is a lot more important than people give credit towards.
There's one singer I don't really like much and it's purely due to her voice (I can't tell if it's due to genetic qualities or because it sounds like she has lower confidence/higher fear? There's no doubt fearlessness is exceedingly attractive in either sex.). But, she has one catchy song.
[youtube]iaJ4wzDO5fA[/youtube]
Anyway, it's interesting to think even though she appeared to continue searching for her next benefactor, she and I both had that distinct (sexual?) pairbonding experience that I /really strongly/believe happened in the first 10 seconds of the eye lock (It's hard to emphasize how crucial and significant in effect this was if you've never experienced it, especially not with the degree of lust/love I was communicating. Not a simple eye lock, nope, definitely a strongly passionate one with an undeniably overwhelming force of effect on the recipient.), and we were both happy and excited as hell about it with euphoric effects for at least a couple days. I really do wonder when she got over that if she ever did. I suppose if she had (sexually) pairbonded with someone else, that could've potentially replaced it though if her experience was anything like mine, it would've been a tumultuous reversal.
And the rest of interaction, ferocious and fearless. Relentlessly pursued just like a lion rushing and overwhelming its prey. I guess chicks dig lions.
This picture seems to capture the essence.
A lion's pride isn't defined only by those he commands but also resides with his hair, so when a human dares to butcher Arik's mane, he gets his revenge—and claims her as his mate.
Oh, interesting. Was her yelling at me equivalent to "butching my mane" (Challenging my dominance)? The analogy seems compelling.
I guess by and large, the nice girls aren't challenging anyone's dominance.
It's interesting to think that this would imply alpha males would tend to mate with alpha females, and it's curious to wonder if that's what might've been going on there. Was she an alpha female? The way she held herself like she thought she was important, her fearlessness in not holding herself back and her volubility would've suggested that.
https://www.scienceofpeople.com/2012/02/the-female-alpha/
We have very little awareness of how important and how much we do in fact rely on female alphas. They bring social ease to a group, they tell jokes, they start conversations, they introduce people, they smooth over business disagreements and take charge. There are many names for them, both good and bad: connectors, chatty, gossipers, queen bees, leaders, bossy, self-centered, the life of the party, social and control freaks.
"connector, chatty, queen bee, the life of the party" almost all would seem to apply to her. She definitely brought social ease and started conversations no problem and in how forward she was with me and the other customers, I'd say that was "taking charge". So, I'd say this probably was an alpha female I was talking to. She wasn't dominant at all costs, nope, she adapted... for example, she became submissive with me sometime after I made my move [though, this submission seemed like pretending and I'm not sure how authentic it really was]. This is as opposed to some females who never relent and they lose my interest pretty quickly despite the fact they obviously don't want to lose my interest. Those "alpha feminists" just play a losing game in the mating scene. I guess if their goal to attract submissive betas they can use without ever having sex with them, they certainly accomplish the goal of subverting the natural order and not continuing the human species. Just like nuns. And the one person I know like this explitly does not want children and definitely espouses the feminist "career woman" motto (Though, she appeared to bring up that credo not because she actually really wanted to, but as a defensive mechanism against male rejection. "You don't want me, I'll make my own way". She really wanted me to want her but she completely refused to submit and stayed ever so disagreeable over everything. And that's one thing I'm not going to knowingly do, accept defeat.)
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It's interesting to think feminism is the response to male rejection. "You don't want me, I'll go my own way"
Kind of implies that MGTOW is the male response to female rejection. "Men going their own way"
I wouldn't say I'm MGTOW personally, I just don't have the basics yet. Secured housing, secured transportation and to some degree, insufficient income. My discretionary income is not actually that bad,I'd estimate it's equivalent to $32,000/year taking into account normal living costs ($600/month rent or mortgage, $300/month car payment, and the other subscriptions like house insurance, car insurance, loan or credit card interest, etc.). I'd have to make about $6000 more per year to meet the male average, which is based on age 35. Increasing my income by $6000/year within 5 years seems like it'd be pretty trivial, I could either do employment and/or just standard hustling and bustling and exploiting business opportunities. In all honesty, within 5 years, I have the capability of exceeding the male average by LEAPS AND BOUNDS.
Thinking about where I seem to be heading longterm, mating with the local alpha female doesn't seem like an entirely implausible outcome. Almost seems like it would've been entirely natural.
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That ending note. Just seeing the kind of "spirit" or the kind of "energy" into smiling with the next customer, it almost seems like she intended it to be aggressive like she was trying to harm me. It just doesn't make sense why she would be trying to harm me, unless she thought I was purposely leading her on and disappointing her expectations. Which as far I know, wasn't my intention.And just the fact that there was suicidal ideation, suggests that my subconscious took it that way.
But, it's true, it did seem like the "hostile interpretations" came immediately after I informed her I was an out of towner. It's very plausible I became "The enemy", and all the hostility stemmed ultimately from that. There were 3 distinct acts of hostility I'm currently recognizing, the initial aggressive yelling, the perceived manipulation and the relationally aggressive end-note (Calling me a complete stranger and aggressively flirting with the next customer). So it could've been the case that I wasn't really just 'paranoid' and filtered the world with a "hostile lens", she literally became hostile once I got fitted into the "out of towner" group and she never really let up because I was the "out of towner" enemy. Which is pretty unfortunate considering I'm definitely not harming local economic interests, I'm undeniably helping them. Oh well, silly little girls will be silly little girls. At some point, I'm no longer an out of towner and so getting fitted into the "enemy groups" should happen less often, at least those particular groups. And, true blue, if she were looking for a place immediately, that silly pidgeon holing didn't really ultimately matter. I think I'm just learning "Don't knowingly associate myself with enemy groups", lol. (This idea of "fitting into the in group" seems like a very highschool kind of concept, and I'm just wondering if I outgrew it or I just never got to that level of social cognitive development. Maybe my social cognition is at the 8th grade level... I thought it was at 10th grade, lol. But even 10th graders know that, right? I think I'm distinctly aware of the concept of "fitting into the in group" [I use the dynamic when speaking with certain people, like when relations get friendly or inimical. Like if I intend for them to become inimical, I'll identify their particular group associations and establish I'm the exact opposite, even if it's not really true. I did that a lot more during my more hostile 20s when I was poor, largely unemployed and the Great Recession was roaring, keeping all of us millenials sidelined. I became hostile like a lot of the younger people in my town. You can sense it in their creative works, like that one independent film made by Remelia Cullitan.], I just underestimated how significant the "out of towner group" was to a person like her. I don't necessarily look down on out-of-towner females my self, has absolutely no bearing on my mate evaluation.)
I think there was a bit more I initially interpreted in a paranoid manner that I'm not currently recalling, so it's plausible the relationally aggressive end note and the perceived manipulation are all just paranoid "hostile" interpretations that weren't intended that way. It's kind of funny, I'm not all that paranoid when I'm not interacting with anybody, but it sure seems to have a tendency to go up when I do. Not always and not with all people, but it seems to with certain topics/events which might be entirely appropriate. (gunfire, topics of money and romance. Don't generally get paranoid talking about the weather or local hotspots or how to raise chickens or bartering for chicken wire or requests to do beer/cigarette runs or ... lol. So, not generally paranoid, just tend to around certain subjects and I think it's because people tend to act manipulative and suspicious which might be entirely appropriate. As to me, I definitely don't think I'm acting suspicious when it comes to topics of romance; the passionate bedroom eyes is about as unsuspicious and predictable as it comes, though it's entirely unexpected from most males, and I think she might've been astonished by my direct ballsiness. Astonished, yes, suspicious, don't think so, lol. I don't think a sexy female is going to question a guy's desire to /f/ her. "Maybe he's just leading me on?" she thinks, yeah right. lol
So, current interpretation of the end note.
Official interpretation: Intended lightheartedly with an intent to make me jealous to secure my commitment while impressing on the next customer to be interviewed there was no relation between us so as to not affect their interview.
Although, reading that the goal of most relational aggression is to maintain or improve ones social status, there sure is a lot of overlap with that secondary goal in the previous sentence. (impress there's no relation = maintain previous social status. That social status being "I'm single and looking, could be you!")
On the otherhand, she was trying to manipulate only the customer's impression (And maybe the bagger or anyone else looking...), she didn't actually intend to kill the relation hence her being lighthearted about it. Manipulating impressions but not killing relations. Relational aggression typically involves killing or "damaging" relations directly. I get the impression if she weren't being lighthearted about it (saying "complete stranger" in a playful tone), she'd be affecting my impression of our relation and that's when it'd become "fully" relationally aggressive.
I think I took it that way because I didn't know she was looking for a place /right now/, so I thought it was a little absurd she'd just immediately call it off when she was begging for it(our relationship) and acting so excited and happy about it(our relationship) just moments ago, hence her being really abusive. ("relationally aggressive")
It was being really abusive because the "love of your life" relationship is not a trivial relation to just throw to the curb like she appeared to be doing.
This is the relationship that apparently was initiated with the sustained passionate bedroom eyes. (I didn't think it'd work like that but... it apparently did.)
Suspected intention: Intended hostile with an intent to harm due to disappointing her expectations ("Take me home!") and/or being an out of towner enemy. (She might've assumed her hours were getting cut because people like me, out of towners, were taking their jobs and hours. Nope, there was simply a summer sales slump during July, I was feeling it on my sales channels.)
Current suspicion: Suspected intention is due to suspected paranoid hostility cognitive bias. Just the fact I'm having "suspicions" and all the "suspected"s in the last 2 paragraphs, is highly suggestive of a "suspicious" cognitive bias (i.e., paranoid hostile cognitive bias.), lol.
The source of the suicidal ideation in connection to her is bizarre and just feels like it needs a solid explanation. Current explanation is due to getting sexually frustrated (cockblocked) by the chainsaw bar thief and that feeling of losing hope in what felt like the most important event in my life (Coming across the love of your life is not something a lot of people put down easily), the suspicion is that the end note was intended to be relationally aggressive and she now appears to have had characteristics associated with "alpha females" and/or "queen bees" and/or "mean girls who turn on you when you leave their presence", and so it's not implausible. Just that the face she had before she called me a complete stranger looked like she was (flirtatiously? Playfully?) scheming like "How am I going to play this off?", so I'm inclined to think it was light hearted.
And here's one snippet of research showing the well known connection between paranoia and hostility.
https://books.google.com/books?id=f9E9CgAAQBAJ&pg=PA343&lpg=PA343&dq=paranoid+hostile+cognitive+bias&source=bl&ots=w9q9I__hpj&sig=eRFraONqx8x3O4rwVP59OgBA7qw&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiq07CFuIXXAhXnhFQKHZavCNUQ6AEIYDAI#v=onepage&q=paranoid%20hostile%20cognitive%20bias&f=false
In addition, there is evidence that individuals with schizophrenia, especially those with paranoia or persecutory delusions, may exhibit hostile attribution bias.
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Just that, ohhhhh... she was so awesome. God dammit, I feel like I'll never meet someone like that ever again. Someone fearless and playful and so goodnatured. Oh gosh... the memories are so joyfully tormenting in what makes me think I'll never experience ever again, lol. Someone who just directly encourages me to have my way with her, wow, that's some good stuff. A pretty huge ego boost and definitely a huge virility boost, lol.
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Boy, yeah, I can tell I had that playfulness thing down now tonight. So, if I were to surmise, the HEB chick was playful because I was being playful. That sounds about right. This is notable because there's not a lot of girls that become playful, though they'll smile in amusement when I start teasing them. Seems like the requirements are 1)I'm feeling wealthy and not feeling anxieties like financial anxieties and the such (I definitely don't have physical appearance anxieties) and 2) I'm having fun.
And, oh yeah, I'm sporting the hitler mustache. I keep thinking I'm going to cut it off, but I keep forgetting about it, and for some reason the people today seemed to be amused, lol. I didn't realize until later I never took off the hitler mustache, lol. This is good.
Anyway, it's interesting that after I got playful with the HEB chick, the first thing she did was bite her lip and be pretty sexually suggestive. Oh, lord. I think she was trying to find residence, but I don't think she was getting suggestive right off the bat with most guys, so it's interesting to see that playfulness would trigger that on her part.(in addition, she probably assumed I had a logger job, that's when her fake smile became genuine as if she were interested. I have no problems with girls interested in guys with money, the fact that females and their potential offspring require resources tells me there's a very good rationale for seeking men with resources.)
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And, living in Texas with "everything goes" as far as carrying and using firearms, I think it's very quickly making me for gun control. Just walking into my backyard yesterday apparently triggered someone on the street behind mine to pull out there pistol and fire off 7 loud shots in obvious close proximity. I feel like I /should/ be able to walk into my own backyard without someone randomly walking the streets shooting in response.
So, I think Texas very much making me for gun control, because this is mayhem. I don't necessarily think gun ownership should be restricted (Though being like gunless japan seems like it'd be ideal.), but I think society would benefit from strictly enforced gun behavior control. The use of guns around here seems a bit too careless and commonplace and it gives the area a character of not being safe anywhere.
